Batpaw's Moonstone Journey

...Flintstar didn't want to be doing this. He stood outside of the apprentice's den, fur prickling as he felt locked into place. This ought to be Mothglow's job - it was Mothglow's job...But she was dead. His ears twitched as his gaze fell to his paws, a huff escaping him. It was a fact that he couldn't deny, that for all of his effort to make ShadowClan strong...They were without a medicine cat. But as Freckleface as reminded him, there were now duties that were being left unperformed and he couldn't expect Ravenmist to lead the apprentices to the Moonstone. So...It fell onto him. With a shake of his head, he pressed forward and stepped into the den, eyes falling on the thin form of Batpaw. The leader couldn't help but wince, pain striking at his heart as he thought back onto the events that had brought Batpaw to the camp. Mothglow had been like a mother to him - he had to imagine the apprentice wasn't taking her death any better but the leader hadn't been around to see how his Clanmates were suffering. He had been to busy with his own grief. "Batpaw," he rumbled softly, stepping over to prod the tom with his large paws. "Its time for your Moonstone...Come along," he said, turning and exiting the den without another word to be shared between the two. He came to a stop at the entrance, where he had piled together some herbs. It was far from the neat bundle that Mothglow would manage - his large paws had made it difficult but he was certain it was the right herbs. The smell had been familiar from his own trips to the Moonstone. ...He hoped he had managed to right.

When he first heard the call of his name he had heard Mothglow's voice. Seeing her face in his dreams as she had called her name, but the prod of a large paw made his dream vanish in the mist, bringing him to the reality that it wasn't Mothglow calling his name but Flintstar instead. A pang of pain hitting his heart as he was brought back to the reality of the situation once again.. Mothglow wasn't here anymore.. Not here to give him advice or show him a random herb.. He hated it.

Green eyes looked up at the leader, blinking the drowsiness away from them. His moonstone? Oh.. Right.. the thing Mothglow took all the other apprentices to before they became warriors. He remembered her leaving many times, to go on these trips and she always returned.. She would tell him about the journey she had to make but never really spoke about what happened at the moonstone with the other apprentice.. Another pang hit his heart.. It should be Mothglow doing this right now with him.. His mother.. but it had to be Flintstar instead.. He couldn't help the grief he had felt at the moment, not doing something he was promised he would do with Mothglow.. As much as the grief wanted him to be mad at Flintstar for taking her place in this, he couldn't be. It wasn't the leader's fault.

"Alright." The apprentice simply responded before standing up out of his nest. He shook his short fur free of any moss before following after leader. Green eyes noticed the bundle of herbs that clearly wasn't the work of anyone trained.. He knew that Flintstar tried his best.. It seemed the herbs were correct at least, but they weren't neat. Without another thought he lapped up the herbs before looking at the leader, ready to leave whenever.

Flintstar's tail was drawn closely around him as he quietly watched Batpaw, unsure on what to say...What to do. Was there anything to be said between the two? Was it expected for him to reach out? He just... He wasn't any good at this, he never knew what to say in the most causal of situations...Anything to do with feelings and emotions was far outside of his wheelhouse. Finally, Batpaw stared up at him without a word and the leader pushed himself to his paws. "Come along, stick close," he rumbled as he turned and lead the black apprentice from the camp. He had to hope that this would be a quick trip - already he could feel the awkwardness between the two that was getting underneath his pelt. He...He knew how close Batpaw had been with Mothglow but he had never truly spent much time with the boy - they were barely family, as it was. And he just wasn't sure how to cross that gap that had naturally formed now that their connection to Mothglow was torn asunder.

Batpaw hummed an acknowledgement to his leader's words, but didn't speak up anymore. He didn't know what to say to the fluffy leader. The silence felt heavy, but he couldn't bring himself to break it not after everything. The lanky black tom followed closely behind Flintstar, his yellow green eyes off to the side taking in everything but the leader in front of him. Anything to not talk, anything to not breach the subject that hung between them.

Normally, Flintstar would not mind the silence, but it was uncomfortable...Choking, in some way. He wanted to offer his support - he had lost a sister, yes, but Mothglow had also been like a mother to Batpaw - she had meant much to him. But...What was there to say? 'I'm sorry for your loss?' 'Its going to be okay?' Every word, every phase that came to his head was hollow, meaningless. Nothing that would make it better - what words would ease a spirit? This was not his wheelhouse, he wasn't one for comforting anyways. He just...He had a job to do, he could focus on that. He just...He just wished he knew what to say, to try to bridge the gap and be there for the young lad. His ears twitched, eyes narrowing as he remained focused on his path - hearing the sound of the approaching Thunderpath, but his mind felt like a whirlwind.

Finally, he chose to say the honest truth.

"I...I wish I knew what to say," he admitted, his voice low as he didn't dare look back at the lanky tom that followed him. "Its hurts. We both...Hurt. I wish I knew how to make it better. But everything feels...Wrong. Meaningless. Hollow. I am sorry I did not get to know you well while she was...There for the both of us. But..." he paused, raising his head as he tried to grasp the words he needed. "...We are...Family, through her, I suppose. I am...Erm, willing to try to be here now. Perhaps it is too late - perhaps these may be hollow words as well - but...It is an offer anyways, I suppose.

To be honest he didn't know what to say either. Batpaw still couldn't bring himself to look up at his leader. He understood the hurt Mothglow's death brought everyone in the clan including him but it seemed so much worse for him. Maybe it was because of his close relationship with her, maybe it was his grief making him think that. He appreciated the offer.. Maybe now wasn't the best time to make the offer, but at least the attempt was there. From what he knew of the leader through stories though this was the usual time. "Thanks... I suppose.."

The tom took a deep breath before releasing a deep sigh. "I don't really know what to say either besides that it hurts." All he could hope for tonight is to at least see her at the stone.. or at least be able to know she was alright from whoever he spoke to tonight. That is all he asked for. He wanted to say more, the words sitting on his tongue but nothing would come together into a thought that would express everything well enough.

"I think that is something we can both agree on," the leader meowed softly as the young apprentice admitted to the pain that they were all feeling after Mothglow's tragic death. The pain wasn't something he was completely used to - he had always been so numb to death until it happened to somebody that he cared about. And somehow, some way...It took him by surprise each and every time and made him despise his feelings all the much more.

But it was a start - a start of perhaps the two finding a new relationship together. They both didn't have any more words to say and that was fine by Flintstar. He took charge, picking up the pace ever so slightly once they were past the Thunderpath. The only words he did speak was a gentle reminder to stick close as they stepped into Mothermouth and the dark tunnel that would lead down to their destination. There was a breath of fresh air as they stepped into the cavern, the moon already lighting the Moonstone and casting an array of lights around the cavern. "Step up to the stone and press your nose to it," the leader explained as he stepped to the side. "I will be here when you wake up."

Batpaw followed along silently. The silence that had settled between them was different than before. It felt different in a sense that they managed to get what they wanted to say off their chest. It was nice to say the least, but would things actually change? It seemed like it. Batpaw hoped that would be the case.

The rest of the trip passed on a blur to the younger tom and it was almost like seconds compared to the first part. Before he knew it they were at the shining stone. Press his nose to it? Alright. As soon as he did a chill ran done his spine. His long limbs were settled kind of messily on the cave floor as sleep took him to his dreams.

He soon awoke in Starclan's Marsh territory. It reflected their own but yet it was somehow different.. he could feel hidden stones beneath his paws that lead a secret trail through the marsh. It was like when he first arrived in Shadowclan all those moons ago.. Was Mothglow here? "Hello? Is anyone there?"

"Batpaw! I've been waiting!" Mothglow's excited voice was difficult to mistake for anyone else; just as energetic among the stars as she had been in her life, if not more so - especially now, as a reunion long overdue was set to take place. Her black tabby pelt may have shone with stars, but her eyes were just as bright as they'd ever been. She wasted no time pressing her nose into his fur, as if to make sure it was really him. "Oh, I've missed you...!"

As soon as he saw her he wanted to cry out. He really did. It had been so long too long. Things were too different without her and he didn't like it. This was.. he was so happy that it was her that was here to talk to him but it was going to be so hard to say goodbye once again. "Mothglow... Mom.. I miss you so much.. Things are not the same with you gone.. Things have changed so much.. I don't even know where to begin.." The tall lanky apprentice said to the former medicine cat.

"Oh, Batpaw," Mothglow murmured. She had only had two strong regrets, and one of them was certainly leaving Batpaw behind. "I'm sorry. You know I would've wanted to stay with you, don't you? If only I had the choice... Still, even when I'm not this close, I'll always be with you."

I'll always watch over you, she promised silently.

This, though, would have to be enough. "So tell me everything," she requested, settling nearby and gesturing for him to join her.

"A lot has changed.." Batpaw said, even though he mentioned it before. "Others are giving me space given everything that has happened, but I don't know if I want that.. but I don't know how to approach anyone anymore." The lanky apprentice said. "Honestly I kind of just wish I could hide in the medicine den like I used to." He shifted on his paws uncomfortablly. "At least things are going to change with Flintstar.. Or at least I hope they will."