soft paper wings (c)

Flutterpetal shook out his pelt, trying to free himself from the nervousness clinging to him. It wasn't as if he hadn't gone out on the territory with Rosepaw before. It wasn't as if he hadn't taken an apprentice hunting before. For some reason, the combination of those two was making his paws itch. Perhaps it was just the lingering anxiety that everyone felt about the impending war, about the fact that ShadowClan could descend bearing death at any moment, but he found himself not wanting to leave camp. But he swallowed the nausea threatening to rise in his throat and waited for her instead, trying to let the hard drops of rain hitting his pelt soothe him somewhat. She already knew everything there was to know. What could he teach her? Hunting? Sparring? Well, Smallbean had told him to patrol, so patrol he would. Every moment of waiting was simply dripping with disquietude. Flutterpetal hadn't felt peaceful for a full moon.

Rosepaw met her new mentor, and friend, for their patrol, shaking large drops of rain off her rosy wispy fur before arriving beside the fluffy black tom. "Isn't it lovely? It's raining again!" she commented, not knowing herself whether it was sincerely lovely, or bitter irony in the heavy rain. She sighed. "Are you okay?"

He seemed as unhappy and anxious as she was lately. She couldn't sleep for fear ShadowClan would attack in the night. It was heavy as the darkest clouds of unshed rain. It soothed her a little to feel the drops falling now, but it also felt as if the sky that WindClan was so close to was crying for the Clan.

The moor and their day together stretched ahead of them. An empty field, the rabbits and hares, birds, lizards, mice and rats, frogs and toads, squirrels all hiding away. The paws that carried Rosepaw were strong for running and leaping, but too gentle to draw blood from another cat. Her fangs that tried to show in a smile were too gentle to kill another predator, barely brave enough to take a rabbit's life. "How do I know when I'm ready to become a warrior?" she asked.

Did she need to meet specific goals? For herself, she aspired to catch a bird. Did she need to be ready to protect and defend her Clan, even at the cost of her life? Would she ever be brave enough to take that oath? "I'm scared I'll never be brave enough," she admitted aloud.

Flutterpetal offered his apprentice a slow blink as she padded up, welcoming her appearance. The question took him aback at first--then, he smiled ruefully. Of course his bad mood would be obvious. Given how his eyes showed any emotion as surely as a still pond's reflection, he couldn't hope to hide it from anyone, let alone a friend. "I'm..." The word trailed off uncertainly in the rain. He wasn't sure what he was, anymore. What should he say? "It's just difficult." Eventually he settled on talking about the circumstances, rather than himself directly. "I have a good friend in ShadowClan. These tensions... I'm worried that others might get hurt. I'm worried he might get hurt--you or Eaglefly or Adderdawn might get hurt. Cats are going to be hurt by this. It makes me--well, I'm just concerned, is all." A quiet huff of exasperation left him as he spared a glance back toward the leader's den. "I'm not sure if Batsong and Shrikestar have our best interests at heart anymore."

They began walking out. The sound of rain pattering against the moor's loamy soil created an almost monotonous background for his thoughts to descant over. Was war truly inevitable? Had there been no other way? Couldn't all cats just live together? More than ever, borders seemed foolish to him. Claws and fangs were for hunting, not for hurting other cats. Even the thought of fighting someone--let alone Honeylight himself--made his hackles want to raise. What if he couldn't do it? What if he went on a battle patrol, following their leader's whims... and what if he couldn't defend himself? No, what if he couldn't defend his Clan? His friends?

Soon his mind was interrupted once more by another question from Rosepaw--this one more hesitant. When would she be ready to become a warrior? It gave Flutterpetal pause. His tail waved behind him as he thought. There wasn't an easy answer. "Your situation is different than most," he acquiesced, "but that isn't a question I can answer for you. You're the only one who knows exactly how you feel. However, for my own thoughts on the matter... I think that being a warrior isn't so much about bravery as it is about willingness." His voice grew softer, nearly too quiet to be heard under the steady raindrops. "I don't think I'm very brave. Even just fighting a hawk with Sootstorm the other day, I was terrified. Unsheathed claws and raised voices make me want to run away and hide." The warrior turned to look at Rosepaw. "But even though everything scares me, I still do what needs to be done. I don't think I do it for WindClan anymore, and certainly not for Shrikestar. I do it for Adderdawn. For Whisperear, for my apprentices, for my friends. No matter how scared I am, I do my best, even when my best is just remaining by their side, no matter how much my paws are trembling." He looked away, trying not to feel too ashamed by his admission. Strength was considered very important in the culture of the warriors, and to say how scared everything made him may have been a bad decision. But he wanted to help; he wanted to be honest. "Anyway, I can't speak for everyone. But sometimes, the bravest thing you can do may be to keep your claws sheathed." He wasn't looking at her, but he smiled slightly, staring off into the curtain of rain falling over the moors. "I think that when you're ready... you'll know."

Flutterpetal was welcoming, despite his obvious unhappiness. His eyes reflected his every emotion like a clear pond blooming with life and floating waterlilies. It warmed Rosepaw in the pouring rain that being glad to see her was one of those flitting emotions.

His sad smile made her heart drop ~ she had been right to ask. For a moment, it seemed he was about to open himself up, but he deflected to the coming storm hanging over the Clans. Still, it was difficult to speak about at all for the tom usually so full of sunshine. Rosepaw understood his feeling.

"Hey, your concern is okay, it is worrying." She bumped his shoulder supportively as the two walked side by side. "I'm sure that Shrikestar and Batsong... I don't know." Quietly, she trailed off. "Since the Gathering, I haven't yet spoken to Batsong," she admitted uncertainly. She had not been actively avoiding her oldest friend, but maybe subconsciously... She had been avoiding thinking of what she could say to Batsong, while Rosepaw tried her best to just keep smiling.

The monotony of the rain pattering on the ground filled Rosepaw's mind. She pressed against to Flutterpetal as she often did with Whisperear or Batsong, staying half-dry by walking close and sheltering each other. She could see Flutterpetal thinking out of the corner of her eye. His eyes of bright green darted unconsciously, though the moor before the mentor and apprentice was wide and open with nothing to hide, empty today. When she broke their silence, he thought carefully. His tail brushed Rosepaw's side as it waved gently. Thunder cracked overhead.

"Knowing my heart would be important first," Rosepaw agreed. She warmed to the tips of her ears with gratitude as Flutterpetal considered further. Surprised by such genuine honesty, she turned to face him fully with her single golden eye shining with feeling. "Unsheathed claws and raised voices terrify me, too." She was hopeful, "Is it possible bravery isn't only about that?" Rosepaw thought it should terrify any warrior. Otherwise where would the Forest be ~ always waiting to be attacked in our sleep, like now? She shivered, despite the warmth of her friend beside her.

But the mention of loved ones gave her pause from spiralling into fear. "I came back for Batsong, and Whisperear, and the friends I hadn't made yet." She meant him, too. She nudged her head into his shoulder affectionately. "I am willing, for you." Her golden eye clouded with worry, and it made her sick to voice her thought. "But what if something happens~ to Whisperear, Batsong, Sparrowthorn, Ferntwist or Sootstorm, Adderdawn or you~" Her broken voice was barely a whisper, all but inaudible against the backdrop of the rain in their ears. "What if... you're not there to stand beside when my paws are shaking... how could I be brave, then?"

"I'm not even sure I would be brave with my loved ones beside me," she admitted. "If you weren't, or if I was asked to take another cat's loved ones..." She couldn't. She was spiralling. She couldn't even talk about it. Rosepaw took a deep breath. "The bravest thing you can do is to keep your claws sheathed," she asserted. "I think... courage is not the absence of fear, but what you do in spite of it."

"I don't know how, but I know the kind of warrior I want to be. Thank you, Flutterpetal." She let a peaceful silence settle again. She let her fur settle, having not realised in the soaking rain how it had bristled with emotion.

"I made a friend in a different clan, too," she shared eventually, a little proud. "From SkyClan. Dawnfeather taught me how to leap to catch a bird. I'd like to show you, and catch one," she offered. There were few trees on the moor. But where there was a tree, there were birds sheltering in its branches, and a respite for Flutterpetal and Rosepaw from the river that was falling from the sky.

Rosepaw snuck lightly under the branches, her single golden eye darting across the lower boughs within her reach until she spied a bird. She carefully positioned herself unnoticed underneath it, before shifting her paws and bunching her haunches. Pushing up from the ground with power and grace, she seemed to fly as she grasped for the bird.

She could have caught it but with only one eye, her perception was off as she aimed a paw for it. She landed without a catch. Her ears flicked back and downward in embarrassment. "You get the idea, though..." she mumbled.

"At least we can dry off," she smiled.

20 HP / 20 HP
57 SP / 60 SP {-3}

The member 'isla' has done the following action : Dice roll

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'Hunting Dice' : 5