Panic Comes Before Chaos [Closed]

The moon was high in the sky, shining down on a single, scarred body. The entire forest was quiet, though while she was passing by the ShadowClan border she had heard faint footsteps and smelled ShadowClan's scent markers. Of course, this wasn't anything unusual. Every time she had come out during the night she'd seen and heard the same things, likely because of their unusual schedule. Her slow, somber pace matched her mood; tired, grim, and downbeat. She liked visiting Fourtrees because she could see the moon clearly, whereas in ThunderClan's territory, it was often covered by the canopy of bare limbs and branches. As soon as she got to the clearing, she sat down. This is where the battle with Sleetfang happened, when her life began to go downhill, though she thought the opposite. This was where she realized that she loved Blacktwig, where she watched her father die, and where she killed another cat. The Clan's had fought against Swoop and the Dark Forest here, and eventually defeated them. So many memorable things had happened in this area of the forest, though not all were good. Dustcloud would always wish she never watched Swiftstep die, she wished she hadn't killed Sleetfang, and though she loved him dearly, wished she'd never fallen in love with Blacktwig. So much trouble for the both of them could be avoided, Blacktwig would still be alive. She shook out her fur, sending small bits of snow falling to the ground slowly.

The small she-cat took a deep breath, a cloud rolling off of her breath when she exhaled. "W-hy m-m-me? Why d-does it h-have to b-be me?" Worry, sadness, and regret all mixed with her words all at once. Her ears perked and her head turned immediately when she heard a twig snapping in the distance, but she shook it off, assuming it was just a prey animal lurking in the dark. She'd been extremely jumpy lately, as any cat would after being involved in a war, watching an apprentice be killed, and nearly being drowned by a RiverClanner. "Pl-Please, StarClan. I... I c-can't do th-this much l-longer." Exactly as she had expected, there was no answer. There was never an answer. She sighed deeply, looking down at her paws. What was the point of coming here anymore? She never got any answers, and she never expected them, yet still, she came. The senior warrior got up, shaking any snow that had may have clung to her thin fur off. She began heading back towards her own camp, not even bothering to look around.

Rowantalon sat in the melting snow quietly, his large hazel eyes watching as a few flakes fell delicately around the clearing. He had only been sitting there for a few moments, but his thick spotted fur was coated in a thin sheet of frost, rendering him nearly invisible. The sleek warrior shuffled his paws and sighed softly, his ears twitching as he stared up at the stars. His eyes traced the swath of brightness, and he sniffed once or twice. Was Silentstorm up there? Was he looking down at him, guiding him, right now? "Starclan, help me." He muttered quietly. Rowantalon had been coming to Fourtrees since Silentstorm's death. He had become so reliant on the quiet, peaceful clearing that he could barely think outside of it. For the past moon or so, the stocky warrior had been a wreck. He barely slept and jumped at sudden movements, which is why he nearly cried out in shock as something moved nearby. Rowantalon bit his lip to keep himself silent, wincing at the bitter, metallic taste of blood. He dropped into a classic hunting crouch and made his way carefully through the slush, relying on his carefully honed training to keep him from danger. Every few strides Rowantalon's steps faltered as he walked, rolling occasionally to camouflage his dark fur. The Shadowclan warrior cursed his usually helpful pelt as he moved, his eyes narrowing. He wouldn't get anywhere near whoever he was stalking. Time for a better approach...

"Show yourself-" He began to speak but fell silent as the cat cried out. Dustcloud. What was the silver she-cat doing out here in the cold? The reddish-brown tomcat's mind was instantly consumed with worry for the she-cat, all his anxiety draining away. "Dustcloud!" He started forward again, his hazel eyes wide. "Are you... are you okay?" The stocky warrior stepped in front of the silver Thunderclan cat, afraid to comfort her since the flower disaster the last gathering. "What's going on?"

The small she-cat nearly jumped out of her pelt when Rowantalon called her name, her still thin fur fluffed out to make her look bigger than she actually was. Her heart was beating a million miles a minute, and she almost let out a yelp of surprise as soon as she heard him. Even though it hadn't even been a moon since they last met, she didn't even recognize the sound of his voice behind her. It wasn't until he padded in front of her that she realized who had called out to her, and she let out a heavy sigh of relief, a little cloud rolling off of her breath as she did. Her shoulders untensed and her fur fell flat again, alert ears drooped back down to their original position. "N-N-No..."It wasn't that she was upset to see the tom near her, she was delighted that he was there, but she knew that they shouldn't be together. She knew there was a chance that they would be caught, and so did Rowantalon.

With a sudden burst of energy, the She-Cat got up and quickly moved towards Rowantalon, tears falling off her cheeks as she skidded to a halt in front of the striking tom. She pressed her head into his fur, needing nothing but comfort at the moment. She didn't have the strength to stop her sobbing, she didn't have the desire to answer his second question. All she wanted to do was sit there and let it all out. All the stress of the recent moons had been bottled up inside her, and at some point, it had to go. Her tears soaked his fur, dripping into the snow that had built up underneath them. The cold of it stung her paw pads, but she ignored it. When she finally gained her bearings, she shook out her thin fur, shivering from the icy winds that were blowing through fourtrees.

Rowantalon didn't flinch as Dustcloud ran to him. Reacting on instinct, he rested his muzzle on her head, drawing her closer. For a moment he did nothing, letting her cry into his fur. As she wailed he wrapped his tail around her, trying to shelter her from the harsh wind. He drew back as her tears began to fade, his hazel eyes sharp and worried. "Come here. Let's get you out of the cold." He mewed softly, carefully leading her into Fourtrees and settling her underneath a large fir tree, its branches so laden with snow that they drooped down and formed a cave of sorts near its trunk.
Even as he sat down, he felt a twinge of fear. If anyone found them at Fourtrees together, it would be more than enough reason to cause suspicion. With all the tension between Riverclan and Thunderclan, many cats would immediately jump to conclusions that could spell exile for them both. He nearly shuddered when he remembered Magpiestar's face during Honeydrop's punishment, but bit his lip when he turned back to Dustcloud. She was huddled between two of the tree's roots, small and shaking. He couldn't just leave her. Clanmate or not, Dustcloud mattered to him. His expression softened and he stood up again, padding towards her.
"Now... what's wrong, Dustcloud? Tell me everything." He kept his voice low as he sat near her. He was afraid to go any closer- if anyone found them...

Letting out a shaky breath as Rowantalon started to move away from her, Dustcloud looked at her down again. Did they really want to risk being caught? As she followed after Rowantalon when he offered to help her avoid the cold, she thought about what might happen if they were caught. Exile? Probation? Only StarClan knew. After she settled underneath the fir tree that Rowantalon chose for them to settle beneath, she fluffed out her fur to the best of her ability. Despite the shelter from the harsh wind outside, the fir branches didn't keep out the cold very well, so she was still cold. She shivered as Rowantalon made his way over to her, sitting a distance away from her. She knew why, but she wanted him to sit closer, so she could bury herself in his fur once again. "E-Everything is wr-wrong, Rowantalon." She didn't want to explain, she just wanted to go back to her nest where it was warm and she could at least attempt to get some rest. But, she was here, and Rowantalon deserved to know. "I'm a-assuming you kn-know about th-the w-w-war?" She didn't know how else to start the conversation, so she counted on this to give her a moment to collect her words and put them in order.

"E-everything is wr-wrong,"
Rowantalon felt his heart swell as Dustcloud spoke. He could almost feel the burden she was carrying, and as much as he wanted to, he knew he couldn't step forward and take it from her. He couldn't begin to know what she was going through- the war, the hunger. More bloodshed and starvation than Rowantalon had ever experienced in his entire life.
But he could be there with her, couldn't he?
He could help her through it. Provide a shoulder to cry on, a place to stay when the nights grew too cold.
He didn't just have to stand back and watch.
Which was why he stepped forward before Dustcloud spoke again, settling beside her and sharing his warmth. So what if they found them? A reputation isn't worth a rat's tail compared to doing what's right.
He nodded, biting his lip, as she began again. "The whole forest knows." He admitted, realizing with a jolt that he could feel Dustcloud's heartbeat. "Riverclan denied Thunderclan the territory they needed for Leafbare. Thunderclan retaliated with a failed attack." Another part of him wanted to admit that his source of information had been the gossiping queens, but how would that make Dustcloud feel? With a pang, Rowantalon found himself remembering that Dustcloud wasn't his clanmate. He couldn't tell her everything, not without revealing his clan's secrets, and Dustcloud couldn't either. Rowantalon had always been very loyal to his clan, but the way Dustcloud spoke made his heart flutter.
But was that really enough to change sides?
Was he overthinking this? Probably. He did that too much. He'd have to work on that. Stupid- this wasn't about him, this was about Dustcloud.
"It must be hard..." His voice was softer now. He searched his memory for anything he could find that would relate to what Dustcloud was going through.
Starclan, why was she making him so nervous? "Start at the beginning- tell me everything." He paused.
"...I'll stay here as long as you need, even if it's forever, okay?"

The only thing Dustcloud could manage when the handsome tom settled next to her was a warm smile. Although she was shivering and cold, The sharp realization that the whole forest really did know shocked her. Of course, they knew. Her ears twitched slightly in annoyance, not with Rowantalon, but with herself. She was acting ridiculous. Why had she come out here in the first place? She was going to get the both of them in a lot of trouble, and she knew that, yet she didn't seem to care, not at that moment. "P-Please, no p-p-pity. It n-never helps." They she-cats stomach waited until she was about to speak to growl horrendously, and she bit back her lip for a moment as she gazed at her paws. 'Just stay strong.'

Everything.

There was so much that bothered the she-cat. Telling Rowantalon everything would take forever, and would only make her feel worse. With a low, dejected sigh, she let her head sink between her shoulder blades. She was tired. She was always tired, or in pain. The Senior Warrior let her head rest on her paws for a moment before she sat back up again, puffs of fog rolling off her tongue when she breathed out. She leaned her head gingerly on Rowantalon's shoulder, taking in his scent as she closed her eyes for just a moment. His next words shocked her. She looked up into the ShadowClanner's big hazel eyes, her dull blue ones reflecting the slivers of light that slipped through the fir branches. "F-Forever?" The silvery she-cat couldn't believe what the reddish tom had just said to her."I... I... I l-love you, R-Rowantalon." Her tail curled around to rest on the younger toms back, and she went back to lying down, her head hovering just above her paws.

"Explaining w-would only c-cause more p-p-pain. F-For now c-can we j-j-just... st-stay here?"

Concern filled Rowantalon's expression as Dustcloud spoke, stumbling over her words.
"P-Please, no p-p-pity. It n-never helps." She was right, of course. The reddish-brown tom exhaled, watching as his breath floated into the treetops before dissolving. The world was wonderful and cruel- it was strange how many times it could change a cat. His heart thudded once, twice as the Thunderclan she-cat sighed softly, lowering her head for a moment. So much pain, so much to bear. Why couldn't he take some of it, even if just for a moment? He sat in silence as the she-cat rested briefly, looking at his paws.
Rowantalon's tail twitched in surprise when Dustcloud leaned on him. It felt... like something he wasn't supposed to be feeling. And it felt wonderful. Rowantalon leaned into her, turning to catch her gaze and gasping softly as he peered into her eyes, like two pools full of sadness and hope. They were indescribable- it was as if the Shadowclan tom was seeing the color blue for the first time, soft and yet so strong. He smiled gently, drawing her closer with his tail.
"I promise, Dustcloud." He whispered.

Rowantalon shivered when Dustcloud spoke again, his heartbeat growing stronger. What did he do to deserve a she-cat like her, so selfless and brave? In another time, in a different life, the same thing could've happened within Thunderclan or Shadowclan's territory.
Sitting beside Dustcloud at Fourtrees, Rowantalon finally knew what he had been missing, all this time.
"I... I love you too, Dustcloud." His voice was soft and quiet, nearly a purr as he shifted beside her, lying down at her side.
He couldn't- wouldn't fight Thunderclan.
He knew that now. He had known it all along, really. The spotted tom rested his head on Dustcloud's, nosing her ears gently. "Rest. Let someone else carry your burden tonight. You've been bearing it alone for so long."