Suffering too terrible to name

Specklefang couldn't bring herself to be as angry as she had on that battle field, she couldn't seem to muster anything after Blazeflight had told her what had become of her father. Her mother was taken hostage, their wounds were going untreated due to how ill-trained the medicine cat apprentice was, her kits were dead and there was nothing she could do about it, and Birchpaw suffered the loss of her tail, a pain she knew all too well, for even if she did not loose hers she wasn't regaining its function. Everything was collapsing around her, and quite possibly she deserved it. Every bit of it. Specklefang stared down at her daughters grave, alone. Leafstorm sat in camp, alone, no doubt getting solace from their clan-mates.

Every cat she cared for shunned her or was dead, there was no inbetween. She was alone in the world, her live kits had a life of their own, they didn't need their mother anymore. What worth was she to her clan now? Leopardclaw told her that she was worth more than anything, but it was most likely just empty promises. Specklefang laid down next to her daughters freshly buried grave, a large paw lying over it as if she was trying to reach her, cuddle her and love her and tell her that everything was okay, that this was a cruel game that was being played. But she knew she was never coming back.

She wanted so badly for this to be some sort of horrible nightmare. She gave up, she wasn't even going to try, she was going to sit in the snow and rot for all she cared.

Flickerkit didn't fully understand death yet. She had been shooed away to stay in the nursery after the Sunningrocks battle and there was now a lump of fresh dirt and everycat was sad. "Specklefang, what's wrong?" she asked innocently. She had noticed that Honeyspark, Lionspark, and Thistlepaw were gone and cats had been whispering about hostages. Could that be the problem? Maybe those fish-breath Riverclan cats took them hostage. But... Honeyspark's a MEDICINE CAT!

Heatherpetal frowned deeply as she watched the once fierce and proud warrior now laying helplessly and brokenly next to Thistlepaw's grave. For all the trouble she had emotionally given her and Emberheart, she still fiercely respected the brave warrior, and seeing her the way she was now tore up her heart with sharper claws than any RiverClan cat's. She knew what it was like to lose a father and siblings to death -- and a mother to insanity -- but she didn't know the feeling of losing a kit. She knew no amount of loss in one's life could amount to that of a son or daughter. And so many throughout their life at that.

The young warrior cautiously approached Specklefang from the side so she could see her approaching and not be spooked out of her grief, tensing herself for any explosive response from her. "Specklefang..." she began, but she didn't know what to say to ease her pain. Her mouth worked for a few moments, trying to form any words that could help her cheer up a little or distract her from her feelings, but her own mind was numb with grief.

Actions always spoke louder than words. Gulping softly, she approached Specklefang and licked her once on the cheek. She truly hoped the warrior wouldn't spat or swat at her, but she knew she had to do something to help her Clanmate. It was her duty as a warrior of ThunderClan.

Spottedpaw didn't know much about wars and stuff but she did know when someone was down. She was going to visit her brothers and sisters in theirs graves when she saw her mom leaning over them. "mom are you ok. Can I mourn with you. I didn't even know them but I feel like I did." she said sitting down by her mom. She licked her out of sympathy and tried to help her out.

Sharptooth was going to visit her sister's grave.
She hadn't attended the vigil. The battle had been such a blur, she didn't realize the apprentice everyone was talking about had been her own kin.
The thing she had feared the most had finally happened.
And there was nothing she did to stop it.

With a soft sigh she padded out of the undergrowth, a small bundle of beautiful stones and shiny two-leg nicknacks in her jaws. She had spent hours gathering every lovely thing she could find, every interesting object that reminded her of Thistlepaw.
Sharptooth jumped when she noticed four she-cats huddled over Thistlepaw's grave, dropping the bundle. Quietly she gathered everything again and quietly walked around the others, arranging everything neatly on the soft mound of dark brown earth.
"I'm sorry I didn't save her." She mewed simply, sitting across from the others and looking down at the grave.

Not far from where the rest of the warriors were gathering, Blizzardstar was sitting, watching, thinking. Thistlepaw might not had been her kit, and she had no experience to say she shared the kind of pain Specklefang was going through…but his loss had hit her way too hard. His death stung more than any wound that could be done to flesh, and the worst of all was the guilt that kept torturing her. She blamed herself for it, after all she was the one that led her clan to battle, every single wound, every single loss, she was the one to blame.

With a soft whimper she lowered her ears and looked at her paws, unsure if she should get closer to Thistlepaw’s final resting place and the grieving group. She didn’t feel worth of it, she was too ashamed to even dare to look up to the sky, in fear to feel the disapproving glare of her ancestors for causing such a young cat to join their ranks way before it was her time.

The atmosphere wasn't pleasant for Featherkit. He watched as cats seemed listless... grieving. His own mother was upset, and the worst thing was that he couldn't stop it. Featherkit's questioning mews died in his throat before he could voice them. His green eyes observed the new mound and could only understand that whatever it was, meant something bad. Something the other cats didn't want to or couldn't face.

It meant that no matter what he did, it wasn't going to comfort them. The orange kit shuffled his white-tipped paws. He watched as Flickerkit asked the large and strong Specklefang what was wrong. She didn't seem strong right now, she looked different.

He couldn't take it anymore. With all the courage the little kit could possibly muster, he stood tail and head high to walk over to the sad place. He looked at Specklefang, his green eyes resolute as he waited for her to even breathe enough to offer space, then seized his chance. He placed himself firmly next to her. His tail resting over the previously scary cat's back as much as it could to offer some comfort. He couldn't fix what was wrong, but he could try to help. If it worked for Wisteriakit, maybe it'd work for adult cats too.

Dustcloud sat beside Blizzardstar, also watching the many grieving cats around Thistkepaw's grave. As much as she tried to deny it, this was partially her fault, too. She saw the young apprentice struggling, yet she decided to go fight another warrior instead. She could have saved Thistlepaw, and none of this would be happening now. She knew that Blizzardstar was likely thinking the same thing, and she was very tempted to say something to her. The only thing that stopped her was the constant battle in her head; would that help, or only make it worse?

Her silver pelt was dappled with scars all over, and all of her muscles ached and burned. Without Honeyspark, ThunderClan hadn't much chance of healing their wounds very quickly. The Senior Warrior lay her head on her paws, the tip of her tail flicking constantly in frustration. She'd take the chance of talking to Blizzardstar. The she-cat knew exactly what her friend was thinking, so it was easy to at least try and comfort her. "N-None of that was your fault, Bli-Bli-Blizzardstar. Those m-mousebrained fox-hearts d-didn't even th-think about w-what they were d-doing. I d-doubt they even ha-have the br-brains to t-try." Dustcloud shut her eyes tight in pain, wincing because her throat hurting with every word she spoke. Her voice crackled constantly, which was also very annoying, but the pain was the worse part of it all.

Birchpaw watched in silence from the medicine cat's den. For once, she sat there to let her wounds heal. She carried wet moss to the queens earlier and spent a bit more time tending to the elders. The defeat only proved one thing. She needed to work harder. Her best efforts weren't enough so she had to get better. Still, she didn't want to reopen wounds, infection would drain the efforts of Maplepaw. She stifled a cough and eased herself down to the ground as gently as she could, giving the claw marks on her check a good wash with her paw. She'd fix this. As soon as her wounds were stable enough to not open, she'd hunt until she couldn't stand, patrol until her paws made a dune on the borders, if Maplepaw allowed, she'd even scour Snakerocks for herbs. Soon.

Flickerkit saw Featherkit. If they're sad, maybe that'll work. She padded closer and sat on the other side of Specklefang and did the same thing as Featherkit. "Specklefang, what's wrong?" She asked again.

Specklefang didn't care for the cats trying to comfort her, console her. There was nothing they could do or say to help her, to bring her back from the dangerous edge she was dangling from. She wanted to be left alone to her misery, she didn't want to see her daughters face in her clanmates, she didn't want to see her daughter in everything. Everywhere she looked, she saw her, every time she shut her eyes, she saw her body. There was nothing left here for her, yet she still had so much to give. There was never any grey area was there?

The large she-cat stayed silent, she let them do whatever they pleased. What was the point of resisting anyway? What was the point of anything? She'd let them do it if it made them happy, she'd perhaps smile in exchange for some solitude. But she was in no way better, and in no way was she ever to recover from this.

Spottedpaw knew that her mother was grieving hard and that she didn't know what it was like but spottedpaw tried anyway. "mom I'm really sorry about my sister and your daughter dying but I don't know what to do please tell me." she said crying. She wanted to help her mom but didn't know how.