Turn Me into Ashes [open for SkyClan]

Smokefeather listened in stony silence as Spottedstar spoke. The tom had to have been in pain, his voice alone sounded awful. Yet Smokefeather could hardly muster any sympathy for him. How could she, when her friend... someone she'd thought of as her own sister... that she'd been closer to than her own brother, was dead.

The long-furred she-cat hardly heard Sagelight's words, head bowed in grief. Movement caught her eye, and she briefly let her tail graze Wolfcall's shoulder as he passed her. He wasn't the only one who needed to be alone right now.

A soft hiss of anger was the only sound Smokefeather made as she turned away from the meeting. Mistrain's death was on Spottedstar's head, as far as she was concerned. He'd buried her, he'd brought back the news. Why couldn't he have saved her? Their leader got to walk away from the fire with his life, why couldn't he have saved Mistrain?

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Beechpaw sat silently near Spottedstar and her brother, listening quietly to his announcements. Mistrain and Murkpelt were dead. If they'd been with the tom, it wasn't surprising in the slightest, really. She hadn't been close to either she-cat, and hadn't known Murkpelt at all, but Mistrain had been family. She'd seen how close her parents had been to the she-cat. She'd been Dustpaw's mentor, and now Mistrain was gone. And she, her other siblings... They'd been terrible to the she-cat in life, hadn't they? Regret burned in the back of Beechpaw's throat, but her face remained still.

Beechpaw heard her brother's quiet voice, and twitched an ear in acknowledgement, eyes following his gaze up into the trees. Oh.

Oh, Bloodstrike was furious.

It was no surprise, really. The dark tom had been... not himself since the fire. Distant, cold. Lost in whatever was haunting him. It hadn't been her place to pry, not that they'd have time for that.

Spottedstar finished speaking, and Beechpaw heard Sagelight's words, but paid them little mind, more focused on her father when he made his way down from the tree. Smokefeather had stalked off after Wolfcall did, there would be no support there.

When her father more or less bowled Dawnpaw over on his way to where Spottedstar stood, Beechpaw tensed. She'd never seen Bloodstrike this angry. Right, she needed to do something before the irate furball decided to do something everyone would regret.

Striding forward, Beechpaw moved to stand in front of Spottedstar as Sagelight attempted to get between them, lifting her head to look Bloodstrike in the eye. Only she didn't really need to lift her head. She was nearly her father's height, she realized somewhat belatedly.

"Wrenspring is right, this infighting won't do us any good." She said simply, though her body language made it clear that if either tom decided it was better to start a real fight, they'd have to go through her first.

A familiar pelt stood out from among the others, and Blossomstep lifted her head wearily. The smoke had left her with a cough, singed whiskers crooked and uneven and raw paw pads from the trek in unfamiliar territory. Spottedstar... A light appeared in her eyes as she shakily stood, starting to make her way over as her old mentor started to speak... But the news he brought sent her world crumbling down yet again. Unable to prevent the gasp of pain that she saw reflected in her beloved mate's eyes, she felt as though the world were spinning as Wolfcall dashed away without a word, disappearing into the maze of unknown around them.

Everything seemed so distant, the figures around her fading as their voices echoed in the background as her memories momentarily took over. Mistrain... Her kit... Visions of the small squirming mass that she had nursed in SkyClan's nursery brought tears to her eyes before the pride of the warrior ceremony where the she-cat had received her name sent them tumbling down her face, her breaths ragged as the pain threatened to overwhelm her. Voices started to come back into focus, and her ears twitched as she heard a familiar name. Bloodstrike. Her only tom. Her eyes zeroed in on him suddenly, standing next to Spottedstar. His expression was filled with anger, bordering hatred, something that was a bit of a surprise in the moment. His stance was certainly aggressive, and she found her paws carrying her closer.

Stepping next to her son, she pressed her nose gently into the fur at his shoulder and whispered in a quiet, broken mew. "Bloodstrike... Please. Not now... I..." Taking a shaky breath, she lifted her head to look at Spottedstar, grief and pain at the horrid death her daughter had faced clear in her gaze. "I... I wish it was different. I wish she returned with you. But if she wasn't meant to, I'm grateful that at least she was buried in her home instead of in this StarClan forsaken place. Thank...." The words hurt, but she spat them out. "Thank you for taking the time to give my daughter a proper burial." Turning back to her son, she brushed her wispy tail across his cheek in a gentle caress. "Bloodstrike... Please help me find your father. I want to mourn her properly - as a family. Please at least give me that." She mewed, tears coursing through the fur at her cheeks.

Why had this happened? Was it her fault, for defying the orders of Spottedstar at that Gathering? Or was it Spottedstar's fault for walking away in the face of the Righteous Few? Regardless, her daughter was dead, buried what seemed like moons away in the current circumstances. Her life cut far too short by the raging fire that had claimed far more than they could have ever imagined - their home, their territory, their family and friends.... Her head hung low as she began to pad away in the direction Wolfcall had vanished, tail lightly dragging across the ground in her wake.

The babble of voices came to her ears as Swansong padded across the strange cracked stone that seemed to be everywhere in Twolegplace, a sparrow that smelled more of the unnatural-ness of Twolegplace than it did of prey swinging from her jaws. Her ears swiveled slightly to better catch it, her step pausing for a moment on a patch of scraggly grass poking through the hard ground beneath her paws, before she hurried forwards, electric worry itching in her pelt as she broke into a trot. What's going on back there?

Over the taste and smell of prey in her mouth, she could catch the scents of her Clanmates wafting through the broken and crumbling structures around her - one in particular making her heart beat faster. Is it...? His voice rose above the mutters she'd heard before, and she hastened her pace to a lope - as quick as she dared in this broken environment with its sharp edges. StarClan knew Sagelight didn't need another pair of paws to use his precious supply of herbs on. Rounding a broken wall, she came to a torn gap in the side of the place they now called home, squeezing through and wincing as it scr@ped her pelt. Her eyes came up to see the battered tom standing on a broken pile of rock and twisted twoleg junk, her ears catching the last half of his announcement as her sides moved rhythmically. Murkpelt... Mistrain... the territory.... She barely had time to take in his words or register Wolfcall fleeing before a heavy thud spilled through the air, ominous in the quiet whispers.

Her eyes caught his dark, hulking form stalk straight past his own son to stand in front of Spottedstar, every hair on his pelt seeming to radiate a dark anger, pulsing, close to losing control and bursting free in a surge of pure rage. Paws stuck to the earth, shock at Spottedstar's return and his announcement numbing her, she could only watch as he hissed something at the leader - as Wrenspring came forward, and Beechpaw. Their words filled her with a sudden clutching dread, visions of blood spattering and blue-green eyes in a fiery face flashing before her. Don't-!

Her breath caught in her throat as Blossomstep came forward and pressed her nose into Bloodstrike's shoulder, murmuring quiet words, and then she felt it leak out in hesitant relief as it seemed to calm the volatile tom. Finally, she stirred from her place, frozen at the back, and set her sparrow down, the slightly acrid edge to its feathers leaving an unpleasant taste on her tongue. Their home... gone. She couldn't summon the ability to feel anything other than a numb shock at the thought of the beauty of the pine trees turned to a Dark Forest of ashes and drifting smoke. At the death of her Clanmates, drifting into endless sleep in the choking heat.

What... what will we do?

The leader's eyes opened again to see Wolfcall leaving and Bloodstrike advancing on him with aggression enough to send small foxes running. The reactions of both toms were quite expected, but that didn't mean Spottedstar was happy about them. He kept his composure as his grandson snarled venomous words into his ear that any cat that hadn't been criticized for every action they'd ever taken might have shriveled from. He'd simply heard it all before--except for the part where Bloodstrike demanded he resign. Was he serious? Did he even know what he was asking? 'His anger is stopping him from seeing anything but a target. I can't blame him for reacting the way I would have at his age.' Well, perhaps he wouldn't charge his leader in the middle of a Clan meeting and try to guilt him into handing over his power for a natural disaster that couldn't reasonably be stopped. Face grave and fur still lying flat, the SkyClan leader took a step back to allow Sagelight space to intervene. Wrenspring and Sagelight's genuine defense was touching beyond words for the weary tomcat, and even Beechpaw's dry response was better than nothing. He nodded softly to Blossomstep, wondering why things had all gone wrong with her.

"You want me to resign?" Spottedstar met Bloodstrike's gaze, even and unwavering, as he freely aired out what the warrior had demanded. One single cat's opinion would never have any weight in such a demand, but perhaps if the whole Clan agreed, it would be worth considering... not in this situation, though. Not with things as chaotic and dismal as they were. "If you cared about your father... you wouldn't demand something like that. You don't know what leadership does to cats... you never knew me as anything but a leader. Leadership isolates. Leadership creates an inner turmoil that... breaks down even previously unbothered warriors. Wolfcall is deeply hurt. You think... that your pain is unique? Are you the only one who knew Mistrain and Murkpelt?" Spottedstar's voice, rough like the growls of monsters, grew sharp. His eyes narrowed, frustration breaking through his apathetic shell. It seemed like anger was the only emotion that could escape his walls ever since his leadership started. "I love my son. I've made a mistake. I will start over as many times as I need to... to make things right for all of us. And I'll do it before I force Wolfcall to bear the unforgiving burden of leadership. 'If Starclan had any justice or cared about us, it wouldn't have been you that returned.' Do you... even listen to yourself? Do you think that, right now, Wolfcall... could handle the kind of criticism you throw at me? Or will your father be deserving of second chances when I am not?"

Spottedstar sank into Sagelight's side, all anger and energy leaving him with a deep sigh. "I sinned by acting in SkyClan's best interest at the time... before you were even born, yet you can't... get enough of attacking me for the same thing over and over again. Even if it was a mistake, it was one, and yet still... somehow too many." He rested his ashen cheek against the medicine cat's neck. Speaking was causing his lungs to burn like the fire that reduced his home to cinders, and he was becoming more aware of the fact that his 'rest' the night before had been less of a rest and more of a nightmare. The golden tom was becoming lightheaded. "I don't want to repair any relationship with you, Bloodstrike. You blame me for things I have no control over... and have only accused and insulted me... without even trying to understand me. You haven't taken any steps to... fix things between us, either, yet I'm the one responsible for our 'relationship.'" He only shook his head gently, burying his face deeper into his brother's fur. "Take me somewhere else, Sagelight... I need... to breathe..."

Dawnpaw had tried to hold Bloodstrike back... but it was like his father didn't even know he was there. He was shoved aside by what felt like a rolling rock. He was probably luck to have not been squashed, in all honesty. As Bloodstrike hissed his words into Spottedstar's ear and others tried their best to intervene, Dawnpaw could only stare. He knew very vague reasons as to why his dad didn't like Spottedstar, but Bloodstrike and Smokefeather had never gone into full detail. Perhaps that was best.


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Bloodstrike rotated an ear around to listen to Wrenspring, but he did nothing else to really acknowledge the other warrior. Had he not been one lousy excuse away from trying to plunge his fangs into Spottedstar's jugular, he may have turned to remind Wrenspring that he commanded nothing and no one, and the only one that should be standing down was him. Bloodstrike at least, shared close family bloodlines with Spottedstar, while Wrenspring did not. As far as Bloodstrike was concerned, he outranked Wrenspring, despite both being of warrior titles.

Sagelight made some sort of attempt to shoulder Bloodstrike out of the way, but Bloodstrike stood like a stone and never budged. He never even blinked as the shorter medicine cat forced his way through to protect his brother. Still, the thought of Sagelight trying to fight Bloodstrike of all cats brought the tiniest twitch upward at the corners of Bloodstrike's mouth. He was sure Sagelight was only acting out of good faith to show that he cared about his sibling, and Bloodstrike could understand and certainly respect that much, but he was also very sure that they both knew who would come out alive in that fight. As for his daughter speaking out, it didn't surprise him. She had always been level headed, even during times when she wasn't at her best she always had some sliver of common sense. While he was silently proud of her for trying to do the right thing, even her voice did not quell the rage inside him.

Then there was... Blossomstep. He didn't have to take his eyes off of Spottedstar's to know exactly who it was that had come forth and touched his shoulder. He knew his mother's touch anywhere. It was like flipping a switch. Bloodstrike's cold, hard stare softened to warm butter in an instant. The tension fell from his body so much that he lost his titanium composure and had to readjust his footing. The inferno running through his entire being was suddenly snuffed out... leaving only coldness and ash. His pupils had gone from nearly fully dilated as if he were going to fight the entire clan alone, and he would if he had to, back to reasonably sized slits in the matter of an instant.

His experience as a warrior prevented him from taking his eyes off of his target, Spottedstar, but the tension that was surrounding the two had almost entirely vanished. Blossomstep hadn't even began to speak yet, but when she finally did, the obvious pain in her voice sucked the physical strength right out of Bloodstrike. It felt like he had been hit by a monster and was losing too much blood too fast. His reaction even surprised him. He'd never had to wonder how much his mother loved him or how much she meant to him, so he thought he'd be more prepared for her sorrow to be out in the open for everyone to see. He was wrong.

By the time Spottedstar finally started speaking, Bloodstrike was scrambling to find any venom left in his body to be used against his grandfather. He listened without interruption, which just a moment ago, he would have been cutting Spottedstar off mid-sentence and talking over him to show just how done he was with this old cat and his mediocre excuses as to why he shouldn't be blamed for things that were most certainly within his control and weighing down on his shoulders and his shoulders alone. Poor Sagelight would have to hear every bit of it, and then after that, probably would have completely lost his hearing from standing so close to Bloodstrike when he was on full rampage mode. As Blossomstep moved away and Spottedstar finished, Bloodstrike actually did manage to find some final words left.

I love you mother, but next time me and Spottedstar have another confrontation like this, I have to make sure you're not around. You've made me weak in a moment that I needed to be at my strongest and now nothing will change. It was a bitter thought, maybe one brought on by the madness that he felt creeping in around the darkest corners of his mind. He loved Blossomstep and always would, but she could bring him to his knees in ways no other cat on earth ever could. His next audience with Spottedstar would be in private, and whatever happened then, happened.

But it would be the final discussion between the two.

"You lie to yourself and you know it." Bloodstrike's voice was far calmer than it had been, and he was no longer whispering. "You've made a lot more than one mistake, for starters. I'd explain it to you but you're either incapable or unwilling to acknowledge the others, and you look like you wouldn't be able to say much other than "whatever" right now anyway. How convenient for you. Secondly, if you dare to presume that I care nothing for my father you're worse than a liar, you are a fool too. I'm not going to baby my dad and he has never babied me. Neither of us need it, unlike some. He who is not fit to lead the clan and carry this oh so unspeakable and horrible burden as you claim, should not accept the role of deputy. My father isn't stupid enough to take on a job that he cannot handle." There was an accusatory stare there and a brief moment of silence before Bloodstrike continued.

"I'm tired of your lies, to us and to yourself, your unwillingness to fix the mistakes you've made, everything, Spottedstar. No the fire wasn't your fault. No it wasn't your fault that the Righteous Few had a bug up their dirt holes. What is your fault, is that you ran away when the other clans needed help, even after one of the Righteous Few threatened Sunflower, from what I was told. That should never have flown. Starclan warrior or not, I would have liberated Owlstar's eyes and ears from his sorry carcass if he'd threatened a member of my clan, or I would have died trying. What is your fault, is not trying to fix things with the other clans after having made that mistake. You claimed that we "didn't need allies" and yet here we are, homeless and starving! You don't listen to anyone else when they talk. You're always so caught up in your own feelings and your own perceived problems that you have neglected us. Our suffering, Spottedstar, is your fault."

Bloodstrike's fur was beginning to bristle again, but his rage was a shadow of it's former self.

"I told you it was too late for Murkpelt. I told my father it was too late to save his own mother. I stopped Wolfcall from burning to death, like you, my sister and Murkpelt did. Can you imagine if I had just let him go in? The clan would have had no leader and no deputy. Do you know who would have lead them then? I do." Bloodstrike finally took his gaze off of Spottedstar and looked at the rest of the clan, meeting their mixed expressions of sorrow and anger with the same, calm but stone-faced expression that he'd always held at gatherings. "I put forth the effort of making an ally for myself in each clan. Beecloud of Thunderclan, Flintstar and Emberspark of Shadowclan, Crowspirit and Wildflower of Windclan, and Streamtail of Riverclan. I am in no way disrespecting my father's decisions, as he was acting as leader at the time, but if you had no one to follow, I would have asked my allies to reason with their leaders to lend us aid... obviously aside from Flintstar, who would be making the final decision. Maybe we would have had to work for another clan while our home recovered, but we wouldn't be starving. Everything I do, everything I have done and everything I have bled and burned for, was for my clan. It will be this way until I die, regardless of what some of you may think."

Bloodstrike's eyes went back to Spottedstar, ready to be done with this conversation.

"You go ahead and lay in the Healer's den. Run away from a difficult situation, as you have always done. Despite my losses and my injuries, I will continue to hunt, feed and fight for the survival of Skyclan." Bloodstrike leaned in one last time, but his voice was still not a whisper.

"Let me know if your lordship needs anything." And with that, Bloodstrike pivoted on his heel and trotted after his mother. Her scent hit him as he moved away from the mess of other cat scents and Spottedstar's smoky smell. His rage died back down the further away he got from that place. He would find Wolfcall and find his mother and he would repair the damages he had done with his outburst. He had been able to control his rage better more often, but his rage certainly hadn't lessened by any degree. If anything, his anger seemed like it burned more and more intense every time he tried to hold it back.

Willowpaw raised her head as she heard a commotion. She saw a familiar pelt and froze. Spottedstar! He's back!

Then, she realised Bloodstrike was speaking to Spottedstar. And he sounded...Angry. Something about Spottedstar running from problems, about Spottedstar and the fire, making an ally for the clan in RiverClan. He was...audibly angry.

As Bloodstrike began to leave, a single tear rolled out of Willowpaw's eye. Why did her clan have to be so...divided? She curled up on the spot, body shivering from sobs. She hated the fact that she was crying right here and now, when her clan had much bigger things to focus on. And she couldn't even help despite wanting to because she didn't have the energy to focus enough to not cry.

Dustpaw was startled out of her daze by a sudden pang of hunger. The days spent in this temporary camp were getting to her...her general anger and irritation were going down, she was more exhausted than usual, the smells and sounds around were strange...she didn't enjoy it, not at all. She slowly padded toward the makeshift kill pile and looked it over. Nothing of interest. With a sigh she tossed her head to the side and wandered away, she wasn't that hungry anyway...this was her lying to herself but it didn't matter, she could return to the pile in a bit or ask around and go hunting maybe. Turning away from the kill pile her ears picked up on what could have been her brother speaking aloud, it was a bit too far away and quiet for her to fully make out. Other cats were heading in that direction so she figured she should make her way over as well.

When she made it to where most cats were gathered she still wasn't entirely sure on the reason for the commotion. Dustpaw chose to sit off to the side, mostly away from the others but within proper hearing range, her fluffy grey tail curling over her paws as she did so. Among the cats around she recognized those within her immediate family and some of the others she saw when they were escaping the fire that claimed their camp, but there was one other she wasn't so sure on. By the looks of it was an older tom that seemed to be the center of attention; she wasn't entirely sure who this was, as she didn't quite remember seeing him but clearly he must have been somewhat important to the clan for them to be gathered like this.

It was then that he spoke; two of their number's deaths were absolute, two...relatively important cats. At the announcement of their deaths a small commotion rang out and Dustpaw felt a chill go through her body when she noticed her father go up to the cat that was talking and just...rip into them.

Oh I guess...that's our wonderful leader? Father doesn't seem...so 'happy' to see Spottedstar? Dustpaw's eyes grew cold as she glanced down at her paws. Mistrain...was dead. Her father nearly flying off the handle going after their so-called leader's throat...what was she supposed to do as an apprentice in this situation? She was distant from all these cats that came up and didn't fully understand why her father was so angry about it, but...she understood that her mentor at the least was dead, and her mentor just so happened to be her aunt...which would have made Mistrain...Bloodstrike's sister? Maybe that was the reason...death in the family. She flexed her paws as she sat there, still confused as there was clearly more there for why her father had gone off like that that she just didn't know.

At a loss Dustpaw questioned under her breath, "so if she's gone...what am I supposed to do? What do apprentices do when their mentors die?" A lot of the other cats either seemed riled up or lamenting the deaths of the others but she...for once Dustpaw was simply more confused than anything else and wasn't sure what to do whatsoever.