Creampaw's Moonstone Journey

Plumleaf gathered her herbs, heading over to the apprentice's area of their temporary home. A chill had settled over the clearing as Leaf-fall transitioned into Leaf-bare, but Plumleaf refused to let her good mood be ruined by the poor weather.

"Creampaw," She called. "It's time to go to the moonstone." She hummed lightly to herself as she waited for Creampaw to eat the traveling herbs, then cheerfully led the way out of their makeshift camp. It was a much shorter trip than it would've been from the Skyclan camp, a fact Plumleaf was immensely grateful for. Before long they had arrived, and as weird as it was to see two other clans living at Highstones, she was just happy everyone was safe.

"Follow me." She chirped, feeling stone brush her fur as she headed into the darkened tunnel. "Watch your step, it's pretty dark." Plumleaf warned, and soon enough a bright light ahead betrayed the entrance to the moonstone tunnel.

"Press your nose to the stone, and close your eyes. Starclan will be waiting when you open them." She gave Creampaw a gentle nudge and settled down to wait.

Creampaw had been sitting at the edge of Fourtrees, standing guard - even if he wasn't a warrior and it wasn't his place... Well, he was nearly a warrior at this point. There wasn't much that was left for his training with how much it had consumed him - acting as a distraction from...Thinking about Blackbear. His ears twitched however as his name was called - by the medicine cat at that - quickly pushing himself to his paws and padding over as she explained that it was finally time for his trip to the Moonstone.

...That was, in fact, all that had really remained for his training. He blinked, but there was a sense of relief. The sooner this was done, the sooner he would be a warrior. The sooner he was a warrior, the more he could help his Clan. It was good, it was something to focus on - it was what he needed. He quickly lapped up the traveling herbs, recoiling slightly at its taste before he padded after the medicine cat as she led the way out of Fourtrees.

It was odd - it wasn't his first time from Fourtrees of course...But it was certainly the first time out in this direction. He hadn't put much thought into what had laid on the other side as it wasn't any grounds really suited for SkyClan to hunt in. There was a sense of wonder as he watched the landscape around them morph from trees to open plains - plus what was clearly ShadowClan's territory on the other side of a strange black path. He followed close behind Plumleaf.

He was surprised when they h ad to brush past the the two Clans - WindClan and ShadowClan from the smells - that were resting at Highstones. He knew they had to be somewhere but...Truly none of the Clans could return to their territory yet, could they? Of course, it was hard to also acknowledge that it was strange when he had personally never seen the SkyClan camp himself as far as he could remember. His whole life had been spent at Fourtrees. His gaze and thought was drawn by Plumleaf as she chirped her quiet warning - earning a silent nod from him as he followed after her into the tunnel.

'Pretty dark' seemed like an understatement - he could barely make out Plumleaf's tail, much less his own paws as they descended. But he remained calmed even in the cramp tunnel, simply focusing on making sure his footing was solid until a light started to illuminate the silhouette of Plumleaf's form before they both stepped into the cavern proper. Oh. His eyes widen at the sight of the glowing stone. It was good that Plumleaf had nudged him, otherwise he perhaps  would have stood transfixed on the sight for the rest of the night.

He blinked, jolting a little before he nodded at her words. Right, StarClan - their ancestors were just...In the rock? Or used it as a connection from the sky above? His gaze flickered upwards with a soft frown, before he shook his head and stepped forward. He tucked his paws beneath him, took in a deep breath and touched his nose to the cold surface. A chill ran down his spine but he nonetheless rested his head on his paws and closed his eyes, letting everything fade away...

Until he opened up his eyes and found himself within StarClan's territory.

"Hello there, Creampaw!" Came a cheerful greeting as gray fur speckled with shimmering starlight materialized on a branch above the young apprentice. Starclan's forest was just as star-specked as she was now, and the return to the rocky, forested terrain after spending much of her time away felt strange, but right.

"My name is Birdsong." She introduced herself, leaping gracefully from the branch to land in front of Creampaw, several foxlengths away. "I was born a Skyclanner, but my paws led me to Riverclan before I joined the stars. Now I watch over the clans, with a bit more fondness than what I had in life." She admitted. Birdstar's ceremony hadn't been that long ago, and Birdsong thought, for the first time, she was proud of her birth clan. They had come a long way from what they had been. "But enough about me - You must have questions, or want advice? I know things have been overwhelming, as of late."

Creampaw jolted at the sudden voice, gaze snapping up to see a she-cat perched on the branch above him. "Um...Hello," he managed as she introduced herself - jumping down to the relief of his neck. Birdsong, hm? Part of him wondered if she had any ties with Birdstar but...Ah, not every cat that shared a name meant something to another. Perhaps she had meant something to Birdstar's parents, maybe she did not - it wasn't his place to poke his nose into.

But...She was once a RiverClan cat? That was interesting - as she asked what questions he would have, there was an obvious one. Why did she leave SkyClan? If he could understand what would drive a cat to leave, maybe he... No, he didn't want to think of her here. He shook his head, trying to rid his mind of thoughts of Blackbear. She was gone - maybe she would come back, maybe she wouldn't. "I..." he started, trying to think of what to ask Birdsong. This was his chance to speak with StarClan, the cats who watched over them all!

But it was that single thought that caused him to falter. ...They watched over all of them didn't they? His ears fell flat as he sank onto his haunches, wincing at how...Timid and kit-ish his voice came out. "...Can you... Blackbear - my...My mom. She left SkyClan, said she was going to find Crookedpaw - m-my denmate, her apprentice, who got taken. Is she...? Is she? Is she actually looking for him. I-is she going to come back? I..." His voice quivered, tail curling over his paws. "I don't... I don't know how to feel about her, about... This. I want to be angry, I have been angry. I've been upset, confused but I...I just miss her and I don't know what to do. I've tried not to think about it but it still hurts and I just want to... I don't even know what I want to be the case."

The apprentice began to speak, faltering... And then the floodgates opened. Birdsong listened quietly, soft green eyes watching Creampaw with sympathy. "It's okay to feel angry, and conflicted." She responded. Leaving Skyclan had been the result of her anger. "And it's good to talk about, you know. Don't let it fester and become an infected wound." Letting anger fester was how a clan got Beechfang, and Bloodstrike, and Dawnhawk.

"Blackbear loves you, and she meant what she said." Birdsong added, "I know things are uncertain, and that makes it harder to deal with. Not knowing where she is or how she's doing, not knowing if she or Crookedpaw will come back... It's difficult. It always will be."

"Your clanmates share your worries, and they are there for you, you know. You can share your worries with them if it takes a bit of weight off of your shoulders. You aren't in this alone, Creampaw."

A sniffle escaped Creampaw as Birdsong spoke, easing him to speak more on his feelings. He raised a paw to rub at his eyes, feeling a little embarrassed to have broken down in front of the first StarClan cat he had ever met. His gaze flickered up to Birdsong as she spoke of Blackbear, taking in a deep breath. She...She loves him. She meant it - she was looking for Crookedpaw. It hadn't been an excuse to leave him behind, it... A shaky breath escaped him, more sniffles following as he continued to rub at his face.

But even then, Birdsong was right - there was so many things he couldn't know. Even if she was safe right now, there was always the chance that tomorrow... The unknown was scary, it was hard. It had been - was - so much easier to just focus on the now. To not dwell on it, because thinking about it only made the wound caused by Blackbear leaving ache even more. And even then... Knowing that Blackbear had meant what she said, it didn't make the anger within burn any less. It still hurt and he wanted her to know it. He...

He wasn't alone. Those words caused him to blink, lowering his paws to the ground. He...He hadn't spoken to his Clanmates about it. Not really - why would he? It was his problem, his fault for feeling this way, being so conflicted and confused and they had their own things to worry about and who wanted to be around him when he was sad and angry and didn't want to do anything? It was always so much easier to ignore it and focus on his training, or hunting, or trying to have a good time with Lightningpaw.

...But he also couldn't deny how nice it felt to finally let it out in front of Birdsong - his feelings still ached but it almost felt like a deep breath after holding your breath for too long. "I-I know," he managed, curling his tail around him as he drew in a little on himself. "I just... It hurts to think about her so I tried not to. Ev-Even now, I don't know if I still want to be angry or sad or happy or... I just don't want to feel this way so I focused on everything else. It was - is - easier. Its... Just hard to talk. I don't get it, how I feel, how I should feel. Its messy, its... I'm scared, I guess. Of...A lot of things. I dunno. It never seemed... I didn't know if it was normal. Good? To be so...Conflicted and confused. It seems like it should be simple but it isn't and I..." A huff escaped him as he hung his head. "...Sorry, you are being so nice and I am just...Rambling."

"There's no right or wrong way to feel about these sorts of things." Birdsong mewed, padding a few paces closer and sitting. "No, it's not a simple thing, is it?" She understood that feeling all too well. "It took me a long time to work through my own feelings after learning who my parents were. I was upset it had been hidden from me, even if they did everything they could to let me live a normal life without that knowledge hanging over my head, without the stigma of being the medicine cat's kit. I left the clan because I didn't want to be associated with any of it, not the constant battles or the lies surrounding my birth." Birdsong shook her head, continuing. "I've made my peace with it now, but there's days where I still think about it, go back and forth on whether or not my reaction was right. Whether I should've chosen forgiveness instead of anger." A sigh escaped her, "There is no easy answer of how you should feel, and nobody can tell you that, either. The best you can do is talk through it when you're comfortable enough to do so, reason through it, and even then. You have a right to feel as you do over it. And a change of heart doesn't make your initial feelings invalid."