Guilty [CLOSED]

Twistedtail could not stand herself anymore.

Every step carried guilt. No amount of stuffing her nose into the intoxicating smell of the moor's lavender and other flowers ever calmed her mind. She started to become increasingly paranoid that someone was going to hurt her, to kill her. Whenever she closed her eyes she saw all the things she wanted to forget; Heatherstripe dying in a pool of her own blood, a single newborn between her cold paws. The ruthless Riverclan cats attacking her as she tried desperately to protect the nursery, and Rippedsky leaving her shortly after, without even a goodbye. She with her two kits that Shadewillow had left her. Helplessly watching as her beloved Sprucethorn died. And then that dreaded day when sweet little Echopaw succumbed to that horrid bloody cough, and her second daughter joining her soon after. She couldn't bear it, she couldn't sleep at night. She wanted to die.

But the Clan needed her. As time passed she had been relying more and more on her logical side rather than her emotional one and that was saying it would wound her clan if she committed suicide. She was one of the best contributors to the clan, as she wasn't burdened with disabilities as some did. But both sides still said she had to set something right and admit the sins she has done. She had tons of time to plan what to say- she wasn't able to sleep so she had plenty of time. She had finally settled on the right words.

And tonight, on this chilly leafbare day, was the day Twistedtail had planned for. She waited until everyone was asleep- she didn't want to raise a commotion- and slunk out of the den. The only hint she was out was a flash of white as she trotted towards the leader's den.

She paused at the entrance. The siamese tabby's shadow cast menacingly across Ashstar's sleeping body. "briefly thought about Lionfur from such a long time ago. She had remembered how Smokepelt threw down his dead body and how they explained how he just tried to kill Ashstar. She did feel pity for his family, but that wasn't what she was supposed to be doing just now.

Twistedtail looked back down at Ashstar. "A... Ashstar," she murmured. She couldn't tell if the gray leader was awake or not, but continued anyway. "Can I t-talk to you for a... a moment?" she cringed slightly at how fearful and awkward she sounded. It wasn't exactly the brave confession she had planned out in her head. Still she waited patiently for her to stir and silently hoped nothing too bad would happen to her.