Vivid dreams bring crashing terror

Time dragged on. Every moment felt like waiting for something; the deep breath before the plunge into icy water. No matter how hard Lightstep thought about it, he couldn't determine what it was he must be waiting for. He couldn't seem to stop thinking about it. His brain was unable to turn off. Thoughts of the flood constantly dashed through his concentration. The sound of the crack before the floodwaters came still reverberated through his bones; he felt a constant, dull ring in his ears, but part of him knew it wasn't really there. He hadn't been deafened by the horrifying sound; he was just tired. The sound of his own thoughts never ceased, even when he was listening to others, and he just... couldn't sleep. Lightstep hadn't slept since the day he awoke half-submerged in the flooded RiverClan camp. Of course he had dozed off here and there - and Mosspaw had found he and Sunpaw unconscious on the shore - but none of it had been true sleep.

Time dragged on, but it never stopped. It never skipped. It just.... moved.

Lightstep lay in the abandoned twoleg nest along with the other sick and injured not because he himself was sick or injured but because his niece, Sunpaw, was. Irreversibly injured, though SkyClan's medicine cat Amberdawn had been too respectful - or maybe too afraid - to say so. It didn't need saying, though; everyone knew. Sunpaw didn't try to deny it either, it seemed, nor did she act defeated. The calico she-cat still insisted on dragging herself about by some miracle despite Lightstep's terrified protests.

Truthfully, Sunpaw was part of the reason that Lightstep couldn't sleep. This little she-cat was all that remained of his brother, Aspenstrike; the only remaining kit of his first and only litter. Aspenstrike had been Lightstep's best friend through his childhood. They had sworn to always be there for each other - best friends; united; inseparable and understanding - and they were.

Until Aspenstrike wasn't anymore.

The day that Icepaw was maimed by Hailpaw was the day that Lightstep's life first began to unravel. Aspenstrike had been on the patrol as well when Lightstep saved Icepaw from the wicked ThunderClan fox-heart, but he had never returned to camp. Icepaw had been hanging by a thread for the moons since then, but with the flood.... Lightstep knew Icepaw would never wake up. Aspenstrike would never know, though; he likely wouldn't ever turn back up, either. Every day Lightstep had struggled with the fear and guilt and sorrow at his brother's disappearance. Had Aspenstrike even thought of him? Of course he did, parts of his brain reprimanded him furiously, guilting him for mourning the loss of his brother.

It didn't matter, though. Aspenstrike was gone. He had left behind a mate who loved him dearly. He wasn't around when his other son, Sootpaw, began to have seizures; he certainly wasn't around when Sootpaw had died of one and been given his warrior name, Sootcloud, to enter StarClan with. Would Sootcloud have survived if Aspenstrike had been around? Probably not, but some sadistic part of Lightstep thought it must be possible, just to hurt his heart more.

Sunpaw was all that remained of Aspenstrike, but Lightstep hadn't been able to keep her safe, either. He still didn't know what had happened to her, but he remembered how he found her in the flood: Lightstep had been swept off his feet like many others, and for a moment he struggled to find which way was up. He had only just gotten himself righted when he and Sunpaw floundered into each other, swept together by the waves. He had grabbed her by her scruff, but she had been an exhausting dead weight. Lightstep struggled to help keep her afloat as the flood swept them away from the forest, and it wasn't until they awoke on the shore that Lightstep understood why.

The white RiverClan tom adjusted slightly in his nest, then immediately froze as he felt Sunpaw twitch beside him. His heart pounded in his chest. A second passed, then another, and the small calico twitched again. Lightstep lifted his head slightly, staring through the darkness at his niece beside him. Sunpaw jerked again, though only her forelegs and head were able to move well enough. The rest of her body seemed to just jiggle uselessly as she began jerking more and more, and Lightstep put his paw on her, murmuring, "Sunpaw?"

The calico's dream, whatever it was, worsened, and in just a few moments she was wailing out, "Help!"

Lightstep sat up and began to shake her shoulders, terror edging his voice as he said, "Sunpaw - wake up!" He pressed his head into her neck and nudged her, trembling. He rasped, "Wake up, I'm here. I've got you."

Sunpaw shook with terror as she gasped when Lightstep shook her awake. Her whole top have quivered as she spat out the words, each one filled with hate and disgust, a tone she had never used before.
”Where is Flurryshine?”
That cat was no longer her mother. She was motherless. A name that would pop up and Sunpaw would attack now. Her love was replaced with anger and she was cold. My sibling. She thought, Flurryshines kits were nameless to her. My father. Sootcloud. My mother. All ripped away. Mottledspark too, wilted away. Did she think no cat would notice? Had no cat noticed? She went out with him and didn’t come back. Mottledspark wouldn’t run away. He wouldn’t.
”Where is she?!”
Sunpaws head swiveled around, her stared at Lightstep watching his every move. Did he know the truth? The awful truth? The truth about a.. a murderer? Fear still gripped her but anger kept her from showing it now. But the horrifying look in Sunpaws eyes, glaring into Lightsteps..

For an agonizing heartbeart, Lightstep wondered if Sunpaw was having a seizure like Sootcloud had been prone to before his death. He had been so helpless against his affliction even with two medicine cats; certainly the stranded warriors would be unable to save Sunpaw now. The young calico she-cat awakened, however, still trembling with apparent terror. Her shocked gasp as Lightstep nudged heer echoed in the twoleg nest and made him wince. Again, in a soft voice, the warrior repeated in a desperate attempt to provide comfort, "I'm here, Sunpaw."

Sunpaw continued to quiver, but when she spoke her voice was not shaking with fear or sorrow. Instead, the tone of her voice made Lightstep freeze. The two of them had been laying side by side, pelts brushing as they slept. Every little slip of hair made the white warrior nervous, as if any little movement was wrong. Something was wrong with Sunpaw. The young RiverClan apprentice asked in a tone dripping with fury and loathing, "Where is Flurryshine?"

"Flurryshine?" Lightstep echoed, his expression twisted with confusion and concern. What was Sunpaw suddenly asking about Flurryshine for? Why was she so... so angry?

"Where is she?!" Sunpaw demanded, and finally Lightstep inched away as she wrenched herself away from him, body swiveling awkwardly as her head snapped to glower at him.

The white warrior felt hurt, and confused; why was she angry at him? He had never received such a scalding look before, and it took all the energy he had not to simply break down and begin blubbering like a kit. Sunpaw was the only family he had right now. He would do everything for her... So why was she angry with him? Lightstep blinked several times before he stammered, "I-I don't know, Sunpaw. I never saw her after I woke up in camp at home... What...? What's wrong?"

”Are you ganna do it too?” She snarled, revealing her teeth. In the moonlight she looked like a murderer ready to maim. ”Ganna abandon me like her?” She hissed, getting louder. Each breath rattled her body and she heaved and hissed.

As soon as the confused question exited Lightstep's mouth, Sunpaw was snarling at him again. The white warrior didn't know what to do. He sat upright no more than a tail-length away, though he was leaning fearfully away from the angry apprentice. Part of him was terrified; the last time he had seen such a malicious stare had been from Hailpaw, the she-cat who maimed - no, murdered - Icepaw. The glinting of the moonlight in her hate-filled eyes made his fur stand on end with terror.

Lightstep wanted, in some regard, to run away before Sunpaw could cause whatever harm she so clearly wished upon him. He desperately wanted that thought to be the last thing on his mind; for it to have been one of the first - knowing that she was unable to truly fight anyone anymore - filled him with an overwhelming sense of guilt, especially when the next thing Sunpaw hissed was, "Gonna abandon me like her?"

"No!" Lightstep replied immediately, his eyes dark with hurt as he dared to stare imploringly at his niece's face and his voice cracking with fear and sadness. "Sunpaw, I would never - h-how could you ask that? What ha-happened?" The young RiverClan warrior still didn't understand how Sunpaw's adopted mother played into it. Sunpaw said Flurryshine had abandoned her, but she must have misunderstood. "Flurryshine would never leave you," he tried to reassure her, body trembling, "Sh-She simply got swept just like we did. You're her kit..."

Lightstep trailed off. He could speak no more; he could see the loathing in Sunpaw's face and he faltered. She looked so angry.... so angry at him, and so angry at what he was saying. Did Flurryshine.... abandon her kit?

”She left me!” Sunpaw screeched, she has no regard for the other cats sleeping. ”She walked away to help Dewshine! She left me to die!” She screamed then trembled and stared into Lightsteps eyes, tears dropped down her cheeks and then she colappsed and sobbed into her scratchy nest

As soon as Lightstep trailed off, Sunpaw seized the silence, screeching, "She left me!" Lightstep winced as a cat somewhere nearby hissed out of frustration, but he knew there was no hope silencing his agitated niece, nor did he want to try. She continued, "She walked away to help Dewshine! She left me to die!" The young warrior's mouth dropped slightly, pale yellow eyes dark with distress. The words echoed in his head, a thousand times in a heartbeat of a moment: "She left me to die."

The white tom stared hopelessly, helplessly back into Sunpaw's eyes; her anger wasn't gone, but it was replaced with something worse: deep, utter betrayal. When the calico finally collapsed into her nest again fully, tears were flowing freely. The young she-cat sobbed. Lightstep moved to her side and wrapped himself around her, careful not to shift her limp hind end in an uncomfortable way. He curled himself up as if she were his own kit, doing his best to hold and protect her while she wept. Questions burned in his mind - Is Sunpaw telling the truth? Did Flurryshine abandon Sunpaw? What happened to Sunpaw's legs? Did Flurryshine know it had happened? Did Dewshine know about Sunpaw? Why did Dewshine need saving? - but he spoke none of them, burying his face into his niece's shoulders and gently rasping his tongue over her fur.

Several moments passed before Lightstep finally said quietly, his voice hard with determination as he tried to convey his truth, "I will never leave you, Sunpaw. I will always be with you, as long as StarClan will let me." He touched his nose to her forehead, then asked hesitantly, "Please... tell me what happened. Tell me everything."

Sunpaw tried to blink away her endless tears but it did not quite work. ”Does.. -sob- she not.. -sob- love me?” He blinked and looked up and Lightstep, seeking an answer. Her ears flattened as she stayed silent knowing there was no answer and hurried looking around and placed front paws before her and in hailing deeply and let out a long shaken breath.

”I saw her, I was scared.” She stared, her noice muffled by wet salty fur. ”Branches and twigs were falling and there was a long noise.” She swallows and tried to go on. ”T-the rock fell on me and my legs were trapped.” She shifted her shoulders as her face stared to itch from the nappy fur. ”I called out to her to help me. B-but She left.” Sunpaw let out a moan as her memories flashed. ”I think I tore a claw trying to get out.” She said, hardly audible. ”S-She turned around and left.” She sniffed and took another breath, trying to go on. ”I hear a crack and the screams were deafening, and then I was weightless and I-I don’t remember anything else. She whispered, feeling guilty for not being able to remember the rest.

She swallowed and finally summoned the courage to look at Lightstep, the corners of her eyes beginning to come crusty from the wind, tears, and mud. She let out another snuffed and turned around to realize her tail had become untucked. She hurriedly gripped the tip of her tail in her teeth and tried to pull it close and then tried to fluff up her itchy nest under her to not let her tail move again.

Lightstep stayed silent, content to simply hold her close and listen. The she-cat tried to stifle her tears. She blinked rapidly, but that only caused them to fall to the ground. Her body still trembled as she asked through the sobs that racked her body, "Does she not love me?" Her gaze stared imploringly into his, but he was speechless. Lightstep stared wordlessly, unable to answer. Sunpaw seemed to know he couldn't possibly. That didn't make him feel better in the sorrow-filled silence. Lightstep had thought he knew: Of course Flurryshine loved Sunpaw, how could she not? But if Flurryshine had abandoned Sunpaw as she said - and why would she lie - then how could he possibly claim that?

Sunpaw's voice dropped as she explained what had happened, her face full of fear and pain. Lightstep was horrified as the thought of Sunpaw trapped helplessly under the crushing weight of a boulder flashed across his mind. He remembered how he had been swept into her, and his stomach knotted horribly at the realization of how close she had come to death. Lightstep had realized quickly she hadn't been able to swim when he found her. Now he knew why, and he felt even more grateful that he'd been able to find her and more disgusted with Flurryshine that she had left. Still, Sunpaw said she'd left for Dewshine... Had Dewshine needed it more? Lightstep certainly couldn't imagine so.

Unless she was expecting Sunpaw to not make it, he realized sadly. Sunpaw shifted and finished by explaining the cracking sound - which Lightstep remembered all too well himself - and being swept away, falling quickly unconscious. The young warrior was surprised to see the guilt darkening his kin's muddied face when she looked up at him. He had no words. She readjusted again, tucking her tail against her body. When she was comfortable, Lightstep began to clean the dirt and tears from Sunpaw's face, gently rasping his tongue over her muzzle and cheeks.

"I... I can't even begin to imagine what you've been through," Lightstep murmured softly between licks. "I don't know why she would have left you. I will never. I do love you, and I can say that for certain. You're like my own kit - you are my own kin."

Sunpaw shifted again as Lightstep stayed silent. Is he thinking of me differently? Her mind pressed but she didn’t dare ask him. She swallowed and started to lick her paws and drag them over her ears and closed her eyes before she felt Lightsteps tongue rasping at her ragged pelt. She tried to purr but nothing came out.

She opened her eyes and looked down as Lightstep spoke. Someone loves me. She thought bitterly and grinded her teeth. It was a habit of Sootclouds until she picked it up too. She smiled warmly at Lightstep as he finished. ”I love you too, Lightstep.” She tried to purr again and a loud purr came out. She nuzzled him in the chest before burring her nose in his fur.

To Lightstep's relief, Sunpaw didn't resist or get angry when he began to groom her face. She closed her eyes and kept her head lowered slightly at he rasped his tongue over her multicolored fur. He wasn't certain if she truly wanted him there, however; she didn't purr. She remained silent and listened as he spoke. His niece gritted her teeth and opened her eyes to look at the earth. When he said what he wanted to say he hesitantly paused, wondering how she might react. What was she thinking? What did she have to say? Did she care that he loved her in the face of knowing her adopted mother might not?

"I love you too, Lightstep," Sunpaw finally purred, smiling at him. Lightstep let out a sigh of relief and felt his own purr stir in his chest, making his whiskers quiver. He rested his head on top of hers, feeling a moment of peacefulness and relief and being able, even if only for a moment, to think of something other than everything that was wrong. He continued to groom her soothingly, hoping to lull her back to sleep. If she seemed to be having a nightmare again he'd know. Lightstep would do everything in his power to make Sunpaw feel loved. I'll keep you safe, he promised in his head despite that he knew she'd be indignant about such a suggestion.