I'm So Sorry [closed for jay bird]

OOC: https://m.youtube.com/watch?t=2s&v=D0gddT_DDzQ

How long had it been since he'd murdered his mother? Honestly, he wasn't quite sure. Gingerstripe tossed and turned in his nest, unable to fall asleep. The usually-comfortable moss below him was scratchy and uneven, and despite the chill in the air, his pelt was unbearably hot. After a few hours of this, he finally got up in frustration and stalked outside for a breath of fresh air. Standing in the center of camp, the tabby tom inhaled the cool air, looking almost accusingly at the sky above. Not even a moon ago, he'd had everything he could ever have wished for- loving parents, a best friend for a brother, a mate and kits, the distinct possiblilty of a bright future. Now all he had was a dead father who'd revealed his dirty secret for Magpiestar to tell the entire camp, a traitorous, exiled, dead mother, an estranged family, and an order from the leader to stay in camp and carry out apprentice duties. The stifling frustration he felt with his situation was almost tangible. What was there left for him? The disgraced warrior's exhausted, exasperated green eyes stayed locked on the sky, piercing through the veil of clouds above, wondering why StarClan had seen fit to punish him this way. When he heard a sound behind him, Gingerstripe jumped almost three feet in the air. "Who- what-?!"

The other orange-furred cat entered the camp late after his first walk outside the camp since Magpiestar's announcement. Even if he enjoyed the fresh air, meeting Buttercup once again and being away from a clan that was now unknown to him, he couldn't stop feeling that heavy feeling inside his chest... the pain, the betrayal and how hopeless he was about the future. Everything he had ever done was for Flamestrike, he admired his father so much! But after what he did... how he created a fake world for him and his brother just to don't deal with the consequences of his acts... he had lost his main purpose in his life. Why? Why did he do wrong? Did he deserve this after all his hard work for Shadowclan? Of course not, and neither his brother. Gingerstripe's punishment was unfair. Who wouldn't react like that after knowing that all his life was a lie? Although he harmed a clanmate, Firestone couldn't blame him. At first, he wanted to do the same but the pain was more powerful than hate for him.

With slow steps, the saddened warrior walked into the camp, getting ready to go back to the warrior's den. However, his mind changed when his eyes caught the orange tabby fur of his only family. For a second, the tom stopped. They hadn't talked about what happened because Gingerstripe with his punishment and he was in so much pain that he always stayed in the den, without talking to anyone. During the past days, Firestone didn't want to speak to anybody. But the pain was getting more affordable and he couldn't stay away too long from his kin and best friend, even if he hated him for stopping him from hurting Honeydrop.

The stocky cat approached Gingerstripe hoping to greet him friendly but the tom didn't expect that he would jump scared. "It's just me. Sorry for scaring you, bro." He mewed chuckling at his sudden and funny reaction. But his happy face soon disappeared, being replaced by a more serious and concerned look. "How... are you dealing with all this?" He mewed sitting down next to him so they could spend time together alone. Something inside his heart told him that they needed this... because they were the only ones that could understand each other's problems and thoughts.


OOC: I love "I'm so sorry"! It's my favourite song from that album!!! and it works so good in this topic.

OOC: I know, right? Whenever I hear that song I imagine Honey and Ginger and Fire... Honey's the one saying "I'm so sorry," of course.

IC: Gingerstripe relaxed when he saw that it was only his brother, but there was still an underlying tension to his nerves. What did Firestone think of him, after he'd attacked his own mother? As much as she had deserved it... "Hey, Firestone... It's nice to see you." While he would usually answer in as joking and lighthearted of an answer as his brother usually did, he wasn't really feeling it today. He hadn't been feeling himself since the betrayal was revealed.... At the tom's question, he blinked, thinking it over. How was he dealing with the whole thing? While he didn't want to answer, as his feelings still ran very close to the surface, but he also felt a deep-seated need to talk about the betrayal with someone... and who else could he trust but Firestone? His thin orange tabby tail wrapped itself around his paws unconsciously. "Not well, Firestone," he confessed honestly, thin shoulders hunched over. "Not well at all. I mean, you saw me that day... I kind of lost it. But really, how else am I supposed to feel about it? Our parents, both biological and not, have been lying to us our whole lives, only for the secret to be revealed in front of the whole Clan, shaming us all. Still, I'm not proud of how I reacted."

The warrior stared pensively into the distance. "Honeydrop deserved it, yes, but I should have known better. All I saw was red, I was so angry- my life had been torn apart, and all the blame was on her shoulders. Attacking her in front of the whole Clan was wrong, yes... but did I really deserve to be punished like that, Firestone? For clawing the face of a soon-to-be-exiled traitor, Magpiestar demoted me to apprentice status- no, lower- and forbade me from leaving camp. Along with the betrayal itself, that's one of the things still bothering me." As they normally did when he was angry, Gingerstripe's claws unsheathed, digging into the marshy ground below. His breath puffed out, a white cloud in the chilly leaf-bare air.

The stocky warrior listened silently at his brother understanding his pain. He also felt awful and betrayed by all this situation... his father, his role model lied to him as well as the she-cat that called herself her "mother" when she wasn't at all. His tail wrapped around his paws as he lowered a bit his head... Gingerstripe was doing what he thought it was right and there was no blame in him. Of course, attacking a clanmate wasn't good at all but... it was hard to not be angry after being humiliated because of the actions of their parents. It wasn't their fault that Flamestrike and Honeydrop were code-breakers but now, they were paying the cost of their sins. "I...I was so angry too. I understand how you felt in that moment and I believe that no one can judge you for how you reacted. Who wouldn't do the same or feel the same in this situation? If the pain inside my heart wasn't stronger than my fury, I would probably follow you, Gingerstripe. All my world... all our world was a lie and only because our parents decided to make that fake reality to "protect" us. But in the end... we're more wounded than before." He mewed glancing back at his brother with eyes full of pain. Why should they suffer so much because of the sins of others?

"Your punishment is so unfair... Of course, what you did wasn't good even if Honeydrop deserved it after all the lies she made up to hide her mistakes. However... I don't think you should be trapped inside here, only suffering seeing how others live their lives like nothing has happened. Magpiestar and all our clanmates... they don't understand how painful it is to feel betrayed by your our kin, how it feels knowing that all your life was a lie. Why should they punish you so harshly when they can't really see the reality of our hearts?They don't know us... they don't know you. But I do and I'm sorry that I wasn't for you all this time..." Firestone looked away from the green eyes of the other tom, a bit ashamed of how he had been hiding from the pain, hurting his brother too. "I've just run away from the pain, from my clanmates and from my family because I couldn't bare suffering anymore. And I didn't notice until now that I abandoned you when you need me more than ever... when I need you. I'm sorry if I hurt, Gingerstripe. I acted like a coward all this time, hiding in the camp when I should go out and confront our new reality." The warrior lowered his head, clenching his teeth frustrated by his past attitude. He was being so selfish... not seeing how his brother was suffering just like him-no, even worse than him. Firestone had now penalty and was free to do what he wanted, unlike his only brother.

Hearing his brother speak the same words that had been trapped in his heart for a moon was extremely liberating. Along with the pain that racked his tired body, that stung like a fresh wound reopened, came relief, and a stronger feeling of love for his brother. No matter what the world threw at them, nothing could tear them apart. Not Honeydrop, not Magpiestar, not even StarClan themselves. Firestone was the only cat who had been there for him his entire life- and he would do the same. Gingerstripe's green eyes seemed to be on fire with emotion- with anger, with pain, with determination. Honeydrop was gone- dead. Flamestrike was as well. There was nothing to keep him from still being the greatest warrior in ShadowClan. He still had Firestone, and Copperfang, and his daughters. He still had family. And he was going to keep it that way. The tom's claws dug into the soil as he finally looked up. Maybe, just maybe, their life wouldn't be too bad after all... maybe, they could make the best of this. Despite being stuck with a bad reputation, despite having codebreaking parents... despite his being confined to camp.

Firestone's next words surprised him, however. An apology? Somehow, he'd made his brother feel like it was his fault, and that was the farthest thing from the truth. "No, no, Firestone, I'm the one who shold be apologizing," Gingerstripe cut in hurriedly, his green eyes gazing into the other tom's identical pair. "I was the one who was hiding away- avoiding people, hiding behind the warriors' den, trying to sleep away my anger and agony. I didn't want to talk to anyone about the pain I was feeling, because I felt like no one would understand. But I see now that talking about it is the best thing that I could have done! It's so good to talk to someone who- who understands..." The disgraced warrior's voice broke, feeling all the raw emotions he'd been holding up inside his broken heart for a moon. A moon of pain and loneliness, a lost, wasted moon- one that he'd never get back. A single tear dropped from one of his eyes... the first one he'd ever shed. "Don't worry, Firestone. We'll get through this. We're stronger than this, right? We're ShadowClan warriors, for StarClan's sake!" Though he'd never been very touchy-feely, Gingerstripe walked over to his brother and put his long tabby tail around the tom's strong shoulders, a hopeful and determined smile on his face- the first time he'd smiled since before the betrayal. "We can make it. We'll be okay... okay, Firestone? We are going to be okay."

OOC: I'm so sorry for the delay! Please forgive me :(

IC:
Firestone kept his sight focused on his brother and he couldn't help his eyes from starting to form tears that never dropped. They were so broken and messed up but... Gingerstripe was right. There was hope for them because they had each other. They had always been the two of them, he and his brother against the world. Why shouldn't be able to overcome all this pain and misery if they were together? With the ginger tom by his side, there was nothing they couldn't do... it was the only thing that Firestone was completely sure about.

The flame-furred warrior smirked a bit when his brother touched him with his tail. He stepped closed and placed his forehead over his, nudging him brotherly. "Thank you, Gingerstripe." He whispered with a smile as he closed his eyes. No matter what happened or what other said about them... for the warrior his brother would always be his best friend, ally and cat in all the clans.

Firestone stepped back to see him with his identical green eyes and he wiped those tears that were never shed with his right paw. "From now on, let's promise we'll stick together forever, brother. Let's be honest with each other and protect the rest of our family, okay? If we are going through a hard time like this again, we will be there." The Shadowclan warrior looked at his brother with determination, leaving that depressed and saddened look for a few seconds. He wouldn't let him down again like he did during the past moon... he wouldn't that mistake again now they had talked about it.

OOC: Sorry it took me so long cx

The heavy weight on Gingerstripe's shoulders lessened slightly at his brother's words. Standing there, with Firestone, the disgraced warrior felt like he could face the world. He felt... he felt a little more like himself. Less like the angry, embittered son of the medicine cat, and more like who he had been. Despite their shattered, broken lives, despite them being mistreated and blamed for their parents' mistakes, despite the betrayals and the lies, they could be strong together. Firestone was the only constant thing left in his life. They'd been inseparable since they were kits, and now this pain and hardship would only bring them closer together. Nothing could come between them... Gingerstripe's smile grew, and the pain in his heart slowly began to fade as he leaned into his brother's stronger, stockier frame. "I promise, Firestone. In front of StarClan.... I will never let anything tear us apart. I will always be there for you." The ShadowClan tom looked up with bright green eyes, happier than he'd felt in moons. "I love you, brother."