It's Almost The Same {Closed}

Silentstorm padded through the pine forest, carefully placing his paws on the frosty forest floor littered with pine needles. He was on his way to Fourtrees for his one of his visits to Sparkwillow's grave. He tried to visit as often as he could without drawing suspicion to himself, and now was the time. It was almost sunhigh and most of his clanmates were safely tucked into their nests fast asleep, so he took the opening and left. He never really slept much after her death anyways. Everytime he closed his eyes, he just saw his dying mate covered in blood with her telling him it was all his fault. That was his reoccurring nightmare, but when he woke up, it was all still true. It was his fault that Sparkwillow died. If she had never met him, she would still be alive and well and probably have kits with a RiverClan tom that she could watch grow up and be there for. He had robbed her of that. He robbed their kits of a mother, and he would never forgive himself for that. He wasn't this great warrior everyone believed him to be. He never was. He was a codebreaker and a killer. How would StarClan forgive him for his mistakes. Would they forgive him? He was old now, and he was honestly just waiting for his time to come. He hadn't deserved to live while Sparkwillow died. 

Sighing miserably, the black and white fluffy tom emerged into Fourtrees, his pained green gaze searching for his mates unmarked grave. Before his eyes even fell upon it, his paws were making their way there. He didn't have to look for it. He could find it with his eyes closed now because of how many times he had come here to visit her. As soon as he reached the familiar spot under a sizable bush, he knelt down beside it. "Hey Sparkwillow.. I know it's been a while since I've come to visit and I'm so-" His soft whispering was cut short when he heart pawsteps approaching followed by a RiverClan scent. Great. He groaned internally as he turned around to see who it was.

Splashwillow came here more often that she'd like to admit.

Through rain and shine, through the cold and the warmth, through the good days and the bad, the little RiverClan Warrior always found herself drifting towards the small, unmarked grave where Sparkwillow resided- and she never really knew why. Perhaps it was just a subconscious craving to be close to what little remained of her twin. Perhaps it was because deep within her, she knew that her absence in Sparkwillow's life helped contribute to her demise. Or perhaps, it was simply because she hoped to quell her sorrowful longing for the long-dead Queen. But, for whatever the reason that she came here so often, she knew that the shallow grave had become a place of solace and comfort in her eyes.

Carefully slipping through the Leafbare-brittle undergrowth that fringed the clearing where Sparkwillow resided, Splashwillow paused for a moment to catch her breath. Now that her stomach had become absurdly large and heavy with what Cloudstone and Goldenpaw had proclaimed as 'another litter of kits', it seemed as if every little action tired her out to some degree. Whether it was something as simple as grooming herself or taking a short stroll across the territory, she always ended up breathless and exhausted. And it couldn't help that she was still recovering from her wounds received during the battle. Remaining paused a short tail-length away from Sparkwillow's grave, the calico Queen remained still as she tried to regain her breath, only to be hit with the scent of ShadowClan.

Splashwillow paused for a moment as she decided on her best course of action, before finally peering around a bush with wide eyes. "Silentstorm?"

Silentstorm's eyes widened in shock and disbelief. "S-Sparkwillow?" He stammered slowly, taking a few steps toward the pregnant calico. "H-how?" He whispered softly to himself, glancing quickly around the clearing to be sure they were alone and this wasn't some cruel joke. "I.. I've missed you so much, but h-how are you here? Why are you here..?" He questioned in confusion. "A-are you here to yell at me?" He stuttered before a realization hit him and his green eyes widened even more. "Am.. Am I-I dead? Are you here to take me to StarClan..? O-or the Dark F-forest?" He faltered, now only a tail-length from the she-cat. What was going on? He was so confused. How had this happened? If he was dead, how had he died? There wasn't any pain before she had come.. There was not enemy cat or predator.. It didn't make any sense. His gaze was a mixture of pain, love, and panic. Nothing like this had ever happened to him before except.. "Oh! Oh StarClan I'm so frog-brained!" He exclaimed, his face heating in embarrassment as he gave his chest fur a few embarrassed licks. "Your her sister.. S-Splashpaw, right? Though I assume you're a warrior now." He chuckled sheepishly as he thought back to that fateful day of his kits' birth and his love's death. "I-I'm sorry for.. for well that.. You just look so much like h-her." He told her with a nervous smile. Wow she looked just like his mate. He hadn't realized before, but they were almost exactly the same. "I was just, uh, well visiting." He admitted, flicking his fluffy tail towards Sparkwillow's grave as he glanced at his paws. How pitiful did he sound. He was mouse-brained and he still questioned what Sparkwillow had ever seen in him. How would Splashpaw, or whatever her warrior name was, think of him now? She'd probably laugh in his face or give him some look of pity, but either way, he couldn't stop staring at her now. It was almost too easy to imagine Splash as Spark, and he wanted to so bad, though he knew he couldn't. They were two different cats with two different personalities. No matter how much she looked like his dead mate, he had to remind himself of that.

Splashwillow's ears twitched uncomfortably as Silentstorm struggled to recognize her, a sharp pang of grief twisting her chest so sharply it felt as if she could hardly breathe, although she held her ground as the ShadowClan tom approached. How long had it been since any cat had mistaken her for her twin? Too long.. Swallowing tightly, the calico let out an awkward laugh as the realization dawned upon Silentstorm, unsure of what else to do in the situation. "I must of startled you," She softly apologized, "I know my appearance can be a bit...confusing at times." The RiverClanner shuffled slightly as she stood, doing her best to readjust the heavy weight that clung awkwardly to her center, giving Silentstorm another cautious glance. "Yes, I'm a Warrior now. Ivystar allowed me to be named Splashwillow..." She murmured, gaze flicking to the shallow grave that held her namesake. Sometimes in the dead of the night, when Rainstorm was fast asleep beside her, Splashwillow often dreaded taking on her sister's suffix- it often felt like she had replaced Sparkwillow instead of honoring her.

"But don't let me interrupt you- you should take as much time as you need. Ivystar won't mind if I stay out for a while." Splashwillow hurriedly added, resenting the palpable silence between the pair, although she made no move to exit the small clearing. Now that her initial surprise and anxiety had worn off, the calico could feel words bubbling up on her tongue and several of Otterleap's questions were lingering heavily in the corners of her mind. Letting out a soft grunt of effort, Splashwillow awkwardly heaved her swollen belly as she attempted to sit down a short distance away from the grieving ShadowClan Warrior, her mouth filled to the brim with a barrage of inappropriately-timed questions that were tearing at her seams.

Silentstorm nodded in understanding when she told him her warrior name and his gaze followed hers to Sparkwillow's grave. They even had similar names.. "I- No, it's okay. Um you could stay if you wanted.. I mean she was your sister, so you have more of a right to be here than I do." He meowed softly, his gaze traveling to Splashwillow's swollen belly as she tried to make herself comfortable. "Are you alright? Do you want me to help you over to.. to her g-grave?" He asked with concern, though he stumbled over the last word. He had never said the word out loud, and it kind of shook him. How had his life come to this? How had he fallen for a RiverClan cat, and then gotten her killed? How had he taken her away from her clan for his selfish love of her?

Shaking his head to clear the troubling thoughts, he made his way towards the pregnant she-cat in case she agreed to his help. "Um, congratulations." He meowed with a slight smile/grimace. Everytime a she-cat was pregnant, he had this overwhelming panic that what had happened to his mate would happen to them, so he tended to be overbearing. He tried not to be, but he just wanted their birth to go better than Sparkwillow's had. It was even worse when it was his mother or siblings.
"Maybe you don't want to stay out too long.. We don't want.." He trailed off, eyes glazing at the memory of a bloody Sparkwillow before he shook out his pelt. "You wouldn't wanna be away from, uh, your medicine cat when.. it happens." He finished a bit awkwardly, though his green gaze was clouded with concern and a faint sadness.