Kestrelpaw's Moonstone Journey

He felt bad. That Kestrelpaw's initial Moonstone journey was interrupted by an emergency. That after everything Daisybloom never got the chance to take the young tom out again, and now.. Well it fell to Dovefrost now. He would make sure it was completed this time. The fluffy white tom pulled himself out of the medicine den, herb bundle at the ready for Kestrelpaw. He made his way over to the apprentice den and set the bundle down before poking his head inside. "Let's get going Kestrelpaw." Dovefrost was sure the younger tom knew what this was, so he didn't need to expand on it anymore. "Sorry about you having to eat the herbs twice."

"Mmm alright. Gimme a minute and I'll be right out." replied a drowsy Kestrelpaw as he slowly lifted himself from his nest and took a few moments to stretch out his limbs. He shook himself awake fully before quietly padding out of the apprentice's den and over to where the older tom was waiting. He had an overwhelming sense of déjà vu as he offered Dovefrost a sheepish smile. "Good morning, Dovefrost. Second time's the charm, huh? It's alright though. At least I'll be going for real this time. I'll endure the herbs as many times as it takes for me to finally go to the Moonstone, which so happens to be only twice... Thank you, by the way. I've been looking forward to this day for a while now and now you're taking me and... well... I just couldn't be happier." Honestly, he didn't mind the delay. Things happen that are much more important than taking an apprentice to the Moonstone and if it was for the clan, Kerath was definitely more than happy to wait some more. He's known to be rather patient, after all.

The brown and white apprentice nodded a thanks as he bent down to begin consuming the bad-tasting herbs. This time around, he knew to refrain from smelling the herbs as that amplified the icky taste. It didn't take long for him to finish them and he sat right up once he did. "Alright. I'm ready to go." he said as his gaze lit up with anticipation. Finally! It was time!

Dovefrost was glad that the apprentice didn't resent him for delaying the journey for so long. A small spark of pride in his chest from younger tom's comment of being happy about the medicine cat taking him to the moonstone finally. The white tom nodded in response once the apprentice said he was ready. With a simple flick of his tail, he guided Kestrelpaw out of camp.

---

"Stick close." The large white medicine cat informed the young apprentice as they stepped into the tunnel that was Mothermouth. He didn't like how tight the tunnel was, but it was mostly due to his rather large size. It didn't take long to reach the Moonstone, the light filling up the cavern. It was time. "Settle down, and press your nose to the Moonstone. Starclan will enter your dreams soon." Dovefrost instructed, moving to sit off to the side.

The whole trip there, Kestrelpaw made sure to follow the medicine cat's instructions. He didn't want to get lost or get into any sort of trouble. He wanted the journey to the Moonstone to go smooth and to his relief, it went as such.

When they arrived at Mothermouth, the apprentice took just a few moments to observe the entrance with awe and anticipation. This was it! It looked just a tad intimidating but he didn't feel too nervous. Just a second later, his attention was directed back to Dovefrost as he spoke. "Got it." was the apprentice's reply as he closely and carefully followed behind the meddie. The way down was dark and a bit stuffy but it was over as quickly as it had begun, well, at least that's how it had felt like. The cavern at the end of the tunnel, however, was another story.

Kestrelpaw was once again in awe when they finally stepped paw into the Moonstone cavern. It glowed a mystical yet calming light all around, just like the moon. Now he fully understood why the stone had been named as such. It was beautiful, no doubt about it. Now, there was just another thing that needed to be accomplished here, and to Kerath, it was the part that riled up his nerves the most.

"M'kay. Time to do this..." he meowed softly as he approached the stone, belly twisting in knots at the thought of what was about to occur. The brown and white tabby settled down as previously instructed and blew out a long breath before promptly touching his nose to the Moonstone. It was cold but he paid that no mind as his eyes began to slowly close as a sudden bout of sleep swept him away.

This was undoubtedly the strangest thing Beecloud had ever done. But, he figured, it wasn't a far cry from mentoring... and he had enjoyed that greatly, while he was able to. He knew Sablepaw would be on her way to this sacred place soon. He wondered if she would want to see him. The way he came to understood it, something inside an apprentice called out to the stars, so that only the right cat would come to them. It was a cry into the void meant for only one ancestor's ears, and neither they nor their starry guide knew it until they were right there, ready to meet. So, if what Sablepaw needed was her mentor back, he'd be there. If it wasn't, then, well, it wasn't. That's just how it was. All of it was a great mystery that was too boggling for Beecloud to want to wrap his head around.

When he lumbered into view, he knew he would not be meeting his apprentice, but he was not disappointed. Kestrelpaw would become an exceptional warrior. He was happy to see him again, and though a part of him wondered curiously what had brought them together this evening, under the moonlight, the fallen warrior decided he would much rather ask Kestrelpaw himself. He lip pressed against his strange, jutted fangs in a meek smile as he bowed his head in greeting. There were no scars on his face, and his ear was whole. He looked the way he had in Leaf-Fall, when the Asylum was a funny word without meaning.

"Kestrelpaw," he murmured. "I'm happy to see a clanmate again. I was starting to get lonely out here, you know." There was the smallest dewdrop's worth of mischief inking the sincerity of his tone, marking his youthfulness, which he could now retain in the stars. His demeanor was much different than it had been in the final moons of his life, the last time Kestrelpaw had seen him. Without a furrowed brow and the determined besetting of his jaw, as he had often toiled under the oppression of their captors, it became suddenly clear that Beecloud really was horribly, tragically young to wander the stars. "You look a little nervous... it's not me, right? I uh... I can give you another second, if you want, heh."

When the young tom had opened his eyes, he instantly knew that he was no longer pressed close to the Moonstone. The sights before him were even more mystical and beautiful than he'd been expecting. He'd heard stories of how StarClan was like from the apprentices and warriors that had already had the pleasure of visiting and nothing of what they said could have done the stars justice. Kerath was just in awe. He assumed that most other apprentices felt that way when they arrived here but honestly, who wouldn't just want to sit amongst the lush vegetation and admire the serene environment that seemingly stretched as far as the eye can see. It was practically Kestrel's paradise. What was even crazier was that where he sat, that place was just a tiny snippet of what StarClan was like. Who knows what else could lay just beyond of what he could see.

Kestrelpaw was snapped out of his awe-induced daze when a figure stepped into view. A hundred or so thoughts and questions raced through his mind as he processed if who he was seeing was, well, who he thought. The closer the figure came, the more real the situation became for him. He didn't exactly know how to feel at that moment. It was him. It was Beecloud! The tom who orchestrated the clans' liberation from the Asylum, his sister's beloved mentor. Only thinking about Sable made his heart ache. If only she could see what he was currently seeing. Kerath knew that she'd be going to the Moonstone soon enough but who knows if Beecloud would be the one to greet her. StarClan worked in mysterious ways. However, as he usually says, everything happens for a reason.

"Beecloud," he began, voice light with a hint of disbelief, "I-It's really you... You're here..." The apprentice took a moment to regain his senses before offering the older tom a sheepish yet friendly smile. "S-Sorry. Um, I'm alright. It's just that, well, I just can't believe I'm seeing you again. I feel like Sablepaw should be the one here talking to you but I suppose I'm here for a reason..." As he trailed off, the brown tabby shifted himself into a more comfortable position. He wasn't sure how he'd even begin to explain to Beecloud how he was feeling. It was... hard for him to share his inner turmoil with others. He was a rather reserved tom and he'd always been that way. Perhaps, this time, it would be best to just 'go with the flow'.

"Beecloud, it's just that... well... everything's changed. After the Asylum left, we tried to piece our lives back to how they used to be but everything... just seems off to me. My dad's been acting real strange since he got back from the battle. Now that he's leader, I just hope he's able to think clearly and rationally when deciding what's best for the clan. Mom hasn't been herself since Hickory ran away and after being appointed deputy, she's been so caught up in her duties that I'm a bit afraid that she's going to eventually push herself too hard. I just want her to be happy and relaxed. I know that may be a lot to ask for but it's hard for me to watch her running herself ragged from the sidelines." The apprentice took in a deep breath as he tried to refrain from spilling everything too quickly or just running out of air in general. He looked at anywhere but the larger cat. He was a tiny bit worried of what he would say. Instead of freaking himself out, he continued on telling the starry tom his worries, "Sablepaw, my dear sister, misses you so very much and I'm sure you've been missing her too. She's been... acting unlike herself lately. It worries me that she'll do something irrational if she loses one more important person in her life. I love her and the rest of my siblings very much and just want them to enjoy the life their leading. I don't want them to suffer any more than they already have. I know that life's not fair but for once, I just want it to not strike down with tragedy. All these thoughts have been plaguing my head and nothing I do makes them go away. I've been running on very little sleep since just closing my eyes makes me ponder endless 'what ifs'. Oh Beecloud, what can I do to help them? Should I even do anything? How do I make all these things stop bugging me at every moment? I just want sleep! Oh gosh. It's just so hard not feeling like my head's about to burst at any second..." By the end of it, Kestrelpaw was panting, fur standing on end and green eyes wide and unseeing. All this had been too much and Kestrel just wanted to finally find some sort of peace.

Beecloud listened, slowly hunching down to sit beside Kestrelpaw, his paws planted and eyes fixed carefully on the apprentice.

"As much as it might hurt, Kestrelpaw... you can't hold yourself responsible for the cats around you."

Beecloud touched his tail to the apprentice's before continuing, a bit sullen, "Your devotion runs deep. So did mine. I was tempted so many times to walk astray, but I always came back to ThunderClan. They were my family. My kits were there. Our greatest weakness is our willingness to sacrifice ourselves for the sake of others." The enormous tom let out a deep sigh.

"In my last moons, I was so transfixed on my goal that I lost myself," he admitted. "And though the Mousehunt freed the forest, it came at a high price. I can't be there to protect ThunderClan anymore. I can't be there to train Sablepaw. It wouldn't have mattered either way. I think I was dead long before I really died. Beecloud was gone the moment Eris scarred my face, and took my pride, and my ability as a warrior. Something else took his place." He looked up. "No cat is incorruptible. You have to take care of yourself in order to take care of others... or you'll fall to pieces, shattered like ice."

He bumped Kestrelpaw's shoulder to lighten the mood. "Your kin's a tough bunch. I can't count how many times Minkstream's strength has inspired me... I always wished I had known him better. They'll be okay."

The young tom drank in every last word from Beecloud, as if he'd been deprived for a long time. His mind, that unfortunately never slept, wanted to dissect every last sentence in search for the hidden meanings that may or may not be there but the apprentice stopped himself beforehand. He decided it was best to take this at face value. He shouldn't overthink this, unlike what he normally did. He just needed to listen and take the words to heart.

Kerath chewed on his tongue, a nervous habit of his, while contemplating on what to even say. There was so much truth and reason behind what Bee had said that it almost hurt. He wanted to be there and help everyone but the more he did it, the thinner he stretched and wearier he grew. He needed to take a step back and work on himself first. He didn't want to lose himself. It'd be the worst thing for him. He didn't want to fall to pieces.

"Beecloud, I was so blind with the need to try to pick up the pieces and just help that I didn't see how much I, myself, was falling apart. I'll try my best to take care of myself. I love my family more than anything and the very last thing I'd want for them is to lose someone else just because he took on more than he could handle." They felt like the right words to say. His chest felt a whole lot lighter, as if moons of pressure was lifted all at once. "I... I kind of forgot how strong my family is. They've been through so much yet, I was too focused on attempting to keep them from harm. It's futile and a somewhat unnecessary waste of strength. I need to have more faith in them. Like you said, my kin's a tough bunch." Kestrelpaw offered Beecloud a grin before continuing, "Thank you, Beecloud. Thank you for everything you've done for us, for me. I... I really can't express how much this has helped me. I truly, truly needed to hear this." The sincerity in his voice couldn't have been clearer.

Like the starry tom had done for him earlier, he touched his tail to the other's, gratitude and admiration rolling off the apprentice in waves. StarClan worked in mysterious ways and this day at the Moonstone proved it. Beecloud was exactly who he needed to talk to.