Rat Sinking in Marshlands (closed)

Marshmallow felt a bit lost. Every single day. The same thing. She wasn't happy. If Loudnose wasn't hurt, maybe she would've had a little more fun watching him get himself into... situations. Because his own stupidity wasn't her fault. Murkystar never even asked for her side of the story, she was defending camp in the battle! Isn't that what the leader wanted from her?- Focus on being a good warrior. Maybe Murkystar could actually see how hard I'm trying if I just do the same boring things everyone else does... It was almost as if the voice in her head was mocking her. She looked around camp. Another cat to sink her claws in, figuratively, of course. Someone who she could just... Make, understand.

Eyes glancing over the groups of different cats, she noticed a dark tabby. Ratrunner. Probably still sulking over his... Their... Grandmother's death. Get over it already, loser. She rolled her eyes at the darker shape. Huh, probably would be a good... Target? She couldn't think of any other word. My grandmothers death... Sad? Not really. Disgusting? Yes, definitely. Those rouges wearing cat pelts will haunt me for moons. Quietly, she made her way over, two frogs in her jaws in the hope that Ratrunner hadn't eaten yet. "Hi, Ratrunner. We're cousins, though... We haven't talked, have we? Feels like we ought to, especially after what happened with Amberdawn..." She felt the fur rise along her back and almost cringed at the thought of cat pelts across dirty rogues' backs. Eyurk..

Ratrunner stood among the mingling cats, feeling somewhat out of place. It was early in the night — the warmth of day still lingering — and the Clan was just waking. Early hunters had left, but the rest were greeting each other, readying themselves for the night. He considered joining the lone hunters, but felt... uncomfortable, going out alone.

Ratrunner glanced around at the soft mews and brushing pelts. But I don’t know if I want to stay here.

Talking to others — outside of duties — still made him feel stretched too thin. Part of it, maybe, was that Ratrunner had never been overly social. But he’d never felt so… exhausted before, either. Not around my clanmates. It felt a kind of soul-exhaustion, though. With a small sigh, Ratrunner was considering returning to his nest… or maybe finding an empty corner to wait for a while. That is, until he heard a mew, and his name.

The voice was familiar and female, of course — but not toward him. The small black tom turned sharply, and came to face a molly who looked like himself. (Or, perhaps, like Ratrunner’s mother: Marshmallow’s aunt.)

Her fur was a stark black — much like their family’s — softened by patches of white. She was taller, perhaps, but Ratrunner recognized the leanness of form was the same, as were the slant of their eyes — the shape of their ears.

He flinched, ever so slightly, at his cousin’s greeting.

We never spoke much. But then he straightened — thinking of Amberdawn — and nodded slightly. Part of him wanted to say no (he wasn’t sure he wanted to talk to anyone), but…

“We should,” Ratrunner mewed, feeling suddenly fragile. But Amberdawn was her kin, too. And the molly seemed to feel it; she’d even brought prey. He attempted a tired, but genuine smile. “You’re right. Thank you, Marshmallow.”

Gesturing to a place a distance away from the others, Ratrunner moved and sat, tail over his paws. Once Marshmallow had, he shifted. “I’m… not sure why we aren’t close. You were older than me, and always seemed busy,” he admitted, and remembered being shy and quiet… bothering his cousin always felt too intimidating, as nice as she seemed. “But I would like to get to know you. Amberdawn always wanted me to. And… family is important.”

It almost made him want to cry. ”I just can’t believe she’s gone,” he said softly. Then he shook his head, sharply, and looked her in the eyes. “I’m sorry. Are you okay? After everything... And I know Murkystar has had you working hard.”

Marshmallow's eyes saw a huddled shape, haunted by a death. Ratrunner seemed to be forcing out words, like they were rocks trapped in his throat. (And she didn't want to think about a cat coughing out rocks anymore). He smiled at her, somewhat forced, by the look on his face, but mostly genuine, as far as she could tell.

The black and white she-cat padded over to sit with her cousin. She dropped the two frogs, pushing one closer to Ratrunner with a black paw, and listened while she ate her own. "Oh, Ratrunner..." She smiled, maybe she was a little busy, but why would that matter? "I'm.. Not too sure why, either, I'm always willing to meet new... friends." She felt her tone deepen and made an effort to lift it. "But, whenever I saw you, I just... Didn't think you'd even want to see me." Maybe... I just didn't have any plans for you, you didn't seem too... weak... or easily influenced. She studied the tom. He looked like he was seconds from breaking down in tears.

"She was..." Wait, I don't know my grandmother that well, the last time we spoke she told me to respect my mother and my mother is a butt so... "Great... Starclan took her too soon." I'm the best at this... She thought sarcastically, almost having to stop herself from giggling. Her eyes didn't show it, though, but maybe the subtle twitching of her tail tip did, even then it could be mistaken for many other emotions that would've been... better..? For the moment. "I've been doing fine. Mostly." Something swirled in her stomach, something she hadn't really felt before. She didn't exactly enjoy it, either.

"I think Murkystar still blames me for what happened to Loudnose... But... I was a younger warrior then, I thought he had a good idea, and-" She cut herself off.

I shouldn't do that. I shouldn't say that.