dye it blue (closed for Sun/Juni fam)

Despite the thick blanket of snow covering everything, the day dawned bright and clear. A cloudless azure sky supervised the group of four cats that should have been seven, as if a single eye could view the tangled webs of emotion that lay between them. Thick pelts kept out the cold from physically reaching them... but internally, hearts were far more difficult to keep warm. Bubblepaw couldn't remember the last time that all of their family members had been together like this. Well--not all of them, as the aching hollowness in her chest seemed intent on reminding her every time she glanced over to see where Ploverpaw should have been, but all that were available. With the combination of illness and exhaustion and new duties keeping everyone busy, it had been difficult enough to arrange this patrol through the leaf-bare woods. But now that it had been organized she should have been feeling light, excited, carefree. She should have been happy. So why was it, then, that the center of her chest seemed like a spot of cold that no amount of fur could warm?

At least Bearpaw, Sorrelpaw, and Sunfire were here. Bubblepaw walked between her brother and sister, as close to both as she could possibly get. But though she was physically near them, they'd never felt so emotionally distant. It felt as if a million uncrossable miles lay between them. What secrets was Bearpaw keeping, for his face to be so stormy? What hidden grief wouldn't Sorrelpaw show her that made her shoulders so sunken? And Sunfire... her father. The blaze in his eyes hadn't gone out since the skirmish that Bubblepaw couldn't stand to remember. How long had it been since he'd looked at her with the warm glow he'd had during their kithood? How long since he'd offered a word of warmth or praise? Surely he had just been too busy. But then, since they were all together... why had no one said a word? What was this heaviness that stifled their voices, keeping them from the conversations they'd once shared? It was as if they all treaded on a thin coating of ice, and one word too loud would cause it to splinter and crack beneath them. They would all fall down into the lightless depths of murky water and have nothing left with which to fill their lungs. But this ice-walking was driving Bubblepaw insane. Finally, she decided she would rather drown in words than in silence. "So, what do you all think about the big puddle in the middle of the territories?" Bubblepaw asked, as loud as she dared. It felt like her voice, though shaky, shattered the stifling quiet. "I know I shouldn't, but I can't help wondering what's at the bottom. You can't see into it like the river at home." Home... the word felt unfamiliar. But she swallowed it down and kept talking. If no one else was going to say anything, then stars-curse it, she would. What else was she even good at? "I wonder if it will get all icy like the river. Maybe then we could walk all the way to the other side. Once... once everything gets better, of course."

There had been a time in his life, before Juniperheart, where Sunfire had never dreamed of having kits. Not because he didn't like kits, or even because he didn't want them... but the idea that he could be a good father, not just a present one but a good one, was so foreign that it had never crossed his mind. Parents were supposed to be supportive, and loving, and there for you, like Wolfblossom had been for him. Staring now, at the three nearly-grown cats in front of him, Sunfire could finally admit to himself that he'd failed.

Ploverpaw was still missing. His forays out into the wilderness to look for her had been waylaid by the sickness and then completely eliminated by the snowfall that followed. The idea that his daughter was out there, somewhere, alone and scared had kept him up many a night since her disappearance... he wasn't there for her, couldn't protect her, couldn't guide her. And the irony was that in the meantime, he'd failed to do the same for the others, too. Bubblepaw hadn't been the same since the skirmish with ThunderClan. Once, she'd been exuberant and full of life. Now? He couldn't remember the last time she smiled. And Bearpaw... Bearpaw. His only son, his apprentice, one of his closest friends... torn from the life that he'd been training for since the day he earned his 'paw, to be traded to WindClan like some inconsequential piece of prey. It seemed Sorrelpaw was the only one who had held on to some sense of normalcy, and she was practically a stranger to him, now. Funny how those two things went paw-in-paw.

Sunfire didn't know how to be a father. He only knew how to be a warrior, and this charade he'd put on since their birth was all too obviously not sustainable. But how was he supposed to fix it, now that he'd let everything crumble around him? One family trip into the forest wasn't going to chase away the cloud that hung over them... but could it be a start? Bubblepaw was the first to break their stony silence, with questions about the lake, and Sunfire was grateful for something to latch on to. His head turned in the direction of the lake as he thought about it, though there were too many trees between here and there to see it properly.

"It's called a lake," he told her softly. "I imagine we'll have to see if it freezes all the way across... though that would put a damper on RiverClan's food supply, I would say." Not that he'd be sorry to see the stinking fishbreaths starve out. "We can go look, and see how much it's frozen over, if you'd like."

If the silence went on for a moment longer, Bubblepaw felt as if she would suffocate. She'd spoken up--now someone had to respond, or it would all be for nothing. She glanced at Bearpaw, though he turned away from her. Either she'd said something wrong... or he just didn't want to talk to her. Either explanation caused an aching twinge in her chest. What had happened to them? Why couldn't they just talk like they used to? At least, finally, Sunfire spoke. Her father responded to her bird-brained questions, even as quietly as he did. It was something. She felt some of the tension gradually leave her shoulders. From some distant past, a portion of kitlike curiosity still remained. Bubblepaw blinked. "A lake, huh?" she repeated to herself. What a strange word. How did Sunfire know what it was called? His offer was... kind. She couldn't recall the last time she'd had kindness from him. That made things worse more than it made them better. But she tried to swallow down the bitterness. "No, I... wouldn't want to interrupt everyone else's patrol. But thanks. Maybe next time we can go see." Her voice got increasingly quiet as she spoke. "I don't think everyone else would want to."

Another voice. A quiet one that she hadn't heard for a while. Sorrelpaw spoke up, a ghost of a smile crossing her face, doing her best to meet her sister's eyes. In the lake's worth of coldness that stirred inside Bubblepaw, she felt a brief spark of warmth. How long ago had it been when they tried to climb the Tallbranch together? Too long. She offered a slow blink of gratitude for Sorrel's words. "At the bottom? Probably a bunch of stones and dirt and stuff. It's just a big, round river, right?" Gently, she brushed her soft gray tail against Sorrelpaw's. Some kind of closeness, however imagined, would go a long way to soothing the hollow rawness of her heart. "I bet we could get pretty good at sliding on the ice. Wonder how fast we could get. Probably all the way from here to WindClan's territory, if we tried hard enough. Wouldn't that be funny? Invade someone's camp on accident 'cause we slid too far. But they couldn't chase us 'cause it would be too slippery." Bubblepaw was just talking at this point--just saying words, saying anything that entered her head. She couldn't know that she'd hit the unspoken mark too hard. She just knew that if she didn't say something, then they would wander in somber silence forever, and what little remained of their familial bonds would wither up and die like leaves in leaf-fall.