reluctant growth [closed]

The sun had begun to set but their day was far from over. With all of the day's duties wrapped and settling down, there was one more thing on Stoatstar's agenda: Mintpaw. It was not that he did not believe Minnowfin was incapable of mentoring his own apprentice but the leader was constantly thinking of ways to improve things for all of his clanmates. He was invest, more than he would ever let on, and it showed in the way his paws constantly moved. An apprentice had even told him to rest, taking note of his inability to sit still. But he would not name a warrior until he was certain they were ready for the responsibility. That was why he had called the former Riverclan apprentice here - to help prepare her for the position she would eventually take up, the duty that was to come. And it was deeper than that of other apprentices.

"I imagine you're tired after today but I want to train with you as well. Tell me, what are your weakness?" Stoatstar asked as soon as they stopped, a short distance from his destination of sunningrocks. Twitching his whiskers slightly, he amended it, "I mean, what would you say you feel the most insecure about when it comes to your abilities? If you're not sure, we're going to find them together, and figure out how to improve them. For me, it used to be my size and my tendency to overthink but now I use those to my advantage." He'd been a tad blunt, more distant than he intended to be but to the point. Internally, he grumbled at the way Minkstar's voice chastised him, told him to be more honest and say the things dwelling in the back of his mind.

"Look, kit, it has to be said so I have to be honest with you. I might not have wanted you in Thunderclan because my priority is to the clan I care for. But you're a part of the clan now and I want to see you thrive like all the rest of our clanmates. I guess you need to know that. I'm going to do what I can, okay? So that's what we're doing here." It almost felt freeing to say what was an obvious subtext to their entire relationship, calling it forward in a way contrary to who he'd been - and even who he still was. Stoatstar didn't like it, particularly, and he felt it a waste of time in a sense. But if this would help to bridge something in their relationship and in turn accomplish his goals of keeping the clan safe - so be it. He stared at her, waiting for an answer, and looking as uncomfortable as possible given the circumstances.

Mintpaw kept her eyes on Stoatstar, trying not to seem as nervous as she felt. Or as exhausted. She’d hoped for Flurry or Pebble by her side, at least; a comforting presence, and to help steady her gradually worsening limp. But no: Stoatstar wanted her alone. And thoughts of why had anxiety pricking along her spine.

The uncomfortable possibilities swam in her gut, but one stood out the most. He wants information about Riverclan. Doesn’t he?

Stoatstar seemed like a shrewd leader, and Riverclan and Thunderclan were, currently and anciently, enemies. It was… partially why Mom chose this Clan, wasn’t it? Because they were unlikely to give them up, even if they turned them away? Nothing of the sort had been alluded, but… when she thought about it, it made sense — wheras nothing else had. Fish-brain… Of course they were going to ask! It’s not like you’re… you’re good for much anything else.

And… was that why Minnowfin was so friendly? Because he thinks I’ve already betrayed my birth Clan? Though not pretending she didn’t come from Riverclan, he never even hinted at doubt to her loyalty. Mintpaw couldn’t help the pang of hurt, even if she shouldn’t.

The thought of being questioned for secrets — not that she’d know what those would be — made her swallow. She thought of Darkpaw, and Hollyleaf; Grandpa Snowdash. But… this was their Clan now. It would be treason to hint at disloyalty. Her heart clenched. No. I can’t care about them anymore.

Understanding hit her like falling water, one thought after another. It wasn’t hard to see that Flurrypaw would bloody Stoatstar’s face before giving him anything. Pebblepaw... was too kind. No one could ask Pebble that. And Mom — who should be the one here — was mute; understanding her signs would be laborious. And probably frustrating for Stoatstar; it was for most cats except them. Which left…

“Me,” she whispered, feeling like a caught mouse, dangling from claws. She shivered, but in the midst of her panic at what she could even say — would it be useful enough?! — she reasoned that it had to be worth it. I have to.

Mintpaw had been thinking about it all, since Stoatstar had first made her. When they fled she had thought of nothing but their mom; her littermates. But… Abandoning Riverclan, when the stink of fish would eventually draw dogs… the young molly didn’t understand everything, but she got what it meant. We’re leaving Riverclan to die.

If Mom was right.

So… what does it matter if I tell them how to find camp? In comparison to that, nothing. But Mintpaw didn’t think her littermates… really understood that.

By the time Stoatstar slowed, and turned to face her, she was pale and feeling sick to her stomach. But she was prepared to tell him whatever he wanted. As long as he lets us stay. She resisted tears of stress, trying to be strong. It wasn’t a big deal, was it?

And then he began asking about her weakness. For… for training?

She was shocked enough to hold her tongue. The admission that he didn’t want them here made her flinch — but she knew that, she did. And yet.. she heard him, and the words made sense. Stoatstar considered her a part of their Clan?

“Oh,” she said softly, relief crashing over her. She wanted to be Thunderclan. “I... thank you. That makes sense. I just... thought you were gonna say something else.” But then the longer the moment lingered, the more she felt she needed to add, “I thought... you wanted to ask me about Riverclan. And I can tell you, if — if you want. I was mostly a kit, but I notice a lot.”

He'd been prepared for a response, ready for the she-cat to state the obvious but perhaps also illuminate him with other areas of inadequacy. Stoatstar was ready to work on training her up into a fine warrior. It was his mission, his duty, to strengthen every individual of his clan. Perhaps it appeared as merely the burden of a leader but it went deeper than that, rooted in his hidden care for every cat underneath his watch. Even if Mintpaw was born in Riverclan, he'd vowed to treat her no differently, and that would be true from now until one of them went to join Starclan. Already he'd begun to form strategies in his mind but all of them fell to the back of his thoughts as she spoke.

His head tipped and confusion crossed his features. She thought he was going to ask her about Riverclan? Sometimes the thoughts of other cats baffled him. Stoatstar liked to know everything he could about the ways of the world, how the forest functioned, the habits of both predator and prey... but other cats always proved themselves to be a mystery. It was for this reason that the normally composed tom found himself standing before and apprentice looking baffled. He stared at her with confused orange eyes and a curious expression across his maw. After a moment, the leader's whiskers began to twitched and he let out a low laugh.

"No, no. What would you tell me? How to make a reed nest? I hate to break it to you, but we don't have many reeds around here. Besides, I don't care about any of that. I care about making you into a Thunderclan warrior." Stoatstar shook his head slightly, an unintentional emphasis. The laughter died away and he get grew a tad more focused once again, "So, how about it then? Let's tackle your weaknesses head on and make you a real threat to the forest, hm?" He couldn't get over her remarks but he had to. The more he thought about it, Mintpaw had made a genuinely kind offer, albeit a surprising one. But he wouldn't put her in that position, never even thought about it - there was little to gain, and plenty to lose.

Mintpaw’s nerves coiled dangerously as Stoatstar didn’t respond; he just stared at her. For such a diminutive tom, he had an imposing presence: though physically towering over him, even as an apprentice, Mintpaw didn’t even think of it. She only stilled, all awkward limbs and worried eyes... and then he laughed.

She actually jolted when he did so. Flinched, her lucky paw curling to her chest. But then Thunderclan’s leader shook his head. And... no? Oh.

Mintpaw thought she should feel embarrassed... he said no because the idea of her knowing anything was silly. And besides that, he didn’t even care! She could’ve felt mouse-brained, but she mostly felt relieved, tension falling from her shoulders. “...I wasn’t the one good at making reed nests, anyway, so I couldn’t tell you that either,” she mewed without thinking.

Mintpaw did blush then, though. (It was true!) But then felt she had to explain, moving her turned paw, “It doesn’t bend very well.”

She looked at him, then, thinking of ‘weaknesses’. Stoatstar brushed forward over the Riverclan topic, and it was clear he hadn’t meant to bring it up anyway... He really meant to train me... and help me with my paw?

“So you never meant to send us away,” Mintpaw said instead of answering his question, the ’after Minkstar died’ passing unsaid— as if wanting to confirm for certain. He’d said, but… She met his eyes still, searching. Satisfied, she averted her eyes gratefully. “Thank you. I want to be made into a good Thunderclan warrior, too.”

Which... left ‘weaknesses’. “And I do. Um, want to ‘tackle my weaknesses head on’. Where do we start?” She found herself actually thinking on it. “I… guess my biggest weakness is being unsteady. It’s not just my paw, though. Sometimes I just feel weak.”

It’d been like that all her life, though.

As she meowed a response about the nests remark, there was a flicker of a smirk across his maw, finding humor in the peculiar scenario. And then it was on to what they had come out here for. When Mintpaw spoke, his ears perked and he listened to everything that she had to say. Eyes slowly dropped from her expression and down to her paw as she mentioned it. He wondered if when Dovefrost returned if there was anything that the medicine cat could do about it. The apprentice mentioned weakness too and he hummed softly with thought. This would not be an easy thing to tackle but he was determined.

'So you never meant to send us away.'

Stoatstar's eyes flickered up at her words and he responded quickly. The words were certain, almost dismissive as if it weren't anything worth entertaining, "No." He hardly though about it. Other cats might have argued back and forth on whether Riverclan cats should be trained within their clan. But none of that mattered. It was said and done, all they could do was move forward and work together for the betterment of everyone. The leader wasn't focused on trying to change the past but rather how to amend things going forward. Even if he had not said it, probably never would, he wanted to see Mintpaw do well.

"Okay so unsteady, doesn't bend well, weak..." He muttered softly and began to step a few paces as he thought. Clearly, they couldn't just ignore the condition of her paw. There was a high potential that repeated use would worsen the scenario. But having Mintpaw strengthen only her other three legs would mean she was still having to deal with an extra limb in battle, that wouldn't make sense. If they were to be successful he needed to think harder, "Can you put a solid amount of weight on it? Does it give you lots of pain?" Something had occurred to the little brown and white tom as contemplated a solution. Maybe they didn't need to make it bend.

Mintpaw let herself calm as Stoatstar went quiet in thought. But not… about Riverclan, or her family’s place in his clan. About how he can help me. Mintpaw found her shoulders relaxing at that, and even felt a tingle of hope.

As a kit and so far, her paw hadn’t been a great burden (or maybe she never thought of it as one.) It ached in the cold and after long walks. She got annoyed, maybe, when it did; she was sure Pebble did with his dizzy, sometimes. But we had had bigger things to worry about. Like...... their mom’s steadily declining health. But Swanmist wasn’t so dangerously thin anymore. And now I need to think of myself too.

The small tom paced, murmuring to himself as he thought. Her ear flicked curiously, feeling strangely trusting. Mintpaw had not seen cats with a paw like hers, but perhaps Stoatstar had. And if there was something they did differently. When Thunderclan’s leader stopped to look at her next, she nodded and put her weight gently to her right side.

It held, of course. It felt normal. But in comparison to her left… “I can,” she replied, then her brows furrowed; she knew that. It was hard to walk without using it. “And right now, no, there’s no pain. It… does get sore and start hurting, but after a day’s hunt or a long patrol, or if I really land hard on it.

“It’s a pain I can walk with,” she clarified, her tail curling around her paws. “But I was told not to put much weight on it, if I could. When it got like that, I mean. Clo— my old medicine cat, she told me to always be gentle with it.”

"Hmmm." Stoatstar paused and nodded slightly as the she-cat spoke. The leader's thoughts churned. It was good that she generally was not in much pain but hearing about the aching and the jarring... along with a medicine cat recommending she not use it. None of that would do in a battle. There would be trying times beyond her physical capability, as there were for any cat, but he wanted to minimize how easy it would become. It briefly occurred to him that if anything ever happened to this she-cat because he'd made her a warrior before making sure she could handle it, well, he would never forgive himself. She needed support to reach her potential.

Support! That was it. He quickly turned and padded toward her pad, not even considering how shocking it might have been the way that he rushed at her. Without a word, the little tom used his own pads to pick up hers, studying it closer and gently moving the joint. Stoatstar was no medicine cat but he'd picked up on a thing or too. Logic and problem solving had become a first nature for him. Straightening the paw, he placed it back on the ground and put his pads on each side. Straight and sturdy. As soon as he moved away, it would go back into place but if there was a way to hold it, then Mintpaw would be able to maneuver herself without worry. At least in theory.

For a moment, the tom had been so engrossed in his own thoughts that he'd forgotten the rest of the conversation. He looked up and saw Mintpaw, blinking slowly as if he didn't remember she was standing there, attached to her own paw. Stoatstar shook himself slightly and took a step back as his ears heated slightly, "Support. If we can support your paw so you don't have to worry about it moving, then you should be able to use it almost fully functionally. Twisting it would be impossible or doing anything fancy but theoretically it would reduce the pain and prevent you from injuring yourself. I'll have to talk to Dovefrost. We'll be able to figure something out."

Confidence brimmed from the leader at his own idea. He nodded in satisfaction and offered her an encouraging grin, "I bet you'll shock the other clans with your skill."