day to day

Moons had passed, and the Asylum remained. They could stay or go, and not much would matter to Sunshade. Really, the only thing that bothered her about it was that she couldn't learn anything of the other Clans when there were no Gatherings - she'd already seen the Moonstone in her younger days, and while it was a shame their current youth couldn't see its splendor for themselves and speak with StarClan, it wasn't nearly as important as the time they spent among the living. They couldn't leave camp without an escort - well, she so rarely left anyway, when her leg tended to bother her and she didn't want to weigh down any warriors by asking them to accompany her.

So she spent her time in the camp, as she always had, offering advice - helpful or not - to the cats that dwelled within. Clan or not, that didn't matter; as far as she was concerned, these Asylum cats could use a better influence. One she was happy to provide, as she tried to do for all of ShadowClan. And now, as she often did when the kits were occupied amongst themselves - playing or fighting, it didn't matter so long as it wasn't serious (at which point she would be obligated to break them up, ideally without truly upsetting them, a task best avoided altogether) - she turned her gaze to the rest of the cats around her.

Ichtaca paced back and forth. The recent capture of Murkystrike had set her on edge, and a number of Asylum cats had glared her away, so she decided she might fit with the clan cats better. Her rabbit pelt had been ditched in the dirt outside of camp, and she probably won't be wearing it again. She no longer belonged. The Asylum would look down on her, sure, but it wasn't as if they didn't already.

Now, the small she-cat paced about at the edge of the Nursery, too agitated to settle down but too lost to know where else to go. She didn't want to run straight into the forest in case some crazed Asylum cat decided to attack her. In a way, she found it funny that she trusted the clan cats with her life more than she trusted the Asylum.

Often, Sunshade watched the happenings of ShadowClan with interest, and she rarely let them pass her by without comment. Today, though, the cat pacing near the nursery seemed upset - Sunshade recognized her as one of those Tanglerose - no, Tavora, that was what she was going by now, wasn't it? - had singled out not too long ago. The one that had, notably, not been dragged out of the camp and made some form of prisoner.

The other queens had busied themselves with the kits, for now, and she was free to watch her clanmates and their captors without additional responsibility. She often did mother the rest of them just as she would the kits, admittedly - they deserved, in her mind, that sort of parental support.

(They deserved what she wished she'd had, in all honesty; and so she would provide it where she could.)

Finally, when it grew too much to keep her silence, she was relieved to actually address the cat nearby whose name she couldn't quite place. "Can't keep still, I see. Something on your mind?"

A voice startled Ichtaca out of her worrying. She turned her head to see an older she-cat nearby, watching her. The runt started for a moment, surprised, before realising that this was a ShadowClan cat. It wasn't too hard to tell a regular clan cat from an Asylum cat. Even if the Asylum cat wasn't wearing a pelt, chances are they look at Ichtaca in a more condescending manner than a clan cat. Of course, that wasn't always true, but it was true most of the time.

"I suppose yes." Ichtaca murmured in response, walking a little closer. "Do...you guys blame me for Murkystrike being taken away?" She asked the other cat. That was the question that had bothered her ever since Murkystrike's "trial". She was nervous that ShadowClan was upset at her for causing it.

"I can't deny that those around us are likely to blame you," Sunshade admitted. "As for me... Over the course of my life, I've gathered enough grudges to hold. I see no need to add your name to that list. There is blame to be laid and placed everywhere you look. A battle won is another lost; cause and effect. One succeeds, another fails; that's the way of things."

Her tenure as a ShadowClan queen was long and storied by now; long enough that much of ShadowClan was made of cats she'd known in their youth. It stung to lose one of them, each time it happened, but it was also inevitable: life was not eternal, death would come for them all given a chance, and the world would carry on despite it all. Murkystrike's absence may have lent a more shadowed atmosphere to the clan - acknowledgement of Asylum's power, a power that meant almost nothing to her.

"All this to say: No, I don't think I do."

Ichtaca felt a rush of relief at Sunshade's explanation that she didn't blame her, though her anxiety peaked at the mention that most other clan cats may blame her. "Thank you..." She murmured in response to Sunshade, her tail wrapped around her paws.

There was a momentary pause before she spoke again. "Is there...A way to apologise to the clan? Say that I'm sorry for what I've done, and that I'll do whatever it takes to get Murkystrike out of there?" Her paw scratched at the ground nervously.