Take Me The Long Way Around [Nightdancer]

As much as Roseburn was currently mad at Stoatstrike as it was, she could see the tom was right on one thing. She had to start going out again. She couldn't just shut herself away forever. She had been healed, or as much so as she was going to be. She was only delaying her true recovery. She was so scared of not being a warrior, but she never would be one if she didn't try.

So with her owl draped over her shoulder, she set out of camp. Not that she was really going to do anything, yet. No, she wasn't ready for that yet. She still needed time. She tried hunting, and she hadn't even caught anything more than some fresh wounds on her back. Although she supposed she did get a new pelt out of it. It wasn't the pelt she had dreamed of, the rite definitely wasn't planned, but as much as she hated that Stoatstrike decided it on his own, she did manage to kill the owl by herself. She wasn't fully sure she would be able to do that again. So yes, she settled. It wasn't a thing of pride like for the rest of the Clan. Not like it should have been for her. It was just a slight hope that maybe, just maybe, she wasn't a total failure.

She couldn't say why her paws took her to the thunderpath. Maybe she just hoped the noise could drown out the thoughts in her head. Take her thoughts away.

Sitting down, she closed her eyes, letting the noise take her away. It was no bird song, but it was enough.

A voice spoke from the other side of the thunderpath. A voice that Roseburn recognized all too well. And a bit of panic coursed through her. This was not how she had wanted Nightdancer to see her. A mutilated mess like she was. But maybe she hadn't recognized her. Maybe she could still run, and Nightdancer would be none the wiser.

But at the same time, she missed having a real friend to talk to.

"Yeah, it was Nightstar's idea. He's got us all wearing predators now. A sort of rite of passage, I guess. You kill one, you keep it. This is what I got. It's nice seeing you again, Nightdancer."

Even if she felt humiliated with how she looked.

Roseburn couldn't help but chuckle as Nightdancer threw a flurry of innocent questions her way. She wouldn't have thought the molly would have been so interested, but it was nice to have something to talk about, that wasn't a hard subject at least.

"Nightstar is a bold cat. Dumb at times, but definitely bold. He wants to make us feared, and he's doing a good job, that's for sure. The owl wasn't that hard, though. You just need to go after the right predator. I wouldn't suggest a badger. I don't know if you met Snowfoot while we were in your camp, but she doesn't even remember who she is anymore because of one. And I- well, yeah. This ugly mess, heh."

She didn't want to talk about that. And she shouldn't have even mentioned the Snowfoot situation. Stars, why was it just so easy to talk to Nightdancer? It was like she didn't want to hold anything back, even if she really should.  

Roseburn shook her head, a half-hearted chuckle escaping her. "I never really liked Snowfoot, but what she is going through.... I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Not even her. Stars, she doesn't even remember her own poor kits. And the worst part is is that she still has some parts of her life. She remembers back when she was an apprentice, but nothing beyond that. The poor thing had just lost her father and now she thinks he is still alive. She thinks her friends are still alive. Stars, she has to go through all of that again. We can shelter her as much as possible, but she is going to find out."

She let out a sigh. Nobody deserved to go through that, not even a pretentious foxheart like Snowfoot. She actually felt bad.

Then Nightdancer revealed she was an only child now, and Roseburn's heart broke for her. "I'm so sorry" She meant it, too. She really was sorry. She didn't like seeing Nightdancer in such pain. "I wish I could go over there and comfort you. You look like you at least need a hug. If only borders weren't a thing..."

Roseburn let out a sigh. "I wish I had all the answers to give to you. I think the worst part is, there isn't always a reason. Things just happen, and there is nothing we can do about it. We can't choose who lives and who dies. No cat can."

For a moment, Roseburn was quiet. Contemplating her words. And then she spoke up again.

"I think... I think there is always going to be pain. When you love someone, at some point you are bound to lose them. But at the same time, you can't stop loving. Things aren't always easy, if they were then there would be no value in them. If we did what was easy, then there wouldn't be anything to live for. We would never feel what happiness is. So we have to keep pushing, even though it is hard."

She gave a bit of a huff. "I know what you mean, feeling separated in your own Clan. Not knowing how to talk to them. If I do talk, it's like I always say something wrong. They always get mad. Most of them don't even want to be around me anymore because of it. All I can do is go through the motions of every day. I'm..... I'm honestly still trying to get back to myself again. To really feel whole, after everything that's happened. I know if anyone heard me say this I would so be dead, it's wrong that this is even on my mind, but part of me was happier. In ThunderClan, I mean. With you."