I Never Thought I'd Stand Here (New Dep of TC)

The last time he'd stood on this rock, the world had been slowly coming back together, the aches in his body and the dizziness in his head annoyances that would fade with time.

Now the world had fallen out from underneath his paws again, and the ground whirled for a different reason.

The Great Rock's surface felt cold under his paws, the ravine a blur as he turned to face the clearing, his mouth dry, his heart thumping even as it tightened painfully. Some part of him felt irrationally guilty, a burr that clung to his pelt. I should have.... What? What should he have done? It seemed he could barely walk around these days without wondering how he'd gotten from one side of the clearing to the other - something wasn't right, and he pretended it was okay. And now he was stuck pretending. For the good of the Clan. A dark, deep hole with only a sliver of light at the top - a prison like the one in Fourtrees that he'd constructed himself.

His constant companion throbbed softly in his head, a feeling of exhaustion weighing down his paws as he closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. She trusted me to lead. No quiet, easy transition, but it's one I'll have to take. So he stepped to the edge of the rock, opened his mouth, and steeled himself for the future. At least... I'll have the best cat for the job by my side. The dread didn't fade, but a new sense of comfort laid itself over top, like the sense of warm sunshine breaking through the clouds to spread softly over his pelt. When the call rang out through the ravine and the still-reeling Clan, it was a confident one. A flicker of hope.

"Cats of ThunderClan! Gather here beneath the High Rock for a Clan meeting!"

Quaildock lifted his head at his father's call. Lately he had been rather busy, scouting the territory for any remains of any Asylum cats. So far he hadn't found any, which is rather good in his eyes. But he could never to sure.

Letting out a sigh, the dark grey tabby tom got up onto his paws. He padded towards the Highrock, and sat down as he looked up. It would be weird, seeing his father call meetings, other then apprentice ceremonies, and not seeing Nettlestar, the leader he had known for most of his life, but he would hopefully adapt. Plus, he was proud of his father, not matter how off he seemed lately.

The loss of Nettlestar was a shadow over ThunderClan, it seemed, and though it wasn't the first time Batbite had lived through the loss of a leader... Well. It stung, still, even when she hadn't been especially close to Nettlestar the way she had been Leopardstar or Oakstar. Now, again, it was someone she cared for quite deeply standing where their leader stood, and her pride was laced with a lingering fear for his well-being. She couldn't help but worry, however hard she tried.

Today, though, wasn't meant to be drowned in sadness and fear. She took her place next to Quaildock, affectionately nudging her son, before fixing her gaze on her mate. A calm expression, just a hint of amusement slipping through at some joke no one in particular had told (the irony of a RiverClan-born cat leading their strongest rivals hadn't gone unnoticed), veiled her concern.

Kitefire hadn't lived through the loss of a leader yet; this was her first time feeling the numbing silence that washed over the camp. As Minkstream stood before them, it was obvious what would happen next - a deputy would be chosen. She had little time to seek out an inkling of a guess and it hardly mattered to her which cat would soon serve their clan. A more deeply seeded pain wracked her now, the loss of Buzzardpaw. Knowing the circumstances of his passing had further lit a fire under her paws; it seemed as if ever passing fear or feeling of inadequacy she had felt reared up at once. Sitting her among her clan, now she felt forests apart. She longed for the warmth of Jayshriek, willing to indulge in that sinful delight once again if it meant a moment of relief. Deadened eyes sought the new leader and looked after him in the most passive way. Life in Thunderclan surely would carry on as it had even under the stifling rule of rogues. But the warrior was beginning to doubt that she could do the same.

Shrikesong still needed help. The days of her sitting in the den, only really getting out when it was mandatory or when she felt like eating, it wasn't good. Not for her, not for ThunderClan, not for anyone. Though Kitefire came back, which Shrikesong was happy to see, the brown she-cat thought that her sister was still looking to be with that RiverClan tom that she had mentioned all those moons ago. After all, what other reason would she have to run away from her home in the first place?

Padding over to her sister, she sat down next to her. "You're thinking about Buzzardpaw, aren't you?" she asked, though she already knew the answer. She could read her sister's expressions to find the answer. "His death will be painful for moons to come. It's why we need to hold on to each other, tighten the bonds that we have as a family. That's how we can overcome this." It was also an indirect way of trying to convince her sister to stay with them, though she didn't think she'd be successful in that.

This meeting was probably related to another tragedy that affected the Clan: the death of their leader, Nettlestar. With Minkstream on the branch, she expected the new deputy to be announced soon. Just don't let it be me, she thought. I'm not ready to be deputy. When she was younger, that was what she dreamed of, becoming deputy and eventually leader of ThunderClan. Now, though, she was struggling to even move from her nest, let alone hold apprentice ceremonies and do other deputy-related stuff. But as long as it wasn't her, she would support whoever Minkstream would choose.

The newly named medicine cat apprentice stepped out of the medicine den at the call of the new leader. He didn't know how to feel about Nettlestar's death. He doesn't know what he could have done to help or anything for that matter, but her death still made him question if he was taking the right path. He choose this in the end, it was best for Thunderclan according to those around him, and his ancestors, but because of the current situation he couldn't help but wonder. All he could do now is sit back and watch, and do his best to support his new leader as the medicine cat apprentice.

Sablepaw's ears came to attention as her father's voice rang out, a sense of urgency thrumming softly in her chest as she trotted quickly to gather with the rest of the Clan under the rock, her blue eyes looking up at him with a hint of anxiety. Nettlestar... this was probably the deputy ceremony, wasn't it? She settled on Batbite's other side, unconsciously seeking her mother's warmth. All of this was... it made her head whirl a little to think that Nettlestar - so sure and leaderly and everything - was... gone. Not to mention that, well... Something's wrong with Dad.... That scene from days ago played through her mind again, a feeling of something not right with the confused look in his eyes. Maybe he's better. He'll get better. He said he was fine, it was just dizziness....

Blinking forcefully, she tried to make herself feel happy, glancing at the small smile playing around her mother's mouth. And then realized she should probably look sad, instead, or just uncertain and not joyful... like she was already doing. Uuurgh. Nevermind. Just... hopefully this would go well.

She shifted her paws and glanced over the rest of the cats as they gathered. Somehow, she almost expected Nettlestar to join them in the crowd - it was hard to believe she hadn't just gone out on patrol; wasn't coming back. She'd had eight lives, and now... she was dead. Just like Oakheart, just like Beecloud....

She played her toes against the grass starting to turn lush and green again, piercing a blade of it with a hint of claw, before turning her eyes up again as Minkstream started to speak, trying to force away her uneasiness. I wonder who he'll pick....

---

They gathered: his friends, his family, his Clan. Their eyes blinked back at him, expectant, hopeful, uncertain - a mirror of his own feelings as he stood there, and for a moment it seemed as if his paws faded away, his view becoming distant as though he were looking down at himself. When Oakstar had taken him in, accepting him as part of the Clan and naming him a warrior despite his origins... he'd never expected that one day he'd stand where the former leader's paws had, bearing the same responsibility. It almost made him dizzy to think about it.

My Clan....

The same dilemma from when he'd become deputy, now multiplied by a headache and snippets of forgotten memory. This whole thing almost made him want to laugh out loud and demand that the real leader of ThunderClan come out from wherever they were hiding in the trees.

I can't lead them.

His eyes drifted to a particular face, the swirling doubts and hidden anxieties pounding at his head softening as he met her gaze, stilling to the comfort of her presence - always supporting. No, he couldn't lead them. Not alone, anyway.

But together... Yeah, I think that'd be okay.

He straightened, taking that flickering, hopeful confidence of before and stepping into it, pointedly ignoring the flash of pain that tightened briefly in his head as he opened his mouth again. Through the memories that scattered like leaves through his head in this moment, one from long ago - a different time, a different place - stood out. Torrentstar's eyes in that moment seemed to echo with his own; somehow he'd come to the same place, knew a glimmer of the same feeling. And knew the words that needed to be spoken.

Calling loud and clear even through the twinge of loss that these words had to bring, he let his voice ring out. "I stood by Nettlestar's side through her leadership - I wish I could have stood with her when she... died for our Clan. But we can't let her loss stop us from moving on -" He took in a breath and let it out quietly, "- no matter how much we might like to. With her death, ThunderClan needs a new deputy."

His words trailed off for a moment, and he took deep breath, firmly focusing on the now as his mind threatened to spiral; no time to second-guess or back down. She'd trusted him with this. He would have to live up to that trust. "Before Nettlestar and Oakstar before her, and as your new leader, I have the responsibility to make the best choice."

For a moment he paused, the breeze ruffling his fur. This rock... felt so distant, so far from those below. Impulsively, he bunched his muscles and leapt down, the movement sending a jolt through his head that didn't manage to waver him as he stepped forward, and for the first time in this whole ceremony a genuine smile curved up the edges of his maw. "That choice is Batbite," He called softly, his voice still carrying enough for the crowd to hear as he padded forward and gently touched her nose with his own. The smile lilted, turning lopsided as he gazed into her eyes with his own, murmuring, "I can't think of anyone better."

Batbite let out a breath she'd been holding since her mate began to speak, a soft sigh of both relief and resignation as he touched his nose to hers. Relief, because he wouldn't be facing the world alone as a leader, she would stand at his side - she would have anyway, traditions tossed aside, but this certainly made it easier. Resignation, because this was truly it; by accepting this position, she turned down her last chance at freedom.

She was many things, but she was not a coward, and she would not flee from the trust placed in her. Besides, maybe it could lead to something could, a world that was a little less confined, a little more free.

"You know, I never thought I'd hear those words," she sighed, but it turned into a laugh partway through. Something to keep her sentiments light-hearted. "One too many bugs in the leader's nest will do that to you." There was a twinkle in her eye, a vague and playful warning. "Don't go thinking you're safe just because we sleep in the same place."

It was funny, wasn't it? She'd daydreamed of it once upon a time, as any kit did, and here she stood.

In the dream she'd had as a kit, there had been no Minkstream. There was Copperheart and Lynxtail, and it was either Leopardstar or Oakstar calling out her name. It wasn't equivalent exchange that it was him and not them at her side, because they all meant something else to her, and she wished so desperately that everyone could be here, but she would settle for a soft expression directed at the sky. She wondered what they thought of this, if she'd ever have the chance to ask.

But there was a life to be lived, and the dead couldn't speak to her now. She laughed softly, gently butting his head with her own.

"I'm glad you know that I would never leave you to do this by yourself."

We're a team. We'll be fine, as long as we stick together.

Quaildock his chest swell with pride, as his mother was called to be deputy. Both his parents were now pratically leaders of Thunderclan! He got up onto his paws, and bounded over to his mother, near tackling her. "Congrats mom!" He said, his voice filled with excitement. Now the Asylum was gone, and his dad was the leader and his mom the deputy... This felt like a dream! Yet it was reality.