catching up [c]

Ever since she had become a warrior, Daystar had only trained one apprentice. It was an experience that she enjoyed, and it was an honor to see Silverlight grow into a warrior that both she and WindClan could be proud of. The two of them hadn't spoken in a while, though. She was still dedicated to her quest to connect with her Clanmates, and that included Silverlight. She wondered how he was doing. His mother had made the sudden decision to step down, after all. If it had been Daystar's kin in that position, then she would've been concerned as well. Everyone in WindClan held a bit of anger or sadness in their heart, and whether they chose to share it with others or keep it hidden, it was going to remain there until the situation was completely cleared.

The only problem was that Daystar was unsure when the situation would be cleared. The switch in power had been smooth and seamless, but that didn't mean that what followed would be smooth and seamless as well. She waited that day until she was sure that Silverlight wasn't busy with other matters before approaching the tom with a calm smile on her maw.
"I don't think we've spoken in a while, Silverlight." The she-cat commented as she approached him.
"Is now a good time to chat? I can find you later if you're busy."

Burying himself in chores, specifically hunting, was the way he dealt with his conflicting emotions... actually, it was the only way he knew how, other than just talking to someone of course. He hadn't done much of the latter as of lately though. Only warm yet quick greetings to his fellow clanmates and a few slightly longer words exchanged with Goldenfang had been fulfilling enough. After his mother stepped down from her position as leader, he'd somewhat closed himself off from his clanmates. He longed for... something... but that something was out of his reach. He hadn't interacted much with the rest of his family, a bit hesitant to disturb their lives with his melancholy state. They didn't need that extra burden. They already went through so much. That's why he built up this façade. There was no need to worry them. He needed to try harder for his clan, for himself. Perhaps that would soothe him enough to let his old self out from where he'd holed him up.

The young warrior was shaken away from his thoughts and away from his current task by the familiar voice of his past mentor that turned leader. He dropped the moss he was carrying and turned to address the she-cat. "Oh hey, Daystar! No we haven't and I feel bad about that. Guess I've just been busy." he said with a guilty look in his eyes and an apologetic shrug. He then attempted to return her smile but unfortunately fell kind of short. Ah well. He was trying his best. "Now's a good time actually. I was just going to drop off this water-soaked moss for Smallbean and I should be finished with my camp chores for the day. I'll be right back." He picked up the moss and rushed over to the medicine cat's den and quickly dropped off his cargo inside where he thought it was safest. He hurried back with a small yet noticeable spring in his step. Helping around the camp usually made him feel good. Thankfully, he was now in a much better mood. This should make it easier for him to talk to Daystar.

"Alright. I'm back! Did ya have anything in particular you wanted to talk about?" he asked the leader as he tilted his head slightly, lopsided smile easily taking residence on his maw.

"Oh, no need to feel bad. I've been a bit busy myself." Daystar replied with a smile.
She quietly waited as Silverlight padded away to drop the moss off in the medicine den. As he did so, she began to think. She couldn't recall a time that she had even seen Silverlight down before. Her former apprentice was known to be optimistic, extroverted, and cheerful, but Daystar knew that it was practically impossible for a cat to be like that all the time. The faintest of frowns passed across her face as she began to worry, but perhaps it was nothing. There was always a chance that she was partaking in a habit that had followed her since kithood: overthinking.

When the tom returned, the leader flicked her tail around so that it wrapped around her functioning paws. She decided to approach this as delicately as possible and give Silverlight the chance to open up on his own before she made another attempt to draw it out of him.
"Well, I just wanted to talk about you. Y'know, like, how you're feeling and stuff. Anything been on your mind lately?" She asked in a gentle tone.
She cared about her former apprentice, and she would be distraught if he was suffering right under her nose.

She wanted to talk about him? A sudden wave of nervous energy flowed into him but he attempted to quell it as soon as he felt it settle. He needed to smother it down until it was no more. He needed to stop worrying so much. There was no need to shy away from Daystar. She'd been his former mentor for StarClan's sake! Her reaching out is a great way for him to expel his sadness from his mind for good... well... hopefully. She was here, ready to listen and it was best to not keep things from her if he wanted to slowly start to heal. He ached to be who he used to be.

The mask he'd put on slowly slipped away as he sighed, shoulders sagging and eyes drooping. He must look like a pathetic sight, the opposite of how he used to act. It was stressful to constantly have to keep himself so motivated and cheery. "A lot's been on my mind I guess. Haven't been feeling like myself lately. Don't remember when it started exactly but the last moon didn't really help at all. I guess watching everything I came to know slowly start to shrivel away drained me..." The young warrior sat down and looked at the she-cat straight on. "I suppose my mom's been mostly on my mind. She's made so many mistakes these past few moons and all the stress and guilt she felt finally caught up to her. When she stepped down, I already had a hunch prior that she'd do it but that didn't make it hurt any less. I worry for her, for my other mom too. I... I just don't want anyone to hate her. She doesn't deserve to feel even more guilt. She's already felt the consequences." His mother's retirement had affected him much more than he initially thought. He'd somehow hid it from even himself. "The last Gathering proved that she was no longer fit to lead  the clan. I'm thankful that you stepped up to help my mother. I should've taken more time to talk with her. I was selfish and only kept to myself. I should've been there for her... but I wasn't. Now that you're leader, I don't want to make the same mistakes again. I want to be useful and help however way I can. That's why I've been even more focused on my chores and improving my skills. I want to be there for you, for the clan. I don't want to just sit back and let others manage everything like I did before. I can't let that happen again Daystar. I need to be better." The warrior shook his head in determination. No, never again. He needed to be stronger, strong enough to reduce the chance of him being caught off guard again.

It truly did pain Daystar to know that Silverlight was hurting. She pricked her ears and remained silent as the tom continued to speak. She had never seen him this down before, and it was a sight that the she-cat didn't want to get used to, and she was determined to try her best to cheer him up.

"Your mother is extremely brave," She began, softly making eye contact with Silverlight, "and courageous. Far more courageous than me, I think. The Clan might have doubted her decisions, but we never hated her. I think that stepping down was the healthiest thing that she could do. It would've been even worse for WindClan and herself if she stayed in power and let the stress eat away at her heart. You can't blame yourself for her actions. None of this was your fault, I promise."
She let out a quiet sigh as she thought back on the previous moons that Lilacstar had led WindClan through. It hadn't dawned upon her that there were multiple other cats that felt responsible for everything that had happened. She and Ashfall weren't the only ones blaming themselves.

"You can be useful to me by trying your best... that's really all I want from everyone. I want everyone in WindClan to come together so that we can push through this, but I don't want you to push yourself too hard. You're already an amazing warrior and you were an amazing apprentice, too. I couldn't ask of any more from you." Daystar's voice was soft and sincere and her eyes held kindness.