Those Left Behind {Closed}

Lengxue was gone. The whole barn had been combed, and it had been confirmed that she was no longer hiding somewhere within it. She had really left for the clans. Even with the reality in her face, Mao could hardly believe it. She had never thought that the quiet, reserved molly would abandon her family. Why? Just, why? Replaying her last conversation with Lengxue, Mao still struggled to accept her reasons. To flee to the very clans that their mother had always warned them of, had this place really been that unbearable for Lengxue? As expected, Xuexi was livid with the news. No degree of anger, however, could get Lengxue back now. It did not take long before the absence of another cat had been noticed. Canren was also nowhere to be found. Most likely, the dark tabby had taken Lengxue with him. While Mao was not amazingly observant, the division between Canren and his sister Xuexi was plain to see. The situation did not need much imagination to figure out. It was his fault--everything was his fault.

That evening, Mao sought Rift out. The russet-furred tabby was easy enough to find, as she knew the haunts and habits of her siblings. When the young rogue had scrambled up to the loft, her amber gaze alighted on the familiar figure in one corner. There she was. Even without seeing the expression Rift wore, Mao knew that her remaining sister was sulking. She could more or less understand Rift's feelings right now. Wordlessly, she padded over and settled down by her side. For a second, she was content to be silent, simply being in the other's presence. She didn't want to be alone with her thoughts right now. Her usual cheerful self was nowhere to be seen, replaced by a brooding sullenness. Was there anything she could have said to convince Lengxue to stay? How foolish their sister had been... At length, she muttered, "Do you think she'll be okay?"

Canren must have been good at covering his tracks. He and Lengxue had been able to completely evade Xuexi. The Regime leader had been too slow. Just like no cat had been able to catch Wolf after she had left, no one would be able to find those two now. Mao couldn't help but wonder if this situation was her punishment for helping Wolf escape. Back then, she should never have covered for the silver bengal, even if she liked her too much to want her in trouble.

Rift hunched in the dimmest corner she'd been able to find, unreadable gold-amber eyes staring blankly over the floor of the barn below. All feeling had been bleached out of her, but she could still feel her claws running through the wood beneath her, tearing lines in the rough surface that felt a little like her heart. They'd all gone, they'd all left, just gone. A small tingle of something that felt vaguely like anger ran through the chill, and she forcefully shoved it back down. Anger got me nowhere.
A whitish-cream form scrambled into the loft, and for a moment she almost thought Lengxue had come back. Her dull eyes brightened for a moment, her ears pricking slightly, and then the spark was extinguished as she realized it was just Mao. Her sister settled down by her side, silent, and Rift felt a small spark of warmth ignite as they simply sat. Mao's always there, she always knows what to do.... But the empty space where a piece of her had been torn out still hissed that nothing would ever be the same again, Xuexi prowling around in a rage, Wolf gone, Lengxue gone, everything she'd known gone. It wasn't that way, she knew it wasn't, some things were still the same, not everything was different. But it still wasn't like it had been.
Mao's quiet voice broke into her whirling thoughts, and she suddenly realized the wood beneath her forepaws was a mess of splinters and jagged lines. Turning to her sister, she searched the other's face, attempting to figure out what she was feeling. Eventually, she managed to force out a mrrow that sounded vaguely like a choking noise. "Course she'll be fine. She's our sister...."
She could suddenly feel her claws slicing through her sister's cheek again, see the drops of blood falling heavily to the distant ground below. But I didn't treat her like one....

"Course she'll be fine. She's our sister...."

Really? Would Lengxue really be okay? She had gone off to join the very clans that had slit her grandfather's throat. It wasn't as if she was alone, but Mao found no comfort in knowing that Canren accompanied her. He was the one who had taken their sister away in the first place. What if the clans refused to accept Lengxue? If anything happened to her, would her family even have any way of finding out? The thought chilled Mao to the bone. She wanted to believe Rift's words; she really did, but she just couldn't bring herself to do so. How could she, when even Rift didn't seem to believe herself? She began to voice her inner thoughts, only to cut herself off in the end. Neither of them needed to hear more of such doubts right now. In the end, the only thing she uttered was a quiet, "I hope so."

Mao hated everything about this situation. She hated Canren for feeding Lengxue with lies, and she hated Xuexi for not taking better care of her own daughter. A small part of her even hated Lengxue. Even though she had pleaded with the other molly to stay, Lengxue had left anyway. Whatever the reasons, the reality was that their sister had chosen the clans over her own family. That knowledge hurt more than any pain claws slicing through her flesh could cause. Had she really been worth that little? Most of all, however, Mao hated herself for being so helpless. Even though she wanted nothing more than to run out and search for Lengxue right then, Xuexi had forbidden the rest of her kits from leaving the barn. There was nothing she could do, except curl up together with Rift in the void of depression. While one of her siblings lived in fear of being killed by their own mother, she had been unable to do anything to help them. If only she had been braver, wiser, stronger, she might have been able to change Lengxue's mind. Now it was too late, and the conversation the two of them had had just a few hours ago might be the last one they would ever have. No... no, she didn't really hate Lengxue. How could she ever hate her? Anger, frustration--at that moment, every emotion flowing through her body seemed to be tangled together into one big incomprehensible mess. It left her feeling confused and exhausted. At the end of her train of thought, she was no closer to finding the answers she so desperately wanted.

Huddling closer to Rift so that their pelts—cream against russet—brushed against one another, Mao silently furrowed her brow. The young rogue was barely aware of the expression that weighed down her features or the ruffled appearance of her usually immaculate fur. How long would the two of them be able to stay up in the loft until Xuexi called them down? Right now, she wasn't ready to look upon her mother's face. She didn't want to train or even hear stories of Shade and his exploits. She didn't want to think of obtaining a new home for the Regime. What was the point, when her little world was already in pieces? "You hurt her." Dull amber gaze was fixed on her paws, Mao did not make eye contact with Rift. She spoke mechanically, almost as if all the emotion had been drained away. Still, the slightest note of criticism could be detected in her tone. While she might once have been ready to give the other a earful of a lecture, she wasn't doing much beyond stating a fact now. In a way, she might have been able to comprehend Rift's actions. "... When Lengxue came to me, I tried to talk to her. But it didn't work either. She was really convinced that Mama wanted to kill her." Ears flattening, Mao continued dejectedly, "D'you think that she was right? Would Mama really hate one of us that much?" She didn't want to believe that Xuexi would ever do such a thing. She couldn't believe it.

Mao's quiet reply plunged them back into heavy silence. Rift didn't move as her sister huddled closer to her, taking comfort in the warmth of her pelt in the chilly air. She could faintly see her breath as she exhaled, fogging into a white mist that rose and then disappeared. Her thoughts slowed as she simply sat, beginning to feel almost sleepy as she finally let her exhausted mind slow down.
Then her sister spoke again.
"You hurt her...." Rift immediately stiffened, her muscles locking at the slight tone of accusation laid under the words. "I-I-" She glanced down at her white-splashed left paw, remembering for a moment the dark red blood that had splattered over it, and the matching red on her mother's own left paw. Hanging her head, she fell silent before more words could squeeze out, listening as her sister continued. If I'd just been better at convincing her.... Silence fell for a moment after her sister finished speaking, Rift staying silent, thoughts whirling again through her head. What did I see? Mum's paw had blood on it, but it could've just been that mouse. Except, her mother hadn't actually killed it when Rift ran over, and that had been old blood that she hadn't cleaned off for some reason. It didn't even have claw marks.... But Xuexi wouldn't hurt one of her kits that way! She wasn't a bad cat, she'd raised them, after all. Sure, the training had been a little rough, but Xuexi wouldn't hate one of her kits just for not being good at fighting! She gritted her teeth, wishing with all her might that she'd been able to tell her sister that in the moment. I wasn't thinking straight, I couldn't think straight. I let my anger get away with me.
She raised her head, a fire kindling in the depths of her eyes. Nope. That won't happen again. Her paws stilled on the wood, claws sheathing. When she spoke, her voice was quiet but firm, none of her usual levity apparent. "No, she wouldn't. But she'll chase Lengxue off if she sees her now."
She swallowed past a lump in her throat, trying to accept that she'd never see her sister again, unless she visited her. A spark kindled in her mind as she considered that. We could go see her again.... Almost daring not to hope for it, she turned to Mao, a wan smile on her face. "But if Lengxue can't come to us, we can go to her...."

Mao's feathery tail swished slowly back and forth, an indicator of the anxiety that beset the young rogue. Delicate whiskers drooped. In the short period of time that she had lived, Xuexi's word was all that she had known. Both Wolf and Lengxue had insisted that Xuexi was wrong, but the cream-colored tabby could not simply believe them. Until that very moment, the thought that Xuexi could ever be lying had never crossed her mind. If such was the reality, what would she do, then? She could never abandon her mother, unlike Lengxue. As much as she loathed to consider Xuexi a liar, however, she was even more frightened by the idea that her mother would try to kill one of her siblings. No kit ever wanted such a thing to be true. Xuexi had cared for them and taught them most of what they knew. Still, there were times when she could be a little scary. Involuntarily, her mind began to retrace past memories. What did Rift think?

As the other molly spoke up, Mao pricked both ears attentively. It had become a habit of hers to seek Rift's opinion. While they were sisters, there were plenty of differences between the two. The other was more daring, mischievous, and impulsive. Such qualities could make living with her sister a pain, but Mao also found herself admiring Rift for the same reasons. Even though moons had passed since that time, she was still the one stuck within the rafters, watching as her sister was the only one to bound on ahead. Perhaps Rift had noticed this habit of hers, perhaps she had not. Even if the two of them could not always agree, Mao was able to derive a sense of comfort simply from talking to her. Now, she quietly mused over Rift's response. It was with a dull ache in her heart that she realized her sister was probably right. If Lengxue were to ever return, Mao could easily see Xuexi driving her off or... or doing something even worse. Both she and Rift acknowledged this side of their mother, and the knowledge stung. There was no longer a future for Lengxue within the Regime.  However, Rift would not let Mao grieve for long. The next words out of the former's mouth instantly drew the gaze of the latter. "H—huh?" Mao spluttered, eyes wide, "You mean go to the clans?"

Somewhere down below, a cat rustled about. Snippets of a faint conversation reached the loft. Mao froze instinctively, her mouth sealed shut. When a few seconds had passed and she had ascertained that it was safe to continue speaking, she exhaled softly. "No. No way." She protested, shaking her head vigorously, "We'd just make Mama even more angry." Uneasily, she fidgeted. "Do you also not believe what she told us about the clans? They tore Grandpa's throat out. We don't even know if Lengxue really got to the clans! I—I want to see her too, but we can't disobey Mama. It's too risky, Rift."

At her sister's reply, Rift immediately opened her mouth, rushing to allay her sister's fears as she leaped to completely the wrong conclusion. But as some cat started meowing below, she was forced to shut it again, with only her twitching tail to show her agitation. That wasn't what I meant! She tried to convey the thought to her sister using her facial expression, but Mao was too agitated to notice. She wasn't Lengxue, she didn't want to just run off and join a bunch of murderous, crazy cats that hated rogues. That would mean leaving her family and everything she'd ever known behind. Impulsive as she was, even she wasn't that crazy.
She let out an explosive breath as the other cat below stopped talking, stilling her tail and opening her mouth again. Again, she was just a heartbeat too late as her sister continued, practically stating back at her all the things she'd told Lengxue. Stuffing any annoyance she wanted to feel into a place she hopefully wouldn't find, she simply listened, letting her eyes roam around the floor of the barn below, trying to spot whoever had been talking. A movement caught her eye, and she tensed a little, before relaxing as she spotted a simple mouse. Not too far away from it, motes of dust hung suspended in a stream of dull sunlight that had begun to probe cold fingers through a hole in the roof, and as she watched it brightened. Sun's coming out.
Her ear twitched as Mao finished, and she gave a short laugh, tail waving a little behind her. "I didn't mean we should go to the Clans. I just meant we could visit her. You know, when we're old enough, and Xuexi's forgotten about everything."
She turned eyes that sparkled slightly again to her sister, her whole face lighting up a little. "We could just hop in and see how she's doing without the Clans even knowing."

As Mao stared at her sister with wide amber eyes, the last thing she expected was for Rift to laugh. Nevertheless, the russet-and-white molly did, her voice ringing out briefly. Blinking, Mao's expression perfectly displayed the confusion that she felt. D—does she understand what she's saying? Bewildering as she was, however, for a few seconds, Rift looked cheerful again. The sight calmed the cream-colored tabby enough for her to pay attention to her sister's explanation. Oh. Ohh. She understood now. She had misunderstood. So that's what she meant... The other molly really meant a visit to Lengxue, rather than joining the clan. Settling down again, she directed her gaze towards her paws.

"Still, I don't know about that." The young rogue muttered, "We'd still be disobeying Mama as long as she doesn't give us consent to go." Xuexi this, Xuexi that. Mao was faintly aware of how she must sound to Rift. Still, she could not help the way she felt. She had never been one who enjoyed breaking the rules. If Xuexi were to ever find out what they had done, the older molly would surely be upset. The thought of her mother's displeasure sent threads of fear creeping up her spine, and she quivered. All she wanted was to make Xuexi happy. Was she asking for too much? She did want to see Lengxue again. She really did. After a moment of thought, she added, "I guess we could... If she really does join the clans. But we can't let Xuexi so much as catch a whiff of our plans." Leave it to Rift to suggest such ideas. At any rate, her sister seemed to have cheered up somewhat, and Mao did not have the heart to say no. Resting her head on her paws, she sighed wearily. "It'll just be the three of us for now, huh? You, I, and Wuqi. Mama is bent on driving the clans out. I don't even want to think about having to fight Lengxue."

Rift couldn't help pricking her ears as she waited for her sister's reply, leaning forwards slightly in anticipation. Not being allowed to go outside or practically anywhere her mother couldn't see her hadn't bothered her too much before, since she didn't feel much like doing anything except sulk with her sister gone, but now.... Now she could feel a kind of frustrated energy zinging through her muscles at the thought of going to see Lengxue, but still being stuck inside. Hope had been kindled by the flash of inspiration, and she could barely hold herself back. We need to see her again. A small spark of guilt rose in her chest as she remembered for the hundredth time that she hadn't even been able to say sorry before her sister had left....
She forced her mind back to the present as Mao spoke, almost seeming hunched in on herself as Rift watched. A small pang hit her as her sister mentioned Xuexi. She'd let us go, wouldn't she? Unfortunately, although Rift would like to think their mother would, it was unlikely. Especially since they might somehow get captured by the Clans and made to stay there, like they made a habit of doing to practically every kit they came across. Slowly, she sagged as it seemed like Mao wouldn't agree, suddenly feeling a lot heavier. Maybe it's a bad idea....
Then her sister spoke up again, and Rift's ears pricked as she looked up at her sister again, hardly aware that her head had dropped to stare at the wood underneath her. As soon as the spark of hope had almost flickered out, it roared to life again, and she could barely keep herself still as Mao went on, ideas swirling through her head. Nodding absently as Mao mentioned keeping their plans hidden from Xuexi at all costs, she let her eyes go distant, head whirling faster than a rabbit could run. Maybe we could pretend to go hunting and visit her? But which one did she even join? What if she went to one that's really far away?
Her thoughts came to a jarring stop when Mao spoke again, and she finally noticed her sister staring dispassionately into the distance, her head on her paws. The loneliness she'd been trying to ignore suddenly hit her like a branch, and her heart dropped almost all the way to her paws. Even if they might be able to see Lengxue in the future, she was still gone now.... Then Mao mentioned a possibility Rift hadn't even considered, and she was left suddenly feeling as if the sun had disappeared into a hole. "Fighting Lengxue...?" The words came out in a whisper, a feeling of dread suddenly making her fur prickle. "But- that.... It can't happen, Mum wouldn't-" She cut off with a scowl. Now who was deceiving themselves? Shaking her head, she settled into a crouching position, resting her head on her paws alongside her sister, eyes flicking over everything below. "No one can make us. I won't fight her, and if anyone touches her they're crowfood."
Her defiant answer rang out a bit louder than she'd intended, but there was no cat she could see or hear nearby who could have heard. Hopefully.

Somehow, Rift's response did not surprise Mao. The cream-colored tabby knew that her sisters really did care for one another, despite the somewhat turbulent parting they had had. The unexpected raising of Rift's voice caused her to anxiously peer down over the loft's edge. Fortunately, no cat showed themselves, leading her to believe that Rift's words had gone unheard. Perhaps she was simply being paranoid. At any rate, Xuexi was not currently around. "Keep it down..." She warned, with a twitch of her whiskers. "But... Yeah. I agree with you."

There was still the question of whether Lengxue would even be accepted by the clans. Mao was not optimistic or naive enough to believe that the clans would welcome their sister in. If she had been, she would not have argued quite as stubbornly with Lengxue. Taking into account what had already happened to their grandfather, Lengxue's prospects were grim. But of course, Mao kept her thoughts to herself. She was sure Rift knew, too. Neither of them wanted to talk about it. Believing that their sister would be happy was the easier choice.

Once again, the two lapsed into silence. Mao simply huddled by Rift's side, drifting through the world of her own thoughts. It seemed like it would be quite a while before either young cat descended from the loft.