A Much-Needed Break [Bloodstrike]

Smokefeather padded through the trees at her mate's side, pelts occasionally brushing with how close they were. For the last few moons, Smokefeather had spent most of her time cooped up in camp with the kits. It's not like she was idle, far from it with how rambunctious the four of them were. Yet still, Smokefeather found herself restless. Staying in camp most of the time had been wearing on her nerves, and it felt good to finally be trotting through the trees of Skyclan territory.

Their kits were nearly apprentices, and Smokefeather, for all that she loved them, was counting the days. It had been unnoticeable at first, but as they grew older and developed rather... strong... personalities, Smokefeather had to wonder where she and Bloodstrike had gone wrong as parents. Was this Starclan's way of punishing them for becoming parents so early? If Beechkit and Dawnkit weren't bickering, it was because they were asleep. Dustkit was a bit better at ignoring her siblings, but when she spoke, it was rarely something nice. Smokefeather hoped that the three of them would grow out of it in time and with sternly-worded lectures, but on some days it seemed endless. The trio worried her sometimes. She and Bloodstrike couldn't be around to break up their fights forever, they had to learn to at least tolerate each other... And other cats.

And then there was Primrosekit, who worried Smokefeather for an entirely different reason. She did her best not to smother the cream-tabby pointed she-kit, knowing that coddling her would only lead to the sweet, level-headed kit resenting her. Still, her vision issues worried Smokefeather. Primrosekit didn't seem too affected by it much now, but in the future? How would that impact her ability to hunt and fight? What if it got worse? Those thoughts were always at the back of Smokefeather's mind.

Bloodstrike's parents had been wonderful, but Smokefeather felt guilty for leaving the kits to them even for a short time. Wolfcall was their deputy, he had enough on his plate without having to worry about their kits on top of everything else. Still, when Bloodstrike had suggested they'd get out of camp for a bit, she felt relieved. When he wasn't out patrolling and hunting, he was helping her with the kits. He needed this break just as much as she did, if not more.

"When was the last time we were actually alone together? That feels like it was moons ago." She commented, affectionately twining her tail with Bloodstrike's for a moment. In their wandering, they'd neared the creek that ran through Skyclan territory. The water level was low, much lower than it had been the last time Smokefeather had come this way. This greenleaf had been a hot one, but Smokefeather was going to avoid complaining about it today if it killed her. They deserved a chance to relax.

Bloodstrike was most certainly needing a good break away from the kits. Dawnkit was getting to the age where most kits challenge their parents and oh boy was he jumping on that bandwagon. Just the other day, his son actually spun and spat at him when Bloodstrike went to break up a fight between him and Beechkit. Bloodstrike only had to give Dawnkit a very stern, warning glare before the kit's eyes widened and he realized his mistake. He didn't have any trouble out of him after that for a few hours. Bloodstrike knew, with a sigh, that one day he and his son were probably going to get into it. It was only a matter of when.

He also worried for Primrosekit and her eyesight. He'd fought with a blind windclan cat before and she did surprisingly well, but that may not be the case with every blind cat. Primrosekit was so sweet-natured... why did it have to be her? Smokefeather's voice broke his thoughts.

"Probably because it was." He said with a smirk. It was very nice to be out together and not have to turn around every five minutes to yell at someone. He wrapped his tail around her's and butted heads with her gently, a deep rumbling purr vibrating his chest. He dipped his head low to lap up some water. He even had to lean into the creek a bit at this point.

"Once they're apprentices we can get back to our patrols. I don't think they'll give Wolfcall much trouble. All he has to do is threaten to delay their apprentice ceremonies and I bet they act right." He smiled at the thought of his cool-headed dad completely deflecting any of Beech or Dawn's venom. They needed someone who could control them better anyhow.

Bloodstrike sat and took in the quiet and stillness of the world around him. Stars it was nice.... so nice...

Smokefeather laughed quietly, feeling some of the tension in her shoulders drain away as she leaned into Bloodstrike's touch. "I have the sinking suspicion that you're right, and I don't think I like it." Smokefeather responded, a hint of amusement in her eyes. "I missed this." She added.

"If anyone has experience shepherding misbehaving kits, it's Wolfcall." Smokefeather joked. Her gaze turned to the territory around them thoughtfully, "Someone to keep Dawnkit and Beechkit busy and out of each others' fur might be good for both of them, I think." Starclan knew that was probably the only way to keep them from bickering, at any rate. Maybe they would mellow with age, hopefully. Beechkit sometimes made an effort to refrain from snapping at her brother, but that effort only went so far. The fluffy kit was impatient and headstrong. Generally, when she held back, that would only make the bickering worse later on. Both kits were smart, and they both understood precisely what would irritate the other. Neither kit was yet wise enough to let things be, however.

Then there was Dustkit, grumpy in general and hating greenleaf nearly as much as Smokefeather did herself. She sympathized with her daughter; their long, thick fur truly wasn't suited for the warm weather. It was something they had to learn to live with, unfortunately. Beechkit too, complained often about it, but there was little to help it. Soon enough it would be leaf-fall, and they'd be grateful for the long fur in the colder moons ahead of them.

Smokefeather lowered her head to lap at the water. It was almost refreshing. Smokefeather didn't remember the last time she'd been able to take a walk to clear her mind, or sit in uninterrupted thought. The only sounds her were hers and Bloodstrike's voices, the soft chirping of birds, and the soft bubbling of the creek. The forest was tranquil. For now, she was content to enjoy that. Maybe on the way back they could do some hunting, though. Smokefeather had gone long enough without hunting, but now that she was out of camp, the birdsong and scents of prey had definitely not gone unnoticed.

Bloodstrike absorbed the warmth from his mate and calmness of the night. He chuckled at Smokefeather's comment about Wolfcall being well suited to dealing with unruly kits. He didn't think he was so bad as a kit... maybe he had a bit of a wanderlust but.... okay maybe he got into trouble. A lot.

"What would you think if I became Bloodstar? I'm sure you've realized by now it's a goal of mine. Tell me honestly, would I make a good leader?"

Bloodstrike knew he could have quite an explosive temper sometimes, but he honestly believed that as he aged, his control was getting better. Starclan knew that his kits were a major test in controlling his anger. The last major fit he had was after he spoke with Spottedstar and it... didn't go well. He was still ashamed that he allowed his emotions to get so out of control, and publicly as well.

He had no doubt Smokefeather at least heard about it, if not saw it.

Smokefeather began sorting through her own thoughts on the matter at Bloodstrike's question. She wasn't as vocal about questioning things as he was, and mostly kept her own thoughts on the matter to herself. Smokefeather had heard plenty of the other clans views of Skyclan, particularly after the whole business with the Righteous Few and the gathering before she'd been made an apprentice. From observing the interactions at more recent gatherings, and the tension at her first gathering, it was clear how the other clans viewed Skyclan, and in particular, their oh-so-esteemed leader. It turned out that refusing to fight alongside the other clans didn't much endear Skyclan to them. Smokefeather generally didn't get the chance to talk to other clans herself (and she was fine with it), but that didn't mean she couldn't observe what went on around her. If Sunflower had taught Smokefeather anything as an apprentice, it was the patience to watch what others were doing before jumping to an immediate kneejerk reaction. While he lived in fear, he'd also made the attempt to teach her how to fight... Even if Smokefeather had been left to figure out a lot on her own. Even he did his duty, as cowardly and reluctant as he might have been. Yet Spottedstar wouldn't fight for his clan's survival?

"From what I've gathered, the other clans seem to respect Wolfcall more than they do Spottedstar." And Smokefeather wouldn't directly say so, but she was fairly sure Bloodstrike could guess her agreement with the sentiment from her next words. "Caution is a good thing when dealing with the other clans, but I don't think it can be considered 'caution' and 'protecting our own' when something threatens every clan and we sit by and watch. Nor could it be considered 'protecting our clan' when cats seem to go missing without a trace."  What had Spottedstar done when their medicine cat had gone missing? She and Bloodstrike had stepped up to help Sagelight gather herbs after that. Sagelight, who was old and frail. There was an apprentice when Bloodstrike and his siblings had been made apprentices, who was still an apprentice even now. When Bloodstrike and she had kits who were going to be apprenticed soon. What did that say about Skyclan's leadership-- Spottedstar's leadership? Nothing good, was what Smokefeather felt.

"I think you're not as headstrong or impulsive as when we were apprentices-" and dealing with their kits had to be proof of it, surely? "-and you care about doing what's right, not what's most convenient for you at the time. You think through things and consider the consequences of your actions." She didn't outright say that he would make a good leader, but felt her stance was clear enough in her words.

"Any reason in particular for asking?" She knew he'd been quite upset after that meeting with Spottedstar after his warrior ceremony, but was unsure of the specifics of that meeting. She'd watched as he'd stormed out of camp, and Wolfcall had gone to talk to him. Otherwise, it hadn't been her business at the time. If she had to guess, it was likely what was prompting this question now, or at least part of it. He wasn't the sort of cat to start a conversation at random.

Bloodstrike listened and carefully considered Smokefeather's words. They were encouraging, and although he tried to keep a neutral face so as not to dissuade her from her honesty, he couldn't help but smile a little. She didn't outright say it, but she believed in him. What a relief it was to have someone actually believe in you for a change. If the others thought he'd be a good leader, they'd never voiced it. Then again, he never asked, aside from Crowspirit whom he fought against just before Smokefeather's warrior ceremony. Crowspirit had nothing negative to say about Bloodstrike, not even while they fought, whereas he'd once called all of Skyclan spineless cowards.

Bloodstrike was making a difference, and everyone saw that except for the leader of Skyclan. Why? It could only mean that Spottedstar was deliberately ignoring the good that Bloodstrike had done, or was entirely incapable of seeing it. Neither of these things were good. Bloodstrike's mind had wandered a few times to wondering how many lives Spottedstar might have left. At first he had chastised himself for thinking about it, but as time went on and more and more cats seemed to like and appreciate him, the less guilty Bloodstrike felt about it.

Maybe it was time something happened to Spottedstar. Where at first his mind treaded lightly in these thoughts, it now ran rampant and careless through ideas of how to force the current leader out of his position. Bloodstrike had taught Smokefeather when she was apprentice, as her own mentor had been an insufferable coward and a questionable hunter, from what he'd heard from Smokefeather, Smokepaw at the time. Why Sunflower didn't try to become a medicine cat instead was beyond him. It seemed like it would be a much easier position for him, and less stress overall, while still contributing to his clan.

When Windclan called Skyclan's honor into question, it was Bloodstrike that found Crowspirit, not only challenged him and won, but also befriended him and gained his respect. It was Bloodstrike that risked his life and paid for his pursuit of knowledge in literal blood as an apprentice when he sought to understand the clans better and piece the knowledge together for use later. And what exactly had Spottedstar done? Hide. Be absent. Barely even know his grandchildren. Now he was in mourning over Honeysong. Instead of helping the clan like a good leader should, he now retreated further away.

Bloodstrike was not a heartless rat, he understood that losing a daughter could be very painful. Bloodstrike himself now had daughters and entirely understood how horrendous such a thing might be. But still... the clan needed strong leadership and they were not getting that with Spottedstar. A leader had to be the strongest cat in the clan, especially in times of hardship. Bloodstrike honestly felt that he was the better one to handle situations like these, or even Wolfcall.

"I've had doubts in myself before. I wondered if you shared them." He banished the thoughts of Spottedstar away for now. "I thought from time to time my temper was my greatest weakness, and maybe for a time it was. It might even still be. I can handle a lot, Smokefeather, but being talked down to... if Spottedstar had been anyone other than my leader, I would have destroyed him. He called the decisions I made to make my clan better and the risks I took to achieve reasonable goals dumb. In that, he called me dumb. To this day he is the only cat to have ever have said that. Wolfcall explained to me that he feels guilty, and he should, but what bothers me most is he hasn't even tried to fix any of the mistakes he has made. He has yet to come speak to me about our first meeting, and I am his only grandson. Our kits are nearly apprentice aged and he hasn't spoken to them once." Bloodstrike's claws pierced the dirt beneath his paws and he looked down.

"Now he is using Honeysong's disappearance as an excuse to further retreat away from his clan and his responsibilities. What kind of a leader does that?" He took in a breath to calm himself and retracted his claws. "I know he is hurting, but he's our leader, we are all his children... like seriously... and we need him to be strong for us. He has been anything but." Bloodstrike looked at Smokefeather very seriously, only now about to finally say what has been bubbling away like a tar pit in the pit of his gut and burning away at the back of his mind.

"He is not fit for his position. I want him out, and I want Wolfcall in. I don't know how to expedite this process, but if I ever figure it out I will execute actions immediately. I know what I speak of is technically treason but is it really? Our clan is divided and we have a weak leader that is barely even around. How treasonous can my actions truly be under these circumstances. If anyone should be tried for treason, it's Spottedstar. I would never say this to anyone but you, especially not when I now have kits." He had no idea how Smokefeather was going to take this information, but he trusted her to not betray him.

"If I had the clan behind me in my decisions, I would like nothing more than to either banish him if he won't step down peacefully, or execute him nine times if I thought he'd be a threat to us. So.... how do you feel about me becoming Bloodstar now? Is this right? Would I be a tyrant?"

"We all have self-doubts, Bloodstrike,"Smokefeather affectionately bumped her head against his shoulder, then continued. "What matters is how we choose to deal with them. You keep things to yourself until you explode. It doesn't hurt to vent, you know." He was doing so now, after all, and from the way he spoke Smokefeather knew he'd been wrestling with these thoughts for a while.

"The only time I've ever spoken with him was at my warrior ceremony. Strictly formalities, nothing else. I don't think he's even looked in the direction of the nursery, so much as visited it." Smokefeather replied, "If a queen never cared for her kits and only spoke to them once or twice, it would be called neglect." As unruly... draining, at times, as their kits could be, Smokefeather knew she could never do such a thing. Regardless of how she felt about her own shortcomings, and how could she not obviously have them, with Dawnkit the way he was? Smokefeather had tried her hardest with him. "He was chosen to be deputy, and then became leader. Why is beyond me, he had to have been a different cat then. Now, though? I think Spottedstar knows exactly what he's doing. He's made mistakes-" many mistakes, "-and doesn't want to acknowledge them or admit that he is the problem. Naturally, that would lead him to blame others, because he clearly can't handle things by himself or admit it to himself. If he has self-doubts, he's either drowning in them and is too prideful to ever admit it, or is trying to run from them by distancing himself from the entire clan and making things worse." She'd met Spottedstar's gaze only once, when she'd said her vows to become a warrior. His amber eyes had been dull, filled with grief and frustration. Yet that was his problem to deal with. It wasn't right that Spottedstar seemed to be trying to drag the entire clan down with him.

"I think loyalty to your clan and loyalty to your leader are two separate things. If Wolfcall goes, who are Spottedstar's logical choices for deputy at the moment? Certainly not Sunflower, you practically took over mentoring me even as an apprentice, and he's too paralyzed by fear to make a decision that could impact his clan. Foxfire was already deputy and hated it, he wouldn't want that position again. If Wolfcall were to become Wolfstar, who are his logical options for deputy? Skyclan doesn't have that many warriors he could choose from, and even fewer warriors who are genuinely committed to wanting their clan to succeed. I think he would choose based on who does the most good for the clan, not personal biases." And that would logically leave very few options, with the clan the way it was now.

Now that she'd heard his own question, she'd counter with one of her own. "Is the end more important than the means? If you take leadership by force, the clan will only be more divided, and are less likely to support you regardless of your intentions. Would that cause more instability than there already is? I know I would support you, but my support isn't the only thing you'd need as leader. Spottedstar is incompetent at best, but Sagelight supports him. Wolfcall, whatever his personal feelings are, supports him outwardly. That support is important too."

Bloodstrike considered his mate's words carefully. She was right about everything. The only real support Spottedstar had was Sagelight, and Sagelight himself was getting to the point where a stiff breeze could blow him over and his hearing wasn't all that great. The time of Spottedstar's reign was nearing it's end, so perhaps violent solutions were not necessary. Of course, he would only do it with the support of the entire clan behind him anyway. Bloodstrike's thoughts went to Redfall, wondering if Spottedstar would consider him for a deputy, if Wolfcall met an early demise. Redfall was hot headed and impulsive. At least Bloodstrike was only one of those things. The more he thought about it, the more true Smokefeather's words were. Bloodstrike was the best logical option to become deputy next.

He visibly relaxed.

"I wouldn't use violence unless I had to, but there have been times where I wished someone would." Alas, he was alone in those thoughts maybe. This would have to be enough for now.

"I will try to vent more. You're not wrong about me holding it until I explode. Still, I see lack of control as a sign of weakness and so do other cats. I can't appear weak even for a second if I am to become the next deputy. I can only ever let my guard down for you. My problems are minor in comparison to others right now, but if they ever become too much or I complain too much, I want you to make sure you take care of yourself as well. I'll find an outlet somewhere, whether it's talking to you or a predator's hide." He leaned into her gently. It felt good to get his insecurities off of his chest. It felt even better that she didn't judge him for what he would consider ruthless and dangerous thoughts. Starclan may not like him and he wasn't so sure how much he liked them, but at least they had been kind enough to bless him with her.

"Sometimes it's necessary." She agreed, watching the water flowing past them absently. She'd spoken with a Riverclan she-cat about the bloody gathering that had happened just before Smokefeather had been made an apprentice, once. They'd agreed that the violence was terrible, and that a gathering should never have gone like that to begin with. Steps should be taken to prevent that sort of situation from happening ever again, but what choice did the other clans have but to fight? Sometimes violence was needed, if only to ensure peace for the long-term. They didn't need to enjoy it, but they were warriors. Violence was a part of their life, whether they wanted it to be or not.

"It almost sounds like you're apologizing for complaining... Quit that." Smokefeather commented sternly, gently pressing against his side in return. "I know you won't allow others to see you vulnerable so I'm not going to try arguing with you there. Don't make yourself go crazy or do something stupid because you think you're bothering me. You have me, I meant that." She added, tone softening as she turned her face to look up at him.

((The last line of your last post was so ridiculously sappy, good lord))