Un-named for now(storie)

ok i have been working on this for a while but i would like some ideas and feedback from you. and i would like to add somemore characters in here so heres a temp.

Name:

color:

Job(leader? exc.):

clan:


Chaper 1.

Around sunhigh the medicen cat burrowing rushed into the nursery with a bundle of herbs in his jaws. inside sagewishker was breathing hard from the pain coming from her lowerside. the queens inside the windclan nursery padded out with there kits except hawkscar, sagewiskers best frien.
Sage wisker had spent most of the afternoon kitting. she had three kits all heathy. one tom and two she-cats. the tom's name was berrykit the two she-cats wer hazzelkit and dovekit.the kits were born the night before the gathering and there mother was to go. While the kits stayed in the nursery with hawkscar ther mother was telling all the cats she new about her new kits. One of the riverclan she-cats overheard her talking. After the gathering the riverclan cat hurried to camp to tell rockmarsh the kits father about them. When rockmarsh heard about the kits he wnet srait to bluestar the riverclan leader "bluestar may i have permision to get my kits from th ewindclan camp imediatly?" he asked. Bluestar hesitated "you have my permisino but not tonight" she told her deputy. rocmarsh nodded and steaped out of the leaders den. Back at the windclan camp sagewisker was settling down to sleep when berrykit got up and out of hawkscars nest and padded over to sagewiskers nest and fell asleep.

Chaper 2.
A few nights after hte gathering rockmarsh had found enough warriors willing to go into winclan and rtrieve his kits. "be silent" he instructed "dont do anything funny, were here to get my kits and thats all"
flicking his tail he said "spottedrock and moonstream come with me" the others followed behind. Once to the camp rockmasrsh, spottedrock, and moonstream ran in and headed strait for the nursery.

Name: Dreamlight

color: Black

Job(leader? exc.): Deputy(if possible)

clan: RiverClan

continue of ch.2

with moonstream and spottedrock at his heals rockmarsh dived into the nursery ignoring the other queens dashed strait to sagewiskers nest and grabed a small she-cat. Moonstream grabed the young tom and spottedrock grabed the last she-cat.
Sagewisker woke up at the sound of pelts heading into the nursery without having the chance to protect her kits from these cats she screamed. With all her might after finaly nowing what was going on she jumped up and faced rockmarsh "how could you?" she asked him. setting down the kit he hissed "there mine to and they should live with me" sagewisker did not stand for this grabbing the kit with her tail moved it to the side and scratched her mate in the muzzle. rockmarsh hissed in anouance and with his teeth showing lunged at her sholder but missed.

occ:umm holly rockmarsh is already the river dep. but ill add her in there somewere.

Name: Burningstar

color: Black tom with orange under him and an orange chest

Job(leader? exc.): Leader

clan: Thunderclan

ill think about it but people are you not going to tell me if its good or bad or what??? give me some feadback please.

It's pretty good

Name:Leopardstar

color:LIKE A LEOPARD :DDDDD

Job(leader? exc.):Leader

clan:Shadowclan



Before she was leader she was medi cat her dad was leader an' he died so she quit med cat and became leader :DDDDD
^mah new happy face

btw: shes good

That story is really good! I want to know what happens next! Gimme more storeh!!!!!

Name:Snowclaw
Colour:White with black stripes (like a tiger) and winter blue eyes
Job:Experianced warrior/Queen
Clan:Thunderclan

Name:Greenleaf
Colour:Brown with a white leaf shape on her head (just over her eyes) and green eyes
Job:Medicine cat
Clan:Thunderclan

I think its pretty good, but you might want to you capital letters and punctuation! It will make the story easier to read. Other than that great job!

ch. 3

Rockmarsh quickly tripped sagewisker and darted out of the nursery with the kits and the other warriors. With a flick of his tail he signaled it was time to leave and ran out of camp. About halfway through the windclan territory rockmarsh and the other cats took a break setting the kits down. "who are you" asked berrykit with curiousity. "your father" was all rockmarsh said when he had his consentration taken away by the sound of cats not far off "quick..." but it was to late and windclan warriors came crashing down on them only one made it back with a kit and that was moonstream with berrykit. The other kits were taken back with the warriors and layed down with there mother. Tobad for windclan they did not kill the other cats but just gave them a quick warrning scratches.