Homecoming [Closed]

The answer Wolffang gave to her was far from pleasing, but Blizzardshine started to understand that she wouldn’t be able to convince her to get help from the medicine cats and after what had happened between her and the rogue they had just fought she couldn’t bring herself to force her to do anything against her will…however, she was not going to let her walk away on her current state without something for the wound on her shoulder. It was at times like these she wished warriors had at least some basic training about herbs and such to help others or themselves when there wasn’t a medicine cat around.

Taking a deep breath she stopped at the borders of the temporary camp when the voices of her clanmates started to reach her ears, looking at the she-cat at her side and placing Coyotekit at her paws. If Barkpaw was going to meet his brother, it would be better if Wolffang explained everything to him instead of someone that was completely unrelated to the two “Wait here, I’ll bring your son…and try to stay quiet. Otherwise you may attract another cat to your location” Her words held a clear hesitance, as she was still struggling between fetching her help or not. However, bringing a medicine cat after she had refused their help twice…could it be considered as betraying her trust?

With that question in her mind, she padded into the rocky terrain and greeted some clanmates casually as she made her way towards Barkpaw. Luck appeared to be on her side this time, as one of her main worries was to find out that he was on a patrol or training somewhere with his mentor, causing Wolffang to leave without talking to his son “Barkpaw? Can you come with me for a second?”.

Things had been different while they were settled at Sunningrocks. While the rocks were just as warm as the stories had said they were, it felt so... off. However, what was even more off was when Blizzardshine padded into their makeshift camp looking rather unkempt considering the she-cat's typical stature asking for him specifically. The look on her face showed that he wasn't in trouble, but Barkpaw couldn't help but feel a little worried about what she had in store for him. If nothing else, he had no clue what the deputy would want with him. Standing up from his place in the small camp, he padded over to the she-cat with a confused look on his face. "What is it, Blizzardshine? Is... Is something wrong?" he asked, hoping that there wasn't something he did wrong by accident.

Blizzardshine smiled at Barkpaw “No, no, I just…come with me, please” She purred “I just need to get something first” As she spoke she walked towards where the medicine cats kept their herbs. Sighing, she grabbed some poppy seeds and cobwebs quickly before turning around and padding to where she had left Wolffang waiting. She felt awful for taking herbs without telling the medicine cats on these dire times, as well as for taking so little, but she had no option. With the former warrior refusing all kind of help or interaction with medicine cats mixed with her lack of knowledge about herbs, it wasn’t like she could do much…and the lack of herbs kept her from grabbing any more, knowing that several of her clanmates were in dire need of these as well after the fire.

After making sure that Barkpaw was following her, she got away from the Sunningrocks, making sure she wasn’t caught carrying the herbs, and walked until she saw Wolffang and Coyotekit again.

Without even asking she placed the poppy seeds in front of the queen and started to place the cobwebs to the best of her ability in an attempt to stop the bleeding. Oh, if she could only do anything more for her…maybe herbs to help the would heal or prevent infection, or to completely get rid of the pain instead of just shooting it temporarily with poppy seeds…but with her knowledge of herbs she could very well be feeding her something worse than deathberries and not even know it. She didn’t say a thing during the whole time, knowing Wolffang would be better than her to explain the apprentice what was going on.

"Barkpaw..." The grey she-cat whispered as her kit came into view. He was almost an exact copy of his father. Any other cat would have only seen the tough and vicious rogue that had terrorized the clans. Yet, to her, there was only perfect. Bear had treated her better than any other cat, save for Mudfoot. He had made her feel special. Wolffang's heart skipped a beat as she looked over his beautiful and sleek brown coat. Sadness overwhelmed her as she remembered her late mate. But it quickly turned into a flood of emotions that briefly cracked through the dam that repressed them. Joy at the fact her kit was safe and in front of her once more. Pain and sadness because the moment would soon be over, she would soon be gone. Pangs of regret at leaving behind her two oldest kits so that she could save herself. For a long time she said nothing more and just stared at him. The torrent of emotions that assaulted her was far too much for the usually straight-faced or tough she-cat.

"I missed you, my son." Her voice cracked slightly. But the grey rogue did not seem to care for once. This was real. So many times through the time they had been held under Reno, Wolffang had dreamed about the moment in which she could once more see her kits. The fear they would hate her along with the rest of the forest had kept her away. However, standing here now, she realized the fear was far less than the pain of leaving her kits. She made her way towards him hesitantly. Wolffang briefly looked into the apprentice's eyes before she pressed her cheek to his. All of her longed to wrap herself around him, one of her firstborn sons. Although, she was not sure how he would take it. As she nuzzled the side of the young tom's face, she said nothing. Wolffang just waited for Barkpaw to speak.

Coyotekit continued to just watch the world around him quietly. The fluffy white cat had returned with another cat. This one was brown and much smaller than her. It confused him when his mother reacted in such a strange way. She had never treated any other cat the way she treated him. Now, Wolffang was rubbing up against another cat in an affection that both surprised him and troubled him. Who is this cat? When his mother finally spoke, he froze. Son? He couldn't help but let out a soft protest, "But I'm your son..." Instantly, his mouth snapped shut again. He shouldn't have said anything. If Wolffang had heard him, she gave no indication.

For a moment, Barkpaw waited on the Thunderclan deputy, all of his worry immediately turning into confusion. The soft and happy way that she told him to come with her completely took him off guard, and it created butterflies in his stomach. He could only imagine what this was about. However, as she rounded up a few supplies and led him a distance out of their makeshift camp, he stopped dead in his tracks as an all-too familiar face came into view. At first, he was telling himself that this wasn't real. It was all a dream and he was going to wake up any second now back at Sunningrocks ready to start a new day of repairing the camp. That thought was chased away, though, and replaced with ideas that he was simply going crazy. He had heard that smoke inhalation could do that. He was simply seeing things and Blizzardshine only had the kit that wasn't too far away.

It was only when Wolffang spoke did Barkpaw finally believe reality. Instantly, his entire demeanor broke. First it was excitement mixed with relief followed by a kind of sorrow all mixed into one. It was a something he had never felt before. "Wolf.. Wolffang!" he cried as she pressed herself against him, nuzzling him slightly. Within moments, he found himself pushing himself against her as if he couldn't ever get enough of her presence. It had been so long! He knew that she wasn't dead! But... why was she here and why now of all times? And who was the little one with her? All of these questions buzzed in his brain as he tried to think clearly, but he couldn't. Instead, he just enjoyed the moment.

"I've missed you so much..." he finally mewed softly. "I thought... I thought you were gone. I didn't think I would ever see you again." The longer he talked, the more his voice turned into a sort of whimper as he tried to control his emotions. He had never been so happy in his life. "What happened? Why are you here? Who did this to you? Do... Do you know where Redkit is?" There were so many questions he had, they all came pouring out of his mouth at once, unable to stop them. He was hoping that he could at least get some kind of answers. He already knew that he was taken from her after the barn incident and now they were together again. "Actually, forget that. We're together again! Why don't you come into our camp? I'm sure that Darkstar will let you stay! She let me stay! I can try to convince her." Barkpaw paused and turned to Blizzardshine. "Blizzardshine, she can stay, right? So we don't have to be separated again?" He asked, his eyes pleading for a good answer.

Blizzardshine couldn’t help but smile with the interaction between the apprentice and his mother, a beautiful time she would be willing to give up her spot as deputy to experience again even if just for a couple minutes. However, her smile wasn’t full happiness as it would’ve been if she didn’t know about Wolffang’s reluctance to even approach the clan. She was hoping that the younger cat would be able to change her mind and convince her to stay, to watch them grow and achieve their own dreams. However, part of her knew that convincing the queen would be impossible at this point, cracking her optimistic hopes.

As she placed the cobwebs to the best of her ability memories flashes across her own eyes, from her times with her mother, with her father, her brother…and later on her younger kin. All of them watched her from StarClan now, all but her younger sister who had left many moons ago to join the ranks to WindClan and that she missed so much. She took a deep breath before pulling away from the wound on Wolffang’s shoulder and evaluating her work. It was clear that she was no medicine cat, as her job was way messier than the perfectly executed one any of the two would make if given the chance, but at least she had managed to stop the bleeding. This didn’t mean that the she-cat was out of danger though, as cobwebs wouldn’t do much against infection and much movement could cause those to break or fall off, making the would bleed again.

Barkpaw’s voice pulled her away from her thoughts, causing her to turn and face him as soon as her name was mentioned. His words caused her ears to drop and eyes to look at her own paws “You know perfectly well that if the choice was on my paws your mother would be welcomed into ThunderClan with open paws, and I know Darkstar would never make a mother leave her kits…but the choice isn’t mine nor Darkstar’s to take, Barkpaw” She meowed softly yet sadly before looking at Wolffang “Even if the clan would let her in, we can’t force anyone to stay against their will”.

Wolffang squeezed her eyes shut as Barkpaw pressed up against her. The long forgotten embrace of her firstborn son made her instantly flood with emotions. The amount of undeserved love her kit showed her was unbelievable. She had left him for the sake of her life and yet he was overjoyed to simply be with her. How could I have left you? How will I leave you once more? She thought, eyes still shutting out the world. Her heart swelled with overwhelming amounts of conflicting feelings. For once in her lifetime, Wolffang did not have an immediate answer ready to fire back. There was no way she could let her son down again. But it had to be done. She would crush him once more and he would finally hate her like she deserved. Barkpaw would turn from his filthy rogue mother, just like her birthclan had done.

"I cannot stay." Her voice was little more than a whisper. The ragged, grey she-cat looked up at him with sad yellow eyes. There was pain there. He could not even begin to understand everything she was feeling right now. All of her longed to agree and join her two sons in Thunderclan. Although, she knew it was not her place. Wolffang had figured out moons ago that she did not belong in clan life. Not only that, but Thunderclan's kindness towards her could only mean the wrath of Shadowclan being brought upon them. There was no doubt the marsh dwelling cats would take kindly to another clan harboring one of their exiles, namely one that had tried to murder their medicine cat. Thinking about her past in Shadowclan made her wonder is Barkpaw knew of her past and everything she had done. If he did, there was no indication of it. All she was in his eyes was his long lost mother. If only you knew what I was...

Her tail flicked back to point at her youngest kit, "I cannot stay... Coyotekit will be staying here with you. He's your brother, Barkpaw." Wolffang repeated herself. It was more of an affirmation to herself that the thought was impossible. Nothing good would come from her presence here. Besides, there were more places she had to stop. Redkit was still with Shadowclan, along with her sister, mate, and mother. Her father would be in Skyclan. There were so many cats to see. Most would, or at least should, turn away in disgust. All that was left of the Shadowclan apprentice with so much potential was this shell of a cat. There was nothing to Wolffang anymore. She accepted that.

The she-cat turned to nudge her younger son forwards. Coyotekit looked up at the large, brown tom with widened eyes. He was so much bigger. Brother? The tiny kit tilted his head at the word. His ears flattened against his head. The terror welled up inside once more and he let out a soft squeak. Most bigger cats would more than likely hurt him. Except for the fluffy white cat; he liked her. Coyotekit back into his mother, closing his eyes to pretend like there was not anyone in front of him. After a moment, he dared to peek at the big cat again. While he hadn't done anything bad yet, there was no real guarantee. His tiny tail twitched with anxiety as it had so many times before. He did not look up, but managed a tiny, pitiful meow, "Please, I just want to go home."

"But... But..." Barkpaw was at a loss for words. What did she mean she couldn't stay? She came back. Why would she leave again? He barely had time to process what she said until another big bout of news was dropped on him. This little kit was his brother? He had a second brother now? There was so much going on. The young tom had no idea how to respond. Instead, he stood there dumbfounded as he felt his heart break inside, erupting with a mix of emotions ranging from sadness to fear and even a bit of anger. Gritting his teeth, he dropped his gaze, not even able to look at Wolfffang. "What do you mean you can't stay? I've... I've been waiting on you since we were taken at the barn. They took me from Redkit. Then they told me that Bear was killed. There was hope, though. They told me that they didn't know where you were but that you had survived. Now you come back and.. you don't want me again?"

As soon as the words spilled out of his mouth, Barkpaw stopped. He didn't want to say any of that, but it came out before he could even stop it. He wasn't even that mad and deep inside, he knew that it wasn't true but here she was saying she had to leave again. What else was he supposed to believe? Taking a deep breath, his face relaxed as it broke down into sorrow. "Sorry..." he muttered. "I.. I didn't mean it." Taking a glance at Coyotekit, his expression turning soft. "Welcome to the family," he mewed.

Blizzardshine forced herself to sit at a respectful distance and keep her muzzle shut once she was done with the cobwebs and given the poppy seeds at Wolffang. The scene developing before her was one where she couldn’t step in to give her opinion or even get too close without becoming an obstacle and she could understand this perfectly. The moment was precious, almost sacred, to the three cats before her and she wanted to let them squeeze every single heartbeat that it could last. There was no guarantee of any of them meeting ever again after all, so it could be their minutes as a family.

Taking a deep breath, she decided to lay on the darkened ground under her and put her head over her front paws as her mind took her back to her past once more, to the times of when she also had a happy family. The smell of the smoke vanishing and allowing her to smell the fresh breeze coming from WindClan territory, as well as those scents of the barn that at some point of her life was her home as well as the rest of her clan’s. The burnt territory around her morphing into the warm scenarios of her kithood. Those were dark times for all the clans and ThunderClan felt especially injured with their pride shattered, but she was blissfully unaware of all that, running through the barn and across the moors surrounding it, playing with her brother without a care in the world. It was a time where she felt she had everything she could ever wish for.

But it was sooner than she would’ve liked it that her whole perfect world started to crack and crumble.

Her father, who was her role model for several moons, turning out to be a traitor, a liar and a Dark Forest follower who decided to give up his life and leave her and the rest of her family before pledging loyalty to StarClan, causing her and her sibling to be doubted and even suspected of being loyal to the Dark Forest for quite a while. Her brother killed after falling off a tree during a night with winds so strong that simply didn’t seem natural. Almost all her siblings dying one after the other, with the only one leaving the clan to never come back. And finally, her dear mother, gone one night without a trace only for her body to be found some time later, her death a mystery to all.

As she thought of this part of her mind switched itself back towards the real world and the three cats in front of her, causing her ears to drop as a reaction to Barkpaw’s pain at the news of her mother’s decision to leave and the kit’s confusion towards the whole situation. She was no stranger to the pain of losing a mother, causing the white deputy’s heart to ache and her eyes fill with pity when any other cat was forced to go through that same pain, regardless of the way they had decided to deal with it.

"There are so many things you don't understand, Barkpaw..." She whispered sadly to her oldest son. It struck her to see him like this. They hadn't been together for moons, since he was a young kit. Now, Barkpaw was a fine young cat now. He had a spirit that reminded her of Bear, but with a far more tender heart than her hardened mate. Looking at him now, the spitting image of the rogue leader, Wolffang could not help but let a wave of regrets and longing wash over her. That time had been such a mistake. All of her life choices had been a mistake. But out of it had come her beautiful kits. They were her one redemption. It pained her now to think of the fact she would never be able to raise them like they ought to be raised. Each was born of a different father. They would never have both parents to grow up with, similar to how she was raised, but worse on was the fact they would never get to even be with their mother. While all of her longed to stay, it was impossible.

If only they could understand how hard it was for her to make this decision. Thunderclan would be in danger if Shadowclan ever found out they sheltered the piece of mousedung that tried to murder their medicine cat. No, clan life had never been her destiny. A life of being surrounded by loving and accepting cats was not her fate. This pathetic mistake of an existence was all she had. Wolffang could never bring that upon her kits. Despite her lack of feeling towards much of anything anymore, she loved her kits too much to force them to be a part of her life. Her ear flicked uncomfortably as she pressed her head into his side and mumbled, "If only I could stay, I would, my kit."

"But... that doesn't make sense. Where did you come from? It's always been me and momma. I never saw you be born..." The brown tom's kind nature caused him to open up a bit. Also, the confusion of it all vastly outweighed any fear he still felt. Of course, the terror of the earlier moments was still fresh in his mind. But it was pushed away for a bit. His tiny tail waved slightly as he shakily stood up onto his paws. Coyotekit bravely stretched out his neck to sniff the Thunderclan apprentice. His nose wrinkled at the foreign scent. It wasn't quite bad, but far different than any cat he had ever smelled before. Without thinking what he was saying, the kit mewed boldly, "You smell funny."

"I know..." he grumbled to Wolffang's remark about how much he didn't understand. He knew that he didn't understand a lot. He couldn't get why they couldn't have stayed with Wolffang. He didn't get why they were taken from their home only for their entire family to be split apart to Starclan knows where without anyone to connect with. Now here they were united once more but it couldn't last. Although he knew there was a reason behind it, he couldn't bring himself to get over it and look up at his mother. Instead, he focused his gaze on his newest younger brother, Coyotekit. A small chuckle wanted to push its way up into his throat, but the frustration buried it again. "You smell funny too. You don't even smell like the barn. If you want to come into Thunderclan, you're going to have to smell like the forest. Maybe then they'll accept you a little easier." He paused, trying his hardest to be a little happier.

After a moment, though, Barkpaw finally looked back up at Wolffang, the hurt still in his expression. "I get that you have to go," he lied, hoping he could cover it up well enough. "I hope... you have a good life, at least." There was plenty more that he wanted to say but in his sullen state, he could find enough control to hold his tongue.