Feeling Small

Darkkit watched the Clan mill about the clearing, her ear flicking occasionally as she studied her Clanmates. The nursery was bursting since the new kits had arrived, their kin always seemed so bubbly and beaming and they grew like weeds, they were already almost bigger than her. Dovekit was now Dovepaw and had left the nursery, and he had been the only other kit she had really ever spoken to. Granted, one interaction didn't necessarily make him a friend, much less and acquaintance, and she hadn't been the most pleasant. She sighed and scuffled her paws, kicking a moss ball in slight irritation as she glanced around the camp again. She caught sight of a gray tabby pelt and before she knew it her paws were carrying her across the clearing and she approached her mother. She looked up at Nettlestar, her ember eyes looked at her mother's green ones as she settled down beside her. "Can I sleep with you from now on?" She muttered. "The Nursery is full, everyone is bigger and annoying now." She grumbled and kneaded her tiny paws into the ground, digging her claws in. She was beginning to recognize this was something she did when upset, she kneaded the ground subconsciously. Now though, she watched her claws make the smallest marks in the ground under her. The marks were just like her, so small they didn't make that much of a difference. She felt her check constrict as she looked back up at her mother. She was so big, and granted her pelt only added to her size but still, she sported an intimidating stature. Darkkit? She looked like she would blow away if the wind blew hard enough.

Nettlestar wrapped her patchy gray tail around her daughter as she settled beside her.

She looked down at the kit's small frame, her green eyes unknowingly lit with worry. Her whole life she had hated feeling like someone was babying her, or that she was being overprotected, and so she was slightly taken aback by her own instinct to want to shield her own daughter from everything and anything that could hurt her. Hadn't she herself always wanted to be as independent as possible? She supposed becoming a parent simply meant becoming a more contradictory being than before, and she would just have to accept that and try her best to raise her adoptive daughter, find a way to be both protective and encouraging of independence without letting the one do too much to override the other.

"Yes, of course you can," The tall gray-she cat purred, resting her nose on the top of Darkkit's head. "At least until your apprentice ceremony,"

Nettlestar knew that particular day was probably going to happen sooner rather than later. Her daughter may still be small, but she was almost old enough to be apprenticed. Part of Nettlestar wished she was still deputy, so that she could pick a mentor for Darkkit herself. But she'd just have to trust Minkstream would chose well.

She peered back into the kit's eyes. "Are you looking forward to being an apprentice?"

Darkkit nuzzled into her mother's side, enjoying the warmth her tail provided as she wrapped it around her. "If Minkstream doesn't forget about me," She mumbled. "The other kit's look older than me when they're younger than me, I wouldn't be surprised with all the kits if I got overlooked." Her chest heaved in a sigh as she shook her head and looked out at the clearing. She noted that the spot her mother had chosen had a very good vantage point of the camp. "It's good for the Clan though, right? To have so many kits, it just means more apprentices and more warriors so we're strong and prepared should anything ever happen." She dipped her little head in a nod, knowing it was correct and though she never knew what would happen she figured it would always be best to prepare for the worst. She mulled over her mother's question a moment before looking up into her bright green eyes. "I'm looking forward to being great," She mewed with a solid confidence. "I know it won't be right away, but I'll work really hard. I'm smaller, so I can use that to my advantage I suppose. I just don't want the others to look down on me, or feel bad for me. I want to learn to be someone they can look up to, that they know is strong and capable on their own." She leaned further into her mother's side and nuzzled her fur. "I wanna be like you, Mama."

"He is not going to forget you, I promise," Nettlestar said, giving her daughter a sympathetic nudge. It was true her daughter looked younger and smaller than the other kits her age, but that didn't mean she wouldn't make a great apprentice and great warrior someday. "And yes, it is very good for the clan that we have so many kits. We are lucky to have you and all your denmates as part of this clan."

Nettlestar gave a knowing nod to her daughter's response to her question. They may not be related by blood, but it was startling how much the young kit reminded her of herself. All her life she too had wanted nothing more than to be great, to show her strength and worth, and be like her father. She could relate strongly to Darkkit's desire to not be looked down on. She remembered how much she felt like she had to prove herself after her accident as an apprentice, how she had wanted to do anything she could to avoid being pitied.

"Oh, little one," The tall gray tabby said softly, "I already see so much of myself in you, you know,"