People You Know[C]

In the days since the incident, Tawnyshadow had not dared to take a step inside the medicine cat den, forcing herself to look away everytime the thought crossed her mind to check up on Moonpaw and Skunkpaw. She also began avoiding Sunflare, Dawnbright, Creekpaw and Sagelight. They didn't deserve to have to deal with her. She spent her days bent over the elders, bringing prey to them and cleaning their pelts without so much as a word. She talked to no one, and no one talked to her.

She might as well have been a fox in her own Clan.

And now, Sablestrike had assigned her to join him on patrol. Was this some kind of test? Did he want to see whether she was fit to ever mentor an apprentice again? What did it matter? If he had any brains, he would know that the answer was no. The silver tortoiseshell pushed through the camp entrance, padding on in silence.

Tawnyshadow didn't turn around, even when her deputy addressed her. So Sablestrike had noticed her decision to avoid her kits... was he going to scold her? He sounded hesitant, as if he didn't know how to address the problem. The she-cat let the silence drag out as she tried to form her own answer. However she phrased it, it never sounded proper. Resonable. She sounded childish even to herself. But how could she visit her son, having been the reason he was in the medicine cat den in the first place? How could she even be allowed near young cats, having caused so much grief to them? If only she had been a better mother... maybe Sloekit would still be alive, having earned her warrior name alongside Sagelight, as well as Moonpaw. And Skunkpaw wouldn't have-

No. She couldn't continue like this. Feeling sorry for herself was what Leopardstar had done, and look how she had treated the leader. Tawnyshadow had been so sure then that Leopardstar should have done better... she couldn't make the same mistakes. Her reasoning wasn't out of the world, so she might as well say it. "I caused enough harm to Skunkpaw and other cats. I won't put myself in a position to cause more harm to any of them. The rest of the Clan is more than capable of taking care of them... and it appears, better than I would," Tawnyshadow mewed, trying to keep her voice as steady as possible. Every word was a thorn in her heart, but what could she do? It was the undeniable truth.

Tawnyshadow froze, anger creeping through her senses. The deputy's words rang like a taunt in her ears, mocking her every mistake. She closed her eyes, willing for it to stop. It didn't. Maybe she really was being a horrible cat, taking first Skunkpaw's sight than his mother away from him. Maybe she was weaker than she thought. Maybe she didn't deserve to have be angered by Leopardstar's incompetence, because she was so much more so. She turned Sablestrike's words over and over in her mind, as if to cause herself as much pain as possible. She didn't want to be a horrible warrior. She couldn't be a horrible warrior, when all her life she had worked to be the best she could. But she was, wasn't she?

"I'm simply doing what was ordered of me. if you had wanted me to speak with Skunkpaw, you wouldn't have demanded that I may only speak with an apprentice with a warrior in company. Clearly, I'm not fit to be a mother to anyone, so leave it," Her voice was defeated, the pride that she used to carry with her depleted to a monotonous despair.