Graypaw's Moonstone Journey

The deputy took the bundles between his teeth after thanking the medicine cats, careful not to crush the precious herbs. He was thankful for the fact that they had managed to collect enough to keep all of the traveling cats strong on their journeys to highstones. He, more than the others, needed them quite often to fight off the hunger and keep exhaustion at bay. Today was Graypaw's moonstone journey. Rippedsky had not interacted with Moonlight's apprentice much at all. However, after a recent patrol, she had proven to be rather... unique. It reminded him of Mumblepaw, in a way. Both seemed to struggle with finding themselves as warriors, however, Graypaw did tend to put in a bit more effort than his nervous son. The tom found himself wondering if maybe she needed Skyclan training from a non-Skyclan perspective. Her not so muscular hindlegs were nearly identical to his and the black and white tom's mind had been troubled lately with the idea of taking her out himself. Regardless, that was not what today was about. Today was for meeting with the warrior ancestors.

"Graypaw," He called out softly as he poked his head into the apprentice's den. Their herbs now lay nestled in the snow, waiting to be painfully swallowed down by the travelers, "it is time for us to head out." As soon as he finished speaking, he bent forwards to snatch up his slightly larger assortment of leaves. Per usual, the tasted caused his whiskers to twitch, but little more. Rippedsky sat back on his haunches to wait for a moment. As soon as the apprentice joined him, they would set off on a journey to highstones. Hopefully, a Starclan cat would be able to guide her and give her hope for the future. No matter her struggles, Graypaw would be able to survive and thrive if she learned how to adjust to her strengths, he knew that much.

In her dreams, Graypaw ran. She ran through sunlit meadows, grassy fields, hills and valleys and moors. Her whiskers whipped in the air and her tail streamed out behind her. The wind rushed through her fur as the sun warmed her back, and her feet were so fast they barely touched the ground. As far as she looked in any direction, there was room to run, and she never got tired. Freedom was just over the next hill, over the next hill, over the next. But even as she saw a shining light up ahead, and ran ever faster to reach it, and she was almost there- she was awoken by Rippedsky's voice.

The gray tabby apprentice woke up with a start. She wasn't running in sun-drenched fields, she was lying here in her nest in SkyClan's apprentice den. She shouldn't have been as disappointed as she was with the realization- she loved her Clan, and was loyal to it through and through. But oh, to be in her dreams... StarClan, wouldn't that be amazing. Graypaw made herself stand up, showing her tiny sharp fangs in a yawn and stretching before walking out to see the deputy. Her stomach was a pit of anxiety as she remembered what he'd said- it was time for her Moonstone trip. Time for StarClan to talk to the worst failure of a SkyClan apprentice in the history of the Clans. Maybe they'd tell her why her life was such a mess. She barely managed to choke down the traveling herbs, not even noticing the bitter taste. She was going to talk with StarClan.... Oh dear.

When she had finished swallowing down her bit of traveling herbs, the deputy turned to lead her out of camp. It was a rather cold night and he suppressed the shudder that wanted to run down it. But, the brisk pace would help to warm them out. Thankfully, the barren terrain under the trees offered a decent path for them to run. For the sake of time, and to what he hoped would be the apprentice's relief, Rippedsky took off like a hare, weaving through the massive trees that make up all of Skyclan's territory. He had grown to love soaring through the branches as much as he loved swiftly rushing between them on the forest floor. However, given the lack of Skyclan's muscular hindlegs, he still found it a bit faster to run when he was able. Graypaw seemed to feel the same, at least from what he had seen.

The black and white tom was surprised to see her manage to keep up with his pace. It caused a smile to break across his maw as he propelled himself forwards. Most apprentices he trained with could not. While he usually utilized the speed as a challenge, he often found himself longing for the day a cat could challenge that. Graypaw was proving to be that cat. After some time, as they grew closer to the moonstone, he slowed. Rippedsky still managed a brisk trot to keep them on track, but he stayed next to the young she-cat. He hoped to talk to her on the way to highstones. Now, more than ever was the time for him to get to know the clan's future warrior. After a moment, he finally began a conversation with her. His need to be straightforward in the discussion, not seeing the necessity for tact like he had to use with Sedgepaw, the deputy launched into what he had to say immediately.

"What's been going on with you, Graypaw?" He meowed, a genuine concern and curiosity shining in the blue depths of his eyes. Ever since their confrontation with Thunderclan at the border, it had plagued him. The warrior needed to know how to help this cat. It was his entire goal and mission to do all he could for the cats of his clan, and that meant each and every one, "I've failed you a bit in my role as deputy, and I apologize for that. I should have realized there was something going on and been there to work through it with you. I hope you can forgive me for that." Rippedsky was certainly one to admit to his mistakes, and this was one of those times. Even if it meant being genuine and honest with an apprentice, he would not hold that back. While they continued, his eyes darted back and forth between the path and her face, hoping to read the expressions there.

Despite her anxiety, Graypaw easily kept up with the deputy, even surpassing his speed on occasion. Though his legs were longer, she was younger, and- well- faster. Running seemed to soothe away her fears temporarily, the routine pumping of her legs making her feel streamlined, smooth, even graceful. Her gray tabby paws danced lightly across the ground, and her tail was flat out behind her. It was amazing. She almost laughed out loud with the joy of the wind in her fur. All her worries seemed to felt away as they dashed through the forest, weaving around giant tree trunks twice her size and nimbly dodging rocks and branches. Yet, even as she ran, scenes from her dreams danced before her eyes. Sunlit meadows, long grasses, open moors... a dark bengal tom's face.

All too abruptly, Rippedsky's pace slowed, and she had to dig her claws into the soft ground and stop herself before she smacked into his black-and-white tail. The SkyClan apprentice had to remember who she was, where she was, and why she was there. All her anxieties about speaking to StarClan returned with a vengeance, and the carefree light that had glowed in her bright blue eyes melted away instantly, replaced with her usual nervousness. She was going to talk with her warrior ancestors! Would they be mad at her because she was such a bad apprentice? What would they think of her friendship with Badgerpaw? Lost in her worries, Graypaw almost missed the fact that the larger tom was speaking. Her head whipped around- if she didn't pay attention to the deputy, she'd definitely be in trouble. But what he said just made her more nervous and self-conscious than ever.

"G-Going on? I...." Graypaw thought for a second he was talking about her WindClan friend, Badgerpaw, but realized instantly that he couldn't know a thing about him. What was he-? Oh. The young she-cat flinched as his eyes stared deep into hers, different shades of blue meeting. "I... I don't know, Rippedsky. I've a-always been like this. My parents were p-pure SkyClan- I sh-shouldn't be having problems." She didn't normally stutter, but the deputy talking to her about her failure to perform basic apprentice abilities qualified as the sort of thing to make her words trip over each other on their way out of her mouth. "I c-can't climb trees, I can't catch b-birds, I can't j-jump to save my life. M-Moonlight's a good mentor, it's not h-her fault. The only thing I'm g-good at, besides falling on m-my face and g-getting laughed at, is running- and y-you're the only other SkyClan cat I kn-know who doesn't think it's m-mouse-brained. Will... Will StarClan be m-mad at me?"

Rippedsky stayed silent for a second as he listened. It seemed to be exactly as he thought. Graypaw was certainly different. He had no way of knowing why but the tom felt bad for her. The stutter in her words tugged at his heart. The deputy laid his tail on her back and caught her gaze. More than anything, he simply wanted to reassure the young apprentice. Even if he had no solution to offer, he wanted to change her mindset. His tone was soft, yet filled with assurance, "Starclan is not disappointed in you, Graypaw. I am not disappointed in you. No matter what they say, we will work through this together and you will find your place. There is a reason for everything, young one."

This was a lot to deal with for someone so young still. He remembered his own confusion with everything that happened at the same age. His whole life had turned around right before he become a warrior. Yet, the warrior ancestors guided him to his true place within Skyclan. Through Crowstar, Webtail, Cherrymist... and many more. A strange feeling wormed its way into his stomach. Something was going to change. Much like his had, her defining moment would come. It seemed all too familiar. He had wished there had been some cat to guide him through it, a mentor or a friend. But, he had been on his own and had to struggle through to find his own path. Graypaw would not have to go through the same thing. Rippedsky silently vowed that whatever happened in the future or as they reached the moonstone, he would work through the confused mess with her.

"I'm sure you've heard the rumors. I was not born into Skyclan. But, I was guided here and found my place, as you will someday find yours. There is no reason to worry, Graypaw." The deputy meowed finally. With a nod, he slowly continued on so they could speak and travel at the same time. Highstone was in sight. There was not long till they reached it. However, he would risk taking some extra traveling time in order to still the fears of the apprentice.

OCC: sorry if this sucks, i'm in history

Graypaw looked down at her paws, now walking much slower, as Rippedsky talked. She knew he was trying to reassure her, but it just made her feel worse. She had a few questions. If he hadn't been born into SkyClan, what Clan was he originally? How did he know that StarClan wasn't disappointed? A reason for her failures... was there really? It would be so nice to believe that instead of thinking that it was all on her. Well, she supposed she would find out when StarClan finally talked to her. Speaking of StarClan.... there they were, nearing Highstones. It was even bigger and scarier than she'd thought. The entrance gaped wide, a giant, dark mouth ready to swallow her into its impossible depths. Her paws danced rapidly up and down in place, as they did when she was nervous, as if wishing she could run away. Instead of panicking, however, she forced herself to make small talk. "A d-different Clan? That's allowed? Y-You can just... l-leave? Which Clan w-were you, before...?"

"No," he muttered quickly, blue eyes glancing over to her, "cats should not simply abandon their clan, Graypaw. There are matters of loyalty. It... it took a lot for me to leave." Rippedsky sighed. The deputy did not think much about his days in his birth clan. However, now, the faces of all of his first friends and family flashed through his mind. Leaving them had been horribly hard, but what Starclan had given him in Skyclan showed him why it was all worth it. With a flick of his tail, he immediately banished all the thoughts of what could have been. Alongside all of that was the fact he had managed to preserve and even find who he was in Skyclan. Rippedsky paused at the mothermouth for a second.

"I was Windclan and an apprentice, around your age. My deputy, he... he attacked and maimed a Riverclan apprentice, as did one of my clanmates. He was not told to step down." Rippedsky recounted the tale, simplifying it as to not waste much time, "Fishstar, leader before Ivystar, came demanding justice. When it was not given, we were attacked. Since I was young, I have always believed the actions of a clan's leader and deputy set the tone for the whole clan. I did not want to live to see what I would become under that leadership. After the battle, I let Ashstar know I had to leave, not knowing where I was going. But, Crowstar took me in and helped to lead me." He would always be grateful for the fluffy black tom's leadership. Without him, Rippedsky would most likely not be here.

He flicked his ear and turned his gaze to the pressing darkness, "Sorry, enough about all of that. It is time for you to meet the ancestors Graypaw. They will help to guide your pawsteps. Once we reach the center, lay next to the moonstone. When you awaken, I will be here for you." The deputy waited a second before diving into the endless blackness.

Rippedsky's story didn't help the nervousness. Something about it seemed... off? First of all, he referred to the deputy as a "he," but the current deputy was a she-cat. It seemed overly simplified, as well. Could there be something more to the tale? But she trusted the tom wholeheartedly.... Graypaw determined that she would talk to Badgerpaw later and see what he knew. However, all thoughts of the tale flew out of her head when they inevitably reached Highstones. This was it. The place where StarClan talked to leaders and medicine cats... and terrified apprentices. Her paws were frozen. She couldn't move. The deputy darted inside the endless black tunnels of Mothermouth, leaving her alone. All alone.... With a tiny squeak of fright, and after a moment of indecision, the gray tabby she-cat tried to run after him. She raced through the tunnels at top speed, heart racing, trying not to think too much about the encroaching darkness. Her pawsteps made strange-sounding echoes in the black caverns. It seemed like she had been running forever when she saw a light ahead.

Finally, she was at the Moonstone. Her jaw dropped as she looked up at the tell spire of sparkling crystal. Fractals of light reflected off of it onto her pelt, making her plain tabby pelt seem like a shimmering sheen of water. Her bright blue eyes blazed in its stunning brightness. It was.... beautiful. All doubt and fear disappeared as she approached the twinkling stone, filled instead with a quiet determination and calmness that was surely not her own. Faint whispers of the millions of cats who had come before her echoed in the large chamber as she lay down, and touched her nose to the cold surface....

Her eyes immediately opened in a large, empty field, going on forever under a starry sky. It was like a scene from her dreams- it was, in fact. Bright light illuminating long, soft grasses, with nothing but moor as far as the eye could see. A tiny bit of apprehension returned as the SkyClan apprentice looked around. "H-hello?" she called out anxiously into the silence.

A sudden breeze began to sweep gently across the broad expanse of moorland, making the tall grass ripple and sway, appearing almost more like a lake of green water than solid land.  The scents of wildflowers and musty forest undergrowth flowed around her, as before Graypaw's very eyes a cat's form began to take shape a few tail-lengths away, the glitter of frosty starlight embellishing her gray and white pelt, and sparkling brightly in her eyes.  She was about average height, with a lithe body and muscular haunches and back legs; a familiar sight to the apprentice surely, and if there was any possible doubt the fresh scent of SkyClan confirmed where this cat's allegiance used to lie.

For a moment, Pansyface was completely silent, her beautiful patched face unusually serious and stoic.  To any cat who hadn't known her in life, they probably would've assumed that was how she always was, but alas, if the adventurous she-cat was anything less than happy something was very, very wrong.  There was a moment of silence, star-studded murky green eyes meeting pure blue...eventually though, in the same manner as an ashamed kit, the StarClan warrior turned her face away and gazed down sadly at her pristine white paws.  When she spoke, her voice was soft, yet seemed to resound strongly across the whole field, as hard to hide as the truth she was about to reveal.  "Graypaw, I'm so sorry..."

Graypaw watched in wonder as a bright, starry she-cat materialized in front of her eyes. Sparkling pelt, slim form, beautiful eyes... and she smelled of SkyClan. But- why was the StarClan warrior looking at her like that? As if... something was wrong? Was that guilt in her green eyes? At the she-cat's words, the poor apprentice's jaw dropped. What did she mean? "A- a mistake?" the gray tabby repeated in a tiny voice, big blue eyes open in confusion and hurt. "You mean, I'm a mistake?..." She should have known. With her weak hind legs and lack of basic skills, she should have known there was something wrong with her. She was a mistake, a screw-up. She'd probably never been meant to be born. But now that StarClan had found her out, what would happen? ...Would she ever get to sleep in her nest again? Train with Moonlight, hear Crowstar's voice, talk to Badgerpaw? What about her dreams? What about her- her life? As miserable as it had been, she'd loved it as much as she could. The apprentice's head slowly lowered, hanging down in shame and fear. She'd been right to be nervous.

At the she-cat's words, Pansyface instantly jumped to alert, her former shame replaced with a burning passion that turned her eyes to green flame.  "No! No no no no no, of course not!"  Stepping forward, the patched she-cat bent her head to touch her nose gently to Graypaw's forehead, sending a rush of reassuring warmth running through the apprentice's body.  "You are not a mistake my dear, never say that about yourself, no matter what has happened."  Pulling away, Pansyface stood up straight, her eyes once again shining with sadness and guilt.  "No...it is us that have made a grave mistake.  StarClan have not wanted to admit their guilt in this matter, but I will not allow our slip-up to continue to affect the life of an innocent cat, I won't stand for it!"  Her voice had lowered to what could only be considered a snarl, and the starlight in her eyes gleamed brighter than ever as she spoke, her voice low.  "Graypaw, you were never meant to be a SkyClan cat.  Your body, heart, and soul...lies in WindClan.  Your fate was twisted in ways we couldn't control, and at first we thought it could work...but I can see clearly that we were wrong.  For that, I sincerely apologize."  Bowing her head head low, the StarClan warrior remained still for a moment, as all of the stress seemed to finally flood from her body.

Accepting but not understanding the comfort, the apprentice continued to listen for an explanation. When it came, she was shocked. Wait- WindClan?! Graypaw listened in confusion to the StarClan she-cat's words. But even as she heard them, disbelieving, not wanting to believe, they made sense. It all made sense. Why she couldn't jump. Why she loved to run. Why she couldn't climb trees. Why she loved rabbits. Why even though she lived there, SkyClan camp never really felt like home.... Her dreams finally made sense. The grassy moors, the running, the strange familiar faces, even Badgerpaw. As all this and more information passed through her mind in the blink of an eye, a spark glowed in her blue eyes. A new flame of confidence surfaced in her heart as she realized that she wasn't just terrible at everything- she was good at the wrong things. Understanding, Graypaw met the StarClan she-cat's eyes and smiled. But then, she realized what that meant. The smile faded. "Do I... have to leave, then? What will they all think? What if they hate me, cause they don't like WindClan? What if- what if WindClan doesn't like me? Doesn't accept me?"

Lifting her head, Pansyface met the young she-cat's gaze and returned Graypaw's smile, feeling much more relaxed now that the truth was up in the air.  A change seemed to sweep over the StarClan warrior in a heartbeat, and her usual aura of bubbly confidence began to return.  There were still serious questions though, that needed to be addressed.  Blinking calmly, the bi-color warrior meowed; "Your fate lies in your own paws now, Graypaw.  It is up to you if you wish to leave SkyClan for your true home, and no matter what you decide, you will have my blessing; but, I ask of you...  Be brave, and choose what you feel to be truly right in your heart, and not what would be easy.  Long ago, I also had to make a choice between what was easy and what was right, and I never regretted choosing the harder path.  Even though our circumstances were very different Graypaw, they both involved cats we loved with all of our hearts, along with great deals of hardship.  Listen to what your heart tells you Graypaw, and your path will be clear."

Graypaw swallowed nervously, her normal levels of anxiety back in place- now for different reasons. Follow... her heart? What did she want? And what was right? As she went over her memories, her dreams, her deepest desires, she realized things she never had before. Despite her wishes to be normal, and to loyally support her Clan, she'd never truly felt at home in SkyClan. There had always been some edge of nervousness, some uncomfortable emotion, in the fringes of her mind from when she woke up in the morning to when she lay down at night. The only time she really felt comfortable was when she was dreaming... and when she was with Badgerpaw. Badgerpaw! He was WindClan. No wonder she felt so happy around him! Well, that, and... other things, as well. The tabby apprentice blinked in slight surprise as more and more things fell into place. It was like she'd been half-asleep in some confusing, vaguely unsettling dream her whole life, and was only now awakening. And in that moment, she realized what she wanted more than anything.

"I want to go home," she whispered, stunned by her own realization. "Home. To the place where I belong. Where I'm meant to be...." Graypaw looked up at the StarClan she-cat, whose name she still didn't know, her blue eyes slowly becoming determined. She wasn't free of her nervousness, nor was she unafraid the implications, but she knew what she had to do. "I will find my way. If I can be strong... it will all be worth it. I'd go anywhere to feel like I- like I belong." A smile slowly crept onto her face, a bittersweet mix of happiness and loss and resolve. For the first time in her life, she really knew what to do. As long as Crowstar would let her. WindClan... is where I belong.

Pansyface nodded slowly, closing her eyes as the she-cat's strong words flowed into her ears.  She had chosen her path well.  "May the path that lies ahead of you now Graypaw be filled with happiness and peace, I wish you well."  After a moment, the severity of the situation began to fade, and the bi-color she-cat's eyes widened with a mix of shock and amusement.  "Oh, I never told you my name, did I?!"  With a laugh, the queen flicked her tail proudly and purred; "I am Pansyface.  I died just a few moons before you were born, giving birth to my beloved daughters, Mintpaw and Fernpaw."  For a split moment, her sparkling eyes dimmed with sorrow, but as she continued the pain quickly faded.  "If our paths had been different Graypaw, I have a feeling we could have been good friends.  Alas though, fate can be quite cruel, as we both know now."  As if on cue, the molly's glimmering pelt began to fade into the starry field.  "Farewell Graypaw, I pray that you will have good luck following the path you have chosen."  With one last kind smile, the she-cat's form faded, and Graypaw was zapped back to consciousness beside the Moonstone.