Marshes from lakes. (closed)

The roar of water, the hard shaking of the log he clung to desperately. Sodden dark brown pelt turned black from the muck and dirt as he lost his grip on the bark and found himself down in the rushing torrent.

Light rested on his pelt. It warmed the mud that crusted onto his fur and broke with every breath. Water lapped calmly at his side, pulling the sand away from the shore bit by bit until finally, his mud-covered muzzle splashed into it. The shock jolted the tom as he rose to his paws. Amber eyes darting around his surroundings while the crunching of floating logs bashing themselves together sounded nearby. His head turned to them. Then towards the lake, the sheer cliffs... the place that was so clearly not. ThunderClan. His throat tightened, claws sank deep into the wet sand before he had the sense to pull them out. To stride towards the dry sand as he looked around himself.

He had worked so hard to get to the clans. Nights spent following the brightest star still haunted his mind. His jaws parted, as though to yowl his grievance to the world through tears that stung in his eyes until he noticed pawprints. He blinked, then looked around himself. There was more than one set. In the far distance, he thought he spied an unfamiliar pelt. Relief flooded through him. He wasn't alone. StarClan had not chosen to forsake him for choosing to join ThunderClan over ShadowClan once more... for leaving the clan of his birth for the clan that was willing to take him in. The one that offered him hope.

He stood, then padded towards a small strand of trees. The sun felt brilliant on his cold pelt, but there was danger in it. It was far too exposed, and immediately his spirits dropped once more. Dustcloud. The she-cat had been laying helpless when he was swept away. Did the water reach her? Had she been tucked away high enough that the water hadn't gone up there? He desperately hoped so.

...Leopardstar?  Sweetheart, wake up, you're safe now..."

A rasping gasp echoed across the starry field as the golden tom, lying sprawled on his side as if knocked down by an enemy, opened his eyes in a flash.  W-where...am I?  The soft grass that cradled his body felt familiar, and as he gained a foothold upon the fertile soil and glanced around in more detail, he realized exactly where he was.  This is the place I gained my nine lives...  Slowly, as the realization began to dawn upon his tired mind, a vivid shimmer in the corner of his vision alerted him to the presence of another cat, this one entirely made up of stars and moonlight, unlike his own solid pelt.  He recognized her form and the motherly smile she donned, and despite the circumstances, Leopardstar felt his cold chest once again flush with warmth.  "Mottledwing...I-It's good to see you again."  As he closed the distance that stood between himself and his adoptive mother, the ThunderClan leader nuzzled the calico she-cat's cheek affectionately, shivering as the odd sensation that he was touching nothing but air came over him; by now though, he was used to it.  It was how all StarClan cats felt, barely solid and yet still touchable.  The golden spotted tom purred as his former guardian licked his forehead, but the peaceful moment could not last, and Leopardstar quickly stepped away.  "I...I lost another life, didn't I?"

Mottledwing's soft smile suddenly faded to a melancholy grimace and the long-furred she-cat's shining amber eyes dulled until only faint embers of their light remained.  "Yes...your second life has been lost to the floodwaters, my son.  Look."  He followed her wandering gaze, and felt a jolt of shock rush down his spine as all the air was stolen from his lungs.  In the place beside the former queen, stood an almost transparent figure, tall and scarred with serious, blank eyes.  It was...him.  Though, he already knew that this sight was inevitable.  During his time in this place with Grasswhisker during the battle against Lichenmask, he had watched the figure form from nothing but stardust, and his mentor had explained that every time he lost a life, his StarClan counterpart would grow more and more solid.  Indeed, now with one more life added to its collection, the ghostly cat's figure had become much easier to see, and the haunting reminder churned his stomach.  Unable to keep looking at the grim image, Leopardstar turned away and locked his sight on Mottledwing, round hazel eyes glistening in the starlight.  "I...I failed Mottledwing...ThunderClan needed me, my family needed me, but I couldn't get out of the way in time..."  He choked back the cry that threatened to escape his heart, not wanting to confront his true feelings, but he couldn't help it.  As his mother's fluffy tail came to rest across his back, the golden spotted leader pressed his head against her shoulder, squeezing his eyes shut to barricade himself from crying.  "W-what kind of leader am I...to leave them at the moment they needed me the most...?"

A long moment of silence followed his dour words.  He could feel Mottledwing shift beside him, their flanks pressed together side by side before his ear was tickled by a soft breath.  "My little one...you couldn't have saved them all no matter how much you wanted to, no cat has that kind of power.  Stop comparing yourself to such impossible standards.  You did what you could, and that by itself was an accomplishment few could've achieved.  You stayed behind until all of ThunderClan had escaped the camp, taking into your paws the safety of all.  That, Leopardstar, is the mark of a truly selfless leader...you pushed your own personal desires and fears to the side for the good of your clan as a whole, like how a mother protects her beloved kittens."  He knew where she was going with this, and pulled back his face so that he could meet her gaze, the moisture dotted around his eyes sparkling like dewdrops at dawn.  Mottledwing purred, her voice invaded by a gratified sob as she looked up at him, old smile restored.  "You lost my life fittingly...and I couldn't be more proud of you, my son.  Please, just remember my words, and those of Grasswhisker, in the battles to come.  You must learn to forgive your history, rely on those you know you can trust in the living world and treat your clan like the beloved kin they are, tied by blood or not.  You cannot do everything alone Leopardstar, even if you're brave enough to.  The clans reside in a world of fellowship for a reason."  

"But-!"  Leopardstar's shocked protest was cut off by a stern glare cast from Mottledwing, but as the tom stumbled back and fumbled with his paws, eyes fixed on the ground, she flashed him an encouraging wink.  "I know it's hard for you, but it's a trial you must overcome, and a goal I've set for you.  By the time your journey is over, I think you'll come to find that some of those walls you've always hidden behind have fallen.  I believe in you little one, you're much more than a lost rogue kit now.  You can achieve anything you set your mind to...and this, I promise, will be a path you won't live to regret..."  Before he could respond, Leopardstar watched as Mottledwing's fragile presence began to dissipate - along with his ethereal alternate self - and all his senses abruptly faded to black.

---

The comforting, predictable sound of waves washing against a shoreline was what finally roused Leopardstar from his deep slumber, the leader's oddly stiff body cracking and snapping as his limbs, sore from a night of being tossed and turned and crashed into, gradually regained their feeling.  A low groan rasping from his chest, he opened his hazel eyes, only to flash them back shut instantly as the sun beamed across his face, causing black sunspots to dance across his vision.  Looking down at the ground instead, the long-legged golden tom slowly pulled himself into a sitting position, grimacing as pebbles and muck stuck to his short pelt.  Uhg...that'll take moons to groom off...  Eyes adjusted to the daylight, Leopardstar turned to take in his surroundings, only to realize with a jolt of panic that he was in completely foreign territory.  Before him lay a vast body of water, murky and clogged with mud and Twoleg rubbish, and behind him stood a very tall cliff face, sheer and likely unclimbable at least by his skills.  He seemed to have landed in a shallow dip, a rim of rocks hiding whatever lay farther along, but all Leopardstar knew at the moment was that...he was alone.  Very alone.  In ThunderClan, even when he sought privacy in his den below the Highrock he had taken comfort in the fact that just beyond the wall stood a whole clan of allies, cats who would have his back and be there if things got tough.  Now, only the lapping waves kept him company, and he would have to venture alone into an unknown world.  Trying to still his racing heart, Leopardstar rose shakily to his paws and took a few wobbly steps forward, before managing to gain his balance.  He gulped, glaring up at the boulders that blocked his way as if they were enemy warriors, facing him down on a battlefield.  Here I go...  Finding a foothold on one of the stones, the large tom-cat began to ascend, scraping off sections of mud from his paws and belly on the rough surface as he went.  He bit his lip, determined not to fall even if it would only be a short way.  Any injury in this situation could cost him another life, and if he had to go at it alone, he needed all the lives he could get.  With an effortful growl, the leader made it to the top of the rock and looked out; a long beach lay before him, shadowed by the cliff.  His surroundings though suddenly became meaningless as, to his immense joy and shock, Marshstorm stood mere fox-lengths away.  Open-mouthed, he blinked rapidly, watching to see when the brown tabby tom's form would fade like the illusion it was, but it never did.  In fact, he began moving up the beach, approaching a little patch of stumpy wind-blown trees.  No...how, is this...  "M...M-Marshstorm!"  His voice was raspy, and every word hurt as it escaped his dry throat, but Leopardstar scrambled down from the boulder in an untidy leap and dashed towards his deputy, muddy tail waving behind him.  "Marsh- cough - Marshstorm, I'm over here!"

Marshstorm paused for a moment. His ears twitched as the sound of Leopardstar's voice carried towards him. His head turned sharply, relief flooding through his body at the sight of his leader's sodden mury golden pelt. Despite the mud and the aching muscles, he turned sharply and padded over to Leopardstar's side. StarClan hadn't abandoned him... it hadn't carried him away from his clan. There was no chance that they would willingly send Leopardstar away. The thought burned in his mind as he looked over Leopardstar with a tilt of his head for a long assessing moment.

"Leopardstar! Thank StarClan! Are you injured?" He asked, then glanced over to where other pawprints lead towards the treeline. "...I hope all of ThunderClan didn't get swept away... " He turned towards the lake, where the water seemed to be flowing from with a shudder that crawled up his spine. If he never had to swim again, it'd be too soon. His gaze turned to the various logs and the shoreline with narrowed eyes. "Can you see Dustcloud anywhere?"

Worry stung in his chest for his mate, and for his kits. Poor Aspenpaw, Dawnpaw and Duskpaw. He hoped they had all made it to shore safely. Though the injuries that Dustcloud had been recovering from... he shook his head. He left her safely on the top of the gorge. She had to be safe.

As Marshstorm's amber eyes met his, Leopardstar felt a sudden, odd wave of deep relief wash over him, as if some powerful claw gripping his heart had released its hold.  Of course, he was always happy to see his deputy and Wolffang's brother alive and well...but this time, even with the extraordinary circumstances, it felt different.  His breath coming in rapid gasps, the golden spotted tom skidded to a halt a few tail-lengths away from his second-hand, flashing him a weak smile once he had recovered a bit from the abrupt run.  Side by side, once again...how had he been blind for so long?  The realization bloomed in his mind, yet his face told nothing as Marshstorm questioned him anxiously.  "No, just a bit battered and bruised, but I'm fine now.  When the flood hit though, it swept me off the cliff...I must've hit my head on a rock or something.  I blacked out and...lost a life."  He trailed off; would it always be awkward to talk about dying in such a casual way?  Shaking away the needless thoughts though, he followed Marshstorm's gaze towards a set of many pawprints, leading away from their end of the shore.  Nodding his agreement to the other tom's statement, he felt the all too familiar twinge of guilt throb through his body, but Mottledwing's comforting words still rang true.  You couldn't have saved them all even if you tried...you did all you could do, and that's what matters.  The thought though...ThunderClan separated and lost...or even dead...  His wide eyes fell to the ground as Leopardstar's claws unsheathed, sinking into the murk.  They have to be okay...we'll find them soon, we just have to start looking.  As if echoing his worries, Marshstorm's query about his injured mate only made his heart beat faster as he looked up, glancing around through narrow eyes before shaking his head solemnly.  "No, you're the first cat I've seen since I woke up.  I'll help you look." He took a few steps forward towards the path of pawprints, but stopped, turning back around to face Marshstorm with a strange look on his face.  For a moment he was silent, meeting the deputy's gaze for a moment with an open mouth, about to speak, before faltering and examining the ground, seemingly gathering his thoughts.  Finally, after an awkwardly long moment, he spoke in a low, serious tone...yet it was tinged by what could only be regret.  "A-Actually...if you're willing, I'd like to speak to you for a moment...I'll make it quick."

Leopardstar's answer filled Marshstorm made his chest ache. His tail and head lowered as he thought silently about the meaning of such an injury. He swallowed back as concerns flooded his mind, yearned to be acknowledged and his leader protected. Wish as he might, he could never guard Leopardstar full-time. He had his family to look out for. He raised his head, a somber expression still on his muzzle as he returned his gaze fully to Leopardstar's as the tom passed by him.

"Of course, Leopardstar." The response to his request was immediate. Curiousity budded deep in his chest, but he didn't allow it to make him eager. Worry flooded him for a moment, irrational and dismissed as he refused to acknowledge and feed his own doubts as he waited for Leopardstar's words. He stepped forward, a deep breath in his lungs as he rested faith in StarClan that there wasn't about to be horrible news... his mind flashed to mate and kin. It wouldn't be though, Leopardstar had already told him he was the first cat he'd seen, and he trusted his leader completely. He wouldn't lie. "What's the matter?" He queried, picking up on the regret in the other's words.

Leopardstar squeezed his eyes shut as if to steady himself, before taking a deep breath and lifting his head, fixing his hazel eyes on Marshstorm's own amber ones.  "I need...to apologize to you."  His voice was low and rumbled like a tumbling waterfall, yet deep sincerity punctured every syllable; it was obvious that this conversation came from a place of utmost emotion.  "I've come to realize that, though I consider you to be one of my closest friends and comrades...all I've done since appointing you as deputy has been in an effort to push you away.  Not on purpose of course, but...I've always been that way, ever since I was abandoned in the snow by my wretched excuse for a mother.  I've always had trouble allowing others to become close to me, and even the few friends I've made in my life I always seem to keep them at a distance.  Even Lichenfang..."  His voice trailed off for a moment as if saying his mate's name had brought him physical pain, but he forced himself to go on.  "In recent times, I began to see how that's affected my - our - clan.  Perhaps it's my lack of trust in our clanmates that's driven them to disloyalty over the moons...or maybe, it's that I don't trust myself to be strong enough to protect them."  He sighed, and his eyes fell to the ground once more.  "Honestly...sometimes I've wondered if I deserve to call myself ThunderClan's leader, because often I am a leader in name alone.  A true leader, like Darkflight and Blizzardshine, was one with their clanmates, not apart from them.  Or afraid of them.  I'm jealous Marshstorm, of how easily you can form bonds with our clanmates.  I've tried, but I never knew what to say, or what to do...my history haunts me like a Dark Forest curse.  I can't seem to escape it."

"So, I guess what I'm trying to say is...thank you, for always being there for our clan...and I'm truly sorry that my own troubles have gotten in the way of not only my role but our relationship as leaders.  As my second-in-command, I look to you for advice and support...but I've never been able to return that to you in equal measure.  I'm afraid I've been looking at you not as a friend, but as an ambassador, to connect myself to the clan in the most distant way through you if that makes sense.  It's...quite selfish."  Leopardstar felt himself flush, embarrassed in the moment to admit something so candid, but he knew it was true, and the truth must be revealed in order to make a change.  "I was told once that I've always hidden behind many walls, ones that I grew much too comfortable with.  I know now though that, in order to be the leader I want to be, that ThunderClan needs me to be...I need to knock them down.  It's not something I can do on my own though...so, I'm asking you, as a friend..."  Bowing his head, Leopardstar stood in front of Marshstorm, a respectful posture a leader almost never took towards a cat of lower rank.  In the moment though, ranks didn't matter.  At heart, he was still just the same scared little kit, trying to swim through the snow towards the only thing he knew in the world, no matter how much it would hurt him.  It was time to grow up.

"Marshstorm, I need to learn to depend on others, because I can't face everything in life alone, how I always have.  Let me rely on you as you rely on me...and someday, I will learn to rely on ThunderClan as well.  I trust you...so let me prove it."

Amber eyes blinked at hazel ones that stared back so intently. It took him a moment to process the words being said, his fears and irrational doubts fell to nothingness as he listened. As Leopardstar spoke, Marshstorm stayed silent. Allowing the younger tom to bare his heart. Learning as he did so. The mention of Leopardstar's mother... Marhstorm had never known her. He couldn't help being grateful for that, yet it lead to Leopardstar's being here now. Lichenfang... truly, Leopardstar's rock above any. Relatable as Dustcloud was to him. The thought crossed his mind, but he held his words.

Guilt climbed his chest as his leader continued. He hadn't meant to make Leopardstar feel displaced.. hadn't meant to make the strong golden tom doubt himself for even a moment. The idea of him being cursed... Marshstorm couldn't abide by it. As Leopardstar bowed his head in front of him, Marshstorm lowered his to give a comforting nudge on the shoulder.

"Leopardstar..." He began, then paused as Leopardstar continued on. Amber gaze softening as the doubts continued, as though the leader had lost faith in himself... in his ability to lead. Marshstorm felt himself begin to speak, before he was certain he meant to. "None of those cats... the ones who betrayed us. None of them were your fault." He explained slowly. "You are a true leader. Starclan themselves have approved of you."

He dipped his head at Leopardstar's confession about hiding behind walls. The bow of Leopardstar's head towards him made Marshstorm feel slightly uneasy. The proud golden tom should never have had to feel this way. Yet, Marshstorm began to wonder if this was part of StarClan's plan... somehow.
"Leopardstar." He meowed, more firmly as he pressed his muzzle to Leopardstar's forehead. A gesture to hopefully show that he was forgiven, as far as Marshstorm was concerned. "You can always rely on me. I won't let your trust be taken for granted. Your clan gave me a chance that no other could have." He responded honestly as he looked towards the shore for a moment, then back with a smile. "I am honoured to call you my friend, Leopardstar."

Leopardstar closed his eyes briefly as Marshstorm's muzzle touched his head; it felt so familiar, yet completely different than any time before.  Grasswhisker used to embrace him like this...but she would always and forever be his mentor, a figure that guided him much more than she walked beside him...and he was okay with that.  Marshstorm, his friend and deputy, could be a totally new relationship, one he had never experienced before, and he suddenly realized that he was looking forward to their future, both as leaders as well as friends.  Raising his head, he nodded, a smile emerging on his worn face.  "Thank you.  I am honored to call you my friend as well."  The moment was broken off by Leopardstar himself, his face returning to its usual seriousness as he looked away up the shore.  "Let's head farther that way, we need to find food and shelter as well as search for our clanmates."