Swanpaw's Moonstone Journey

It had been a while since Swanpaw returned to camp. She had missed her training lesson and she was old enough to be a warrior since moons ago. But today, it was finally the day she would be truly one step closer to be like him and join him in the warrior den. He had known them since she was little and Jaystream was glad to make this journey with her. He left the herbs between his paws and waited while the sun settled down on the horizon, letting the night arrive.

Swanpaw made her way over to the deputy with a purr. "Hello, Jaystream," she greeted with a slight yawn. She glanced at the bundle of herbs with slight distaste - she had been an apprentice for some time, even just counting her time in RiverClan, and she had heard many stories about how they tasted. None of those stories were exactly flattering.

Cautiously, she picked it up in her mouth, and winced. Trying her best to chew the herbs as quickly as possible, the only joy she was able to derive from the experience was the tales of how awful it was that she could tell to the other apprentices upon her return. Eventually the herbs were gone, thank StarClan, and she shook herself, wondering if she could shake the aftertaste away.

"Good evening, Swanpaw." The tom purred back with a quick nod of greeting. He pushed the herbs closer to her and then he picked his own, chewing the leaves as he was chewing a piece of meat. The taste didn't bother him as much as Swanpaw and he just gulped them quickly. The tom turned his body to the entrance and looked at the apprentice from the corner of his green eyes. "Are you ready to go?" He mewed with a gentle smile before jumping into the water that surrounded the stream. He soon crossed the small stream, shaking his wet paws. As he waited for Swanpaw, he groomed himself a bit, especially the zones of his fur with messy hair. Not making her wait any longer, the tom initiated the journey and he guided her through their lands.

As the night arrived, the two RiverClanner were reaching the river. Jaystream jumped over the first rock of the natural bridge they were going to use to cross. With a single flick of his tail, he told Swanpaw to approach. "Jump after me through these rocks but please be careful. The stones are slippery thanks to the water and you might fall of one of them. I would hate to see you hurt." After that, the deputy continued leaping from stone to stone, almost falling in the last, and in a few seconds, he was safe on the other riverbank.

Careful. Of course. Cautiously, she followed after the deputy's pawsteps. She bit back the desire to ask if she was supposed to mimic the almost-falling-in part as well, remembering that Jaystream had never been anything but kind to her, and made it to the other side without comment. "We're across," she noted, with a small rush of excitement. This was a rite of passage, and she was determined to enjoy these little steps towards becoming a full-fledged warrior.

The deputy nodded at Swanpaw's words. That was the easiest part. Now, they would have to face a greater danger.

Jaystream walked with the apprentice through the neutral lands of the Fourtrees and, after a few moments travelling, the two cats were standing in front of a large path covered in grey, hard stone with an awful smell. For a Riverclan cat, this was an unusual place but all apprentices should know what this was. "Swanpaw... this is the Thunderpath. As you might have heard, this a place where monsters cross and kill every creature. But they only do that if you get in their way. That's why you will run to the other side when I tell you. Don't stop or look back until you reach those grassy moors." He mewed.

The tom flattened his ears against his skull and crouched, unsheathing his claws to feel the movements of the earth under him. When he felt nothing, he stood up and stretched his hind legs to start the rush. "NOW!" He shouted, trotting as he said to Windclan's side. In a few seconds, he was safe and with his heart beating fast. He turned his head to see if the she-cat was okay too.

"NOW!"

Swanpaw ran across as quickly as she could, and made it to the other side in time, thankfully. She had seen one or two other Thunderpaths on her way home, but they never stopped being terrifying. It was strange, honestly, to admit to fear, but that was what she felt every time she was near one. Still, this meant they were close, didn't it? "This is... WindClan's territory, right?" The scent was vaguely familiar, reminding her of the Gorge.

"Yes... it is. The sacred mountains are passing through Windclan's moors. Although they never attack us, is good to keep your eyes open and your ears in attention. Follow me... we're getting closer." He mewed, entering the open fields covered in grass. He didn't enjoy how unprotected this place was from predators and other dangers but they had to use this way to reach the Moonstone. As they continued travelling, Jaystream always kept an eye on Swanpaw. She was his priority. If something happened, it was his duty to protect her.

(Time skip)

The large black cave welcomed with a complete but somehow solemn silence. "This is the Mothermouth, the entrance to our destination. All warriors, the ones who're alive and the ones who're living in Starclan, has crossed this place to make themselves true members of the clan. And now is your moment to be part of that history of great cats, Swanpaw. Come with me and stay close. Inside is dark but if we're quick, we will see the light." After he finished with his instructions, Jaystream entered the tunnel without hesitation. The tom didn't doubt any step he made. The path to the Moonstone was part of his memory now so he was sure they would reach it in no time.

And they did. The brightness of the sacred stone didn't wait to appear and it shone beautifully as always. The deputy made his way to his usual rock covered in moss and he settled down there, ready. "Touch the stone and close your eyes, Swanpaw. It's finally your time to meet Starclan. Good luck... I'm sure they will be happy to see you too."

Swanpaw couldn't exactly say she was happy, per se, at the thought of meeting with StarClan... But it was as Jaystream had said. Every warrior who walked the forest past and present had been on this sacred journey, had met with StarClan, and now it was her turn to partake in an ancient rite of passage.

Taking a deep breath, she stepped forward, and touched her nose to the stone. She wasn't ready, but she never would be, so she may as well get it over with instead of putting it off even longer.

Swanpaw found herself, yet again, in a beautiful grassy field. Firefiles flitted lazily above her head, their yellow glow providing plenty of light to see from- not that it was needed. The winking starlight shone merrily from above, far brighter than the stars in Swanpaw's own sky. She could've looked forever, but the gently swaying grass whispered softly as if to announce the arrival of another. A flowery scent filled the air, a soft, sweet fragrance that was rich with the smell of home. It was not Foampaw nor Reedpaw who was standing a foxlength away, watching, drinking in the sight of the Riverclanner. Who else would watch with so much desperation, so much love? Although... Flowerpetal wasn't here to comfort her daughter, no matter how much she yearned to forget the past few moons. The silvery-taupe she-cat knew, deep in her heart, that the only way to help the young she-cat now would bring both of them incredible pain.
And so Flowerpetal's mint-green eyes held nothing but heartbreak when she regarded Swanpaw, her whiskers trembling. The she-cat's pelt was flecked with stars and spots alike, although her beauty was both stunning and sad. Her soft, light pelt's sheen had been intensified by her time in Starclan, but her once-bright eyes had been dulled by the she-cat's grief. She stepped forward carefully, her long tail curling behind her and sending trails of restless firefiles into the night sky as she approached. Although Flowepetal moved slowly, it seemed only a moment before she was standing in front of the apprentice.
"Swanpaw..."

Swanpaw stared cautiously at her mother standing before her, and wished to be anywhere else. But wasn't this what she had wanted for so long...? Still, the last thing Swanpaw wanted was to speak to any cat in StarClan. Not when she still held so much resentment - even for Flowerpetal, undeserved though she knew it was. "Mother," she said quietly, staring at the starry-furred cat with an emotion that fell somewhere between admiration and anger. Why couldn't it have been some cat she didn't know instead? Someone she could be purely angry at, with no other feelings to get in the way. She wanted to shout, to ask why her life so often seemed to be nothing more than some cosmic joke. But she couldn't. Not to Flowerpetal. "Why did it have to be you?"

"Why did it have to be me."
Flowerpetal's voice was low and soft, although it lost its gentle edge. "Because you have to learn that your pride is only going to get you killed, Swanpaw. I want you to live to be older than I was, but... I'm disappointed in you. This arrogant, angry she-cat is not my daughter." It hurt Flowerpetal to speak like this, but the others had told her that this was what Swanpaw needed. The spotted she-cat's fluffy tail twitched, her mint-green eyes narrowing slightly. This was for Swanpaw's own good. She had to remember that.

Swanpaw wanted to believe that her life had taught her some valuable lessons, that at some point she had learned when enough was enough. But in that case, she probably would have had a different reaction to this situation. The anger and resentment she had once pushed towards her undeserving Clanmates were now directed toward those they were meant for - StarClan itself, but more importantly, her mother. "So you leave me, and then all these moons later you come back just to tell me how much of a disappointment I am to you?" she asked, her voice not loud or explosive like it often was. No, today she was calm, controlled, and absolutely furious. "I should be nothing but a stranger to you. You weren't there for me when everyone I loved was dead. Oh, were you ever even there for them? They at least deserved to be happy."

'And I guess, somewhere along the line, I finally realized I don't,' she thought, though that was one of the few things she planned to leave unsaid today. It hurt enough all by itself, to be face-to-face with Flowerpetal at last. StarClan could have sent anyone else, and this only furthered her belief that her ancestors took some sick joy in her suffering. Maybe it was penance for the way she had once taken joy in the suffering of others, and if that was the case, she knew she deserved it. But the fact that she deserved it wouldn't change anything. This was simply cruel. "So... I think if anyone's disappointed here, it's me. In you, in myself, in StarClan! Maybe I'm angry! Maybe I have no right to be! Or maybe I do! Where were you when I actually needed you? Who has the answers? You obviously don't!" Her voice rose as she continued, until she was almost shouting.

Despite her fury, voicing her long-standing resentments took a small weight off her shoulders. A quiet, bitter laugh escaped her as she remembered a younger Swanpaw, trying her hardest to be a strong and capable warrior and to honor her mother. But she wasn't finished speaking just yet. "I did and said a lot of stupid things, and maybe I'm still saying and doing a lot of stupid things. Maybe my pride will kill me. Maybe I'll deserve it. I don't know."

Flowerpetal didn't flinch as Swanpaw's voice rose. The young she-cat merely sat still as the smaller apprentice hissed and spat, the Starclanner's expression tranquil. The spotted she-cat quietly waited until the she-cat had finally shouted herself into silence.
She sighed quietly, blinking slowly before opening her mouth to respond.
"Are you finished?" She spoke mildly, although her expression serious. "Are you ready to hear what I have to say?"
She waited until her daughter had begrudgingly nodded before continuing.
"I never meant to die." She was almost apologetic, her whiskers twitching. "Given the choice, I would still be living in Riverclan. You must understand that I died to protect you from the mist."
She quieted for a moment, her whiskers twitching slightly as Swanpaw continued to speak.
"If you came here expecting answers, you're here for the wrong reason. There is no answer, Swanpaw!" Her voice quickly grew in tone, and the taupe she-cat struggled to gain control again. She took a steadying breath before continuing. "You need to start over, Swanpaw. My death was beyond my control. Starclan claimed me too soon, and they did the same for my mother. But you've made mistakes that I couldn't have predicted. You lack the guidance of a mentor, and you lack the guidance of an experienced leader. I urge you instead to reach out to an older warrior; Amberpelt, Lilytail, Sootwhisper. Shadow them, learn from them. They'll help you, but you have to reach out to them. You must swallow your pride and ask for help."

"Whether you meant to die or not doesn't take away the effects it had on my life," Swanpaw said, her voice quiet. "No, I didn't come to StarClan expecting answers. I only came here because I had to. If this trip hadn't been necessary, there would have been no reason for me to be here. Once, when I was younger, I dreamed of this day, following in the pawsteps of my ancestors... And now I guess I know better. Honestly, if you want to know what I really expected, I thought I wouldn't be here at all. That StarClan would simply refuse to even speak to me. Because wouldn't that just be perfect? But I suppose that would have been easier on all of us, and nothing is ever easy, is it?"

She considered Flowerpetal's words for a few moments before responding again. "I've tried to start over. I'm still trying. But the more I try to move on, the more I feel like I'm entirely on my own... Why can't I just let it go?" The question wasn't meant for anyone but herself, but it came out before she could stop it. Still, she pressed on. "I know I made mistakes. A lot of mistakes. I did all the wrong things, and now I'm just trying to be someone who deserves the second chance I was given. Even if I don't think I ever really can. I'm looking for that guidance. For happiness, even though half the time I don't feel like I deserve it. Maybe I've strayed too far from the path I started on... I'm here because it's another step I need to take, another step forward... Even if it doesn't feel like it."

Flowerpetal softened as Swanpaw spoke, her mint-green eyes focused on her small paws. "You're not on your own." She said quietly, looking up and meeting her daughter's gaze. She blinked- the sheer desperation in the young she-cat's gaze shocked her into a moment of silence. She spoke again, earnest now. Swanpaw had to hear the truth. "And you deserve a second chance. You're only a cat, Swanpaw. You've made your mistakes but you're young and you're trying to fix it. That alone proves that you're a good cat, Swanpaw." Starclan, why did she have to leave so soon? If only she had been there for this- if only she had been a proper mother. If only she had fought the frost. If only, if only. She could've spared Swanpaw so much pain... But what could wishing do now? She had to make the most of her time here, now.

Speaking of which... The soft furred she-cat's tail twitched nervously, her whiskers trembling. Flowerpetal was running out of time. She was beginning to fade- the stars shone brighter than the dark spots on her now nearly-translucent pelt. She had to act quickly. "Swanpaw," She mewed, her voice both soft and desperate. "You're going to make it through, you hear me? You're almost there. I promise." She took a small step forward, running her muzzle across her daughter's ears gently. She was fading faster now, her paws disappearing into the grass. "Keep going and push through this, okay? I know it feels like you're going nowhere, but keep moving forward. You'll come out the other side. I know you don't want to believe me, and you don't have to, but you will get through this. Don't give up, Swanpaw." The young Starclanner stepped back, gazing at Swanpaw with a faint, fading smile. The young she-cat standing before her was her everything. "I will always love you." She mewed- she was almost nothing but spots and stars now. "No matter what."