A Unique Opportunity

Birdstar

Birdstar had hardly left her nest since the meeting regarding Trufflesnap concluded. It felt so odd, to spend any considerable time in her den when she often sought to keep her days occupied with the bustle of her Clanmates, even if that just meant watching from a quiet patch of shade. But she could not make herself get up; the few times she had, it had been because she’d been coaxed to move, to eat. Now, she was not sure if she’d risen since the previous morning. The thick fog that ate at her thoughts parted just enough for her to attempt to count the hours.

She’d nearly reached a decisive conclusion on how long she’d been immobile when a voice disturbed her. Birdstar’s ears slicked backwards, and she slowly lifted her head from resting on her paws. She blinked slowly, like she wasn’t sure what to make of the visit. The voice that supplied the question dimly registered, and with another weary blink, she understood the tabby looming at the mouth of her den was Stormwatcher.

Birdstar stared across the empty space at him before heaving a sigh and pushing herself upright. Her joints groaned and popped with the motion, and the stiffness protesting throughout her body made her want to collapse again. She fought against it to sit fully upright, determined to look something like the leader she was supposed to be even from the cage of her nest, and inclined her head to invite Stormwatcher properly into the den. Voice hoarse from disuse, she said, “Of course. I’m listening.”

Birdstar

Birdstar blinked slowly at Stormwatcher's question, head tilting to the side. The question took a moment to process; even when it did, she just stared at him, rolling over the words. He was not the first to come to her den just to see if she was well, but he was the first to truly surprise. Birdstar dragged her gaze up and down, from his face to his shuffling paws and back again. She couldn't even reign her surprise in enough to consider a response before he worked through his stammering to shift the conversation, so she settled remaining quiet with another slow blink of appreciation. A flicker of emotion reached through the numbness in her chest as she listened, and for the first time in uncountable days, it was not the stab of raw grief or drowning self-hate. It was... warm. Faint, held low in the cavern of her heart, but warm and there at all. It was fondness; pride.

Birdstar's jaw parted to commend him for his growth, but she was left speechless again. Her teeth clicked quietly when she forced her maw closed, and she brought her forepaws a little closer to her body, hunching into her large frame. The kindling in her chest turned to a blister at his uncertain care, a force made of surprise affection and doubt. Memories of leaf-fall stirred suddenly; of then-Crookedpaw being stolen away in one of the twoleg devices, of lashing out at Stormwatcher in the heart of Fourtrees. Birdstar's tail swept around her paws, and her head dropped weightlessly at the admission he saw her and Wolfblossom as sisters. She stared at the floor, a strained noise catching in her throat. He had grown on her, slowly and imperceptibly, and she only truly realized it now as she came to similarly realize she could not bear the inevitable hurt that came from such affection. She could not entertain the thought of something grievous happening to him, and with his admission, she was afflicted with worry for concerning him; with confusion, for why he would hold that fondness for her.

Eventually, she managed to shake her somewhat matted pelt out and finally found her words. "Thank you, Stormwatcher, I-- I appreciate it. But I don't... I don't think I deserve that." Birdstar's voice was soft and small. The bridge of her muzzle wrinkled and she looked at her paws, half-hidden by her tail; at the red she could not wash off, that only she could see. "I haven't... I haven't been the best leader. And we've both changed, but I- I wasn't kind. To you." She slowly picked her head up to look at Stormwatcher again, dull eyes misty when she did. A weak, humorless exhale rattled past her teeth. "Wolf is... Wolf is good, though. I'm glad she made such an impression, but don't-- you shouldn't... you shouldn't look up to me like that, Stormwatcher. Littleflower, Whinchatpaw... Patchdream, you said? They're good cats, I'm sure. You should- you should concern yourself with them. You should. I haven't... I can't have earned your respect."

ooc: sorry speedy ;;