Child of Mine [Closed]

Sundown had long since passed. Most of WindClan slept soundly to the gentle chorus of cricket song and breeze-blown grass. Deerhawk stretched his legs far in front of him from his spot guarding the camp’s entrance, gazing at the half-moon as it slowly moved across the sky high above. It was about time his shift was over. With joints he’d never admit creaked, he stood and padded towards the sleeping warriors to nudge the next guard awake. For a moment he thought of immediately going to bed, to lay in the nest he shared with Heatherrain, but he caught the nursery in the corner of his eye. Perhaps he could see them before he turned in for the night. His tired paws took him there to peer inside, to see five tiny kittens laying at their mother’s belly. His grandchildren. They were perfect little things, breathing softly and letting out quiet mews every once in a while. He gazed at them, eyes soft and heart warm, before noticing that there were eyes on him as well. Tawnyflare was awake.

“Oh. I’m sorry, I did not mean to wake you.” His voice came low and barely audible. Surely his daughter was having enough trouble sleeping as it was; he should’ve stepped with a bit more care.

Tawnyflare had not slept yet that night. She was finding it increasingly difficult to get comfortable with tiny bodies at her stomach. It was so awkward, she didn't want to move much in fear of crushing the weak creatures, and it made it increasingly difficult. She even tried separating herself, draping her fox pelt over the kits so they would remain warm, but that only ended with them crying. And the more time she spent trying to actually be a good mom, the more irritated she grew with the kits as her life seemed to be put on halt.

Then she noticed that a cat had come to stand at the entrance of the nursery, and as she turned her gaze to meet his, she recognized the tom as her father. She watched him in silence, until he seemed to notice her staring and immediately apologized. In response, the calico simply shook her head. "It's alright, I was already awake. Can't really sleep. Uh, did you need something? Did you want to come in and meet them, or were you just planning to just stand there?" Honestly, she was not quite sure what to say. She felt so awkward around the family she had been born to. This was her father, but not the tom that raised her. Iniko had done that. And despite the anger she felt towards Asylum, she did still sort of view them as her family. She hardly even knew the cat who stood before her now, aside from his name and the fact that they shared blood.

"I came to see them." With his head bent to accommodate the den entrance, he stepped inside, sitting across from Tawnyflare. How discomforting the emotional distance was that he could not sit closer, as other families did. He wanted to be family to her, to her kits, and to her sister still so far away. Was the only constraint time itself?

He gazed at the kits, eyes perhaps a little tired, before murmuring. "The last time I was in here was after you and your sister were born. I stayed so much they kicked me out at one point. Something about taking up too much space." He gave an almost nostalgic smile. Deerhawk then looked up at his daughter. "You aren't the type to like being cooped up like this, are you? Both Heatherrain and I would be more than happy to watch them for you at any time. She and I - we didn't get the chance to take care of you and your sisters, so don't be afraid to ask." Was that a slip of the tongue? He hardly noticed it - all too busy watching the kittens dream and trying not to fall asleep himself.

"Sisters? As in, I had more sisters? I thought it was only me and Bri-er, Henkit. Was....was there more of us?" More family that she had been stripped away from... Where were they now? Had they also been taken? She supposed it was possible they were brought somewhere else? Asylum was big, after all. She looked down at her own kits, eyes landing on one in particular. One that brought a smile to her face every single time.

"I named this one after her, you know. Henkit, I mean. I guess I could have named her Brickkit, but I doubt the rest of the Clan would have liked that very much/" She chuckled at her own joke, before moving on to introduce the others. "And this little one is Rabbitkit. He had a habit of kicking me, so it seemed pretty fitting. And these are Bearkit, Sootkit, and Timberkit. Uh, Fawnstep named those ones.... I guess I like meaning behind my names. Never even realized I could be sentimental. I guess I always just had so much to prove, when everyone is either expecting you to do great things, or they will hate you no matter what you do..."

With a sigh, she decided to change the subject, instead waving her father over with her tail. "You can come closer, you know, it's not like I will break if you so much as breathe on me. You're family, you don't have to be so distant." She gave him a bit of a welcoming smile. It was nice, being able to open up to her father like this. And since he was here, there was something that she needed to say. "I don't blame you for what happened, you know. You or Heatherrain. I'm sure you both did all you could do, after I was taken. I mean, none of the kits had been found, there was nothing you could have done. But, if it is alright with you, I don't want us to be so distant. I know I can't expect everything to go back to normal, and I know you are trying, but I want us to be a family. Like we should have been before Asylum ruined everything."

His mouth opened and closed at her question, taken aback. A spring of guilt welled up into his mind. She didn't have to know about her - she didn't need any more loss - but he just couldn't say the right thing at the right time, could he? He was briefly distracted however, as she told him each kitten's name. "They have wonderful names. I'm sure they'll be happy to know you put that thought into it, once they're old enough to ask. And they'll be safe here. No one would be so bold to try taking WindClan kits again and subject them to what you, your sister, and the other missing kits went through." His voice, while still quiet, was filled with solid determination. Never, ever again would they go through that pain.

Moved by his daughter's words, he took up her offer and sat closer, close enough to gently touch the kits with his front paws. "Learning that you had been so close by for all this time... If the Asylum hadn't enforced the barriers so heavily we could've..." He shook his head. The past couldn't be changed. "But you're here now. And that's all that matters." He'd spent so much time trying to accept the fact that she and, er, Brick, were dead, that he wasn't quite sure how to start a relationship now after so much time.

There was a long silence as he struggled again to tell what happened to their sister, and he sighed before his eyes landed on little Henkit. His pumpkin orange eyes glowed warmly. "You know, we chose the name Henkit because she had a habit of laying on top of you and your other sister. Like a mother hen. And your mother named you after a dear friend who passed a long time ago." Now... now was the hard part. It still hurt to think of his last daughter. "Neither me nor your mother had ever had children before or since you three came into the world. There was only one other sibling besides you and Brick. Her name was Spiderkit. You three were like pea.s in a pod, all cute little tortoiseshells like your mother." He could remember them playing together, all oh-so-little and clumsy. But, like the events afterwards, that nostalgia quickly withered.

"Spiderkit was left behind when you two were taken. As for why, I couldn't begin to guess. It could've been some sort of mercy, or a way to seem less suspicious, or something else. But a moon after you two disappeared she," he spoke almost too softly to hear, voice beginning to waver, "She caught greencough. Softbreeze and Smallbean did what they could for her, but she was too young. She wasn't strong enough yet to fight it off. She went to sleep for the last time before the Asylum even announced their presence." Would she have lived, if the Asylum had taken her too? That dark thought plagued him - that perhaps the Asylum could have inadvertently spared he and his mate that heartbreak if they'd taken Spiderkit too. Then, perhaps, they could be a complete family here and now.

Despite her tiredness, Tawnyflare could not help but smile at the thought of her sister acting like a mother hen. It fit, too. Brick was never the smartest, but she was the most loyal, caring, and loving cat she had ever known. The one cat who had always stayed right by her side until the end. It was sort of bittersweet, their relationship, since whenever she thought of Brick, she was always reminded that she wasn't here. Not with her.

Then another name was mentioned. Spiderkit. She hardly got to live her life, and Tawnyflare never had the chance to know her. Not even thinking now, although she certainly wouldn't feel bad about doing this, she leaned over, pressing her head against her father's shoulder. "I'm here now. And I won't leave you. Not again. I promise. I love you, dad."