What Can I Do For You? [Closed]

For the first time in days, the black and white leader had found a mild interest in something. Or, rather, some cat. Wolfpaw's words the day before and a conscious wiser than that of his moons had spoken to the troubled tom. His mind wandered and blanked on several occasions as he rested. Per usual, this was the closest he got to catching up on the sleep that escaped him so often. Part of him wondered if the time would be better spent exhausting himself on patrols, and perhaps it would be, but the other part of him tied him to the floor of the den. His eyes flickered across the walls of the den as he watched the shadows twist and change as cats padded by outside. Everyone was participating and fully immersed in clan culture. And here he was, isolated. If it weren't for the fact he had begun to rationalize his reasoning for stepping back, he might have felt the guilt that came along with separating himself so wholly. However, he did not quite yet. He barely recognized there was anything wrong.

As one of the shadows blotted out the light, Rippedstar assumed it could only be the very cat he was waiting for. A deep breath caught in his throat. The thought of letting anyone into the den still made him uncomfortable. His tail tip twitched to reflect that same discomfort, particularly as he breathed in and could barely pick up a trace of the former leader. Rippedstar's chest tightened and he squeezed his eyes shut willing the comforting scent to return. No amount of willpower could bring it back. A ragged sigh of resignation finally left his maw and he meowed to the cat outside the den, for the first time allowing someone in, "Come in, Wolfpaw."

Wolfpaw entered upon his leader's summons. He lowered his head in respect for his leader as he entered the den. He could see the weight without even having to try. His leader was burdened heavily and tired. Wolfpaw new he was only newly appointed as an apprentice and that he should mainly just take direction and training from his mentor as per usual of what others did, but something in him called him to try and help his leader as well. He knew that for many the leader's morale was their own spark that gave them their will to fight, their will to protect, and their will to stand firm. Wolfpaw felt a sensation within him, calling for him to help not just his peers. Sometimes a leader needed the help of those around them too. "Rippedstar, I thank you again for this opportunity you have given me. I know you have many responsibilities yourself. I only hope that as I carry my own they might lighten the burdens you carry. Is there anything on your mind you might wish to talk about? Anything I can do?"

ooc: i am so so sorry for the delay :( busyness has got me

The black and white leader felt discomfort rise in his chest as another cat entered the den of Crowstar. Wolfpaw's scent flooded his nostrils and blocked out what remained of the former leader. It made him want to leap up onto his paws and yowl his pain and frustrations to the heavens. Instead, his eyes trailed over the young tom as he took a deep breath. Wolfpaw was real and standing here. The apprentice was not simply the memory of a long-dead cat that he so desperately tried to cling to. As that realization dawned on him, his head lowered in shame. In his own personal inability to process through the pain of loss, he had shut others out of the den. There was only so deeply he could feel that in spite of his current and numbing affliction. But, it still caused him to realize how poorly he had handled all of this. And yet, this young cat was standing here, having realized his iniquities, and reaching out to help.

Finally, his blue eyes glanced up to meet the mismatched ones he had stared into during the ceremony the day before and he asked lowly, "Why are you here, Wolfpaw? What brought you to ask these questions? Do you think I'm a good leader?" Rippedstar found himself speaking the questions aloud that he had only meant to keep in his head. But, it was too late. Perhaps, he could find the answers in this cat who was little more than a kit. What did Wolfpaw have figured out that he did not? The knot in his stomach that tightened at the thoughts of his own inadequacy only further troubled the leader. He was supposed to be just that, a leader, for Starclan's sake. A mixture of frustration and pressing sadness caused his claws to knead the ground. This was the most he had face himself since Crowstar died. And now an apprentice faced him too.

Wolfpaw heard the questions, but a slightly deeper meaning behind them. It sounded like Rippedstar was asking himself and Wolfpaw at the same time. He wanted answers. Wolfpaw sat for a moment keeping his eyes trained on Rippedstar's gaze without looking away.

Finally after a moment of pause Wolfpaw had his reply "Rippedstar, I can tell you what I think of your leadership and how you are doing, but that doesn't answer for every other cat. At some point you have to decide if you are a good leader for yourself. If you rely on the opinions of others there will always be conflicting feelings. An action that will make some happy, will also make some sad or upset. You can't please everybody. As for why I am here, I want to help." Wolfpaw let out a sigh in this moment. He knew he had to be direct. "I can see your burden. I saw it in your movements and in your eyes. You weren't in your actions. It seems you have been going through the motions without being in those motions yourself. Dwelling on pains of the past too long just keeps those wounds from healing and doesn't allow for your strength to build back up and return. You do a good job of hiding it, so I doubt most notice.... However, if you keep on this path, the longer others are exposed to your absence in your actions they eventually will notice. It's a matter of perception and thinking. Others think, but they don't think. They have thoughts and opinions, but sometimes they are too focused on their immediate self and surroundings to notice others and care for them. That's not a bad thing, because they must take care of themselves...."

Wolfpaw gave a slightly pointed look at Rippedstar. As if he were indirectly addressing that this is how he saw Rippedstar's actions as of recent. "It's ok to focus on yourself from time to time, no matter your position. Medicine cat, warrior, deputy, and even leader. You need yourself as much as your need others, but you can't focus solely on yourself and you can't focus solely on others. There is a balance. You must find it and accept it. It is also best to realize that when a burden exists, one doesn't always have to carry it alone."