the death of duty [c]

It was dark, but the light breeze that blew through the clearing held no chill as Smokestep padded quietly at Firepool's side. The night previous, she and Plumleaf had returned from the Moonstone, finally confirming the thing that she had been half hoping for, and half dreading... she was SkyClan's next medicine cat. The entire way home, she'd been trying to figure out how to tell him what had happened... how things had changed so drastically, so quickly. Unfortunately, though, she'd come up empty. Smokestep didn't know what to say, or how to say it, all she knew was that there was no way out of this, no way to skirt the truth. And she shouldn't, anyway. Firepool deserved the truth.

They'd made it a decent distance from camp before Smokestep finally slowed, and waited for him to do the same. Pressing up against her friend's russet pelt, she tucked her head briefly against his shoulder. "Thank you for coming out with me," she whispered. She would tell him. She had to tell him. But right now, she just wanted to enjoy his company.

To say he hadn't been ecstatic when Smokestep asked him to go with her on a walk, would be a lie. Firepool loved being around her, she was just so joyful, and thoughtful. He liked that she was thoughtful, and that they both had the same questions about their lives. How do they be the best for their clan? What are they truly good at? He supposed at least they might find the answer together, eventually.

For now, though, he padded by her side, the wind ruffling his messy fur. As she slowed, Firepool slowed in turn, turning his gaze to her as he felt her pelt brush up against his. He leaned in, as if he were trying to hold her up, as if she were falling. As if he were falling. "Of course," he whispered in turn, "I don't think I'd ever say no to you."

Smokestep's eyes drifted shut as she leaned into him, pressing her face into Firepool's pelt. She breathed in deeply, relishing the scent of him, and wishing desperately that she never had to go without it. Tears pricked the corners of her eyes, and she squeezed them shut even more tightly, swallowing hard and trying to compose herself. Prior to her dream, she'd imagined this night... the two of them together, alone, and what she'd say to him... but this conversation, this confession, was no romantic gesture of affection. This would break his heart in the same way it had broken hers, and despite it not being intentional, Smokestep wasn't sure if she could forgive herself for hurting him.

"Firepool, I..." she began, voice shaky. "I have something to tell you."

Slowly, she pulled away to look at him, her eyes still wet with unshed tears. "The other night, when I woke in a panic, I... it was because I had a dream." He'd probably gathered that much, surely, considering she'd been sleeping right next to him and hadn't exactly woken gently. "I had this dream that... that there was a fire, in the medicine den, and somecat was trapped inside. No one could hear me, no one was around, and I... I had to help them, so I ran inside, but... when I got in there, it... there wasn't actually a fire, there wasn't actually a cat in there. Just me. Just smoke." She looked away, the recollection of the dream sobering her for a moment.

"I spoke with Wolfblossom... and then Plumleaf... and they both seemed to think that it meant something. That it wasn't just a dream. So last night, Plumleaf and I went to the Moonstone..." She slid her gaze back to his, almost reluctant to see his reaction. "And it turns out, it wasn't just a bad dream... it was a dream from StarClan. And I... I'm SkyClan's next medicine cat, Firepool. We... we confirmed it last night."

She'd thought that once it was out in the open, she'd feel a weight off her shoulders, but if anything this admission made Smokestep feel heavier. It wasn't that she didn't want to be a medicine cat, because she did. It was the best way that she could be of use to SkyClan, and that was an obvious fact that even she saw clearly. But Firepool was her best friend... really, her only friend that wasn't her mother or her mentor. She'd hoped - and imagined that he did, too - that they would build a life together. Be more than just friends.

Now, that reality had been made impossible.

Firepool watched the top of Smokestep's head, a soft smile on his face. At least, until he slowly began realizing something was wrong. Her voice, the way she was shaking, the dampness he began to feel in his fur... this wasn't what he thought it would be, was it? "W-what's wrong?" He mewed, worried, as she pulled back, eyes full of unshed tears. Eyes wide, he watched her, all he could do was watch. Of course, he remembered the night she woke from a nightmare, he had been so worried.

Then the aftermath. He stood in shock, her gaze sliding back to him. He felt as if all the blood had drained from his face, and all he could mouth was "Oh." Shallow breaths in, shallow breaths out. He couldn't stop staring, eyes wide as if he had seen a ghost. Maybe he had, the ghost of what could have been, it was disappearing before his eyes and he could do nothing to stop it. Starclan willed its death, as it willed Smokestep's service.

"I-" he said, dryly, trying to school his expression into something happier. Prouder. He should be proud, right? His best friend, she was going to be their next medicine cat, she would commune with Skyclan. It was a massive honor.

Why wasn't he happy.

Why couldn't he be happy.

"I love you." He blurted. "I know that means nothing now, but I do. I want you to know that. I won't stop loving you, even if we can't ever be together. Whatever happens, I'll be there for you." Headbutting her, in what would likely be his last display of affection, he spoke again, quieter, "I won't do anything that crosses the line. I'll root for you from afar, but I'll always be there. I promise." Tears welled in his eyes as he pulled back. He searched her gaze, for something, anything that reciprocated his feelings.

Starclan might will them to be apart, but they could never stop him from loving her.

Firepool's short, quiet response gave her a hint about his feelings on the matter... but the following silence, and the way his eyes glassed and widened in shock, drove it home. Smokestep's breath shuddered as she inhaled, fresh tears spilling onto her striped cheeks. The handsome ginger tom stumbled over the beginning of a sentence, and she stared, willing him to respond. She could stand him being mad, she could stand him being happy for her, but she couldn't stand the deafening silence, not for another-

"I love you."

Oh.

Oh.

That hadn't been anger, or joy, or pride. Heat flooded Smokestep's limbs, and she slicked back her ears, blinking owlishly as he continued. He offered a gentle headbutt, and as he pulled away, their eyes met... both searching, but... for what? Smokestep didn't even think she knew the answer to that, but...

"Firepool, I love you, too." Smokestep moved to close the distance between them, touching her nose to his and closing her eyes. She stayed that way for a moment, and then took a deep breath, leaning in to steady herself against his shoulder. "I... I don't want you to root from afar," she whispered. "I want you at my side, I want to be with you. Even if-" she stalled. Even if, what? Even if StarClan didn't approve? Even if it was breaking the code? "We don't have to break any rules, but... nothing has to change, either, I..."

She looked at him again, something akin to a plea in her eyes. "I can't lose you."

As Smokestep said the words back to him, Firepool sucked a breath in through his teeth, ears burning. He leaned into her, wishing they could stay the way they were forever. Just sitting there, just being. Then Smokestep said she wanted him close, that she wanted them to stay the way they were, that she wanted them to-

To be together.

Amber eyes looking into Smokestep's, Firepool put his head on top of hers. "Then you won't. You won't. I'll stay by your side, I'll do whatever it takes. Whatever you're comfortable with, if you don't want to break the rules, then we won't." His words were thick, as if he were holding back tears. Part of it was the anxiety of Starclan hating them, part of it was fear that Skyclan wouldn't understand. Even if they didn't break the rules, who was to say Starclan didn't care. But he loved her more than he feared them. He would let nothing tear them apart, because Smokestep wanted them to be together.

So he would make sure they did.