A Fleeting Respite [Closed]

The deputy’s head was rested on his paws, his eyes half-lidded as he stared out at his Clan. He was lying not far from the medicine cat den - his wounds still in a fragile state that risked reopening. At least he could actually leave the stuffy den, not that it made him feel any better. There was no energy, no smile or...Anything that had made Foxfire well...Foxfire. Ever since his injuries, he had lost his fire as he was confined to the camp. He...He wasn’t happy. He had heard reports that border skirmishes were becoming more commonplace - SkyClan driven to fight in revenge. He didn’t want them to do so. He wasn’t worth it. He...He wasn’t worth anything as deputy - he was only going to disappoint them all, why would they think he was worth shedding blood over? He sighed softly, eyes flickering close as he nuzzled his head into his paws, ears perking slightly at the sound of approaching pawsteps but he didn’t bother to even look up to see who it was.

Brown and white paws carried her towards the fresh-kill pile. A squirrel and bird hanging from her jaws being carried a bit awkwardly because of her small size. Her wounds from the skirmish from a few days ago still hurt a bit but they were healed for the most part. The tom didn't really deal any damage to her. Stupid tom.. Stupid Shadowclan.. They would pay, but not right now.

As soon as she added her prey to the pile, a small sound of relief escaped her. No more awkward walking. Blue eyes looked away from the pile scanning the clearing for a moment to look at her clan. Eventually dull eyes settled on the deputy that laid resting outside the medicine den. Still hadn't done much huh? With a sigh she picked up the bird she just added to the pile and padded over.

Flowerthorn dropped the bird in front of him. "Eat." She stated simply. Her tone flat, to make it sound like it wasn't a suggestion. Sitting down in the spot in front of Foxfire, she curled her fluffy tail around her paws. Dull blue eyes staying on the deputy to make sure he ate something. She had a while before she had to head out on another patrol, so she could stay her for a bit.

Foxfire blinked as a bird suddenly fell into his vision, eyes shifting to stare at it for a confused second until Flowerthorn spoke up. Oh. He looked up at her, wondering if it was worth arguing with her but decided against it. He...Hadn't eaten in a while anyways, more distracted with brooding than to get up and eat. "Thanks," he murmured, before he fell silent as his eyes fell onto her healing wounds. His heart sank, swallowing heavily as regret started to swell within him. She had fought over him - he knew it. She had attacked Thornstar for him after all, and while he had been thankful. He didn't want to see her hurt. They had fallen out of touch, their friendship strained - if it truly still existed at all but...He cared for her. He really did.

His gaze fell onto the bird, raising a paw to pull it closer to him but didn't yet take a bite. "...How are you?" he said after a few heartbeats, using his claws to carefully tear away some of the feathers. He wanted to say more, but the words escaped him. It felt impossible to try to close the distance that had grown between them...And slowly, his gaze flickered up to stare at her, blinking when he realized she was simply staring at him before he rolled his eyes with a soft huff, leaning down to take a bite of the bird lest her gaze scorch a hole in his pelt.

Flowerthorn relaxed a little when Foxfire had taken a bite from the bird. Her posture sitting back slightly, her gaze finally turning somewhere else. "I'll live." She stated simply. To her it didn't matter how she was doing, everyone didn't care about how she was doing so she stopped caring as well. She would eat later, she would rest later. There were more important things to be done other than her taking care of herself. The deputy had to get back to health, the border had to be protected from Shadowclan.. Revenge was needed.. Cats, other than her, needed to be fed. If she made it past leaf-bare she would be surprised.

At her simple response, he paused as he raised his head to stare at her, swallowing the bite of prey he had just taken. "...I hope so," he murmured, staring at his paws. He felt terrible - Flowerthorn had been one of his best friends, his first friend really and he had forgotten her. He hadn't been there for her when her mentor died, he got so wrapped up in being a warrior that... "I was a terrible friend," he said suddenly, raising his head as he swung to stare at her, his eyes filled with regret. "I'm...I'm sorry. I should have reached out to you sooner, I should have said something when Mistyrain died but I didn't and..." He paused, a heavy sigh escaping him as he hung his head in shame, closing his eyes. "...I'm sorry, this is out of nowhere. Its just... I'm not worth fighting ShadowClan over. I'm not worth it, mostly when I was such a rotten friend to you... I hate seeing you all getting hurt fighting over what happened to me. I'll live after all..."

A heavy pause.

"I'm sorry."

Flowerthorn clinched her teeth. Sorry this.. sorry that. That is all she heard. Everyone always apologizing. Mistyrains death.. Spottedstar after taking her out for hunting. Now Foxfire.. A growl built up in her throat as the tom continued to talk. "Enough!" The pale warrior yelled out. "Sorry doesn't fix anything. Sorry doesn't bring Mistyrain back. Sorry doesn't make you appear by my side when I needed you! The damage is done and sorry isn't going to fix it." She was on her paws now. Her claws digging into the dirt. "You know what will fix it? Action. Actually following through on what you want to be done instead of wishing to change the past."

Dull blue eyes stared down at the deputy for a moment before she she-cat sat back down. Her gaze turning away, as she slumped in her spot. Her ears folded back. Tail thudding against the ground in her annoyance and irritation. No one seemed to pick up on what she said, or seemed to understand it in general. They thought sorry would fix everything..

Foxfire jolted at Flowerthorn's voice suddenly booming next to him, his gaze snapping up as his ears slicked back. His fur rose along his spine as he cowered slightly, terrified to see her so...Angry. Angry at him. But he deserved it. He...He really deserved it. "...I'm-" he paused, biting off another apologize - that wouldn't help. "...I've just not been sure how to," he admitted after a few seconds, slowly trying to shift back into a comfortable position, keeping an wary eye on his friend. "I've been...Scared. Scared of what I did to you, of how unfair I was and...I've been unsure how on to even start to try to fix that. I-I thought an apology would be a good place but..." a nervous laugh escaped him, but it quickly died off as his gaze fell to the ground.

"...You meant the world to me when we were little, Flowerthorn. You were my best friend. I don't know how I let myself get so blinded by everything and if I could go back...But you are right, what is done is done and my words won't fix that. So..." He shrugged his shoulders helpless, feeling lost and confused. He wasn't sure how to fix it, it felt so impossible and he didn't blame Flowerthorn if she never wanted to talk to him again. But... "Maybe... I want to try again. To maybe...No, not start over. It isn't right for you to just...Forgive me. To forget. Maybe...Maybe once this is all over - once I am fully healed and...Things aren't so hectic...We can...Go out together? Hunting? Try to...To try to be friends again? If you say no..." he drifted off for a few seconds, before letting out a heavy sigh as he glanced at his paws. "I won't blame you. You have every right to be angry at me after...After I just...Forgot you like I did."

A small 'tch' sound left the younger warrior. Her irritation still apparent but his words did help some. "You aren't the only one that forgot about me. Sagelight did, and so did Spottedstar. I was mentorless since Mistyrain died. I was never given another. No warrior stepped up to fill that spot. The training I received was because of me. I trained myself. No apprentice never bothered to invite me along on patrols. It wasn't until Spottedstar took me out on that patrol that things even started to look better." She still wouldn't call things better now. She was more independent than ever. Now that she didn't need warrior to go out with her, not that she ever bothered before, she did things mostly on her own. Hunting on her own, patrolling on her own. Everything on her own. Even her nest in the den sat away from others for the most part.

Her gaze turned to the ground, and her tail stilled. A sigh escaped her as she tried to calm herself down. This wasn't the time to be angry. She needed to direct her anger towards the clan that did this to her deputy. "But." She stated. "I am open to trying again. Keep in mind I have gotten used to doing things on my own these moons, so I'm not as friendly as I once was." She stated, her voice low but it wasn't a growl.

Foxfire's ears slicked back, gaze falling away as Flowerthorn pointed out that it wasn't just him that had been rotten. It wasn't fair, she had never deserved to be...Forgotten like that. She deserved so much better. He remained quiet, staring at the bird he had been gift until she paused... 'But.' A flicker of hope soared in his chest as he looked up at her, giving her a soft smile. "I...I understand that. I'm...Not the same either, I suppose," he noted. No, he was far from who he once was as a kit, apprentice...Or even as a warrior. It was...Hard to smile these days, with the storms on the horizon and the rising shadows. He didn't like who he was, not anymore. He didn't feel like himself, but maybe...Maybe repairing things with Flowerthorn would help, to let him find...Who he was. "A try is all I want. A chance to make amends. You deserved so much better than you got, Flowerthorn. I...I..." he drifted off, wanting to apologize, to find other words to say but it escaped him. As a soft silence, a peaceful lull, fell between the two he found his gaze looking down at the bird at his paws. Then he blinked, words finally coming to his head as he turned to glance up at her. "...Have you eaten yet?" he asked, raising a paw to shift the bird in her general direction as an soft offering.

She paused at his words for a moment. Did she deserve better than what she got? No. She didn't think so. Not with the things she decided she was okay with. She is exactly where Starclan wanted her.

Her gaze turned to the bird and then to the deputy after he softly nudged it forward. "Me eating or not doesn't matter. I can still take care of myself, and leave camp unlike you. You need the food more than me. Spottedstar as well and Sagelight too. All of you have to eat first before I do." They were more important than her so they needed to take care of themselves first. If she had to wait til after moon rise then so be it. It wasn't like that was anything new.

Foxfire pouted a bit at her brushing him off, twitching an ear as he nonetheless still pushed the bird closer to her. "Well I think it does matter," he retorted, before giving the warrior a gentle smile. "Come on, I don't want you hunting on an empty stomach. I'm fed...Or, well at least I'm currently eating. Why not eat with me?" He glanced up at her, drifting off a bit as he blinked...And sadly realized that he...Didn't really know her. He looked so much different than the apprentice he remembered, looking more like a battle-harden warrior than...Than the friend he had once known. She was right, she had changed but...No, it was silly to think that things could ever go back to normal. He had screwed that up moons ago. A new try was nice but...He wasn't sure if she would ever truly think of him as a friend.

And it hurt. Because part of him still cared for her like he did when she was a kit - when she was an apprentice. But he had been stupid, he had brushed her off and lost himself in new friendships. Even with a new attempt to be friends, part of him...Didn't want her to forgive him. He wasn't worth it. He paused to think of the names she had listed - Spottedstar...Sagelight. StarClan, he was only getting this attempt because he was deputy, wasn't it? If it wasn't for his rank, then she wouldn't even give him the light of day and that was what he deserved. "...No, actually, its fine. If you don't want to eat, its fine," he finally uttered, although he didn't bother to pull back the bird as he leaned down to take another bite. He...He was still going to give their friendship a shot, to try to make amends but... Flowerthorn deserved better than him.

...Everybody deserved better than him.

She let out a sigh at his insistence and then his mind change. She didn't want him feeling bad because of her case. Of her not taking care of herself... But he need his fill first. He was the more important one here. "Fine, but I want you to eat the majority of it to make sure you are regaining your strength." Flowerthorn said with a bit of a grump in her voice.

The pale warrior paused thinking for a moment before finally settling down on the ground fully. She tucked her front paws under her, curling her fluffy tail up along her side. Not really making an effort to be too close to the bird or Foxfire. At least not yet. She watched as the deputy took another bite, her gaze turning back to the bird as she felt a little satisfied that he was getting better, that he was eating something. Finally she decided to not ignore her hunger anymore, and took a small bite of the bird.

"So.. I guess when you are better we will go on a hunting patrol?" She asked figuring the tom wouldn't want to go close to the border unless he could help it. At least while his wounds were still healing for the most part. She hoped they could change the topic away from her. She didn't want the focus to be on her anymore. She was too used to blending into the background.

Foxfire paused as Flowerthorn suddenly agreed to eat and watched in shocked silence as she settled down next to him. Part of him wanted to ask why but...No, perhaps it wasn't best to question such a miracle. He nodded his head, sheepishly shifting to give her some room as he glanced down at the bird. He...Wasn't sure what to say, awkwardly just sitting there for a couple heartbeats as she took her own bite...And then she spoke. "Oh!" he meowed, glancing up with a couple blinks - having been so distracted just trying to think of something to say that confirming what they would be doing slipped his mind. "Yes, a hunting patrol sounds great.  Yeah..." he paused, his tail-nub twitching before he cleared his throat a little. "I...Thank you, Flowerthorn. For a second chance."

With that, he let the two fall into a slight awkward but still nice silence as he leaned down to take another bite. He was relieved to see her eating with him and it was almost like the good-old days...But he knew he would never get those truly back. No, things between them would never be the same he imagined. But...It was a start. A start of something new and...He was thankful. He needed somebody like Flowerthorn at his side. Somebody...Somebody to slap some sense into him, perhaps. And so the two sat there, gently munching on the bird as Foxfire quietly dreamed of their friendship being truly repaired...Hoping that it would be enough to make it come true.

OOC: End of topic~