A Life I Own [open]

The moon was almost full. Gingerroot’s one good eye locked with the disc above, surrounded by stars.

The heavily scarred beige tom pursed his lips. So many moons, so many nights, passing like the carefree breezes of newleaf, lingering for just as long. Transience. So many cats, come and gone…

It was nights like this that he thought of his mother Redfur. She always liked newleaf, it was her favorite time of year. The scurrying of voles, the undergrowth coming back, prey and good weather. Gingerroot closed his eyes, breathing in and holding the breath, if only for a moment.

Ages ago, before Asylum even was a thought in cat’s minds, his paws would feel loose earth as he walked by Sunningrocks. Redfur, getting older herself, wanted nothing more than to enjoy the rays. She had lost Volefang that leafbare and she hadn’t smiled since. Even on her favorite place, she was crestfallen.

“It’s not the same without him, is it?”
“Never was.”
His mother sighed. “I worry about your sister. She hasn’t said much.”
“What’s there to talk about?”
“The best cat that ever lived.”

They sat next to each other, silence hanging above. Gingerroot turned away. He couldn’t look at her broken yellow eyes anymore.

“I see him every time I see you, you know.”
Gingerroot turned to face her.
“I wonder, what it would have been like, if I had never known him. If StarClan never had our paws cross, if he was just a warrior I fought alongside with, not knowing the cat I know now…”
He gave her a lick on the shoulder.
Redfur’s eyes burned like embers. “Not knowing him would have hurt worse. Volefang gave me answers to questions I never knew I had. He gave me another pair of eyes to see each day with, each moon with, each star with. I hated leaffall before I knew Volefang. But there was something about the way he smiled, Gingerroot. He saw each leaf and tree like StarClan made new ones every day. He loved every color, he loved mice and a cold breeze, he loved… he loved…”
“He loved you, Redfur.”
She smiled weakly at the memory. “You need a she-cat who loves you that way, Gingerroot. Someone you play in leaves with, who you raise kits with. Your sister’s been seeing Larkpelt. But what about you?”
“Don’t worry ‘bout me. I’m okay.”
But was I, though? Am I, though?
“Come on, Redfur. We gotta get you back to camp.”

Redfur didn’t see another moon before she met Volefang again in StarClan, and her body was covered in mint before her vigil. The breeze outside camp wafted the smell of mint to his nose. The elder tom swallowed the knot in his throat.

Redfur wanted him to settle down with a nice she-cat, but that wasn’t in his paws. She wanted grandkits and he thanked his lucky stars that his sister had some, or Redfur would still be haunting the elder’s den. He never felt that way about a she-cat… but what about a tom?

Gingerroot scoffed at the thought. He was too old now. His glory days had come and gone.

He realized he was in the middle of camp, staring at the moon. Was anyone else even awake? He couldn’t go to sleep, not with his heart filled with the past…

Foxpaw knew she probably shouldn't have been up this late into the night. She just.. really didn't want to be in the apprentice den at the moment; she knew it would be her home for many more moons, but she was still unused to it and all the other cats within. Plus, it was difficult sleeping in the much less cozy (and far, far messier) den.

Foxpaw was somewhat lucky, though- there was space to make her nest near the exit. Going outside for some fresh air wouldn't bother any of the other sleeping apprentices. Quietly she padded outside the apprentice den; the near-full moon lit the clearing, and- ..Another cat? The apprentice slowed her walk, squinting. The moon was bright, but the other cat was still little more than a silhouette. As she approached, their features took form- "Gingerroot?" Foxpaw meowed.

Some relief washed over her, she was at least somewhat familiar with the tom- a lot more familiar with him than the apprentices, anyway. A heartbeat later, she frowned and padded closer to the elder; "Are you alright? ..Why are you looking at the moon?" she added, careful to keep her voice quiet. She hadn't really seen him much other than when he visited the nursery. Did Gingerroot normally stay out at night like this?

A soft smile formed on the tom’s lips. Redfur got to spend every day with Volefang now. Were they proud of him? For fighting for ThunderClan, losing sight in his eye, helping the queens get a few moment’s rest?

A voice jarred him from his train of thought. Foxpaw.

Gingerroot gave a quick nod, his eye meeting hers. “I gotta lot of cats up there.”

“Before you were born, probably before your momma was born, I went with my own momma to Sunningrocks. She hasn’t been here fo’ a while, but she loved newleaf.”

He didn’t talk much about his own family; when they died, he was a recluse for a long time. The nursery kept what few mice he had left in his head moving.

“What’s got’cha out here, Foxpaw? Nervous?”

Foxpaw looked up to Silverpelt at the elder's words, ..Oh. She felt a pang of sadness- she couldn't imagine what it could be like; knowing your friends and family were in the stars, but you couldn't even talk to them.. Even if she felt a little distanced, her family was still just a den away.

"..A little." she admitted after a moment, shuffling her paws, "I feel like I don't belong in the apprentice's den yet. I don't even know most of the other apprentice's names, and it's just so ..weird compared to the nursery." It felt somewhat good getting it off her chest; especially to a cat who was willing to listen.

“You deserve to be there as much as any other cat. You’ll be a fine apprentice and a warrior ThunderClan can be proud of.”

The elder smiled at Foxpaw. She was growing up so fast; he barely remembered a lot of his kit and apprentice days, but the few memories that stayed were vivid.

“Remember, they’re gettin’ to meet you. It’s a privilege.”

The tom looked back up at the sky. His Clanmates from ages past looked back at him. Perhaps he did good by being an elder with the kits and apprentices.

“I remember one time, back when I was Gingerpaw, just got to the apprentice den, it was cold like my fur didn’t matter and one of the apprentices poked a stars-cursed hole in the side. Stars, it was cold! I don’t think I’ve ever seen a warrior angrier than that next morning. Instead of battle training, the poor boy had to collect moss and sticks for the whole den.”

He chuckled. “It might even be the same moss.”

“But don’t worry ‘bout them. It’s a weird den for sure, but you’ll love gettin’ in the undergrowth, feelin’ the sun puddles on your back, catching prey. There’s a whole new world out there, n’ you’ll be livin’ it.”

“N’ besides, you can always come see me. I won’t bite, I promise.”

Her nerves slowly started to melt away at Gingerroot's reassurance. She hoped it would be true; she wanted nothing more than to be a good apprentice of ThunderClan- to help protect it, and to learn all she could.

They're gettin' to meet you. Foxpaw.. hadn't thought about it like that. She'd always thought of her new denmates as strangers, cats she would avoid, rather than other apprentices she could get to know.

Following Gingerroot's gaze, Foxpaw listened with intent to the elder's story, beginning to smile. It felt somewhat strange; the idea that Gingerroot was once also a new apprentice, dealing with his denmates' antics. It was also oddly comforting, knowing another cat had to deal with the same, chaotic place.

Outside of the gorge sounded nice by the way the elder described it; different from camp, but something to be excited for.

"..Thank you." She meowed, turning back to Gingerroot, "That.. It means a lot." It did, having someone she could just.. talk to, someone who listened to her worries, and told her their own perspectives.

“Anytime, darlin’.”

The scarred tom didn’t always understand why he had made it to old age. Perhaps this was why.

Gingerroot looked up again and smiled. He’d never give Redfur the grandkits she wanted, but his family had a paw in raising ThunderClan even today. He hoped his mom would be proud of him for that, if nothing else.

“ThunderClan’s always here for ya. We’re in it together.”