Not your seed [Closed for Ripped]

The vigil felt shorter than expected and it was the perfect way for Cinderflame to organize her thoughts. For the first time, the feisty and bold she-cat took a time to stop and think. To meditate and decide what her course of action should be. She loved her family, that was a fact. Both her littermates and adoptive parents. But the truth was that she couldn't stay any longer. Stoatstar had disappointed her multiple times: he was the first leader to allow the Dark Forest into the clans and now they had poisoned her brother's mind. Who knows when they will decide to kill someone she cared deeply about? There was no way to predict those cats' actions. They were unnatural, living corpses that were condemned to a life of famine and suffering for all the evil they caused in life. They were now back in the world of the living, ready to cause chaos in the clans and submit them all... and Stoatstar and Appledapple allowed it. The cats who raised her to follow the Code, to be a brave yet loyal warrior.

As she stepped into camp, Cinderflame's eyes quickly glanced at the warrior's den and she thought of her mother, who was probably fast asleep. Her hero... how could she tell her what she wanted to do? The young molly felt guilty of the suffering she would cause her but... she knew deep inside it was the right choice to make.

She made her way to the leader's den, silent as a shadow. Though curious eyes were looking behind her back as he entered the den, the warrior didn't bother giving them an explanation. Inside it was warmer than the freezing night and the scent of the tom in the air brought back kithood memories of her family. Nostalgia filled Cinderflame's heart but she remained strong. No matter her love for her family, she couldn't betray her own ideals nor the Code she swore to protect. "You here, Stoatstar?"

---

OOC: Not your seed

The already ringing thoughts had become exponentially greater at Cinderflame's request. Something was coming - he just wasn't entirely sure what, and it filled him with even more dread than he'd become accustomed to. Sleep clung to the edges of his mind and quickly become something akin to dusty cobwebs, ever present in their nature. Stoatstar needed sleep, he found himself craving it more than ever before and yet it eluded him constantly. In a sense, the leader had taken his own vigil. But this was was not due to any sort of custom or rite. As the voice called into his den and interrupted the eternal stare at the stone surface, he found swallowing to be an incredibly difficult task.

"I am." He replied. It was near impossible to not croak the words out but he managed fine enough. Wide orange eyes stared ahead, peering after Cinderflame. Despite not being his own kit, and him having no desire for his own offspring, Stoatstar had found himself filled with pride in the young she-cat. He was grateful to have her as a warrior; the leader was grateful for all his warriors. Flicking his tail in a slow arc, the little brown and white time tried to stuff back any anxious feelings that bubbled up within his chest, "What is it you wanted to talk about?"

Normally, he might have made some joking remark about if she still wanted to have a discussion after such an exhausting night. Yet, the tom found himself so drained that such normal demeanor had died away. Stoatstar was far too drained to even be himself.

The she-cat didn't even bother sitting down. No muscle moved when the white and brown tom approached from the depths of the den. Thanks to the darkness of both the night and the den, the she-cat was unable to realize how exhausted Stoatstar was, just like her. Instead, all she could see was his dark silhouette and amber eyes, looking at her. Those eyes... just ignited another turmoil inside her mind. They gave her warmth, a comforting and safe feeling yet, at the same time, it brought back the bitter disappointment and betrayal she had been feeling for so long. The love for her family, her frustrations and her fears all bubbled up inside her until she couldn't take anymore.

Out of frustration and stress, Cinderflame silently unsheathed her claws and snapped. "About everything. I... can't stand this any longer." Her tail flicked from one side to another, more abruptly each time as her anger grew inside. "You let those traitorous Riverclanners enter our dens and even train them when they could leave us any moment just like they did with their clan. You name a barely named warrior as your deputy when much more capable warriors were right there, like Appledapple!. And now... you and mom... are the first ones to support these INVADERS who have corrupted Softfall's mind!" Hissing started to come out of her throat as she approached her father with a furious yet in pain expression. Her back fur was bristling and she wanted to scratch something. But the young molly retained herself. This wasn't for her... it was for the best of her family and clan. "How could you let this happen?! You were supposed to protect us and yet... you betray everything the Code taught us and let these monsters fester in our camp. When will you open your eyes? When one of those "allies" of yours decides to kill Appledapple? My siblings? Or me? How much are you willing to sacrifice for a stronger clan, as you wanted in the Gathering?"

The she-cat paused for a moment, fuming out of her repressed frustration for the leader. Defeated, she let her head down and mewed with a more calm yet tired voice... "I... I admired you. You were my hero, who I wanted to become when I grew older. I wanted to become stronger and more powerful, to be the best warrior this clan had ever seen. But you're the cat I thought you were. You're a hypocrite, a coward and blind leader, unable to realize how much damage your choice had done to our family." Her thoughts returned to Softfall and the memory of his fur covered in the blood of a dead Riverclanner behind him was vividly imprinted in her eyes. Her brother... wasn't like that. It was the Dark Forest's fault and Stoatstar had allowed that dark side of him to rise even more. She feared... he could be going to a point of no return.

Stoatstar's expression quickly became stone. The barrage of hissing, the angry words spewed in his direction... it threatened to make him snap underneath the weight of exhaustion. However, it also reminded him of Appledapple. Despite the fact the she-cat did not share blood with these kits, their bond was obvious. He'd hoped that Cinderflame was more like him but she was her own cat, influenced by many things. And while he had also willed her to be more sensible than her sibling, it seemed that wasn't the case. But regardless, the words stung. His ears flattened back against his skull and the fur of his neck bristled slightly, instinctively.

As she reached the end, it seemed to quell the anger that prickled in his stomach. Instead, he too looked defeated. Orange eyes softened for a moment and a genuine sadness sat behind his gaze. If Minkstar were here this wouldn't have happened. She was right, somehow a better leader would have stopped it. The current leaders of the forest were weak, and he'd quickly fallen to the Dark Forest cats as the most logical next step. For as cowardly as it was, it was the only option. Claws dug into the earth and his teeth clenched as he thought for several moments. There wouldn't be a right answer to soothe these feelings budding up inside the young cat. He couldn't provide a satisfactory answer. To say anything of what was in his mind, the truth behind his allegiance, it put them all in danger.

"I'd rather see you alive than dead, Cinderflame. Always." He finally rasped, fixing her in a haunting stare, willing her to understand these unspoken things hiding behind his expression. The little brown and white tom's shoulders hunched, he looked more like a defeated apprentice than a leader, and that was often how he felt internally. With a heavy sigh, he looked away, letting his eyes rake the den and remembering moons ago when he'd pleaded Minkstar to fight for sunningrocks. How long had he been making condemning decisions in the name of pretending they were the right one? But he didn't know any other way. Their survival had to be fought, the world would always be cruel. Did Cinderflame not see that?

"We're stronger allied with the Dark Forest, safer. I need you to trust I'll always try to do what's best for you, for everyone but... I wish Minkstar was here to do it for me instead." Stoatstar admitted, whiskers twitching uncomfortably at his own admonition. He didn't expect anything in return from the she-cat, simply willed that she would trust him, but slowly accepting the creeping dread in his stomach at the idea that she wouldn't. He had worked his paws as much as he could for this clan, and he always would, yet not every cat would understand. Stoatstar was just like the rest of them, he always had been, but the many lives carried across his shoulder had always terrified him. Nothing in the past season had helped to soothe that fear; he was certain it would only grow worse now.

Breathing heavily, the she-cat waited for the tom's response with anticipation. She hoped anything he had to say would redeem in some way, to give her a reason of why he had been so... wrong with everything. But that hope was in vain. The leader did not address his lack of judgement by choosing Minnowfin... he neither argue to keep those Riverclanners around. Instead, he only spoke of Thunderclan's alliance with the Dark Forest, without even taking into account how much damage they had done to their family already.

Cinderflame's defeated pose quickly changed. Her hazel eyes shone with rage and betrayal after Stoatstar was over. "I don't give a fox-dung if Thunderclan gets stronger with the Dark Forest by our side. Can't you see they are hurting us?! How can we safe about cats who had been sent by our ancestors to rot and feel hunger for eternity because of their crimes?! Don't you think they would want payback anytime?" She hissed, ears flattened against her skull. With her tail low, flicking tensely from side to side, she approached the tom he called father with fury in her eyes. But behind that primal anger... she was heartbroken. How could Stoatstar really believe what he said? How could he not see what the Dark Forest had done with his own son, Softfall, and how scared the rest of her siblings are. "You're so blind by your fear that you can't see beyond what this Dark Forest 'strength' truly cost. I prefer to be dead instead of letting living-dead murderers and code-breakers poison my family and clan! I'M ASHAMED TO BE CALLED YOUR DAUGHTER!"

But Cinderflame herself was too, blinded by her emotions. After hissing those words, the small she-cat lifted her unsheathed right paw and swiped at her leader's chest. Only when her eyes met his in her attack did she truly realize what she was doing. Quickly, the young warrior jumped back, her paws trembling. White fur was still stuck in her paw and though no blood was visible, Cinderflame felt sick. I-I didn't mean to She thought silently, still processing what she had just done. This wasn't her... this wasn't what she wanted to be. Trembling, the molly lifted her head and fixed her eyes on Stoatstar. "I-I'm sorry... I-I can't stay here any longer, I can't let them infect me as well..."

As she yowled, a sharp pain shot through his chest. It jolted him in a way that nothing had for quite sometime. The sensation was jarring, agonizing. Rage budded up alongside hurt and confusion. After everything that he had poured into caring for the apprentices. This was his return? Although it felt like a fresh wound had been torn through his pelt, the leader pushed it aside. Slipping into anger was far easier and more comfortable. This had never been his default, much more Appledapple's style - but the sheer exhaustion had pushed him to unimaginable depths.

Unintentionally, Stoatstar's fur had prickled and his ears flattened. He bristled at her proclamation and ducked lower to the ground in a defensive position. The swipe from the warrior caused a snarl to rip from his chest. Other than his confrontation with Appledapple moons ago, this was the most anger he had ever shown. Normally it was bottled endlessly up inside, where no cat would ever see. But the overwhelming circumstances coupled with this moment were too much for the guise to last. His claws had unsheathed, not to attacked but to ground himself to the earth as he lashed back out with his tongue.

"Lucky for you, you're not my kit and never were." Stoatstar's eyes were slits and the hiss was scathing. Sense was lost for the moment, a rare thing for him in a lapse of control. Behind the little brown and white tom, his tail lashed. He straightened up, taking a few steps closer, "I guess it was always in your blood anyways. Run off like the rogue you are, Cinderflame. Call yourself a new name, find a new home. Thunderclan is beneath you." He spat and turned his back to stalk towards his nest. Settling back down on his haunches, the tom's sides heaved. Several seconds passed and his breathing began to slow.

It was only then that it washed over him what he had done, what he had said. Finding the she-cat's features, his expression fell slightly. Regret. Contemplating for only a mere moment, he came to a devastating realization - regardless of the blood running through their veins, the pair of them were terribly similar. Suffering together, from so far apart.

With each word, her expression shifted further and further. Her sharp, hazel eyes opened in shock when the tom she had called father not only disowned her but confessed the truth of her origins. When the leader approached hissing, the warrior didn't react at all. All she could do was look directly into those infuriated amber eyes and listen to her father and mentor call her... unworthy... a rogue who was never meant to be here in the first place. Cinderflame's world seemed to crumble and it was almost as if she could hear her heartbreak and sink inside her chest. All this time believing she was the orphaned kits of some Thunderclan warriors who were lucky enough to be adopted by Stoatstar and Appledapple... was it all a lie? She only believed so firmly in the code, thinking that she was a pure-blooded cat that couldn't allow the filth of outsiders and traitors to enter their clan. Oh, the irony!


As the leader made his way to his nest, Cinderflame's head dropped in defeat. The defiance that she once hold when she entered the den suddenly disappeared. The white fur on her claws made her flinch as she thought Is this why I was always so violent? So aggressive? Is it truly in my veins the rogue blood? Am I meant... to be a vicious cat like them?. Cinderflame closed her eyes, holding back the tears of anger, betrayal and frustration. She wanted to die, to disappear and to have never heard this awful truth. Stoatstar had never loved her... He only saw her and her siblings as some rogues he took pity on. That's why he didn't even care about the Dark Forest corrupting and hurting her family. She and her siblings weren't his family... How could they? The Thunderclan leader only saw them as some wild rogues. Maybe she was a savage rogue as he said and she was beneath the standards of the clan... However, the proud molly soon refused this idea. She remembered her training, how much she had hunted and fought for her clan. As a true warrior, the molly never turn away from a fight and embraced it with honour. Cinderflame defended the Code and was fearless when it came to defending it. That's why she was planning to run from the clan in the first place. He is wrong...

Infuriated, she cleaned her claws in the dirt behind her body. NO! I'm not a rogue! I'm who I am and I'm a warrior of this clan. I'm Appledapple's daughter and Thunderclan is my home. This is where I was raised. This clan shaped me to be the cat I am, not some rogues I never knew. And Stoatstar... The she-cat lifted her head and met the tom's gaze from the distance. In her anger and pain, she couldn't see how much he was suffering. "My name is Cinderflame and will always be because I'm a warrior of this clan. I. AM. NOT. A. ROGUE!" She hissed, her ears flattened against her skull and her eyes filled with tears. "You have no right to tell me whether I'm beneath Thunderclan or not, you mouse-heart. But I guess it will bring you joy knowing that this is the last you see of me. I hate you and I wait for the day you burn with the rest of the Dark Forest." Though she smiled sarcastically, the pain in her voice was obvious.

The proud she-cat didn't want him to see her break down, so she turned her body violently and ran away from the den. Without thinking, the young warrior kept running and running, leaving behind the camp. Cinderflame wanted to escape from the truth... she truly wanted this to be just a nightmare. But when the molly tripped on a branch and felt the pain on her cheek when her face hit the ground, the realization that this was in fact reality made her yowl in pain and frustration. She couldn't care less about the Dark Forest escort that now reached her side. The young warrior simply hid her head in her paws and her tail curled around her body. Why is this happening?