I guess this is it then (closed)

Gloomy clouds covered the sky and snow fell from above, causing Sunflower to shiver violently. He was anything but fit for such weather, but he was on a mission. Standing a foxlength or so from the towering wall that separated the forest from the Twolegplace, the lengthy tom peered around, making sure nothing was lurking in the shadows. Everything about leaving camp terrified the cowardly tom, but Leaftwirl was missing and he wasn't going to live on without at least trying to find her, even if that meant almost dying in the process.

"Leaftwirl! Leaftwirl!" the meek voiced warrior called out, shivering and chattering his teeth as he looked left and right. He had no idea where his mate had gone, but hopefully she was somewhere around here.

Snow. It reminded her of apprenticehood, and yet another thing to tug her heart back to SkyClan. Leaftwirl sat atop a fence, long fur making a sturdy coat against the cold. It had been a few days since her departure from her home. Leaftwirl would warily explore the twoleg nests that inhabited the surrounding area. Oftentimes a friendly kittypet could be observed. But no sign of Peaches, and no sign of Amberdawn. It wasn't that the she-cat had left to find her friend, no. She understood the need for silence. It was rather for her own happiness that she left. Had the warrior felt enlightened yet? No. But was she free?

A familiar voice called from down below, and the she-cat peered down from her perch to see a small lanky frame, lost in the snow. Sunflower. Her past. Anger wasn't the right word for it, nor was fear. But Leaftwirl saw her former mate and thought of Amberpaw and Basilpaw, and all that she had left behind. She didn't have the capacity to feel anything, in fact. It wasn't a harsh denial, but cool and calculated, like the snow.

Carefully, the she-cat rose to her paws and shook the flakes from her pelt, jumping down to meet the tom. "Sunflower..." Leaftwirl spoke, as if he was one of her kits. "Come here..." Gently, she wrapped her feathery tail around his skinny frame, packaging him into a box like she did with all those colorful memories.

After a few moments of calling out her name, the she-cat appeared, much to his surprise. She called him over, and like a lost kit, the tall tom approached her, not really knowing what to think. Her touch was comforting and staying quiet, he soaked up her familiar scent. It hadn't even been that long, but oh how he'd missed her. But after a short while of simply embracing the she-cat, he gave his head a shake, remembering why he was here; because she'd abandoned her clan.

Appalled that his former mate was able to act like nothing happened, Sunflower took a step back from her embrace, his abnormally large ears pinned against his head and his long tail tucked underneath his rump.

"You... You..." he began through chattering tear, his boney form shivering from the Leaffall chill that had engulfed the forest a moon or so ago. Unable to control his emotions, per usual, tears began to well in his eyes and he looked down to Leaftwirl. "You... Y-you're so selfish," he choked. W-why would you l-leave... your cl-clan, your f-family? L-Leaftwirl, I l-loved you... so... so... w-why?" he asked, not really expecting to get an answer in reply, but he'd made it all the way out here, so it was at least worth a shot.

Leaftwirl's smile broke as Sunflower questioned her. And it was true, she had been terribly selfish. In her quest for happiness, he had gotten caught up in it all. He was easy, a close friend to vent her fears too. And perhaps his presence reminded her of her childhood. But it didn't excuse Leaftwirl's behavior. Sunflower stepped back, leaving the she-cat's long feathery tail limp in the snow. His stutters carried through the clearing, quiet pleads echoing from the white frost. "My family's dead, Sunflower." Leaftwirl squeaked, thinking of Tigerleaf and her siblings. "And the kits... they have you." She bit her lip and closed her eyes, refusing to cry in this place she had built for herself. "I was a mousebrained foxheart, I know. And I shouldn't have lead you on the way I did. I'm sorry, Sunflower, I am. I just... I don't wanna fight anymore. That's why I left. I left to be happy. To not have to worry about your father or Spottedstar or anything else! Who's the coward now, huh?" The she-cat stood and lashed her tail, pacing in the snow. She was angry with herself, and angry for circumstances to allow Sunflower to follow her out here. She had treated him terribly, but was it her fault? Did happiness come with a price?

"How is SkyClan? How are the kits? Is there anything I can do... to stop this fighting?"

"I g-guess we bo-both are," Sunflower mewed under his breath when Leaftwirl finished speaking, shuffling his paws back and forth against the frosted over ground below. Her words hit him like a thorn in his paw. To not have to worry about his father or Spottedstar? Why in StarClan's name would she need to worry about them... that was a mousebrained excuse for an answer if he'd ever heard one! But at the same time... she did look pretty genuine... he was so confused, why did any of this have to happen in the first place?

"We-we're doing f-fine," he stuttered. SkyClan, though dealing with ShadowClan's wrath, had been doing alright for themselves, so it wasn't entirely a lie... "W-Why do you th-think you cou-could do anything? Y-you're a traitor, a d-deserter," he spoke plainly. He absolutely hated saying such a harsh thing, but it was the truth and he couldn't help himself but speak it. On top of being heartbroken at her depression, he found himself somewhat annoyed with all of this. All he wanted was a mate to love and care for, to the best of his "abilities," so why had StarClan taken that away from him?

"I guess I am, Sunflower..." Leaftwirl responded, gaze watching the frosty ground. She knew she should feel bad, but the former warrior kept her footing, unwilling to fall back into depression in the very place she had named her home. "I hate this conflict, I really do. But I can't be sad anymore. I've left SkyClan, what other drastic things do I need to do to be happy?" It was more a question to herself then it was to her former mate. She scuffled the snow and sighed, a sheepish grin forming on her face.

The warrior sat back on her haunches and stared at Sunflower, unbiased in her movements. A long moment passed, snow falling around their understanding. And she knew she had wronged him. "I'm sorry, Sunflower." She spoke, voice level and mind deep. "I wasn't the mate you were looking for, I know. I hope you can find someone better. But please, watch over our kits. If that's the only thing that still connects us then so be it. I'm sorry."

Ears flat against his head, it pained him to know that his mate hadn't been happy as a clan cat, but there was no persuading her to come back, not anymore.

"Of-of course I will," the lengthy tom mewed between shivers, the top of his short pelt now lightly coated from the snowfall that had begun moments ago. "I-I just wi-wish you had th-the decency t-to say goo-goodbye before y-you l-left," Sunflower practically whispered, turning his gaze back down to his paws. He promised himself he wouldn't cry, but the moment that tears began to form, there was no stopping them. His sobs weren't audible, but his throat quickly grew tight and tears fell down to the snow covered grown below as he grew hot with embarrassment.