Someone To Lean On (Closed)

After the night of his vigil, Swoopnose had spent the first half of the day sleeping and eating the little he dared to eat. It felt good to be a warrior, even if hadn't done much yet. By the time he had been fit to go patrolling, the patrols had already left and he was stuck in camp like an apprentice. It didn't feel any different, except for now he had rights above apprentice's. Of course, he didn't use that to his advantage, not wanting to lose any of his friends that were now a lower rank than he was. He had helped around camp, not really minding not being on a patrol. Besides, he promised he would have his first patrol as a warrior be with Birchheart, and he wasn't someone to go back on a promise. As soon as the dawn patrol returned, he decided that now was as good a time as any to make good on that promise. His green eyes searched the cats and found her familiar cream colored pelt, causing him to smile. Quickly, he padded over to her, nudging her affectionately. Her scent was something he was sure he would enjoy until his death. After a moment, he realized he was being awkward, and rushed to start speaking.
"Uh, so would you like to go on that patrol you mentioned yesterday?" he asked, fur warming slightly. Somehow he had managed to make this rather uncomfortable, but it would be way worse to just start over and try again. He tried to leave the best impression on all of his friends, all cats for that matter, but for some reason he felt even more attached to this particular she-cat. She had saved him from dying in that pile of snow, and he had helped her after her tail had been removed. Of course, she had just saved him again last night, so now she was ahead of him on who helped who. But that didn't matter. All he wanted was to not get negative points at the moment.

Birchheart nodded and chuckled, amused by the amount of time it took him to speak. "Sure, I hope we bring back something good. The weather is bitter and I don't like the idea of kits in the nursery being both cold and hungry.'' She meowed, glancing at said den with a slight frown. "Anywhere you'd like to go in particular? You should pick since this is your first patrol as a warrior." She felt a sense of pride at the idea. He'd gotten his rank! Now she wouldn't be alone in the warrior den anymore.

"I don't really care. Maybe around the Great Sycamore? There's usually a bit more prey around there," Swoopnose decided, smiling warmly at Birchheart. She didn't seem bothered by his awkward approach, causing relief to flow through him. By the time they got there, they would have both forgotten about that. He briefly followed her gaze to the nursery, and instantly regretted taking a squirrel that morning. Well, he would make for it now on this patrol. The gray warrior started padding towards the entrance of camp, about to flick his tail in beckoning. At the last moment he decided against it, thinking that it would probably be insensitive to do that in front of a cat who had recently lost her tail. Instead, he just turned his head to look it. "Ready to get going?"

Birchheart tilted her head for a moment as if she were figuring out something before nodding. "It sounds like a great spot to hunt. Lead the way." She meowed, looking at the slush around her paws. Maybe they could clear it out later? It kept getting pummeled by cat paws and soggy steps were the last thing anyone wanted after a long day. She'd do it when it got late, then the snow would probably be freezing and a little harder, she wouldn't be in the way of others either. The optimistic she-cat seemed slightly distracted and with an amused hum, she flicked her gaze up at him. "You seem to be smiling an awful lot. Something on your mind, Swoopnose?"

"Smiling a lot? Oh, well, I guess I'm just happy to be a warrior," Swoopnose replied, only just then realizing what he was doing. It hadn't seemed like he was smiling more than usual to him, but maybe he was. That wasn't a problem, at least hopefully it wasn't. The young warrior padded out of camp, kicking the slush of of his paws the best that he could. Further away from camp the snow was still a little more solid, so soon the cold was more of a problem than the stickiness. Before long, the two had reached the Great Sycamore. Oddly enough, the first thing the gray tabby noticed was the bush he had gotten stuck in when Robinpaw had saved him. Wow, he really had a bad habit of getting stuck in bushes. While on the thought, he looked over to Birchheart, wondering if he should apologize for the night before. They had hardly any time to talk in the morning, so now would be the best time to talk about it. Should he bring it up? It probably wasn't a big deal. But what if she was bothered by it? He couldn't risk it. Sometimes it was better to do the hard thing and apologize.
"Um, sorry about last night. I just get really sacred when I'm alone, and I couldn't talk. Thanks for helping me." All said in done. In words, it didn't seem as embarrassing as it had in his head.

Following Swoopnose, she looked around, watching skinny sparrows flit out of reach in the bare branches.  She frowned when he apologized and gave him a stern look as if she were lecturing a kit. "Swoopnose, don't ever apologize for something like that! You didn't decide to have that happen and I'd never blame you. Neither should anyone else. I'll always try to help you,
Swoopnose. I-" she paused for a moment. He'd always been there for her and she owed him a  debt she could never pay but, that wasn't it. "I care about you." The words felt shallower than what she wanted to use but she would let it be for now. Sighing, she nuzzled his shoulder and smiled at him.

"That sounds an awful lot like what I told you after you lost your tail," Swoopnose replied, expression unreadable. Would Birchheart tell him if he did do something wrong? Her words about caring about him touched his heart, and he realized they were true. As much as that touched his heart, could they be blinding to her? If the roles were reversed, would she believe what she was saying? He got the feeling that the answer was no. For some reason, she decided to not judge him harshly. Maybe because she knew he would be comforted and inspired by those words. And he was, he believed them entirely. But as he looked into her eyes, he realized that she might not judge him as much as she judged herself. That couldn't be a good thing. "I care about you too. So can we just talk for a bit? Before hunting?"

Birchheart thought back on the memory. She smiled warmly at the memory, it wasn't quite sad anymore. It was a bonding moment with a cat she was starting to love. His suggestion of just talking made her thankful for her thick fur. "Of course, Swoopnose." she meowed, searching for a clear area to sit. There! She tried to gesture to the patch of clear ground with her tail only to succeed in a pitiful twitch of her stump. Her face grew hot ans she looked to the side for a moment. Nice going mousebrain... "How about over there?" she mewed and pointed with a paw this time instead.

"That place is perfect," Swoopnose mewed, wincing at Birchheart's failed attempt to use her tail. It was very likely that she was now mentally yelling at herself. He followed her gaze to the small bit of clearing, walking over to it and sitting down. What exactly should he say? All the ideas and concepts were all sorted out within his mind, but he didn't know how to phrase them without seeming rude. It would be horrible to accidentally lose her after moons of them growing closer. Maybe just a question rather than and order or statement. Yes, that would work. And it couldn't put any blame on her. Maybe even throw a little blame on himself. This was purely to help her understand, not to make her feel bad about herself. "Birchheart, I just have a question. Why are you always so much quicker to forgive me than yourself? I make more foolish mistakes than you do."

Following him, she settled down in the dry spot, relieved to be out of the snow. His question made her think. Had she really acted that way? The she-cat looked at her paws as she thought. "I... I don't know. I guess I just want to be the best I can be. I feel like I can do so much better than I am. That isn't bad is it?" Had she been going about Pansyface's guidance incorrectly? She hoped not. Birchheart didn't think she was being that harsh on herself. She thought she was being harsh enough, knowing she needed to hold herself accountable in order to get better.

"There's nothing wrong with that, it's good to want to improve. But there also isn't anything wrong with liking who you are. I like you for who you are. Scratch that, I love who you are. So even though I fully encourage you working hard to become a great warrior, I want you to know that everyone else already sees you as a great warrior. Well, at least I do." Swoopnose then stayed silent for a few more moments, wondering if he had said too much. Had he used he word love to loosely? Though he hadn't outright said the he loved her, it was definitely implied. But that wasn't what he wanted her to be focused on. Hopefully she would see the sense in being content with where she was, using that as motivation to work harder instead of self-judgement. That was an ideal life right at her paws.

Birchheart smiled at her paws. That was heavily reassuring. She just hoped it was true. "Thanks, Swoopnose. That really means a lot to me.I'll try to see things that way as well and not act as if I'm fighting for my place. It's just a little hard with my parents being who they are." She looked at him and laughed. "Y'know, you always seem to find something in me. I wish I could do that sometimes."

"Well, I'll always be here if you need that," Swoopnose replied warmly, meeting Birchheart's gaze. She was an amazing warrior, who had begun to care about on a level equal to how felt about Robinpaw. But this was a different kind of bond. More like friends, but closer. That's when he realized that he didn't just love everything about her, he loved her. Like how her parents did with each other. She protected him, and he helped her to like herself. That seemed like a win-win for being together. "Well, I'm glad you can see the beauty I see so clearly inside of you. Want to hunt now?" He had meant to say something more sentimental, almost letting out all his feeling. But fear clung to his heart. There was always the possibility of something going wrong.

She smiled, "Yeah, let's hunt. With any luck, we can fill some bellies." She meowed, scenting the air around them. The air was clean with the scent of snow. It made it easy to find other scents in the air. Stale mouse, very stale badger. Hm. The sound of a squirrel chattering nearby hit her before the smell of cobnut that came with the creature.

hunting system?]