i'm not really that active. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

it's kind of been an on-and-off issue for the past year and a bit, but lately it's definitely been at its peak. most recently it's been because my great grandmother passed away a month ago, and its been pretty tough on me. my siblings/cousins and i were a lot closer to her than most people are with their great grandparents. i'd say i'm mostly over the initial grieving period by this point, but most of y'all already know about this, and it isn't the reason i'm posting this. while forty hour work weeks, a distinct lack of sleep, and the loss of family are all factors, they're not the core problem.

to be frank, i have no real drive to RP here anymore.

for a long while, actually. i think i've kind of been in denial about it. for starters, i don't actually find any enjoyment in warriors. i haven't since.. like.. the tenth grade. putting it bluntly, for me, RPing cats is boring. WCC RP intrigued me exclusively because of the character drama and plotting, not exactly the background or setting of the RP, and i think it became apparent to everyone when the fun in that wore off for me. i took ages to post in ceremonies and gatherings, and to get plots going. i lost the ability to keep up with in-character relationships, because it all fell flat on me. RPing here became a task. my recurring thought process for a number of months was, "i'll just get these posts over with so i'm not letting these people down, and then i won't have to look at the site for two days. thank god". that's not indicative of enjoyment. it was just a checklist.

i'm completely, unironically jealous of people who get excited to log on every day and post ten times in an hour, like i was when i first started doing online RP. that magic doesn't exist for me anymore, and i've just been pretending it did. this probably sounds really melodramatic, but it's something i've been needing to get off my chest and accept years. i thought it would change with the added stress of serving as RiverClan leader being shifted off of me, but it really hasn't, so as of today, i'm cutting the cord. there's no reason for me to stick to RP here if it doesn't interest me. i realize this also means hanging my coat up as a moderator, but i don't need to be staff on a site i'm barely invested in. don't get me wrong, you guys are all cool dudes, it's not the community that's killing my motivation in the slightest. i'm going to remain on all of our skype groups + the discord server and probably pop into the chatbox when it's poppin' (and I'm still RPing on Beata), because the members aren't the problem. you guys are great friends, it's just between me and warriors RP.

i feel like this was way too long and winded, but it's given me some form of catharsis. RPing online, specifically here, has been great, but it just isn't for me anymore.

- fishy