let the party begin ; warrior vigil - [solo]

"Sleepykit, don't stray!" It was a woman's voice, exasperated around the edges as the she-cat undeniably watched her small daughter run off in the midst of her chatter and work. The Camp here was safe for the likes of small kittens like her, but the world outside was still untested by her, still unknown. Full of dangers, her father might say, ones that she could not understand till she was older. But neither did anyone warn her of the temptations that lay beyond the immediate safety of the WindClan camp.

"But Mama!" came the answer, the voice matching- echoing- the non-seriously vexed tones. "We're having so much fun in the flowers!". The grin on her face was as bright as the sunshine as she turned around on her tiny paws to face her mother, a beautiful dilute calico whose golden-green eyes she had inherited, and whose expression was too easily melted by the charms of the young girl in front of her, her fur slightly wild and her little pink nose covered in a dusting of pollen. Smiles were exchanged between the two, brief little giggles of knowing joy before Sleepykit gave a small sigh and obediently trotted back to her mother's side, her brother following close behind.

Her daughter would not be small forever, and soon these walks into the flowers- things she had long ago stopped admiring in the same true beauty that her little kitten was now- would seem so distant. Who had time for flowers when Clan duty called? It seemed WindClan was busier than ever these days. "You'll be an apprentice soon, my love. Isn't that exciting? And Vulturekit too."

"Mhm." she had responded. All the other kittens were talking about being warriors- it was something that was supposed to be exciting! And well, maybe she was excited too, but she wasn't really sure what to make of the twisty knots in her stomach- was it excitement or nerves? She was only a moon off from being an apprentice now, what if she couldn't do it right? "Vulturekit can be the warrior for both of us, though. I like the flowers," she insisted, quickly shooting her eyes to their corners to peek at her mother at her attempted joke, the smile unable to be stopped from curling at the edges of her lips. She wasn't really serious, because she was totally going to be a better warrior than Vulturekit, but it was worth it to see the amusement (or maybe the continued exasperation) from her mother. But still, she persisted."I'll just be a... a flower explorer! Yeah!" And then she could go outside of camp, and hunt, and go to gatherings! And wouldn't that be neat? Her, a warrior! A real warrior like her parents and the other older cats of the Clan. Her paws almost danced in step, but her mother's soft laughter kept her in place.

"A flower explorer, hm? May you never lose your spirit, child. But until then, miss Sleepyflower, you'll have to work hard to be a WindClan warrior. Let's start with Sleepypaw." And that had been enough to silence the ramblings of the small girl. Imagine her, as a warrior! Her mind was now turning with all the possibilities, the flowers behind her forgotten as the mere smudge of pollen on her nose, lapped away by a quick touch of her tongue as she took in the view ahead of her: The Clan, the Camp, and what she was destined to become. She was going to do great things!

And for a long while, she felt like she had. To her credit, she had succeeded as an apprentice, or at least felt as though she had. She performed her duties well, she had done everything in her power to try and help the Clan in their hour of need with the Great Shake and clanmates disappearing; she tried to be someone that her parents could be proud of. Honest, kind, someone who knew their own will and their own morals and stuck to it. But something in these recent moons had changed in her. Seeing her Clan suffer had begun a nagging, burning spark in the back of her head that was slowly beginning to consume her like a flame.

It wasn't fair that someone so young should have to decide their future, to make it up then and there that they were going to be great and good, only to find later in life that maybe they weren't anything close to what they thought they had wanted to be. But even that wasn't the problem, no. She wasn't angry, or upset, or even thinking any of this was unfair. Getting her warrior name had been her greatest achievement. Her Clanmates were all around her. She couldn't be alone.

And yet she was lonely, yearning for something that she was not allowed to have. And how often she had wondered whether or not StarClan was trying to guide her, or whether she herself was so desperate for an answer, for this thing that she thought would remedy all her problems that she created the idea in her head: that StarClan wanted her to do this when really, it was just her own desperation.

A breath exhaled from her lungs slowly as she sat beneath the moonlight, her multi-colored fur gleaming under the light of the stars as amber eyes searched upwards towards the sky. Her belief in StarClan had always been strong, but it would be her greatest sin to try and force something that she did not have the ability to have. Why can't you be happy with what you have, Sleepyhollow? she chided herself, her own tone bitter and hollow, tones that never dare part from her lips in the daylight with the rest of the Clan. Greedy. You're greedy. What would mother think of you?

Her paws shifted underneath her the dusting of snow melting under her paw pads, a breeze ruffled her fur and she brought her gaze towards the large stones jutting out from Mothermouth. Climbing a stone was a sort of vine, and blooming from it was a small yellow flower, its edges dark red like Russetrye's pelt. Was this some sort of sign? Some sort of test? Why would there be a flower in winter? Did flowers bloom in winter? You can't change things, she tried to reason with herself, gathering her paws beneath her slowly, her tail anxiously flicking at her side. You have no power. You became a warrior, and that is what you shall be. If she could say these words out loud, then maybe she could make herself believe it, that she could make herself be happy, rather than yearning for something that perhaps had no outcome for her. The grass was always greener- and it wasn't fair that a desperate, selfish thought could become her life- that it could be everything that she dreamed of.

Dreaming was good. Yearning was dangerous.

Her breath shook in her chest as her gaze slowly lifted back toward the stars. StarClan, help me, she thought. Never have I doubted you in any truth until now. Why? Why are you making me conflicted- what are you trying to get me to choose? Am I wrong?

Sleepyhollow swallowed again, feeling her emotions choke up in her own throat as the stars glimmered back at her, the same calm and unchanging light that she had stared upon for many, many moons. They once had brought comfort, but now they only appeared to mock her. Please.

But no answer came.

And when the sun rose over Highstones - painting the two clans in vibrant colors - the newly named warrior still was left without an answer.