Disillusion [Ashstorm]

Beechface had calmed down from the explosive argument with her sibling that had happened a few days ago, and had gone out of her way to avoid most of them, and Wolfstar. She just... didn't want to deal with any of them right now.

Her pawsteps had taken her in the direction of the gravesites. Sagelight's grave was now smooth, as if the frost-covered earth had never been disturbed when they'd buried him after returning to the territory. With a sigh, Beechface sat, staring at the patch of earth as if it might hold some sort of answers for her. Some indication that her family wasn't actually falling apart.

Nothing.

After a while, Beechface stood and slowly turned away from her mentor's grave. An asylum cat had followed her, but she paid no attention to the rogue as she made her way through the territory. The frigid air and clouds above promised snow, and Beechface didn't really feel like going back to camp. She could almost feel the rogue that was forced to watch over her shive, and a petty part of her smiled at the thought. The cold hardly bothered Beechface with her long fur, but the poor rogue wasn't one of the weirdos who wore a pelt across his short pelt. That meant he was suffering.

Good.

She hadn't been looking for her sister, instead she went out to hunt.  She spotted Beechface near the gravesites, through the trees.  A million horrible thoughts about herself flooded Ashstorm's mind.  She sighed and just wanted to leave, but she knew she couldn't.  She knew if she left, she would have been thinking about what would have happened if she stayed.  Would her sister forgive her?  Would the yelling increase and she leave feeling broken?  She shook her head.  She really hoped that her sister would forgive her instead of continuing to treat her like an enemy.

As Beechface began to walk away, Ashstorm walked towards the side of her, stopping a couple fox lengths away.  "Beechface!" She said with a sigh.  "I just wanted to say I'm really sorry.  I really didn't mean to make you or anyone else mad and I definitely didn't want the large Asylum cat to insult Primroselight.  I don't know what they were thinking.  I don't know what I was thinking either."

Beechface had picked up on her sister's scent, but had fully intended on ignoring her and continuing on. Ashstorm wasn't someone she particularly wanted to speak to at the moment. Immature? Perhaps. But Beechface was in no mood to listen to her sister defend the rogues or stumble over more apologies that she wasn't sure were genuine.

So of course, Ashstorm called out to her... And started apologizing. Beechface's tail lashed in displeasure, but she said nothing. She'd already felt like a foxheart for making her younger sister cry by snapping at her, even if she'd still stand by what she said.

"Ashstorm, don't..." She began, uncertain, almost hesitant. There was an undercurrent of frustration in Beechface's tone. Why was she dragging this up still? Had her yelling scared the young warrior that much?

On that thought, she probably had. She'd made her cry, and Wolfstar had been furious with her for her outburst. His words still stung, far more than anything Dawnhawk or Copperfox could say.

A frustrated breath left the medicine cat as she eyed her younger sister, though she struggled to force the anger down before speaking. She understood that losing her temper wouldn't help the situation.

"Look, I'm... Sorry for snapping at you the way I did. I... Could've handled that better, I guess. But I can't forgive my fox-hearted littermate for what he's done and allowed to happen. I know he was your mentor, and you're young enough to not realize how much things truly have changed for most of the clan." Like the fact that they were being followed, everywhere they went. Beechface's gaze slid past her sister and hardened as they landed on the rogue that had been trailing them.

Ashstorm listened carefully to what her sister said.  Apparently, both her and Beechface looked back at the Asylum cat following them when her sister mentioned how much the clan changed, which would have made her laugh, if the circumstances were different.  Ashstorm sighed.  Her sister and probably everyone else had mistook what she had said.

"I never expected anyone to forgive Dawnhawk," she said sadly, looking towards the ground before lifting her gaze to meet her sister's eyes.  "I'm not even sure if I have completely." A quick pause took place as Ashstorm thought about this, before getting back to the conversation a moment later.  "I just wanted people to try to think about what's good rather than what's bad.  I also-" She swallowed, somewhat afraid that the next thing she said would bring her to tears again.  "I did not want to see our family tear each other apart.  I feel like we are all hurting each other more than the Asylum is hurting us.  I didn't want to-"  Another small pause took place as tears began to come to her eyes.  "Have any of my family loose more family than they already have."

"I... Think I get where you're coming from. I don't want to lose any family either, not with dad-" Beechface spoke slowly after Ashstorm had stopped speaking. Claws dug into the frost-coated earth unhappily as her gaze returned to her sister.

"I hate that they follow us everywhere and watch our every move. They make minimal effort to help on patrols and won't interfere when predators attack our warriors. I can't speak to my own mother without some stranger barging in and poking his nose where it doesn't belong." She huffed, "They're treating us like kits who can't do anything without supervision, except instead of a stern talking to we're threatened with claws at every misstep." She spat, tail lashing once more in anger as her gaze slid back to their escort, defiant and unfriendly.

"I hate that too," she said honestly and sighed.  "I can't do anything without them following me and it makes me-" She paused trying to find the right word to use.  "Feel like a prisoner."  She remembered telling Dawnhawk that she did not like them watching them and treating them all like a kit as well.  She had many similarities with her sister, but definitely may differences as well.  "I am not saying I hate them either.  I have... Very conflicting feelings.  I don't expect anyone to see the same way I do or anything, I just want everyone to stop fighting."  She looked back at the cat who was following her.  "And definitely hate how much they all watch us!" She made sure to speak louder so the cat who followed her could hear.