This Swirling Storm Inside(OPEN)

Brightpaw was walking. Just walking. His paws fell softly as he walked across the territory. He had needed to get away from the camp, just for a little bit. His own guilt was eating him alive. If he hadn’t touched Spotpaw, if he had said what he felt, if he hadn’t sided with Ivystar, maybe he wouldn’t be feeling like this. Maybe Spotpaw would be feeling happier. Maybe other cats would respect his brother instead of avoiding him. He couldn’t make any of it come true. None of this was going to go away, disappear like smoke when he flicked his tail. Because of his cowardice, his brother was paying the price. His anger at himself, at his inability to speak his mind, at ThunderClan, at everything, was all bottled up inside him. He couldn’t find any way to let it out, how could he? He was a coward. Coward, coward, coward. His paws somehow brought him far, far further out and away from the camp than he had wanted to go. He needed to stop throwing this little pity party and go home. The rush of water reached him, so he pricked his ears and looked up. He was at the gorge already. He wasn’t alone. He recognised Spotpaw, his saddened and distant brother, Silverfang, the mother he barely spoke to, and Sweetheart, the other cat who didn’t agree with the leader. He had arrived just after his mother, but soon enough to hear her words. Brightpaw flinched at the harsh tone in her usually gentle voice. This was how it happened, huh? Because he couldn’t, not for once in his selfish, stupid little life, do the right thing. Why didn’t he just speak his mind? He slowly approached closer, and it occurred to him how odd and messy he must look. He always groomed his pelt, but not today. He never looked sad, but he did today. He never let others thoughts get to him, but he did today. He stayed a little distance away, keeping his blue and amber gazed fixed on the ground. At that second, he didn’t care how weak and pathetic he looked. He just wanted his brother back. His whiskers drooping, his tail dragging behind him, Brightpaw approached slowly, never once looking up to meet eyes with the other cats there. He stopped a few good fox-lengths away from the other cats, stealing a glance up at them before returning his gaze to the floor.

Spotpaw whirled around, barely keeping the word mother off his tongue. "I was just standing here, but then Sweetheart came and..." Should he tell them? "And I want to be left alone, but Sweetheart is staying, and we were talking about what our opinions are,
we didn't mention you, I don't think it's much of your business. It's not like you really consider me anything but a rebellious little apprentice anyway." All of them did. He couldn't believe he had been caught in Sweetheart's charm! All of them hated him. Every single one. He began to back away, =realizing he was backing upriver... but not that he was backing towards the water too. "It's all lies. You all hate me."

He wasn't going to be lied to.

He was stronger than this.

He shouldn't have listened.

Silverfang listened to her son without saying a word and keeping a neutral expression until he started walking backwards to the dangers of the water. Without thinking and being driven by her maternal instincts, she ran toward the younger tom and grabbed him from the scruff, making sure she wouldn’t harm as she put him away from the dangerous gorge. The silvery warrior stepped between him and the water so he wouldn’t be in danger again.”Nothing more than a rebellious apprentice?! Are you kidding? You’re much more than that to me, Spotpaw! You’re my son! How could I stop loving you when you’re my and your siblings are my closest family?” She mewed angry but also showing a kinder side of her as she approached the younger tom.

”I admit it, I’m not a kind or loving mother. I’m not even good making friends because of my short-temper. However, all in the clan know that I never hide my thoughts and I’m always honest so believe when I say that I love you and that’s why I’m worried about you and your future. I want you to have a good life here, in Riverclan. The life of a good and loyal warrior. You’re not a code-breaker and pray to the stars that you will never be one of them...” She mewed barely glancing at Sweetheart with her eyes before returning her focus on Spotpaw. ”If you still believe that all your clanmates hate you, even if that isn’t the truth, then do something to change that and prove them that they are wrong about you, that you’re not going to betray the clan that raised you and instead, you will live to protect it. Let’s go home now and talk, please.” She said, leaving that harsh attitude and making a concerned honest face. The young she-cat was truly worried about him and his happiness. It was awful to see how much he was suffering... but that’s why she was here. She must help him.

Sweetheart bared her teeth in the beginning of a snarl at the remark thrown at her, but she didn't say anything. She didn't want to risk ruining Spotpaw's chance to try again and not do something he would regret. She still fumed with rage at Silverfang, though, and she couldn't keep her pale tail-tip from twitching in anger

Brightpaw's expression changed from inexpertly hidden anger and sadness to panic at the speed of light. He had started forwards as soon as Spotpaw backed away, but Silverfang reached him first. A little embarrassed, he turned his gaze back to the floor and feigned interest in a tiny bit of snapped twig that lay by his paws. He had to get better at disguising how he felt, or he'd feel even weaker. He pretended not to care when he actually cared deeper than he could express. He just hoped noone would find out and judge him for it. Again, a single word swirled around his mind. Coward. He scolded himself silently. He should have known better than to move forwards. Of course, his mother was there. She would sort it out. He could trust her with that. He forced his gaze up from the tiny, broken scrap of wood on the ground and looked at his brother and his mother. He listened to every single word, clinging onto them like they could save him from drowning or something equally as mouse-brained. His eyes showed nothing. No emotions at all. He stood a little straighter, he found a grip in the ground with his paws, and he made himself look more confident than he had felt in ages. Even changing his body language a little could make him feel less scared and intimidated, and more in control of what he was doing. That was something, at least.

Spotpaw looked at Sweetheart, then at Brightpaw, then back to Silverfang. "One of them? Is that all Nutfur, Heronpaw, and Sweetheart are? The untrustworthy ones? I'm not one of them just because I'm your SON." Brightpaw was more of a son than he was. Spotpaw was just another cat. "And you're wrong! They DO hate me, and there's no way to change that now. I've done nothing to prove my betrayal, I even fought tooth and claw for Sunningrocks!" They had to ask more. They asked him to be a pawn, a perfect cat. He wasn't, though. He was a good friend, but a bad son and a bad brother. He lowered his voice to almost a whisper. "And now Brightpaw hates me, and Reedpaw probably doesn't like me either. The only ones in this Clan who do, if you aren't lying, are Sweetheart, Nutfur, you, Frostpaw, Wolfpaw, Darkpaw, and Heronpaw."

He was alone.

He stood alone, like he said he would.

The price was larger than he thought.

The she-cat softened her expression and walked toward him, remembering how her own mother comforted her when she was having hard times. ”From what I know, Nutfur, Heronpaw and even Sweetheart aren’t Code-breakers but yes... they have given reasons to believe they MIGHT be ones in the future. However... they can change that if they wanted too. You’re right. You haven’t do anything to betray your clan but you showed up sympathy with a clan that attacked us in our own territory only because Ivystar chose to take hostages for a period of time. Their decision might be not the best but... Thunderclan isn’t attacking us because of that. I’m not trying to change your mind. I’m trying to show the reasons behind my own reasoning.” The she-cat purred with an understanding smile.

”You say that is impossible to change their hateful minds but that’s not true. Have you even try it? And what about all the cats that you say? Aren’t they enough for you? Brightpaw, please come here.” She suddenly looked at her other son, beckoning with her tail so he would come to her side. ”Spotpaw... Brightpaw doesn’t hate you. Haven’t you see his panicked expression when he saw you were about to fall? He is worried about you as well. Have you... ever tried to just talk with him about your problems? And you, Brightpaw, have you ever talked to your brother since the argument with Ivystar? This is your chance. When I’m gone.... I don’t want to leave a broken family. You’re brothers and you’re really lucky to have each other. I can’t stand the idea of you too not being able to bond again only because you never talked.”

Brightpaw swiftly turned his head, so that Spotpaw wouldn't see how much that tiny little comment had hurt him. Brightpaw hates me. That's what he had said. It took a few moments for those words to actually sink into his head. His eyes fixed on a point far, far away from the gorge, he blinked a few times, trying to stop the sadness creeping onto his face. They weren't allowed to see it. His emotions belonged to him and him only. When Silverfang told him to go other there, he took about a second to compose himself before turning and padding closer to his family. He needed to show that he wasn't a scaredy cat, that he could speak for himself. "I don't hate you." He was being too quiet. That was barely a whisper! "I don't hate you." He repeated, slightly louder. His amber and blue eyes found Spotpaw, and this time he didn't look away. Why should he hate his own brother? What reason did he have for that? Nothing, that's what. He didn't hate his brother, he loved and missed him. He had a hunch it would take a while for that to sink in. He turned back to his mother. "I haven't had a chance to talk to him, no. Now I wish I did." His voice was quiet, but it was audible above the loud rush of water that came from the gorge. And his tone was full of shame. Why didn't he just go and talk to him like a sensible, mature RiverClanner?

Sweetheart smiled at Spotpaw. "I'll leave you two to talk. Just... please don't do anything you'll regret, okay, Spotpaw?" With that, she padded off, leaving the two brothers alone, going in the other direction that Silverfang went.

Don't do anything you regret. Too late for that now. And... what was that Brightpaw said? Brightpaw didn't hate him? That was news. Good news to his ears. "I don't hate you either. I just... I had to have a little time to cool down, and by the time I did you seemed to be angry with me."