(This turned out a lot longer than I expected it to. But there was a lot to talk about.)

I didn’t make a survey response for the previous two quarters this year because there weren’t really enough responses to give actual responses to or commentary on (the September survey only got 6 responses in total, and before that June’s only had 8--neither of which had more than a single comment about me specifically--and the overall results had remained steady enough that I didn’t see reason to make a whole announcement at the time).

That’s definitely not a problem this time, as there are a lot more responses this month--and a lot more criticism, most of which I will admit is entirely deserved. It’s entirely fair to point out that I did let things slip a bit in the last stretch of this year.

Results::

(While I would normally include the comments in this section, this time around they've been excluded due to privacy concerns; though I feel I have generally addressed the major concerns that were raised at some point within this post.)

I can't say that this was a wake-up call, exactly--I was already aware that there were definitely issues with the way I was handling my responsibilities on WCC and have been actively making an effort to adjust things where I can--but it was definitely eye-opening that my slip-ups were much more visible than I realized.

I’ve been open about the fact that I’m very busy in real life at the moment and that it’s almost entirely temporary, but I don’t know that I’ve ever stated that explicitly outside of the Discord, and I’d like to formally apologize for that lack of communication. Being more present on-site, in general, is something I'm also trying to work on; that includes sharing relevant announcements and information.

I did mention my mother’s health emergency early this year (though I don't think I ever clarified the details of what happened anywhere on site, other than her spending a few weeks hospitalized), and some aspects of that have become ongoing permanent additions to our life, but I’ve mostly been able to work around them at this point.

One thing I’d like to address directly is a comment that claims I’m more interested in my own personal projects than maintaining WCC. That’s a fair thought to have, considering, but I haven’t actually had that much time for personal projects that aren’t quick and easy to work on; mostly because the main thing that’s taken up my time the last couple of months is doing research into the options I have for starting some kind of career.

I’ve been open with the community in that I have disabilities that make it difficult to impossible for me to work a standard job, and so I’ve had to do a lot of looking into legal things because of certain laws surrounding disability benefits and various kinds of short-term and long-term employment--on top of general research into potentially pursuing self-employment, and making sure things are sustainable for me without taking too much time and energy once it’s all settled.

A lot of that stuff is already done at this point, and I just need to actually get things settled; something I plan on doing early next year if I can. Going forward, things related to this shouldn’t impact my activity much, if at all.

That said, it’s not an excuse. As I admitted earlier, a lot of the criticism of my inactivity is fair: I’ve been present enough to hold conversations, and yet still managed to let a few important things slip in the past few months. For that I apologize, and while I can’t fix mistakes I’ve already made and an apology would probably feel pretty empty in this case, I can (and do intend to) make an effort to do better going forward. I was determined to avoid as poor of a WCC-life balance as I had the last time I held a high rank position on site, and I slipped too far in the other direction; that was something I should have been more conscious of and actively worked to prevent before it got to this point.

So far I’ve started carving out time every few days for posts and plotting out new topics; so outside of short bursts of inactivity I intend to announce in advance, letting things slip and general inactivity on site shouldn’t be as much of an issue. This is admittedly something I probably should have done much earlier this year, when I realized my life was busier than it used to be and that I had to reassess and reorganize my priorities.

There are a few other things I’d like to address that were either only partially correct or in some way concerning, though. The first is the claim that I haven’t done any moderation work at all--which, on a surface level, is fair. But a lot of the things that staff works on aren’t immediately public, and just because you don’t see someone working on something doesn’t mean it isn’t being somehow addressed. It is true that I haven’t done much front-facing work as staff recently, which is another thing I’m working on fixing, but I have also been working on site-related things behind the scenes and weighing in on staff decisions whenever they come up.

Additionally, while most all of the criticism sent my way this month was fair and actually more polite than I would have expected, some of the ways things were phrased when addressing other members of the staff team directly went well past constructive criticism and into outright aggression. It’s easy to speak honestly when you have the ability to remain anonymous, but even valid criticism that’s delivered in such a way is much harder to take in good faith, especially if it’s phrased and aimed as a personal attack. It’s important to remember that the person on the other side of the screen is still a person, even if you feel they’re making mistakes; especially if you want them to take your words seriously and not dismiss valid concerns outright.

The last thing I want to address is a personal aside that someone added to their response, wherein they claimed that someone shared a response I gave to a different user at some point with them (the description was vague enough that I have no idea if they even actually exist, are in some way edited, or what the subject even was; though I can guess at the situation in question); and then claimed that they felt I would doubt them if they were to reach out to me about someone else having hurt them.

Without any additional context I don’t know exactly what those messages were, or when or where they were originally from. My best guess is that they came from an instance where I was delivering a staff verdict, something I don’t have the power to decide on my own and don't even necessarily entirely agree with. I think it's worth acknowledging that while we work together, staff is not a monolith, and no one is going to be fully on board with every single choice that gets made. Those conflicting viewpoints are important, but the way staff responses are currently delivered makes it easy to assume that everyone is entirely in favor of every decision.

I can, however, say that the accusation that I would treat anyone unfairly on purpose is false: as an example, it’s true that I do consider a number of the people on WCC to be personal friends. As I see it, that means that I have an obligation as a member of the moderation team to be fair to everyone and set aside any personal bias I may have when people come to me as a member of staff (as every member of staff does: we have a team so that no one person is making those major decisions on their own, regardless of who delivers the final response); something I’m committed to doing. In that context, whether or not I’m friends with someone doesn’t matter.

(Additionally, I feel like there’s a sort of confirmation bias involved here: if someone refuses to come to me (or, indeed, to any member of staff) with potentially important information because they don’t think I’ll listen to their side of the story, I’ll still only have one side of the story. This applies not just to me, but also to the rest of the staff team. We're not psychic; we only ever have the information people give us.)

I am, in general, committed to improving myself; not just in terms of activity and presence, but also in acknowledging and minimizing the impact my own potential biases might have. After all, no one is capable of being completely objective, and there's always room to learn and grow as a person. But without knowing what I've supposedly done, there's only so much I can do.