waves of emotion

(directly follows this topic)

Though she insisted on carrying him back to camp alone, Shrikefrost was heavy. Flashlight found that she wouldn't have really cared about that, if only he were still breathing; but as it was, he was a shell of the warrior he had been. Devoid of life, of heart and soul, while her own weighed heavy on her chest. The rain that soaked her fur was the only thing that made her feel alive; that was the difference between the two of them, that she could still feel it washing over her.

(What was she supposed to tell her mother?)

Eventually, after what felt like an eternity, they reached RiverClan's camp. Home, or the place that had once been home, the one that felt a little less like it with each passing day of Asylum rule. That felt like a stranger's land to her now, carrying the still-lying form of her kin, despite the fact that she knew every pawstep of it.

She didn't trust her voice, and yet she had to speak. Her calm and confident façade had died with Shrikefrost; there was little left for her to lose. "Loonwhisper! Ivystar!"

(That was all she could manage, in the moment; those two names. Her brother, the one that still lived; and her leader, who held so much of her respect.)

Despite the tension, Ivystar found herself out and about within the camp more and more often as the days went by. To hide away in her den would be a show of submission, that she was defeated, and that was something that she never intended to give the Asylum. Though things got more difficult with each passing day, she found her resolve strengthen with every hour that ticked by. It was almost as if Asylum's perceived victory fueled her small spark of rebellion, tending to it nicely until it had grown into a small, delicate flame. She was aware that any wrong move would shatter the tension and turn the occupation into a full-on war, so she was sure to tread lightly, but she could feel the embers rising in the air, and was positive that this wouldn't- no, couldn't last much longer.

So often she found herself lost in her own thoughts, swimming further and further away from reality. She found herself wishing that she could escape into this land of her thoughts more often than not, to get away from the horrors of life among Asylum. It was in those moments that she despised disturbance, whether it be from Asylum or Clanmate. But when she heard Flashlight's pawsteps, followed by her pained yowls, it took only a few seconds for Ivystar to be by her side. Her brows were furrowed and her expression was blatantly angry, an emotion she truthfully didn't display much. "Flashlight, explain." She growled, hackles raised. She glanced around camp, her gaze practically daring any Asylum cat to step forward.

Flashlight met her leader's eyes, standing as tall as she could despite the waves of emotion washing over her. She had to think clearly, she had to make sure Ivystar and Loonwhisper knew the truth of what had happened; that the Asylum rat responsible couldn't spin a story to defend herself. "It was that Asylum rat, Raisha," she hissed. "We were hunting, and they were fighting. With words, at first, and then it wasn't. She threatened Loonwhisper as well as insulting him, and suddenly there was real fighting." She had no regrets about that. She would defend her kin, in life and death; in her eyes Shrikefrost had been entirely justified. Still, a secret she kept closely guarded - her own vulnerability - was faltering as she spoke. Her voice threatened to crack with each word. "It was... I stopped watching him for just a moment, and he was on the ground and he wasn't moving. She would have killed me too, but one of the others - Eos - managed to stop her."

She was sorrowful and furious, devastated in every way. Thoughts of vengeance, of righteous fury and blood spilled in turn (an eye for an eye, was that how it went?) were washed over by more and more of the miserable metaphorical rain, the overcast sky above them a reflection of her heart; it felt like she was drowning in the crashing waves of her emotion.

(How was she meant to sort out her thoughts and find the right thing to say, when every time she thought she'd started to it was all washed away?)

Loonwhisper felt suddenly seasick, because Flashlight never sounded that strained and tight in her throat. She spoke openly, freely, like thunder and lightning crackling off of the tongue. This sounded the way a dammed creek did, when debris choked the mouth or a beaver built its shantyhouse. It startled him so greatly that for a moment his eyes filled with tears and he assumed he was in very bad trouble. He ran through everything he had done in the past six moons that could have made her so furious. Did he pass her over for an apprentice? Well, she had kits, of course he couldn't help that! Maybe he put shiny rocks in her nest too many times... he really did think they would help her sleep. Even the worst headaches he caused his sister generally only returned an exasperated sigh, at the most. Not this. This was danger. It was stress. Loonwhisper's coat prickled, his tail puffed out like a raccoon, and his eyes engorged, bulging with terror as he slowly turned around. "I- I'm sorry!" he squeaked in preparation, following Ivystar a few pawsteps behind.

His heartbeat slowed to a halt as he came to discover what Ivystar and Flashlight already knew. The deputy could only furrow his brow and tilt his head a notch to the left, examining the body clinically. Loonwhisper bent down and pushed Shrikefrost's fur aside with his paw, lifting his brother's chin to reveal the gashes scoring his stomach, throat, and chest. His paw jolted away as if burned, bringing with it a smattering of blood as Shrikefrost's face flopped back into position.

Though there was probably a word or analogy for how he was feeling, it didn't come to mind. Was it possible to be completely empty and overflowing at once? Could it be that you could weep but have no tears? Loonwhisper bit his lip as he panicked; he felt so many things, but lacked the ability to sort out his facial expressions, his body language, or his words to be appropriate for public grief. His breath picked up and he faced the ground. Don't look don't look don't look. If you don't look he's not really dead don't look. Flashlight's face bad bad bad. Don't look bad face. Gone gone bad go go run run run.

A new approach, in order to save face. Loonwhisper turned his eyes to the side, looking off at some distant object on an invisible horizon. If he did not acknowledge it, he could almost make it disappear from his mind. No body, no murder. No Flashlight, no sadness. No death, no grief. Talk about something else. "Threatened me?" he cooed. "Insulted me? Why do they insist on doing it where I won't hear? Are my ears so useless that they aren't worth my own gossip?"

Something was still deeply bothering him, and his voice began to tremble and quicken under the weight and stress of his guilt: "Flashlight, I am shameless. The Clan knows it, the Asylum knows it. I have no honor worth defending this way. They were fighting for myths. Blood drawn for imagination. Why?"

Ivystar's green gaze was locked on Flashlight as she spoke about Raisha, and before she could even finish what she had to say, Ivystar was fuming. "I'll have my nest lined with her pelt before the sun goes down. Flashlight, Loonwhipser, see Spiderquill, and... Take Shrikefrost so he can be properly prepared. Don't let anyone cause problems, I'll handle this." Her voice was low, a deep growl. While she wished to be a tender and comforting presence for both Flashlight and Loonwhisper, her anger had begun to spill over the top.

"Lyralei!"

She yowled over any lingering sounds with camp, effectively silencing everyone. The only thing left to be heard in the forest was the gentle sound of raindrops on the sandy, snow-sodden ground. Claws already unsheathed and hackles raised, Ivystar was ready to pounce on the mange-ridden, snake-tongued she-cat. "I suggest you show your furry behind now, or I'll shred the pelts of every cat in my way to get to you." Tail lashing, she circled around camp, waiting to hear the sickening voice of the Captain. The moment she did, she swore to StarClan she'd tear her to bits.

Lyralei had been among the gathered cats towards the edge of camp. Her head lowered silently as she noticed the body being carried, and listened intently as the explanation came. She blinked as Raisha's name was brought up, along with Eos'. Ivystar's rage was understandable, Lyralei herself was silently seething at not only the actions taken against RiverClan by Raisha, but also for the insults Loonwhisper had received behind his back. Her lip curled though as Ivystar called her name, speaking to her as if she were a troublesome kit. "There is no need to address me as such Ivystar. I was listening just like the others." She mewed, pushing through the gathered cats. "I understand your anger, and I share it. This never should have happened, and I offer my most sincere condolences and regret that it came to be. There may be some that approve of and even encourage actions such as these, but I am not one of them."

Turning towards Raisha and Eos, Lyralei's eyes flashed angrily as she pulled herself to her full height. Her gaze demanded their attention as she posed her questions, tail flicking back and forth. "Eos. I thank you for stepping in and putting a stop to this. What did you witness? Raisha, you are to remain silent until Eos has given their explanation, and then you may speak. Regardless of your explanation, you will be returning with me to speak to Eris about your actions. She will decide your full punishment. If I am clear, Eos, go ahead." She waited, watching Eos and Raisha intently.

As she had thought, Ivystar was furious. Rightfully so, given that it was one of her own that lay cold and lifeless. The pelted scout stood calmly, ears pricked as she silently listened to what was said between the Riverclanners. Their stunned grief was plain to see. Were it one of Eos' siblings, she would have felt the same.

Lyralei looked infuriated as well, and Eos gave the captain a dip of her head when she was called upon to speak.

"I was out hunting near the river when I heard fighting in the distance. I wasn't there to see what led up to it nor to see who attacked first." Eos spoke calmly, "By the time I got close enough to see what was going on, Shrikefrost was dead, and Raisha was advancing on Flashlight, who was grieving. Raisha claims it was self-defense and that one of them threatened Brick. I've patrolled with both Flashlight and Shrikefrost enough to know neither would act unless deliberately provoked." Eos finished.

Raisha remembered a time when she respected Lyralei, admired her even. She was one of the first cats she had met, being the captain of the Scouts, and she had even been kind to her, as well as the other kits. Now Lyralei showed none of that kindness, just as Raisha lost all respect. Now only one thing remained. Fear. In that moment, Raisha realized that she could actually die here. None of them cared, they just put on a show to garter obedience. Obedience Raisha just showed she no longer had. She had to find a way to get out of this, and fast.

Once Eos had finished speaking, the calico took a tentative step forward. "Yes, everything Eosphoros has stated is true, you know I would not lie to you. Shrikefrost and Flashlight had always had a disdain for the Asylum, and for some reason they took that anger out on me. During this particular patrol, both Flashlight and Shrikefrost had, as usual, began insulting me, in which I had returned. It was never anything bad, more so competitive. Shrikefrost and I always attempted to get the upper hand on each other, and I honestly reveled in the challenge. But today something was off. Shrikefrost wasn't right, but I didn't notice it until it was too late. And he was on top of me, as well as Flashlight. She says I threatened Loonwhisper, but I never did. It is possible that, in the chaos, Flashlight was looking for me to slip up, and heard something that was not there. I am not sure of that part. It was a mistake to kill Shrikefrost, and I accept full responsibility. But know that I did what I had to. I was not going to let that brute mow me over. It was his life or mine. I made a choice, and I would make it again if I had to."

She could not fully play victim, she knew that would not play out. There had always been a fire inside of Raisha, and she could not pretend there hadn't been, or the lie would become obvious. She had to spin her tale as close to the truth as possible, in order to make it as believable as possible. Maybe she could even convince Flashlight herself, that would be quite the victory.

Flashlight had kept herself within listening distance, despite Ivystar's orders to visit the medicine den - she'd never been much of a stickler for the rules, and this was a special circumstance; she had to hear Raisha's defense. How would she frame the events that led them here, would she take the blame for blood spilled or cast it off as easily as she had shed the second skin she wore?

It was a lackluster argument. Good enough to satisfy the Asylum leaders, perhaps, but not good enough for Flashlight.

(Few things were, really. A shame Raisha had killed one and threatened the life of another, and dared to claim responsibility for only half her crimes.)

With every word the rat spoke, the rain that had clouded her thoughts seemed to fade; and as Raisha accused her of both lacking sound judgment and claimed she would kill him again, it felt as if lightning struck her; sparking a fire in her heart. "Is your memory so poor that you've lost your recollection of events that happened so recently? Or, perhaps - and I consider this more likely - you're lying to save your own skin, whichever of them matters most to you."

Sorry, Ivystar, she thought silently. She could not remain passive, could not remain quiet, while Asylum lies were spread. Not now, not these ones.

"I remember it quite clearly, unlike you. Heartless savagery, is that all you understand? Stars above, I can understand your not caring for my kin - but I would think you would at least care for yours, if only I didn't know any better. Allow me to explain what truly transpired. It's true that Shrikefrost and I were hunting, and that Raisha was with us. A rather unfortunate side effect of our current situation, though most are at least a little more... Tolerable. As for Shrikefrost and Raisha, they were... Competitive, yes, but it hadn't escalated past petty insults - which I will freely admit I was not exempt from, because I am perfectly capable of acknowledging my own actions - until Raisha dragged Loonwhisper into the conversation, calling him-" she looked around to see if he could still hear; yes, she knew that he had already guessed the things that were said, but she wouldn't expose him to that if she could help it. "Calling him crazy, useless and pathetic. She offered to kill us both, to save him the trouble of family."

Just a hint of the fury she felt leaked through into her voice as she spoke, toward the end. But she wasn't finished. Far from it, with so much left to say.

"I believe that if Shrikefrost hadn't been provoked, she would have attacked first - I'm fairly certain she'd shed her second pelt, at least. But as it is, Shrikefrost attacked first. I followed with the intent of defending my kin. I'm not proud now to say I returned the very same taunt, but the difference between her and I is that I had no intent of ever acting upon it. While she left me with my brother's still and bloodied corpse, and when I could see clearly she was advancing on me. That was when Eos intervened, and thank the stars that some of you seem to have something vaguely resembling sense. That said..."

Her eyes narrowed. Her explanation had been given, it would have to be enough; the call for vengeance was drowning out every other thought after reliving the grief that hadn't yet faded. A heart of fire, a river of blood, her thoughts were conflicting and incompatible, but everything came down to this: a fair trade would have been a life for a life, but Flashlight was not a murderer. She would not betray her code of honor, and she did not want the rat's life on her paws. Her blood, however...

(Well. Blood for blood, then, and that would have to suffice.)

She leapt for Raisha. "You asked if I knew what it was to have nothing left, rat. To have my heart torn, until I was only a shell of myself. The difference between you and I is this: I will see to it that you live to feel your pain, because the peace of death is a luxury you have yet to earn."

Ivystar didn't hold back a hiss at Lyralei's pointed remarks, glaring at her from across camp. The only thing keeping her from jumping onto the she-cat's back then and there was the fact that she, too, seemed upset. Perhaps not as furious as Ivystar herself felt, but enough that she was seemingly willing to punish Raisha after all. "Condolences and regret won't bring Shrikefrost back. I agreed to let you occupy RiverClan on the sole condition that no harm is to come to any of my Clanmates, and I hold you responsible for the death of my family." She growled, ready to pounce the moment Lyralei said something a hair out of line.

Eos' voice claimed her attention quickly, but her head was swimming with thoughts already. What Eos had to say only seemed to make her angrier- not at Eos, but at Raisha herself. How dare she break the truce that had been made between Asylum and RiverClan for her own personal grief? Ivystar would've aimed for Raisha's throat had Flashlight not spoken up first. She allowed the grieving she-cat to speak, but took a few pawsteps closer in the event that an Asylum cat made an attempt at one of her Clanmates. Clearly, they weren't beyond that anymore.

"Oh, not only did you kill a member of my Clan and family over a simple petty squabble, but you're now daring to lie about it to save yourself? Some gut you've got, lying to my face and calling Flashlight a liar." The fluffy she-cat hissed, stopping only to let the warrior beside her finish what she had to say. "Loonwhisper has a better mind and kinder heart than any of you snake-tongued liars could ever hope to. Shrikefrost had more honor and was nobler than you could even imagine. And now he's gone, because you're too selfish to let a petty insult slide, when you are the one invading our home and demanding submission." Ivystar's gaze shifted, only for a split second, to Eos. In all of this, she felt herself the least angry at her. At least she had enough brains to put a stop to this before there were more dead bodies strewn carelessly across camp.

Ivystar was about to demand that Raisha face punishment then and there... But before she had the chance, Flashlight had made an advance on Raisha, leaping straight at her. Without a second thought, Ivystar leaped behind her. She didn't take a moment to consider that this would only make things worse, or to remember that she was meant to be rational and considerate in situation such as these. No, this she-cat had violated the one things holding Asylum and RiverClan together. The one thing that had seemingly brought the two groups peace. If she wanted to be violent and break truces, she had more to worry about than one young warrior on her back. Tumbling into the pair of she-cats, Ivystar unleashed her anger in the form of tooth and claw, sending the three of them bowling to the ground.

Raisha had already been badly wounded after Shrikefrost had attacked her, so when she was bowled over by not one, but two she-cats, it was all she could do to keep from crying out in pain. She would not give them the satisfaction of seeing her suffer. And if this was the way she was going to go down, she would go down fighting until her paws gave out. Because no matter if she was Asylum or Clan, she knew who she was. She was a cat who never gave up, never gave in. And the stars forbid she was going to give up now.

She lashed out at the two she-cats pinning her down, writhing as she tried to get out. She fixed a glare on Lyralei, a silent challenge. Was she going to let Raisha die here, proving not only to her, but to the rest of the Asylum how little she cared? Let this be her end, without so much as her promised trial? These cats attacked an Asylum cat, and this time she had not actively provoked that. If anything, the scout Captain should defend her simply on those grounds. Otherwise the Asylum truly had lost.

Lyralei listened patiently to Eos' explanation, nodding once as it came to an end. Her sharp gaze then turned to Raisha, who took a tentative step forward before delving into her side of the story. Her eyes narrowed slightly as Raisha claimed that the clan cats had been the ones to attack first. If that had been the case, then she certainly could not be faulted for defending herself. Lyralei was a scout by nature, the way of the faction being groomed into her since she could walk. They watched, and listened, but in this case Lyralei had little to go on. Raisha wasn't acting unusually tense or distraught, while the clan cats were angry. That was understandable, however, given they now had kin to bury. She was preparing to respond when Flashlight returned, giving a more thorough explanation of things how she had experienced them. The passion in her mew made it easy to imagine she was telling the truth, and Lyralei looked between the two she-cats. One, or perhaps even both, wasn't telling the truth. Her ear flicked slightly at Ivystar's words. One thing was decidedly certain though, a clan cat was dead, and it was an Asylum cat that killed them. Once again, she moved to respond, only to be halted by a flash of fur as Flashlight attacked Raisha in front of all the gathered cats, the leader, and herself. The shock was only doubled when Ivystar then flung herself in the fray, and Lyralei's cold anger turned into a fury.

She waited a couple heartbeats to find an opening before it finally came, and in an instant her teeth had met Ivystar's scruff. With a firm yank, she pulled the leader away from the other two cats, and like shadows three asylum cats moved to stand around RiverClan's leader silently. They did not attack, their claws remained sheathed, but they watched for any movement from Ivystar as Lyralei turned back to the other two she-cats. Immediately she jumped between them, hissing as claws met her shoulder and other her hind leg before she forcefully separated the two, a furious yowl ripping from her throat and echoing through the camp into the territory beyond. "ENOUGH!" She screeched, feeling the blood ooze from the wound at her shoulder and lashing her tail at the sensation. "Raisha will face the punishment appropriate for her crime, but it is not to you to decide what that punishment will be, have I made myself clear?" She growled, glaring between Raisha and Flashlight before four more Asylum cats surrounded each of them, two on either side. Whipping to look at Ivystar, she hissed. "What kind of leader are you? Is this what you would do had it been one of your own, or one from another clan? Or is your hatred of us so embedded that you would attack one much younger than you when they are already in combat? I thought higher of you, Ivystar." With the three she-cats separated, Lyralei took a deep breath, forcing her fur to lay flat across her shoulders. Turning to Eos' once more, she mewed loud enough for every cat to hear.

"Eosphoros, thank you. Please gather three patrols of our own cats to resume hunting, and two to patrol the borders. RiverClan will mourn in peace through the day and night, without worry of their prey pile dwindling or their borders being unchecked. Asylum will mourn their loss with them, and know that something like this will not happen again, or I will personally rip their throats out before every cat. I do hope I've made myself clear." She growled, long claws flexing into the marshy earth underpaw. Turning back to the three she-cats, her tail lashed angrily behind her. "Given the situation, Ivystar and Flashlight will remain here for now to mourn their fallen. However, at dawn we will meet Eris to explain everything. Raisha, you will come with me to her now." She mewed, gesturing to Raisha and the two cats around her. "I will return at dawn to lead you both to her so Eris is aware of the whole situation, from all sides. I will clarify that this is no longer an option, but in fact a demand, Ivystar." She hissed before nodding to the guards who surrounded the two RiverClan she-cats. Turning towards the camp entrance, she motioned for Raisha and her guards to follow while the ones around Ivystar and Flashlight kept them in place.