For What Goes Up, Must Come Down [OPEN WIDE]

Dacepaw didn't understand, and Sparkfrost didn't elaborate. Despite that, Dappleshine seemed to know the exact meaning behind the tom's words. Her face was distressed, her eyes sad, but after a moment they were accepting. "Go safely, Sparkfrost," the queen said, and immediately Dacepaw stiffened, her eyes widening with the shock of realization as her gaze whipped back to her father. Suddenly she understood: he was leaving. As Dacepaw's mind reeled at the sudden knowledge the her father was unhappy, that his heart was telling him to leave, Dappleshine spoke soft, bittersweet words of encouragement to the tom who had always drifted even when in the same place. She wished him well, and in an instant the tom was turning on his heel to slip from camp, unnoticed by the cats whose grief was strengthening in the center clearing of camp.

The small tortoiseshell she-kit's tail was tucked between her legs as she stared for several moment to where Sparkfrost had disappeared. Why did he leave? Where was he going? Dacepaw whirled to look up at her mom, protesting desperately, "Wh-Where is he going, mommy? What's happening?" Her eyes became wide and frantic, and she placed a small pale paw on her mom's, protesting, "Mommy, h-h-he just can't be by himself in the world! We're his family!" Dacepaw looked over her shoulder towards the camp entrance. She could no longer see Sparkfrost. "I... I have to go too. I have to be with him. My heart told me so." She didn't understand exactly what it meant, but it worked when her father said it. She looked desperately at her mom, a pleading expression on her face.

As the tom disappeared from sight, Dappleshine pulled their daughter close, taking comfort in her small warmth even as everything seemed to be falling apart. The words that came from her kit, however, only worsened the growing grief and fear in her belly. "I don't know where he's going, my dear Dacepaw...." She admitted, licking the top of her head as she protested that he couldn't leave. Her heart broke in two as she stated they were family, and she pressed her nose to the top of her daughter's head. With Dacepaw's next words though, horror filled her expression. Dacepaw turned her face up towards her, pleading eyes begging to go, to follow her father's pawsteps to the unknown, where Dappleshine could never follow. Blue eyes stared down into her daughter's, so similar to her father's as the queen warred internally with herself. She had always wanted to encourage her daughter to follow her own path, making her own way in the world. There was nothing she wanted more than her daughter's happiness, and to be at her side loving her through it all....

She had never expected her daughter's paws to leave her behind, trailing after her father to StarClan knows where, facing what could be the forest's darkest secrets, or most frightening predators. She had just learned to swim, for StarClan's sake, and been apprenticed. If she went, she would never see her only kit, her dear, beloved daughter, be warriored, and make her way into the world exploring it. She wouldn't wake up to the warmth of her kit, or hear that loud, rumbling purr. Tears welled in her eyes as she realized she'd been staring down at Dacepaw, horror and shock and dismay plastered on her face as her daughter pleaded with her. How happy would Dacepaw be without her father? She had always adored him... As much as she hated it, despised the idea and wanted to reject it, and force Dacepaw to stay, remain with her, she knew it would only be a matter of time before she tried to go alone... and who knew what would happen if she was alone?

She drew Dacepaw in close with a paw, pressing her small frame in firmly as she curled around her kit for what could be the last time. Tears fell on her daughter's head as she gently cleaned her ears, forcing a rumbling, pained purr. "If you feel that you must, my dear, you may go. Please, always travel safely, and remember all that I've taught you. If you don't find your father by sundown, promise me you'll return - we can look for him together then. I promise you that. If you ever, and I mean ever, wish to return, I'll be here. Please, promise me to always be safe. Always remember that I love you, so very much, my minnow. My dear Dacepaw. Never forget that. Now go, quickly, before he's too far." She bit her tongue as she nudged her daughter, trying desperately to hold back her tears as she left.

Dacepaw saw the pain in Dappleshine's eyes amplified as she spoke, making her dire request to follow Sparkfrost, yet her mind refused to process it for what it truly was. She's just sad that Sparkfrost is alone, she told herself in a tiny voice. Everything will be better when she knows daddy and I are gonna be together. Dacepaw had never seen her mother so distressed, the blue eyes that were always soft and full of love now looking glassy as the Broken Pools - and just as broken, too. Dappleshine said nothing, lost in her thoughts and fears that Dacepaw couldn't acknowledge. It was impossible to not see the tears in Dappleshine's eyes, but it was easy for the naive kit to believe she couldn't be the one causing it.

At last Dappleshine moved again, and when she did she pulled Dacepaw in close. The little fluffy tortoiseshell immediately sank into her mother's fur, burying her face in its silky cream depths. The queen purred, but it was an almost hollow rattle. Dappleshine gave Dacepaw quiet, tearful permission, wishing her well and reminding her desperately of last-minute lessons and promises. "I'll always remember, mommy. I'll remember everything," the apprentice breathed almost inaudibly into her mom's fur. Dappleshine pulled away, nudging Dacepaw towards the exit, and she took two steps away before she looked back to her mother.

Her last moment and final chance to choose for good; Dappleshine or Sparkfrost.

"I love you, mommy. I always love you," Dacepaw mewed softly, and then she sprinted towards the camp entrance in a blur of pale fur. She was gone before she could change her mind.

Like it had always been for moons, Magpiepaw's fears were met by silence.

As his adopted siblings fell to the ground beside Jaystar's body, the apprentice was left standing awkwardly a few paces away, realizing with a pang of anxiety that Dappleshine and her family had moved away from him as well, talking in hushed voices.  His golden eyes glanced around desperately, longing to cling onto something he knew, someone he knew...but there was no one in sight.  Only the distraught adopted family he barely knew, their dying leader, and his best friend.  Even since his mother and Cloudstone had jumped off of that breaking den...he had never felt so alone.  Now though, he was surrounded by his clanmates, yet the distance between them and him seemed unmeasurable.

His body shaking, Magpiepaw's ears heard Jaystar talking to those around him.  Mistlepaw, his adopted siblings, Scorchclaw...why was this happening?  Wasn't Jaystar supposed to have nine lives, why was he talking like he was dying for good!?  Shuffling closer to the scene, yet still keeping his distance, he gazed at Jaystar's green eyes, the emotion held within their depths almost overwhelming.  It struck the young tom just how great of a leader they had, how much he cared about every member of his clan, even him, the tiny scared runt who couldn't do anything right.  Jaystar had told him before that he had the making of a great warrior within him...could that even be true?  Magpiepaw had always looked up to the gray tabby tom as a beacon of nobility and the strength of RiverClan...seeing him now, bleeding out onto the camp floor, felt like a horrible illusion.  As his breathing grew weaker and weaker, Magpiepaw strained to hear his last words, but despite their low volume, they resonated in his mind, trying to cement themselves as a memory he could carry with him...for his heart cracked with every syllable.

"After all this time, after all my mistakes... I've learnt that with love... comes loss. It hurts... but at the end... there's no greater gift in life... than love.

Love your home... your roots... your home because at the end... it is what truly matters. The bonds we create... the ones who vanishes... the ones who are re-born... forgiveness, loss, love, sorrow and hope... All are part of life and is worth living it. Don't cry for this old, sad tom. I've lived my life... is time for all of you... to live yours and be better... than I was."

His leader finally fell still, eyes glazed and unseeing.  Magpiepaw waited, golden eyes brimming with tears, for him to move again like the legends said...

But nothing happened.  Jaystar was dead.

"...N-N-No..."  Feeling a liquid warmth run down his face, Magpiepaw collapsed where he was, laying down with his legs splayed awkwardly, but at the moment he didn't notice.  He watched Jaystar's body as several cats came to touch their noses to his pelt, the bleakness in the air tangible, hoping with all his might that he might still awaken, but with every passing second, that dream vanished.  Eventually, he admitted defeat and Magpiepaw rested his chin on the dusty ground, covering his face with his paws to try and stifle the sobs.  His shoulders flickered up and down with his stuttered breathing as not only the emotion from this death flooded over him but from his mother's death as well.  From finding Cloudstone's body on the lakeshore...coming to terms with the fact that two of his siblings would never come home, and that half of his clan would never be together again...

Jaystar, how can love be the greatest gift in life...if it always causes so much pain?  You said not to cry for you but...why shouldn't we?  What else are we supposed to do?  How can I love anything...when I know it only pities me?  Or wants to leave me?  Or...hates me.

Forgiveness, loss, love, sorrow, and hope...

Mama...I wish you were here...

Minkpaw padded through the reeds, a small fish in his jaws. A wind ruffled his semi-wet fur, bringing a slight sense of refreshment to the vague feeling of exhaustion in his paws. It wasn't long after the gathering, and it wasn't quite time just yet, but still he felt a longing to leave. He'd lingered too long already; but it was almost time. The urge tugged at his paws, and he found himself wandering towards that boundless horizon almost before he registered what he was doing.

Shaking his head, he forced his paws back towards camp, brushing through the taller reeds surrounding it with his powerful, very un-apprentice-like shoulders. A scent brushed at his nose as he approached, and he paused for a moment, fur beginning to rise along his spine.

Blood, and desperation.

The chaotic whirl of scents hit him full force as he broke into a run, paws pounding against the earth. He could hear it up ahead, an agitated murmur of voices. No, no not again! A swirl of frustration and other emotions roared through his veins as he burst through into the clearing, his paws gripping the ground as the world skidded to a shocked halt with him.

It was Jaystar. His limbs locked rigid as he spotted the tom lying in the center of camp, a limp bundle of fur. Others were nearby, too, crowded around the tom in various postures of grief he'd seen all too many times before. But this time, it wasn't just another warrior bleeding out in the centre of camp, it was their leader.

It looked like he was just in time, too. In time to see the other breathe his last breath. As the whispery words came out of the grey tom's mouth, he could feel a hardness growing around his heart, emotions like the murky bottom of a churned up river flowing through him.

Love. A sudden blinding fury cut through everything else, stealing the air from his lungs with an ice-cold ferocity. Love? He felt like spitting at the words that came out of the tom's mouth. What did you ever know about love? You tore us apart from our own father because he wasn't from the Clan, but you had kits with your own medicine cat! How could you know about love?! His face felt rigid with the effort of keeping a snarl off his lips, and faintly he realized he was shaking, his paws trembling like a kit at its first swimming lesson. Abruptly, he made his decision, throwing the fish down and stalking away as fast as he could before he did something he would regret, head down and eyes cold.

His tail gave one last vehement lash as he disappeared back out into the reeds, his own breathing grating against his ears as his heart pounded. The rage was fading, leaving behind a cold, hard space void of emotion. Jaystar was dead. Good riddance. The ice inside his ribcage howled with an emptiness that almost scared him. The tom had been his grandfather, he'd looked up to him for most of his life.... But he felt a dark satisfaction rising in his throat like bile, a bitter taste that held no comfort.

His paws were taking him somewhere, but he didn't pay any attention as reeds parted before him, the world strangely blurred, as if he were underwater. If anything, the old tom's words had brought him a certainty he hadn't quite held until that moment. Home was not here. His roots were out somewhere else, beyond the horizon, in that place where the sun went down.

His paws hit grass, and he stopped, blinking away the blurriness as he looked up at what lay before him. Wild, windblown grass stretched away from his paws, golden in the green-leaf sunlight. Almost unconsciously, he opened his mouth to taste the smell of the hills beyond, a faint scent almost covered by the RiverClan border's scent. He stood there, his paws aching with the desire to leave it all behind, and stayed. He couldn't leave without saying goodbye. No, he would have to go back until it was time to leave. He would have to go back and see RiverClan without Jaystar, grieving what he couldn't, and wouldn't.

Grass tore beneath his claws. He should never have become leader. If he hadn't, maybe things wouldn't have turned out this way. Maybe Starlord would have met his kits, would have raised them like he should have.... He'd told himself he hated Jaystar, and he did - with every fibre of his being in this moment.

Yet why were his paws shaking? Why had the world gone blurry again?

Cloudkit saw everything from afar, before all the crowd could gather around the dying leader. The tom-kit was young but he could understand... the pain of those around him. However, he did not feel it was his place to come close to the place and stayed on the entrance of the nursery with the other kits and quietly, he said an awkward goodbye to the leader since he did not know him.