Heart to Heart [C]

Thalia was a bit surprised, but not unhappy to see her former apprentice settle beside her. "Hey, Iceheart," she greeted lightly. She wasn't sure of the usual etiquette between former mentors and apprentices, her first apprentice having vanished early into her training. "I don't mind at all - if you ever need anything, or just want company, I'll be here. Well, um - not here, exactly, but - you know what I mean, right? I'm here for you, is what I'm trying to say."

The warrior's second question wasn't entirely unexpected, though if anything she'd expected to hear it some time ago. "No, not at all. It's a bit unusual from your perspective, isn't it? Then again, I've always felt that way about Clan names..."

She closed her eyes, letting her thoughts drift back to her earliest memories. "Did you know," she began, "that I wasn't born in ShadowClan? I suppose you could guess that, really, but... Well. It's as good a place to start as any."

Thalia nodded slowly. "I'm not the only one, but I think I might be the only one left who never took a Clan name," she continued. "I was born outside the Clans, as you could guess, but my mother left me with ThunderClan when I was young enough that I have no memory of it now." Well, mostly - sunlight filtering through the trees, the sound of voices she couldn't place names to, they came to her in dreams at times. Maybe those were memories from the time before. "...The Clans have faced countless threats, judging from the stories I hear. I imagine you've heard some of these tales as well, since it wasn't all that long ago. Iceheart... What do you know of the Asylum?"

So Iceheart had only heard the most basic version of what had happened - it was understandable, she supposed, given their current occupation. Why would anyone want to dwell on the last time? "I should warn you, this isn't really a happy story," Thalia sighed, a hint of wistfulness in her voice. "That said... It did have its moments. And, well- there are things I don't know, or won't say, just because it's not my tale to tell, but-"

She blinked, shaking her head to clear her thoughts. "As I said, my mother left me with ThunderClan as a kit. I had another name, then." Laurelkit, she recalled it now; it felt strange to call it her name even in passing. The hazy, dreamlike memories of another life belonged to Laurelkit, and the life she'd lived - that belonged to Thalia. "It doesn't matter now, really, but what does- the Asylum stole kits from the Clans, to raise as their own. To turn them against their homes."

Thalia gave this part of the story a moment to sink in before she continued. "They gave us new names, lied to us about who we were and where we had come from. Lied to us about what Asylum was, about our purpose in the world. But they raised us."

That still counted for something, in her mind. While some of those bonds had broken, others had endured past the end of Asylum's reign over the forest.

"A long time, all things considered," Thalia sighed. It was hard to get across, especially with the complicated nature of her feelings about the whole ordeal. "It was- it was complicated. A lot happened. To start with, the Asylum didn't have apprenticeships the way the Clans do... They sorted us into factions when we we reached five moons. The Standards - most cats didn't fit into a specialty, after all, so that was most of them. The Scouts were- well, they were scouts. Hunters and information gatherers, mostly. And Nightstrikers were the ones with the most battle prowess. They were often... Cruel might be the best word, looking back on things now. More so than the rest."

The calico warrior lifted her head to meet her former apprentice's eyes, clearly displaying the scar on her cheek; as well as the more faded, less precise scars on the other side of her face. "Each faction was marked with a different scar - one, or two, or three, depending on their rank. Can you guess where they placed me?"

It was almost amusing, looking back. Shy, anxious Thalia; training as one of Theron's ruthless Nightstrikers.

She lowered her head again after a moment, shaking it slightly. "That said... Not all of them were cruel. The closest thing I had to a mentor, he taught me so much of what I know, things that have outlasted the fall of the Asylum. And there were the other stolen kits, among them some of my best friends." A brief pause, as the familiar name caught on her tongue. "Like my partner, Kat- Katana. Asylum cats wore the pelts of predators, a way of disguising ourselves... She and I fought the fox that became mine. I still have it, for whenever I need something to hide behind. And, well... To keep something of her close, until we see each other again."

"The truth came out eventually. How could it not, with so many cats tangled up in the secret? I only learned because I made a mistake, I did something- something unforgivable, something that had jeopardized our mission in the forest. I had been stationed in WindClan, but after that... I was instructed to patrol the borders. Along the river, a ThunderClan warrior called me by a name I didn't know, and..." She took a deep breath. If she could get the words out, she could fill in the blanks and the questions they left. "I asked my... Mentor is the best word I have for it, I suppose, but that's not quite right. All the same, he gave me the truth, or what parts of it he knew- and then together we told the rest. But in-between, when I was trying to find the others to meet with them, I was waiting on the Thunderpath for a friend who was stationed in ShadowClan... That was when I met Flintstar." He was Flintshard now, but Flintstar at the time; and so she didn't bother with her usual hasty correction of his name. "He saved my life."

She looked to Iceheart, waiting to continue until the young warrior had asked any questions she might have had. Thalia imagined that if she were the one hearing this story she'd certainly have a large number of them, especially with how often she tripped over her words or glossed over things.

"One question at a time," Thalia teased, light-hearted about it despite herself. Time and distance, and the thrill of sharing history with someone else, she supposed. "How many of us were taken... Maybe two or three from most of the Clans, I think? I was the only one they took from ThunderClan, I know that much." She rested her head on her paws as she continued, "About what happened to Asylum- we'll get there eventually, I promise. They're not here anymore, though- except for some of us, if you count that."

"As for how Flintstar saved my life," she carried on, "I was... I wasn't in a good place at the time. Everything I knew was wrong, I had failed the only home I'd ever known. And, um... In retrospect," she murmured, voice lowering with a hint of shame. "I was, perhaps, a little bit- Well, to be completely honest, I was completely and utterly mouse-brained. I was waiting on the Thunderpath, as I said, to meet with a friend. He didn't show at first, though, and instead I met Flintstar- I didn't know his name, or that he was a leader, until just before he left. Just that he was telling me to pick a side to stand on, since I had been dtanding in the middle of it at the time."

She covered her face with her paws. Sacred stars, this was embarrassing to look back on. "He tried to warn me, but... I didn't listen. There was a... Slight misinterpretation on my part of what he meant by there being monsters on the path. I, um, may have tried to fight one." She removed her paws, then, looking over to the elder's den where Flintshard still resided. "He didn't care that I wasn't ShadowClan, or even that I was Asylum- not a Clan cat at all. He still pushed me out of the way at the cost of one of his lives. I was pretty shocked to see him attacked by one of those things and just stand up after, though."

"Well, like I said - we told the others the truth. And not long after that, Roe - my sort-of mentor - disappeared overnight," Thalia continued, a displeased expression crossing her face despite herself. What had happened still left a bitter taste in her mouth, all this time later. "It wasn't clear what had happened to him, but... There were whispers. We learned when we were summoned to meet with Eris - the head of Asylum," she explained, recalling that most of the names had been lost to time and a desire to forget. Eris' might have been among the survivors, as well as Theron, but the rest...

She doubted that most cats had any need for the knowledge now. They probably thought it better to forget, and she couldn't hold a grudge against them for that. But she'd known them all her life. "They had made the clearing of Fourtrees into a prison. Any cats who fell out of line... Well. They were in poor shape- the Clan cats especially, but there had been some of our own among them... Including Roe. Before we could learn why we were summoned there, though... A group of Clan cats charged the clearing, one of them taking on Eris alone, and suddenly there was nothing but chaos. We had a choice to make."

Thalia closed her eyes, recalling the details of the battleground. It was... Unpleasant, thoroughly so, but she had to remember what had happened if she wanted to tell the story. "We chose to fight against those who had raised us. The right choice isn't always an easy one to make, is it? They had loved us, and we - or at least I - had loved them. I still do, even now, with all the things I know. A part of me wonders if that changes how you see me, but... I won't lie to you. I was lied to all my life, and yet... The love was real, I think. It's just that it wasn't enough to change things."

They had loved and been loved in turn, whatever else had happened. Sometimes that love was twisted in some way, but it was always there. "I don't... I don't remember much of the fight," she admitted. "I think I forgot most of it on purpose... It was..." She paused, taking a moment to gather her thoughts. "After the battle was won, when we started to regroup, one of the Asylum cats came for me. I would have died then and there. He'd said, he was going to- someone else would be wearing my skin, if not for Katana. She saved us both. Others lost their lives, not all of them Asylum... But Asylum itself died that day, in every way that matters."

A quiet sigh escaped her. "That night, and the names I still remember... Warriors of the forest, and the Asylum cats that made us who we were... It still haunts me, sometimes. If we had known before, if we had done things differently, if they had been just a little more willing to listen... How many lives might have been spared? Could less blood have been spilled?"

The rest of the story, at least, was far more bitterwseet. But she needed a moment to recover, blood-splattered grass all she could see whenever she dared to close her eyes. So much time and effort toward being able to fight, and it was this simple memory that made her so afraid again. She would be fine, she reminded herself. Just breathe.

Thalia nodded slowly, relaxing at the contact of Iceheart's paw on hers. "I don't know that it made me stronger... But it shaped me into who I am, and that's still important. That said... I still think the rest of the story is worth remembering. All of it is, even the hard parts, but..." This is the part that no one here is going to remember, one day, she thought but didn't say. Because it doesn't matter to them. "After the battle was over, Asylum was defeated... Some cats scattered. Others stayed, to figure out what happened next."

This memory was painful in a different way, the reminder of a chance she didn't take. "Before Asylum, there was something else," she spoke softly, trying to recall Roe's words. "A place of knowledge and truth-seekers, protectors and healers... A place called Oasis. Roe led those who wanted to do something good, to reclaim the legacy that was once ours..." Her voice fell to a whisper. A secret she hadn't spoken in some time. "I wanted to go, too. I wanted nothing more than to follow him into something new, to do what I had been told I was doing all my life... But he told me to stay. He told all of us to stay, actually, the kits they stole from the Clans... To find a new place here. To right some of the wrongs that had been done. So I did. If he didn't want me to follow, I wouldn't. Not yet. But..."

It was different.

"I told you," she sighed, "that my mother left me on ThunderClan land, didn't I? She was- I was-" This was the other secret that she hadn't spoken since she came to ShadowClan; hadn't spoken a word about it since she told Flintstar in her desperation. "I was born to Asylum. When the kits I was raised with went on to find their parents and siblings in the forest, I left mine behind again- or maybe they left me. It doesn't matter now, when Asylum is long dead and I've been here for as many moons as I have, but... It's important to me, to remember. To reclaim that legacy for myself."

And someday, when I've done all I can in ShadowClan, I'll find my way home again.

"Katana promised me that once she learned where she was from, she'd come back to me. She never did, but... I don't think I'll ever be able to stop waiting. Not completely. I don't know if she just never found the truth, or if something happened to her..." Thalia closed her eyes for just a moment, remembering the words. "After everything was settled, I was left to find a new place to belong... I had no memory of ThunderClan, and I couldn't live knowing they saw a ghost every time they looked at me, but I remembered Flintstar from the incident with the Thunderpath, and I took a chance. And, well... He let me stay here, in ShadowClan. It helped, I think, that I wasn't the only one - it turned out that one of my closest friends was from ShadowClan, and that made it a lot easier to adjust. It still wasn't easy, but I'm happy now, and I'd like to think I'm doing what I set out to do."