Talking to the Moon

Mistystripe climbed up one of the hills on the moors, placing a smooth pebble at the top. She was about to do something she had never had the courage to do before. She wanted to forget it ever happened, that everything was fine. But it wasn’t fine. She was a medicine cat apprentice now. Her sister had a healthy kit. Her brother finally healed. She should be happy, but there was still a hole. One that only one cat could ever fill. So now, here at the hill, enshrouded by the darkness of the night, she looked up at the moon. It was a mere sliver tonight. She gazed at each of the stars, hoping one of them was the cat she wanted to be here oh so desperately. 


“Quailpaw, I hope you can hear me. It’s Mistypaw, well, Mistystripe. I got my warrior name, and so did Goldenpaw, she is Goldengale now. Cloverpaw still hasn’t gotten his Warrior name yet. He was badly injured and couldn’t train, but he is better now! A lot has changed since you left. Aspenheart asked me to be his apprentice, and I agreed, so I’m a medicine cat now! And, do you remember Grousefrost, my old mentor? He is mates with Goldengale now, and they even had a kit together! I wish you could see your new nephew, he is such a sweetheart! Grousefrost not so much. The rat is always talking about stupid ‘efficiency’ and I tend to wonder if he has any emotions. He is bound to hurt Goldengale if he keeps it up, and I am scared.”

She began to cry a little. “Sometimes, at night, I dream you were still here. That you didn’t die. And everything was ok. But it isn’t. I need you here Quailpaw. You are my baby brother. And I was supposed to protect you. But I failed. I failed you, I failed Cloverpaw. What kind of a big sister am I if I can’t even take care of my family? I’m sorry Quailpaw. I should have been there for you. I should have been better. I should have atleast done something. But I never even searched. I was too fox-hearted to even hope for my brother to be alive. And I-I hate myself for it. I hate myself for not caring enough. I should have noticed you leave on your own. I should have gone with you. I should have died in that cave-in,not you. But it didn’t work out that way. And I am so,so sorry. I wish I was a better sister for you. I wish I was the sister you deserved.”

She bent down, looking at the stone she had placed. “This always was such a beautiful place. Would have buried you here, if only we found you.” And then, Mistystripe did the unthinkable. She screamed. Between her sobs she screamed into the abyss. She screamed in pain. She screamed in sorrow. In anger. She dug her claws in the grass, and lied down. She slept there that night, and dreamt of Quailpaw. He was alive, a warrior with them all. And they were happy. Mistystripe wanted to live in this dream forever.