Lionpaw's Moonstone Journey

Primroselight's third apprentice was nearing warriorhood, and so that of course meant Muddythorn would take him to the moonstone. Lionpaw was also the tom's cousin, taken in by Ashstorm, even if they didn't know each other extremely well. The medicine cat was worried about falling out of touch with his clan, often missing out on group patrols and memories made from them, instead spending hours of his day holed up in the medicine den. That would be something he could change in time, and would very much like to.

The rain had pattered away through the night, but by now it had eased off in time for dawn, leaving only grey skies and slippery ground. Muddythorn woke the golden apprentice, forever careful not to disturb surrounding denmates. "Let's get going Lionpaw," He said quietly.

He pushed foul-tasting herbs towards him before they left, each apprentices' reaction similar and also and instant classic. "They stop you feeling hungry or tired, but sometimes I wonder if the taste's worth it." He jokingly explained. The sun wasn't fully in the sky yet as they left, but they wouldn't reach their destination until near moon high.

---

As the weather grew harsher each passing day, so did the journey. Even Muddythorn, who was used to the long walk, found it more difficult in the cold, so he felt endless pity for the apprentices he dragged with him each time. Still, they made it there in time, and the medicine cat led the way up the trail to mothermouth. He gave his usual talk at the top - "The tunnels are dark, so stay close behind me. When you reach the moonstone, lay down beside it and you will fall asleep quickly and then meet with Starclan. Whatever advice you need, they can give it to you." If only they were so direct with him at half-moon meetings.

It was finally time. It was an achingly long time for Lionpaw to be an apprentice. Although it was the normal length for cats to train, he had always hoped for something greater for himself. But alas, things never went as to how Lionpaw desired in life. Tonight, he would be dreaming with SkyClan and learning great things about his life and future. He could really make improvements now since StarClan was all-knowing and all. Dutifully, he swallowed the herbs given to him and joined Muddythorn on the great journey to Highstones. No complaints crossed his lips, he enjoyed the challenge and viewed it as a way for him to prove himself to his ancestors.

Lionpaw followed Muddythorn through the incredibly dark tunnels. Golden fur brushed rock as they snaked their way through the seemingly endless twists and turns. It was quiet here too, and the tom could hear the blood pounding in his ears from the nerves and excitement. When he did finally spot the Moonstone, his breath was taken away and it took nearly every ounce of control in him not to sprint to the rock and sleep. Gracefully, he did as he was told by the medicine cat and pressed his nose to the cool stone, instantly falling asleep.

When he woke, the familiar trees of SkyClan towered above him. Here though, they glittered with stars. Choosing to meet his starry guide with a sense of poise, Lionpaw took a seat. Shoulders back and head held proudly, he curled his tail over his paws and awaited the cat destined to meet him.

Flashstorm snorted as he saw the apprentice fixing his posture. Part of him thought it was funny, the other part knew that the posture was indicative of a bigger problem.

"What are you doing? Why are you sitting like.....that? Are you really trying to impress me, kit, or do you just think that highly of yourself?"

The large, ginger tom stepped into the open, letting his figure loom over the apprentice. His copper gaze was fixed in a blank stare as he took the apprentice in. "You look like you are about to break your back. You don't need to sit so high and mighty to get praise, you know. There are other ways of doing that. You just look like an arrogant rat right now. Let me tell you right now, kit, that is not going to help your Clan."

When the StarClan cat finally made himself known with such harsh words, he nearly recoiled as if he had been smacked by the StarClan warrior. "I was just trying to look respectable for you. That's all. It's just... what I see the Leaders do... How should I act? I just want to know what I'm doing wrong." It was true? Why hadn't anyone noticed him? Lionpaw shifted his posture, taking on a more natural stance to face whatever criticism this harsh cat had for him.

"You believe it is the way you look that makes you respectable, or the way you act? It is not. Respect comes from what you do for your Clan. Everything you do should be for your Clan. Not because you want to appear respectable, either. Appearance means nothing. Tell me, if you were to die right now, what would you think? That at least you died looking good? What about what the Clan sees when they think back on your life? That you gave everything for them, or that you gave everything for your image?"

Flashstorm fixated the apprentice with a cold stare. "You wanna know how I died? I fell out of a tree. I know, ironic for a SkyClan cat. But I am not ashamed. The Clan isn't telling my story through the generations. But they know I would have gone great lengths, fighting with only them in mind, not myself. My father is still alive, you know? He's an elder, now. Foxfire. Why don't you ask him about me? Tell him Flashstorm sent ya."

Lionpaw felt dejected. Nobody ever really saw who he was, how hard he was trying. Not even Starclan. "I try to do that through actions, too. I fought off a coyote and a rogue at the same time... I almost died for SkyClan, I didn't hesitate. I promise I'm trying, it just feels like nobody would care if I died. My whole family is already dead." Just an inch of recognition. A sliver. All he needed to know he wasn't trash. That SkyClan needed him.

"And what relationships have you formed? It seems as though all you care about is what you accomplish. You want cats to care so badly? Give them a reason to care. Be a friend, a mate, or a father. Family isn't just what you are born with. Or do you have a death wish just to show the Clan how great you are? You say you are trying, but who, in the end, is it all for? Because it sounds as though your main concern is making a name for yourself."

He was growing frustrated with this cat. There was still so much he just was not seeing. Eventually, he would have to drill it into his brain.

Why did this StarClan cat hate him so much? Why did SkyClan hate him so much? How could he be a father as apprentice, as a mate as an apprentice? No matter what he did, it was never good enough for SkyClan. And now for StarClan? He had... Friends but he was never the first choice. Maybe this cat was right. But how could he? How could cats appreciate someone lazy and not doing anything for the clan to sit around and talk? "You don't get it. You said yourself you had a father your entire life. I've been alone since the nursery. Everyone else was accepted by their family. They hang out with their family, and they forget about me. I have friends, but they prefer their blood over me. You wouldn't get it. You had blood! How can you tell me it's so easy! I have tried every way you have said!"

"I had it easy?! I was born when Asylum took over the Clans. I had to sit back and watch as Dawnhawk kept every Clan cat on a leash, he mentored my brother, because keeping one of my littermates close was an easy way of keeping me under control. If I was to do anything, he could kill my brother. This was a cat that beat all 3 of my siblings in a battle single pawed. We tried everything we could. We didn't have time to worry about if we were respectable, because 1 wrong move and we could have lost it all. You tell me who had it easy."

OOC: Short post cuz I am about to leave

His eyes turned just as hard as the StarClan's cat. This, this was his message? How he was supposed to live his life by? These, these were the cats they were to follow? Supposed to give thanks to? Supposed to look to as guides on how to live life, to revere? All he is seeing in front of him is a cat that didn't realize what he had, and everything was being taken out on him. "So you had brothers. A father. A father you had your whole life. You had a support system, you had cats who loved you and cared for you if you lived or died. I want to wake up. This is a waste of time. This is a joke." He meant it. This was disastrous and soul-shattering. His whole life he worked to make StarClan proud, Bloodstar proud. If this is how StarClan was, it was all a lie. He was furious.

Not sure what to do, how to wake up, Lionpaw turned and ran. The second he made three steps, he found himself back at the Moonstone. His bones ached with the cold, but his heart and soul did too. He padded over to Muddythorn on angry paws. "Muddythorn, I want to go. And I never want to come back." Tone angry, and voice not more than a contained growl, it was clear something was wrong.