dark won't yield to dawn

In the aftermath of war, Mothglow found herself at the entrance to the ShadowClan leader's den.

To guide, to advise? No. It wasn't one of Sunpaw's cryptic messages, or even StarClan's sign regarding Nightpaw, that had led her here - though she reminded herself she should mention it, even if Thornstar refused her request; it could be important somehow. What brought her here now was more complicated than that.

While the pain and loss weighed her down - less now than it once had, deaths piling up as a tally in the back of her mind; but the sense of loss was something she couldn't ignore - she knew it couldn't be any easier for Thornstar. After all, despite how heavy they felt now, Mothglow's paws weren't stained with blood; accident or otherwise.

And despite how strong her adoptive mother often seemed, she wasn't quite invincible. The lives of a leader were a blessing to receive, but they were only that. Nine lives, not immortality; and they certainly hadn't made her unshakable.

She was strong, but even strong things could crack. A den made of the strongest materials could still fall apart.

So Mothglow stood in the entrance to Thornstar's den, awkwardly shuffling her weight from one paw to the other and trying not to look as nervous as she felt. "Um... If you wouldn't mind, I'd like to have someone come with me while I gather herbs. But it seems like everyone else is busy." That was a blatant lie. If Mothglow turned around - or, indeed, if Thornstar just looked past her - she'd see two warriors and three apprentices that had just finished eating, sharing tongues next to the fresh-kill pile. "Well, there's that, and... I'd like to spend some time with you."

It was odd for Mothglow to be patient, or anything remotely resembling the word, but in that moment she waited very patiently for Thornstar to join her, and led the way out into the marsh. Once she was sure they were well out of earshot of anyone else, she spoke. "I have some things to talk to you about, but first... Are you okay?"

"That's okay, too," Mothglow told her, having already known the answer. "I... I don't think any of us are really okay right now." There was a pause, a quiet moment, before she continued, "I know I'm not, anyway. But I can't imagine everyone else is, either." She was keeping an eye out for herbs as they walked, but she also kept one eye on Thornstar. "Oh, um... Last time I went to the Moonstone, I think StarClan was trying to give me a message about Nightpaw? But I can't figure out what it meant. I saw him in this river, and there was another cat too, but I couldn't see them? And then there were more hard-to-understand messages..."

Mistakes aren't always regrets, Sunpaw had told her. What did that even mean?

"That was the big thing I needed to talk about. You should know what I know about what's going on, even if I don't know everything... Or anything, really. I just know what they tell me, and StarClan seems to hate giving straight answers about anything. But... I meant what I said. It's okay if you're not okay. No one can be okay all the time."

She would know, Mothglow thought to herself. She'd spent a good deal of her life trying, after all.