Can't Turn Back Time, But.... [closed]

Minkstar padded across the camp's clearing, the sun overhead blazing on his fur in the warmth of late New-leaf. A few cats seemed to be taking advantage of the clear patches shining down to soak it up: warriors, apprentices, and... queens. He took in a deep breath and let it out silently, discretely dodging a pair of shrieking kits with a smile, his gaze flicking up again to a specific pelt. Maybe later he could play with ThunderClan's newest gang of rascals, but right now he was after someone slightly different. Though it's not like I still have any idea what I can say.... On the other paw, at least I've finally remembered. What he'd do without Bat....

He stopped a tail-length or so away, resisting the urge to let his paws shift on the sand underneath him, instead keeping his stance firm but non-confrontational. He wasn't a bashful apprentice anymore. "Waterlily?"

Waterlily let all her kits out to enjoy the sun, expecting that they would be more well behaved then they were a week ago.  She had kept them in the nursery, unable to explorer camp, because she was afraid that if one of them tried to sneak out again, they may succeed.  It was supposed to be a punishment for them, but it quickly turned into a punishment for her, so that was honestly the main reason she let them explorer on this nice warm day of camp.  She could tell that she wasn't the only one keeping an eye on them, a lot of the clan knew what trouble makers they were.  She understood that all kits have their own personality, but why did all five of them have to be like this.

Finally she was able to rest in the sun.  Just letting the heat hit her short dark fur as she lay there.  But, like always, she couldn't get that much rest without someone interrupting her from it.  Most of the times it was her kits, but she guessed that they must have started rubbing off on the leader too.  So, the leader came up to her and made her talk to them, a leader that she was pretty much trying to avoid since her warriors ceremony.  Still, no matter what, she was a member of Thunderclan and this was her leader, so she would be respectful towards him.

"Minkstream?"  She responded.  "What do you want?"  After she said that, she realized that it may have sounded snippy, but she really didn't mean in like that.

Minkstream.... There was a degree of fondness he still attached to that name - his name - the memory of a sweet-natured queen who had had to deal with her own fair share of kit-raising, and the drama that came with it, surrounding the word. He couldn't blame Waterlily for the slightly sharp tone, wariness in the look she gave him, but he knew better than to take it too personally. The tiredness in her eyes was a familiar one, a look that often haunted the gazes of mothers who had to raise screaming geese in kit pelts. This was probably not the best time, but... Knowing the business of raising kits, I don't think there'll ever be.

He sat down, tucking his forepaws underneath him. "Just to check how you're doing," He mewed, stating the least confrontational of his reasons, and adding with a slight smile and glance at the little furballs running around camp, "I've heard a couple horror stories about the kits."

Minkstar sat next to her and she inched away a little, but did nothing else.  He began to speak and she did, of course, listen to what he had to say, at first expecting that he was going to bring up her warrior ceremony, but slightly relived that he didn't.  She laughed a little at his last comment.  It was sort of an awkward agreeing laugh, but a laugh none the less.

"I'm fine," Waterlily responded.  "I'm blessed to have my kits.  Although, still some part of me wonders why I was given..."  She tried to find the right word, but couldn't think of any great one to say.  There was a slight pause before she started speaking again.  "These kits."  She wondered if that really was the only reason why he came to talk to her.  She had this semi bad feeling that it really wasn't.

He smiled and nodded in return, internally wondering if maybe he should just skip the smalltalk. But Waterlily still had that slightly wary look in her eyes, and a part of him hesitated. Should I even bring it up? Do I need to? For both their peace of mind, it would probably be a good idea. He chose not to yet, though. "Some kits are just like that," He replied, glancing at a relatively mild playfight that had developed. "I know me and Bat had our issues; you just have to ride it out most of the time. And save your sleep for when they finally move out to the apprentice's den."

He shifted his weight slightly, a lopsided smile tugging at his maw. "Bat had the sleep part worse, though, if I'm honest."

"Yes,"  Waterlily responded to Minkstar's first comments.  Honestly, she loved spending time with them... but she couldn't wait till they all moved to the apprentice den and she could spend time with them a little less.  And finally get her sleep without kits or, um, leaders interrupting her from it.  Stars, I hope that they can go to the apprentice den soon.  She thought about how many moons it's been since they were born.  Only two more moons left.  If I be careful, maybe I can keep a little bit of my sanity!  She slightly laughed at the part about Bat.  "I hope she gets better,"  Waterlily said and then looked down at her paws.

She couldn't shake this feeling that he wasn't only there to talk about kits.  It was probably nothing, but she needed to know.  "I'm sorry but... Is this just what you came to talk to me about or was there a different reason?"

A slight flicker passed over his eyes at the platitude, his thoughts turning to his mate in the medicine cat's den, his gaze slipping off towards it for a moment as his heart squeezed. "Me too," He murmured, before shaking the melancholy off with a deep breath and bringing his mind back to the conversation, which had been about... kits. Yes, Waterlily's kits.

He grimaced slightly as she spoke again and promptly switched the topic away from said kits, the tip of his tail twitching. "I.... Yeah, I guess so." A sigh slipped from his maw. No point in hiding from it or batting at the water's surface any longer. "I know you've been avoiding me since... well, since that swamp of a warrior ceremony."

It didn't help that he could literally feel the rift slicing between them, as apparent as if it were an actual bottomless pit that scarred the camp's floor. His ear flicked with a hint of self-consciousness as he plunged on, forcing his gaze to remain firm on her face. "I've been hoping there's some way I could make up for it - you didn't deserve a mess like that. Not after... everything you've been through. Call me a mousebrain, but I want to try and make things right, even if I can't exactly go back and do the ceremony again."

Waterlily's eyes narrowed slightly as he told her the real reason why he was talking to her.  She flinched a little as he spoke.  It was confirmed, that was why he came.  She listened to what he had to say, slowly pushing herself up into a seated position as he spoke.  She sighed when he was done.  Her mismatched eyes looked at him with an unreadable expression on her face because she didn't even know exactly what to think of that day at this point.

"I... I honestly don't know how you could make it up to me," She said truthfully.  "I know I haven't been all that fair with you.  I shouldn't have just been avoiding you because of that mistake and I know it was wrong."  She paused for a moment.  "Just, especially at that time I wasn't that much of an outgoing cat.  It was hard to find shared life experiences when I was a kit and apprentice.  It's not like I had big war or hunting stories or anything.  I didn't have friends really.  Cedarheart's death didn't make it any easier.  It's gotten better now because of Shrikesong and Brightspirit and my kits, but... at that time I just felt so alone.  And... I wasn't prepared for my name to be forgotten by you and for some reason that made it worse."

She looked down.  She had always of course known that these were her true emotions from the event, but she hadn't told anyone.  It felt weird telling Minkstar what she truly thought about the event.  As if she had just remembered that he was there she cleared her throat and lifted her head.  "Sorry, I didn't mean to go into a monologue about that.  Basically, what I meant was that I blamed you too much when other stuff happening was the main cause.  I'm sorry."

His heart sank slightly as she spoke, a ripple of guilt sliding through his veins and squeezing in his chest. He'd... seen a glimmer of that in the ceremony, hadn't he? Stern, bright green eyes - piercing and unblinking - flashed in his memory, stiff and seemingly holding a secret distaste behind them in this moment. He'd seen the same in Mottledspark's gaze, too. A sort of grudging acceptance, more out of the leadership's decision to keep him and his siblings than for the sake of caring. I can understand a little of that. No, there wasn't any way he could make up for it.

Except for what he was doing now. And that had to count more than a pawful of perfectly done warrior ceremonies.

He gently reached out and touched her shoulder with his tail-tip, a hint of a smile on his face. "You don't have to be sorry about anything, Waterlily. I've done my fair share of monologing, too. We've all got problems, and if I'm honest... I know a little of how you felt." The smile faded and a slight grimace touched his maw, the memory of his first few weeks in ThunderClan coming back, along with the pure hatred in Rain's eyes. "Maybe more than I'd like to. I wasn't fair on you either - I ran off into the forest when I should've completed the whole thing properly. I forgot your name, and as far as I can remember, you didn't even say anything. Talk about overreaction."

He shook his head, bringing his thoughts back into line. "My point is that we both scraped our moss. I don't want to keep avoiding you, either. I'm your leader, and that gives me a duty to care about you, but I also want to, as well."

A small smile came on Waterlily's face as her leader continued to speak.  She was happy that he was willing to admit his overreaction, even if she still didn't believe it as fully his fault.  She shouldn't have gotten so angry about something as trivial as a forgotten name.  After he was done speaking she looked up at him with kindness and happiness in her eyes.  She hated conflict and so she hated how they avoided each other for so long, even though she knew she was half to blame.  "Well then I guess it's settled," she exclaimed.  "Let's stop avoiding each other. There's really no reason to anymore.  It was silly and kitish of me to avoid my leader for something like that. Thank you for talking to me about this."