To Hurt or Heal [Wolfcall]

Beechpaw silently sorted through Skyclan's herb store, shoulders tense as she picked and set aside herbs. A broken rib wasn't treated like a broken leg or tail, Sagelight had said. There was no way to bind it without the potential for further injury, and while she wasn't thrilled with her former mentor at the moment, further injury was the last thing she wanted for him.

Cobwebs, comfrey root, goldenrod... That would have to do, she decided. Preventing infection and healing the wound were important, and cobwebs would hold the poultice together. If she could convince her patient to actually rest, that would be even better, but much like with her harebrained parents, Beechpaw had a feeling that would be a lost cause. That massive thing they called a dog could've killed them all easily, and they chose to fight instead. If they'd made one slip up, that would've been it. Sure, it was dead now, but it had still done damage. It could've been avoided had they all bolted up a tree like sensible cats. But no, Bloodstrike and Smokefeather had leapt in to fight. And what else was Beechpaw supposed to do, run and hide? No. She couldn't have left them there. Bloodstrike had been right to jump in. If they hadn't distracted the dog, it would've continued to go after Wolfcall and things would've been worse off.

The apprentice stalked away from the stores in search of her former mentor. Hiding that she was in a bad mood had never been something she was good at, so she didn't bother. Fur ruffled and steps quick, anyone close enough to see her might've gotten out of her way with haste.

"Wolfcall," Beechpaw's tail twitched in irritation as she spotted her former mentor. "I come bearing gifts." Her tone was dry and... not as friendly as she had been going for. Whoops. Still, she was here to heal the physical wounds. Sympathy hadn't been her strong suit, ever. Maybe Aspenheart was right, maybe she did need to learn some sympathy. She'd work on that, eventually. Maybe when she wasn't still feeling so bitter about everything. Maybe if Sagelight came to his senses and realized that the clan was better off with her as a warrior and with him taking on one of the kits as an apprentice, she'd think about it.

She'd said the stupid vow, had told herself that she'd work as hard to learn the ways of a medicine cat as she had a warrior. That didn't mean she had to like it. And it was partly Wolfcall's fault. He was deputy, he could have just told Sagelight to find another apprentice.

The days in RiverClan's camp passed at an agonizing crawl. In some ways, Wolfcall wished they had stayed in their Twolegplace home... at least there, they could call it their own, do things at their own pace, claim some sort of independence from the rest of the world. Here, though, side-by-side with the RiverClan cats, they had none of that. The SkyClan deputy had been, admittedly, less than grateful for their neighbors' kindness. While he did on some levels appreciate the safety that being here provided for the elders, and the apprentices, and the wounded, Wolfcall himself couldn't bear to stay within the clan's innermost territory any more than he absolutely had to. This had taken a toll on his relationship with his clanmates, and even Blossomstep.

He returned now to RiverClan's camp with a squirrel clamped between his jaws. He would never take from the fishing cats' cache, but he did feel obligated to add to it, even if the RiverClanners considered land prey to be second to fish. Perhaps one of his own clanmates would benefit from it, but he didn't plan on sticking around long enough to find out. He dropped it on their kill pile and turned in one swift movement, head low, ears back, and made for the entrance of camp, but Beechpaw's voice calling his name stopped him short, and the deputy glanced over his shoulder to see her approaching, herbs in tow.

"You shouldn't have," he said with as much humor as he could muster, which, was... not a lot. He wasn't stubborn enough to not admit they helped with the physical pain, and refusing them would be foolish. A quiet sigh escaped him, and he tried, though unsuccessfully, to appear relaxed. "How are you?" He asked. "And everyone else. Adderpaw? Bloodstrike?"

Beechpaw watched as the Skyclan deputy dropped a squirrel onto the fresh kill pile, then beckoned him over with a wave of her tail.

"Sit." She told him, pointing at one of the nests. Once he'd done so, the apprentice would begin to carefully remove the old herbs that had been pressed against the wounds. They didn't smell or look like they were infected, so she began to apply the fresh poultice. Once that was done, she used the cobwebs to keep the herbs in place.

She shouldn't have? Beechpaw rolled her eyes, "Well, someone had the bright idea that I should be medicine cat. And someone else didn't tell the first someone that they were out of their mind. I'm fine, really." Oh, Beechpaw wasn't bitter, no, not at all. Her ears were only pinned back in annoyance because she didn't enjoy being in Riverclan territory. Yes, that was definitely it.

The question about the others let her get away from the topic, at least for the moment. "They'll be okay, nothing we can do about the scarring though... If they'd actually stay still and rest when Sagelight tells them to it might make things go a bit smoother. That goes for you, too." She added, giving the deputy a sharp look. She worried for Bloodstrike, especially. He... hadn't been okay with Mistrain's death being confirmed. And Adderpaw... Her wounds were severe, the recovery process was slow and no doubt agonizing. Neither were in danger of dying now, at least, but Adderpaw especially needed to be kept watch of. Bloodstrike too, if for an entirely different reason.

His former apprentice's scathing retort was met with an exasperated snort from the deputy, and he simmered for a but while she tended to his wounds. The punctures from the dog's teeth were mostly healed, but the broken rib would take some time still. He knew she was right about it healing faster if he rested, but Wolfcall, at his soul, was a restless creature, and that was something that did not come easily to him.

"You know that wasn't my call," he told her patiently, ears slicking back to lay against his head. "StarClan gave Sagelight the sign that you were to be his next apprentice, and I told you that it was your decision in the end. If you're regretting that decision, that's for you to figure out, not misplace your blame on to me." His words ended a little more snappily than he intended, but truth be told he was not in the mood for a guilt trip. The deputy had done many things wrong during his lifetime, but forcing Beechpaw into being a Medicine Cat Apprentice was not one of them.

Finished with applying the cobwebs, Beechpaw stepped away from Wolfcall. A frustrated breath escaped the she-cat at her former mentor's words. He was right, of course, her frustrations needed an outlet and he was simply the easiest target for it. He'd been called into Sagelight's den that day, he was here now.

"I know it's not your fault," she muttered, finally, "I just wish I understood the reasoning behind it. It can't really just be because Starclan said so, right? Was I not cut out to be a warrior?" Her last question seemed laughable, truly. Beechpaw had gotten into her share of fights, having started more than her fair share of them and having fought to protect her clanmates from harm; the scars that were mostly hidden by her fur were proof of that much. She was a decent hunter, but fighting came naturally to the apprentice, even as a kit. As time wore on she was less sure of what she was doing, so surely there must have been some fault in her that would have Sagelight... Startclan, choose one such as her for an apprentice?

The fight seemed to leave Beechpaw as his words struck true, and Wolfcall softened his own features, letting a guilty sigh fall from his lips at her response. He stretched his forelegs out, grimacing at the discomfort it caused. "Beechpaw, you would have been a brilliant warrior." The deputy's eyes found his former apprentice's and he held her gaze, steady and serious.

"Why StarClan chose you is no mystery to me. You're smart, you're loyal, and you'll do whatever it takes to protect your clan, and your family. Becoming a medicine cat doesn't mean you're any less valuable to SkyClan - in fact, a clan needs its healers the same way, perhaps moreso, than it needs its leader and deputy. StarClan chose you because you're the right cat for the job, Beechpaw, and you shouldn't doubt yourself. I have complete faith that you'll excel at whatever they ask of you, because you did the same when you were my apprentice. It's just who you are. You don't know how to give less than a hundred percent, and that's what we need in our next medicine cat."

Eyes narrowed slightly in concern as the dark tom stretched and was clearly discomforted, but Beechpaw opted to say nothing as Wolfcall started speaking.

Beechpaw shifted slightly, meeting her former mentor's eyes warily as he spoke. Her fluffy tail twitched back and forth, a sign that she was still frustrated (and perhaps had inherited something from Smokefeather that wasn't just long fur), but her indignant anger was fading.

The sureness that Wolfcall responded with was reassuring. Beechpaw's posture slowly relaxed as Wolfcall continued speaking. His words weren't enough to remove all of her doubts, but it was a relief to know that someone believed that she'd do a good job as medicine cat. That someone thought her being chosen wasn't because of some perceived failure on her part as a warrior.

The clan needed healers, just as it needed warriors. Wolfcall was right. Even now, the knowledge of that responsibility lurked, and Beechpaw would be lying if she said that it didn't scare her. There was the insecurity again, and with it the feeling that she wasn't meant for the role, even now.

"What if my best isn't enough?" She asked quietly, giving voice to the doubt. Sagelight and Wolfcall... Even Bloodstrike and Smokefeather always seemed so sure of themselves. It was enviable.

Beechpaw closed her eyes for a moment, and took a steadying breath before lifting her gaze to Wolfcall's once more.

"I owe you an apology, Wolfcall. I shouldn't have lashed out at you like I did." To Beechpaw, apologizing wasn't something that had ever come easily, but she owed the deputy that much. Her earlier outburst had been unfair.

"You don't owe me anything," Wolfcall assured her gently. Of that much, he was sure. Beechpaw had excelled at being his apprentice in the short time they had together, and he understood that the jolting change from warrior apprentice to medicine cat apprentice, especially when it wasn't exactly well received, was definitely hard on her. He hadn't exactly been a bundle of sunshine lately, either. The deputy shook his head. "I have faith in you, Beechpaw. So does Sagelight, and so does the entirety of StarClan. You can do this, I know you can. And even though you're not technically my apprentice anymore... if you ever need help, you can come to me. Just remember that. I'll always be here for you."

Beechpaw had been prepared to scoff at his words; of course he would say she didn't need to apologize. But that was her former mentor.

His next words, as per usual as of late, caught the large she-cat off guard. Yellow-green eyes met gold, searching. Searching for... What, truth? She'd never known Wolfcall to lie to anyone, he'd always been honest and kept his word. Perhaps it was her own doubts she searched for a reflection of in his gaze.

His words truly did seem genuine. And... it was a relief to know that someone in the clan had her back and supported her. Her parents always had of course, as had Primrosepaw, but... Beechpaw knew she hadn't been the only cat completely nonplussed by the change. Her brother hadn't had the chance to say anything to her yet, but she dreaded the possibility even so. Wolfcall had said Starclan supported her, and that he and Sagelight supported her, but would the rest of the clan? How was Wolfcall so sure of her?

"I- Thank you, Wolfcall. I needed to hear that." Beechpaw managed with a smile. Awkwardness prickled at her pelt, the she-cat unsure what she could really say. Perhaps it would be best if she ducked out of the conversation entirely.

"I suppose I should leave you to rest..." She added, putting emphasis on the word rest. He looked like he needed it.

He hadn't been planning to rest, but the moment she suggested it, Wolfcall's limbs ached with fatigue. He smiled wearily, leaning over to gently headbutt his granddaughter's shoulder. "You're gonna do great, kid," he said quietly, and then nodded slowly at her, "I suppose I should get some sleep, you're right." He wouldn't sleep here, though. He couldn't bring himself to. The smell of fish and RiverClan just set him on edge, he'd never get used to it and had resented every moment they spent here.

He shook his pelt, moved past her towards the camp's entrance, and headed for his spot close to the edge of SkyClan's ruined territory.