Freedom is Near {Closed for Squirrel}

From her shadowed reed nest pushed up against the back of the medicine cat's den, Finchstream gazed out at the gently falling snowflakes that tumbled from the sky, swept by a swift cool breeze.  The camp was covered in a fresh white layer of the beautiful substance, but the she-cat barely noticed.  Her golden eyes were glazed and distant, and she watched nothing.  Her zoned-out world was just a blur by sight...a world that she was surprised she was still seeing at all.  She guessed that none of her clanmates had seen her battle with that brute of a ThunderClan warrior closely enough to pick up on what had really happened...what she really was.  On one paw, she should be grateful...but it only really meant more time she would have to spend hiding her cowardly secret.  Hiding, lying, deceiving the cats she loved...she hated it!  She felt dirty and tainted, and no dip in the river would be able to wash it away.  Oh StarClan...what am I going to do now?  With a slow blink her vision cleared; she tried to shift her fluffy silver body, only to wince and fall back into the only comfortable position.  Stupid rib...and I thought my leg was going to be the most bothersome thing...  After dosing her with poppy seeds Cloudstone had easily popped her dislocated back leg back into position, but her cracked rib was not so easily fixed.  It will take time, patience, and lots of rest he said...fine by me.  The longer I'm kept in here, the less cats I'll have to face...

Nutfur stood right outside the medicine den, a carp between her jaws. The ice had been harder to crack today, and it was only really possible in the shallower parts of the river. But she had still managed to catch a carp, which she knew where Finchstream's. After the fight with the ThunderClan tom at sunning rocks, she knew she had to see her friend. Friendship was a cause she believed in more than whatever Ivystar ordered. But at the moment, she felt like a horrible friend for not visiting even sooner. Taking a deep breath, she ducked into the den, dropping the carp at the other she-cat's feet. She smiled reassuringly, and for a few moments didn't speak.
"Hi Finchstream. I managed to find a carp, I know they're your favorite. And sorry I didn't visit sooner, there have been a lot of distractions lately," Nutfur explained finally. She wasn't quite proud of those distractions, even though she knew they were the right thing. Mostly it was just questioning her leader and all the events that had to do with that. Plus, constantly having to worry over Cobwebkit and taking care of him every other night was stressful. He was kept so close to the ThunderClan prisoners, which made it really hard to get to where he was in secret. But now she was supposed to be focusing on her best friend, not her secret adopted son. She had deliberately not mentioned her injury, knowing she was probably sick of hearing and thinking about it by now.

Finchstream flinched, startled by the sound of Nutfur's apologetic voice, and couldn't quite manage to bite back a low hiss of pain as she jumped slightly in her nest.  She hadn't seen or heard her friend enter the den...she must've been too caught up in her own worries.  She forced a smile, and purred her thanks softly in a faintly sad tone.  "Oh...thank you Nutfur, I appreciate it."  The fluffy silver tabby peeked over the edge of her nest to look at the carp her friend had been so kind as to bring her, but she couldn't summon any feeling of hunger.  Really...did she even deserve to eat?  She had been a weak link during the battle...she hadn't provided her clan anything during the days she had been injured...  With a careful paw, the petite warrior hooked the fish on a claw and placed it to the side, acting like she would eat it later.

After that though, an all too familar feeling of awkward anxiousnesss began to set in, as Finchstream didn't try to keep the conversation going.  She didn't have the strength anymore to keep acting like everything was alright, like her injury was the most bothersome thing at the moment.  She had been keeping secrets from Nutfur - from everyone - for so long...she just wanted it to be over.  Yet, she remained silent, staring down at her wide webbed paws through dull golden eyes.  To be free, would mean inducing the hatred of her friends and clanmates, she had convinced herself.  How could it be worth the cost?

"Finchstream..." For a few momenst Nutfur didn't know what to say at Finchstream's silence and unwillingness to eat. There wasn't really anything she could think of to say to make this better. But she needed to know what had always been bothering her friend since they were young apprentices. She had ignored her problems for way too long, and all she had to do was ask a question or two to set things straight. But she had to ease in slowly, as a harsh question might have the opposite effect. "Are you alright?" She meant to ask a more detailed and meaningful question. Three words couldn't be enough to convey everything she was asking. Those wouldn't get her point across. She just couldn't bring herself to ask straight out and bluntly, for fear of hurting the she-cat's feelings. Loosing their friendship would be the worst possible thing she could imagine. This was wha she was fighting for. Not for Ivystar, for Finchstream. But she couldn't do that until she was sure her friend wasn't suffering alone.

The fur along Finchstream's spine ruffled a bit, but the she-cat didn't lift her gaze for a long moment.  She knew what Nutfur meant.  She might be a coward, but she wasn't dumb.  Still, she played along, trying to keep things steady the only way she seemed to know how.  By lying.  "Uh...yea, I'm alright Nutfur."  Forcing her eyes to look bright and optimistic, she continued.  "It doesn't hurt too bad...I just have to keep from moving certain ways, so that the pain doesn't start again.  Cloudstone and Goldenpaw say that I might have to stay rested up for the rest of the moon though...so that sucks, I guess.  At least they let me chew on poppy seeds if the pain spikes..."  She trailed off, trying to find more to say about her injury.  More to distract Nutfur with, more deception, more manipulation.  Oh, she hated this...

Nutfur patiently waited while Finchstream rambled on about her injury, nodding every so often. All of her senses could tell how scared her friend was, and how much she was trying to hide it. She hated that her friend felt like this. And if she just cooperated she wouldn't have to. Still, her frustration wasn't directed at the injured she-cat. It was more at herself, for not being more understanding and persistent in the past. She didn't do anything that suggested her annoyance except for a single sigh, which she was very careful not to repeat. Anything like that would just stress out her friend even further, which was the opposite of what she was trying to do. So when she finally finished her speech, the brown warrior sat down and gazed into the other warrior's eyes. "We both know that wasn't what I meant. I know about your injury. But are you alright inside? You just seem so sad and scared all the time now."
There. She had asked the question she hadn't brought herself to ask for way to long. That should have been asked that first time they were patrolling as apprentices. She had been to scared to ask it until now. And until it was answered, the fear in her chest remained.

There it was.  The question Finchstream had been dreading - and hoping for - ever since she was young.  She stared back at Nutfur, but her gaze remained numb, expressionless, giving away nothing.  A war raged inside her broken mind, two sides fighting for an unclear goal.  'You could be free' one side cried, trying to push the words out of her mouth.  'But what if it only imprisons you more' cried the other side, barricading the way ahead.  For a long moment the silver tabby she-cat said nothing and did nothing, just gazing from her paws up to her best friend's face, back down to her paws.  The battle waged on, and as her thoughts grew more and more vicious on both sides, her body began to tense, her eyes glowing with fear.  'If you don't free yourself, you're going to die like this, unhappy and hiding from the cats who care about you, who you care about!' 'Is living with a clean conscious really worth being possibly kicked out of your home, deemed a traitor and a danger to your clan, and chased from your home?'  'Is this really living though, all this hiding and lying?'  'It's either lying to stay in the only place you know you'll be safe, or staring into the face of a badger, standing alone; it's your choice.'  'It's your choice.'

Heart pounding, Finchstream tried to swallow back the lump that was beginning to form in her throat; her body trembled, and her mouth felt dry and rough, as if she had gulped down a mouthful of sand.  Against her will, tears began to form in her wide eyes as she slowly lifted her head once again to meet Nutfur face-to-face, her ears flattened fearfully against her skull.  And, in a whisper so soft it could almost have blended in with the breeze it's self, she rasped;

"If I tell you...will you keep it a secret?"

The silence was almost unbearable. Nutfur was sure that she had said something wrong, and her words would mentally break Finchstream. She could see the fear the fear and conflict that was growing in her her friend, and was now questioning her decision. Did it do more wrong than right to ask that question? She had been sure that this was how the problem between them would be solved, but now a hollow pit knotted in her stomach. Why had she expected it to be easy for the other warrior to tell a secret when it would cause herself physical pain to admit to her own secrets? There were inexcusable things that if anyone found out about, she would be disowned and most likely exiled. Maybe that was how her friend was feeling now. She wanted to reassure her that whatever she was hiding, it couldn't be as bad as hers. But still a fear lined that area, and she couldn't bring herself to do it. And even if Finchstream's secret was way worse than what she had done, she knew she would forgive her friend no mater what. She almost actually said all that out loud, but decided against it, not wanting to say the wrong thing again. And then she spoke. It was nearly impossible to hear those words, but she did, sending a small smile across her face. A simple question that wouldn't be hard to answer. But those words meant everything to her. She was trusted with something that would take this much precaution to hide. And she knew since she was a tiny apprentice what her answer to a question like this would be.
"Of course I will. You can trust me."

Though her heart still raged like a storm inside her chest, a brief wave of relief washed over Finchstream at the sight of her friend's comforting smile, and the words she had always hoped deep down to hear.  She trusted Nutfur with her life...and now, finally, she was ready to admit the truth that she had been hiding inside of her since she was no more than a kit.  For a moment, through tear-filled eyes, she gazed up at her best friend, and the edges of her muzzle twisted upward in a thankful, reciprocating smile.  Only for a heartbeat though, because when she launched into her explaining the familiar haunted look returned to shadow her marigold eyes.

With a tiny nod, as if to tell herself to start speaking, the silver tabby she-cat began to explain her situation in a low rasp.  "It...it all s..started at a Gathering near the e..end of last leaf-b..bare...when that T..ThunderClan apprentice - Spottedpaw, I t..think - arrived a..at the Gathering...covered in b..b...blood."  A tingling shiver ran down her spine at the memory, but she managed to press on, her voice growing even lower.  "T..they said that B..Bear had done it...i..injured her and l..let her go to send a message...b..before the clans went to a..attack him."  She was stalling; she swallowed hard, digging up all of her possible willpower to keep speaking.  "I...I w..was there, with O..Ospreypaw, when she s..stumbled in.  I...I had never seen anything so h..horrifying in my entire life, even to this day.  She....she was almost unrecognizable under all that b..blood....I r..remember, everyone around m..me...was asking themselves what h..had happened, and w..who had done something so horrific t..to such a y..young cat..."  Every word came out with a tinge of a wail, and the tears began to run from her eyes more and more as she forced herself to press on.  "I...I wasn't t..thinking about any of t..that...I c..could only s..see the blood!"  For a moment Finchstream appeared almost kitlike, her voice ringing with the same tone a scared kitten would use to cry to their mother.  "It s..scared me s..so much Nutfur....I c..couldn't move!  The way it c..covered her p..pelt, and d..dripped out of her w..wounds, r..ran from h..her jaws....I felt like I was g..going to wretch, r..right there and then.  My..my stomach hurt so bad, and I c..could barely breathe.  I couldn't form a b..breath...it all came in gasps....I a..almost passed out."  Sniffling, Finchstream gazed down at her paws again, studying the tufts of fur that poked between her toes to bring her back to the present.  She was here, in her nest in the medicine cat's den, not at Fourtrees.  There were no bleeding cats, no screaming, no crying...she was safe.  With a deep shuddering breath, she continued.  "Ever...ever s..since that day Nutfur.....I..I've been terrified of blood.  The s..sight and s..smell of it makes my stomach feel nauseous, and i..if it's a large amount I..I'll even start to h..h..hyperventilate, like I did at the Gathering.  I've almost p..passed out multiple times...and I don't know how to s..stop it."  Her soft voice rang with hopelessness and despair, and it was clear that the she-cat had all but given up.  "It happens e..every time...even from the s..smallest things...like the blood that comes from the f..fang-marks we leave on f..fish.  I have to get it out of s..sight, g..get away from it, close my eyes...a..anything to stop seeing it!  I c..can't take it!  And I can't even b..begin to imagine how I c..could fix it!  It's been h..happening for so long now...and I..I've hid it from e..everyone...Ospreypaw, my p..parents, Fishstar and Ivystar...y..you.  I...I've always been so scared, for a..anyone to f..find out.  What w..would you, they, s..say?  What would t..they think?  That I'm a spineless coward, u..unworthy of being a warrior?  That...that I'm a t..t..traitor, who would rather r..run than f..fight for my clan?  T..that I'm useless and just a w..waste of precious resources, and s..should be tossed out of R..RiverClan?!  I c..can't be exiled Nutfur, I c..can't!  I c..couldn't make it out there...I l..love my clan s..so m..much, I don't k..know how I could s..survive without them, without you!"  Her voice had raised to a wail, in the moment forgetting that some cat may overhear, or wonder why so much noise was coming from the medicine cat's den.  Thankfully though, it seemed the snowstorm was masking most of their conversation.

"I...I've had to go so long, hiding like this.  Fishstar was always so b..busy, I was able to h..hide the fact that I c..can't fight from her during our h..hunting sessions.  I managed to be made a w..warrior...but then t..they started giving me a..apprentices.  First Foampaw, then Thymepaw...and now Viperstorm.  She d..did it all without me...she h..had to, because I was always a..avoiding her.  I know I wouldn't be a worthy m..mentor to any cat...I can't t..teach them to fight, or to be b..brave in the heat of battle.  How can I...when I f..failed so horribly.  That ThunderClan she-cat b..beat me into the ground in no time flat...I w..was trying to hide, trying to stay s..safe...but I failed.  Now h..here I am...in a nest, being even more useless to RiverClan.  A..all because of my stupid p..problem...my lies...my fear.  Oh Nutfur...I'm so sorry!"  Her rib was hurting from the effort of speaking so passionately, but she didn't care.  "You've always been such a t..true friend to me...and all I've ever done is lie to you!  Over and o..over, the same fake excuses about w..why I'm so weak, so useless...for moons on end!  I've lied to every cat I've ever loved...and I..I'm never going to get to apologize to most of them.  So...I'm sorry!  I'm sorry, I'm SORRY, I'M SORRY!"  She was fully sobbing now, letting all the emotions, all the pain pour out of her...and it felt so good.  Burring her face in the moss and feathers of her nest, she sobbed, her cries muffled by the material, but she finally felt free.  The weight in her chest had finally lifted, and her heart that had begun to shed it's sorrow like snakeskin.

The words that changed my life have been spoken...my next step though, is yet to be decided.

This was it. She was finally going to learn Finchstream's secret after moons of what must have been insensitive behavior. Nutfur solemnly wrapped her tail around her paws, and started to listen to her best friend's story. She couldn't help but wince at the description of Spottedpaw, she wouldn't want anyone to ever have to go through that kind of pain. She listened as the horrific scene with the bloody apprentice was described to her, once again wincing at the gory description of the injured cat. But apparently her reaction wasn't nearly as bad as her friend's had had been. Still, she didn't quite understand what her first encounter with something that still seemed horrible had to do with her secret. It wasn't until she was hit in the nose with it did she realize. Her best friend's big secret that she had been hiding for nearly her whole life was that she was scared of blood.
It took all of her will power not to smile, knowing how serious and sorrowful this was for her friend. For a moment she had actually been scared that it was something that was unforgivable. But it was just that she was terrified of something that was scary. Sure, most cats weren't that scared, but that that kind of fear might actually do some of them good. Even though she was quickly able to pardon the fact, she could see why it needed to be kept a secret from some other cats. Blood was a part of clan life. She knew Ivystar wouldn't want a warrior who couldn't fight, and half the cats in the clan were pro battle as well. So she saw how serious of a problem this was. But she had gone this far with that on her shoulders, and proved that it wouldn't hold her back. Nutfur couldn't see the problem with that at all. And now everything made sense. From her immediately leaving whenever she suggested battle training, shoving the fish behind her after she hunted, hating land prey, nervous at her first few gatherings, all of it. It was all in the light now, and it only made her feel better. As she listened to Finchstream continue to speak, she realized with a pang of grief that what she was saying was partly true. Of course she didn't agree with or believe most of it, but she could see why a different cat might. Though sorrow stabbed her heart for most of the spiel, it wasn't until she apologized that she felt like she was about to break. She had committed greater sins, she should be the one apologizing. As the other she-cat hid her face in the bedding, she comfortingly nuzzled her shoulder. She finally had the information to make this right.
"Finchstream..." she whispered, before gathering up her courage to keep talking. "You've been holding this in for that long? You've managed to become an amazing warrior, successfully train apprentices, have friends, with this inside of you? When you think about that, do you think fearing something that is terrifying is holding you back? And I know there are some heartless cats who wouldn't agree, so I understand why you felt the need to lie. Though you could have told me the truth, I understand why you needed to keep it a secret. But you aren't a coward. Your braver than any other cat in the clan for still succeeding even when your terrified. That's something that I respect. You may not be a fighter, but that's a trait that some of the worst cats have. I sometimes wish I didn't have that trait." She paused a second, thinking about Lionspark, before taking a deep breath and continuing. "There's no way you would ever be kicked out for this. If you were, I'd go with you. You are not a waste. You hunt and mark the borders just as much as anyone else does. And there is nothing wrong with running away from a battle that shouldn't be fought, even if for a different reason. I'm sorry you got injured, but please don't blame yourself. It was the fault of whoever attacked you, because you didn't start the fight. It's perfectly fine, maybe better, that you aren't a fighter." Once again she paused, wondering if she should really say what she was about to say. But Finchstream's secret hadn't been too bad even though she clearly thought it was, so maybe it was the same with her. "You are something better than a fighter. You are an amazing friend that I am lucky to have, despite lying. And I admit, I've kept secrets from you too. You shouldn't be the one apologizing when I have just as much, maybe more, that I've been hiding."

Finchstream's hysterical sobs began to fade, the feeling of Nutfur's warm fur nuzzled against her shoulder comforting and reassuring her; Nutfur wasn't mad, angry, or disappointed.  She was still the same calm, level-headed, kind she-cat that she called her best friend, and that thought alone gave the small molly the courage she needed to peek slightly out of the nest, and watch her chestnut-furred friend as she spoke.  Quickly, her anxiety began to fade, and her heartbeat didn't ring in her ears as loudly.  The weight had clearly been lifted, but her eyes were still dull and shadowed with guilt-ridden apprehension.  She listened through flattened ears, every word beginning to build back up a little bit of confidence, but she was clearly startled when Nutfur called her brave.  "...you aren't a coward. You're braver than any other cat in the clan for still succeeding even when you're terrified. That's something that I respect."  For the first time in a long while, Finchstream laughed.  Given, it was a bit self deprecating, and very soft, but it was a laugh none the less.  How could she be braver than any other warrior in the entire clan, just by being afraid?  She knew that, if she wasn't in such a doubtful state of mind, she would understand where Nutfur was coming from.  Her determination to still serve her clan, through all the hardships, was respectable...but in the moment she could only see her own weakness.  Her own failings...her own disappointment.  She continued to listen though, and her ears pricked up slightly.  Why was her friend talking like this about fighting, as if it was a useless skill?  Lifting her head, the silver tabby she-cat's voice, though low, was a bit quizzical.  "Thank you, Nutfur...you're such an amazing friend, and I'm so grateful that you're not mad about this whole...situation.  Honestly, I don't know why I thought you would be...I guess I just convinced myself that nobody would be on my side, that you wouldn't be on my side.  I obviously was wrong...thank you for understanding."  Her face cracked slightly in a faint smile, but that faded as she went on.  "But...but I don't want to stay this way.  I don't want to keep fearing for my life, honor and safety every time a battle happens, or a patrol turns sour.  I...I want to serve my clan, in all ways.  If it's even possible...I want to learn how to fight...and I want to get over my fear of blood."  For once, at the sound of that cursed word, her paws didn't tremble, and the determined glow in her eyes didn't fade.  "I'm not against fighting Nutfur.  Though I might be scared of it, I can see that sometimes it is the only option to keep RiverClan safe.  If ThunderClan really is trying to take our lands, I don't want to stand by and just let them take what they want.  I want to defend my home, and make sure it stays safe and well fed.  That's why..."  With a nervous gulp, Finchstream's golden gaze flashed down towards her paws for a heartbeat, but when it returned to Nutfur's gaze it was more sure than ever.  ...that's why, I want to ask you...will teach me how to fight?"

Nutfur's final remark about secrets made her tilt her head slightly, and she meowed reassuringly; "Well, today seems to be a day for secret-telling.  You can always tell me anything Nutfur, I won't be mad.  I'm grateful to you for not being angry at my secret...and I promise I will be the same way if you decide to tell me yours."

Nutfur felt a mix of surprise and relief at Finchstream's laugh. Her friend seemed to be feeling better, even if traces of self-doubt still lingered in her expression. She knew that no matter how hard she tried, she would never be able to completely erase all of that. But hopefully, she could come close enough to make a difference. At the sound of the silver she-cat's words, she smiled slightly and listened intently. She still felt as if she didn't deserve this praise, knowing she had just stated the truth. As the other warrior continued, she could see why she felt that way. She didn't want to feel guilt-ridden all the time, so it made sense that someone else wouldn't want to feel scared all the time. Though she had no idea how to go about helping her friend's fear go away, she made a silent vow to do so in whatever way she could. She winced slightly at her friend's words about the battle. It wasn't the original battle that she was against, it was how Ivystar had taken hostages and in doing so caused more fighting. But right now wasn't the time to think about that. Her friend needed her. Even though she knew she would do anything to help, she gave a start of surprise when she was asked to teach her how to fight. That wouldn't be too hard, and would definitely be a way that she could be helpful.
"Teach you how to fight? Of course I will. I may be against violence when peace is a better answer, but protecting yourself and your clan is needed for all of our survival. After you recover, I'll do everything I can to help you to get over your fear and learn how to fight." Those words Nutfur was able to state with confidence that she would be able to fulfill them. She knew that she had both the ability and heart to do so, and had no trouble saying that. It was Finchstream's next statement that sent worry squirming through her belly. If this was told to anyone else, her rank and the life of someone she loved would be in danger. But she trusted her friend never to let this out. It was just facts that she had to state. Well, more of secrets, but still facts. She was ready to speak, ready to tell something only two other cats in the world knew, neither of them in their clan. She took a deep sigh before beginning. "My secret... It started shortly after I became a warrior. I was padding around the gorge around where Flowerpetal died, wondering if she had forgiven me for not being able to save her life. That's when I smelled WindClan. Across the gorge, there was a WindClan tom, and for a while we just walked around and stared at each other to make sure neither of us crossed the border. Then the scent of blood and milk hit our noses. He gave me permission to cross the bridge and get over the gorge, and when I got there I was horrified. There was the scrawniest little kit, pelt more red than gray due to his numerous scratches." She did her best not to be too morbid for her friend's sake. "We weren't medicine cats, so all we could do was lick off the blood and plaster cobwebs to his wounds. We hid him in a small cave under the twoleg bridge, and named him Cobwebkit. The WindClan warrior was named Hollowbranch, I believe." Now her voice started to crack and grow more afraid. "I came back to camp to learn what herbs were needed to treat the kit, and that's when I realized that I was breaking so many rules. Ivystar specifically commanded not to take care of rogue kits, I am working with an enemy warrior, and I lied to a medicine cat. I feel like I've become a sinner for saving a life! And WindClan is our enemy, so I'll probably have to face Hollowbranch in battle one day. But how could I bring myself to hurt my adopted son's adopted father? And now I have to keep it a secret because of how much I have already lied and broken the rules. How do you think Ivystar would feel about me going against her words with the help of an enemy warrior, and lying about it?" She stopped, almost sobbing at this point, realizing how much of the code she had broken. Not until she had spoken did she realize how different it seemed than in her mind. All the good things she had done seemed better, and all the bad things worse. Everything inside of her hoped for forgiveness.

Finchstream smiled thankfully up at her friend as she agreed to train her, and if she could've moved without pain she probably would've reached up and nuzzled Nutfur gratefully.  This was it...this was the next step in her life!  Maybe soon, she would be able to serve her clan without fear for the first time!  In this moment, after such a long time, Finchstream could finally feel a bit of her old self return, and she welcomed it with open paws.

Quickly though, she returned to silence as she listened to what her friend had to say, this secret that she had to spill.  Her eyes softened when Nutfur mentioned Flowerpetal's death, and she was about to open her mouth to tell her that the she-cat's death was not her fault when the story continue, and the silver tabby warrior fell silent, curious.  She couldn't help the small gasp that escaped her lips at the description of the kit.  "Oh, the poor thing!"  For once the mention of blood didn't bother her, she was too worried about what was going to happen to the rogue kit.  She purred slightly at his name - Cobwebkit - but quickly stopped when her friend's tone lowered and became tinged with sadness.  She listened, not reacting to Nutfur's words, until the she-cat was finished speaking.  A moment of silence.  Then she smiled.

"Nutfur, you did the right thing.  No kit should be left to die, if I was in that situation I would have done the exact same thing.  Honestly, I believe that no matter what clan you're in, no matter what kind of life you lead, every cat deserves compassion in their time of need.  Cobwebkit obviously needed you and that WindClan warrior, to have left him there to die would've gone against the warrior code!"  She realized that she had begun to raise her voice, and made sure to tone it down as she continued.  "We both know how Ivystar would feel about this...but in this time, this moment, you did the right thing Nutfur, you and Hollowbranch both.  If you ever need help with this Nutfur...please don't hesitate to ask me."  With a comforting smile, she waited to see what her friend would say.

"Thanks for understanding. We can help each other, I guess," Nutfur replied, relaxing noticeably. As Finchstream spoke, the brown warrior realized that she had never really expected that her friend would be mad at her. They were best friends, and that meant something beyond rules or fears or mistakes. Together, both problems could be solved quicker, instead of growing and building up slowly inside themselves, never having the ability to resolved. It was strange how they reached feared the consequences of telling their secret, not realizing that the consequences didn't have to be bad. The hazel eyed she-cat looked at the silver warrior, hoping that soon her ribs would be healed and she would be able to walk and get out of camp. Then they could begin battle training, and she could finally meet Cobwebkit. Maybe Redfur had been right. Though she could never go back to the cat she used to be, she could learn from her experiences. Redevelop old traits she wanted, as well as adding new improved traits. Her life could change for the better, and it seemed to be doing so. Now she just had to face the future with an open mind, and with her best friend. Looking up, the warrior wasn't sure what to say. All that was needed to be said had been now. Well, at least what she needed to say. Maybe Finchstream had more. "Again, thank you. I know we both benefitted from having someone to talk to. I probably should get going back to my duties soon, though. Anything else?"

"Yes, we'll always be here to help each other, I guess we both should have realized that sooner."  Finchstream seemed to blink any remaining sadness out of her gaze before she looked up at the chestnut-furred she-cat with a smile.  She had missed this, talking to her best friend with no hesitation, no worry of exposure.  Everything was out in the open air, and it felt great.  A weight had been lifted off of both of their shoulders, allowing them the chance to walk forward in their lives, and recover from the injuries dealt to their souls.  A brighter day was dawning, and the warmth at the very notion filled Finchstream with what felt like boundless hope.  

"I probably should get going back to my duties soon, though. Anything else?"  "Yes, one thing actually."  Twisting around with a slight wince, she grabbed the carp her friend had brought in her teeth, and dropped it between the two cats.  "Share this with me.  I'm sure the clan can live without you for a few more minutes...besides, I've missed spending time with you."  She pushed the fish a bit closer to Nutfur with a knowing smile.

(occ: we can end it after your next post, if you wish c:)